Holding On and Letting Go
by Jenny0719
Summary: Masen Valley, SC. Population: 10,789. It was a tiny dot on a map; an escape of sorts for Bella Swan. But when circumstances bring a certain member of Masen Valley's founding family back to town, she finds that the past isn't as easy to leave behind as she thought it would be... Or let go.
1. Prologue

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; this is just something I came up with a while ago that wouldn't leave me alone.**

**Thanks to my beta, Stratan, for cleaning everything up. Thanks to stephk0525, twilover76, claireoth, Nikita2009, and my Andrea for going over what I've written so far and making sure this didn't suck before I started posting. I love you guys and all your confidence in this fic. **

**Posting up to chapter 2 today, and then I'll post weekly (unless RL gets in the way like it's known to do) after that.**

* * *

Prologue

**Bella**

It's funny how your life can change in a single moment in time. How that one event can change the course of a person's life. How we respond to it. There's a physical, biological reaction a body has to stress and adrenalin. Hearts thump, palms sweat. Your stomach drops, flips. Blood rushes through your veins; your face flushes.

I held my hand up to my cheek, felt the heat there as I stared at the door.

Seemed a good surprise affected you just as severely.

You could rise from the ashes. Use it to make yourself stronger, better.

Or you could let it destroy you.

I was a broken version of the girl I used to be, unable to find the will to move past it, but refusing to burn in the flames. Haunted by a tragedy I couldn't forget, memories of those I'd lost.

And yet hope flared inside me with the sight of a man. That one man made me feel something solid when I'd been floundering for so long, trapped in this lonely existence I'd created for myself. Because to let people in was to be in pain. At some point, intentional or not, they'd hurt you. Leave you. Disappoint you.

But he...

My cell phone buzzed in my pocket.

My landlady, Mrs. Cope. Calling to tell me someone would be here to check out the house just a little too late.

I'd already met him.

And now he had a name.

_Edward._


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

**Edward**

"Daddy!"

I groaned and burrowed down into the bed, getting as far away from the sound of my daughter's voice as possible.

She giggled, and my lips quirked with a smile.

Until she jerked the covers away from me.

Her little hands found my back, and she pushed and pushed at me until she'd made sure I was awake.

"Ella Masen, get back in the bed now. It's my day off."

"But Daddy," she protested, and I opened my eyes to see a sweet pout on her lips.

I was a goner.

"The sun's awake. You told me I can get up when the sun's awake."

Except I hadn't factored in that the sun rose so damned early in the summer when I'd said it.

"Yeah. I did," I acknowledged wearily.

"And Aunt Rosie's on the phone."

I blinked a few times before that settled in. "What?"

"Aunt Rosalie," Ella said exasperatedly. "Your sister."

"I know who she is, smarty pants," I chuckled, and reached out to tickle her.

Another giggle sounded through the room.

"Where's the phone?"

"In the kitchen."

I stretched and yawned, and then forced myself out of the bed. My joints popped as I blearily made my way through the house. I picked up the phone off of the counter and yawned again, expecting a laugh from my sister on the other end.

Nothing.

"Rose?" I asked warily. "What is it?"

"It's Nana," she whispered.

My stomach dropped.

"She's all right? She's not-"

"No, but..." She took a steadying breath. "I took her to the doctor a couple of days ago because she said she's been feeling off, but when I got there she was... God, it was awful."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"She didn't want me to."

"Figures," I muttered.

I ran my hand over my face and glanced over at Ella, who'd silently followed me into the kitchen and sat at the table. The look she was giving me... Those big, green eyes and long, blonde, wavy hair... She looked exactly like my sister right then.

But, then again, she would.

Rosalie's voice had my attention again, one word making my insides shrivel.

_Cancer._

"Son of a-" I cleared my throat and moved to the fridge to start hunting up breakfast. "What do you need me to do?"

"I don't know," Rosalie replied. A delicate sob escaped her, and my heart clenched. "It's bad. They want to try chemo and radiation but... it's so advanced- And I-"

"You've got school."

"Yeah, but I'm closer than you are. And I don't have anyone else to look after like you do. I can figure it out."

"No," I protested adamantly. I stared over at my daughter again and frowned. Our entire life was here in Jacksonville. I had a successful contracting company, a house on the beach; she had friends, preschool... Save for the special occasion and holidays, I hadn't stepped foot in that sleepy little South Carolinian town since I was twenty-four.

And that had been to whisk Rosalie away for a year, to return her as if nothing had happened. As if she'd just decided to spend a year on the beach with her only brother.

But we knew the truth. The evidence sat right there at the oak table I'd built a few years back. So beautiful and smart, she'd stolen my heart the second I first held her.

I stood there for a moment, watching her. Going back would mean uprooting her from all she'd ever known. Then again, it looked like our tiny family was about to get even smaller. And I'd had a good childhood there. I'd simply left because I - _we_ - wanted to find something more.

With a sigh, I reached into the fridge and grabbed the gallon of milk for cereal. I didn't feel much like cooking now. The life we knew had just come to a screeching halt.

"Don't worry, Rosie," I said gently, staring out at the steel colored waves that made up our backyard. "We're comin' home."

xx

"I need my Happy Napper."

"Happy Napper," I echoed, and then reached out and put the pink and purple stuffed contraption into the bag. "Anything else?"

"My Pillow Pet."

"Ella," I warned, giving her a stern look.

"But Daddy, I always take a nap with my Happy Napper and my Pillow Pet. Always," she replied, peering up at me.

I sighed and realized just how wrapped around her finger I was.

"Fine. No more, though. The truck isn't that big."

"I can still color, though; right, Daddy?"

"Yes."

She beamed at me. "Okay."

"Now, get in, little girl. We've got a long trip ahead of us."

"When is my bed goin' to be at Nana's?"

"Your bed isn't goin' to Nana's," I told her, and watched her clamber up into the Chevy to settle into her car seat. "I've gotta get a few things taken care of first, and Nana's... Well, we'll be stayin' somewhere else so Nana can get her rest."

Where, though, I had yet to determine.

Her eyes got big with that. "But... we always stay at Nana's. Always."

"Enough with the always, sug," I scolded lightly. "Your bed will be here at our house until I find us somethin' there."

"We'll have a house there, too?"

"Maybe. Would you like to help me look for one?"

"I can help?" she asked, her eyes growing wide again with excitement.

"Ella Bug, I would be honored to have your help," I told her with a wink.

"Yay!"

Knowing she was securely buckled up, I shut the door and went to the driver's side. I opened the door and continued, "We'll be stayin' back home for a long time, okay?"

Indefinitely. However long it took my grandmother to...

Dragging my hands through my hair, I reined in that line of thinking. A world without my grandmother in it seemed so wrong. And as much as I didn't want to admit it, I had a feeling it would be that way sooner than any of us were ready for.

Made me want to beat the hell out of something. First my mother, now my grandmother.

I shook the way that felt away; the way it made me want to claw out my heart, and focused on the face in the rearview mirror.

Everything was immediately better. Not great, but better. Had I known it would be like this, I might not have fought so hard with Rosalie about it. I might not have clung to my independence, the woman who would one day be my ex, so hard.

Ella gave me purpose. She made me strive to be that something more I'd set off searching for as a teenager.

The drive was longer than I'd remembered. Mostly because there was a four year old demanding we stop at every turn. If it wasn't a potty break, she needed a drink or a snack, and what we had in the cooler wasn't good enough, it seemed. The second she finally drooped over and fell asleep, I breathed out a sigh of relief.

It was no wonder I didn't go home very often. To do so would be to drive myself insane.

The thick forests soon gave way to the spotting of a house every once in a while. Then those houses seemed to take over the landscape, and before I knew it, the sign that welcomed you was looming up ahead. There was only a population of ten thousand or so in Masen Valley, which was yet another reason why I left - my heritage. I was expected to run this place from the day I was born.

I'd never wanted to be a part of that legacy. Not even when I was little and looking up at my father in one of his dark suits; when he was pouring through his work in the office upstairs; when he was appointed judge. I didn't want to go off to school and become a lawyer, only to return with the weight of expectation on my shoulders. And not once had I regretted my decision to leave. Not until now. Now, I wondered if I had done what was expected of me - gone to school in Charleston, passed the bar, and then come home - if maybe I'd have seen the signs in Nana before it was too late. If maybe I could have kept her for just a few years more.

"Ah, the Dairy Barn," I mumbled to myself, passing the giant red barn just off the interstate; a line of cars were at the drive-thru. I smiled and thought of the last time I'd had a burger from there, and I couldn't wait to get my hands on one again. I'd lived off those things in high school.

At the stoplight, I took a left and drove through the main part of town instead of taking one of the back roads and bypassing it completely, just to see if anything was different.

It wasn't.

The courthouse stood tall in the center of the square, and people walked in and out of the stores that surrounded it. None were recognizable, but that was my fault. I'd been gone for so long that the faces and names of people I once saw every day all seemed to blur together or disappear completely.

I was going to have to dig one of my old yearbooks out of the attic to do some research. No use looking like a giant jackass my first week back.

I reached my turn off and soon spotted the large, white plantation house that had been in the Masen family for well over a century now. The gate was open. Rosalie was expecting to meet us here, so I pulled into the tree-lined, narrow drive and heard the rustling of Ella waking in the back.

"Perfect timin', sug. We're here."

I parked in front of the house and saw my grandmother sitting in one of the white, wicker rockers lined up on the porch, and I got nauseated at the sight. My truck's thermometer said it was almost ninety degrees out, and here she was covered up in a blanket like it was winter, not summer. Even as she smiled and waved, she looked so frail and pallid.

How in the hell was I going to get through this?

I exited the cab and went around to let Ella out. Once in my arms, I stared at her and said, "You be careful with Nana, ya hear me? She's sick, so you can't be jumpin' all over her."

"Yes, sir," she said with a nod.

I sat her down just as the screen door slapped at the door frame. Rosalie stood at the edge of the porch, and as usual, there were a tense few seconds as she got her first glimpse of Ella. Another reason why I stayed away. The longing on her face always ate away at me, had me questioning the decisions we'd made for her.

But then she plastered on a smile and came hurrying out to where we stood.

"You've gotten so big!" she exclaimed, reaching out to ruffle Ella's hair.

"Aunt Rosie," she squealed. "You messed up my hair."

"Hate to break it to ya, sweetheart, but your nap did that," I teased.

"Daddy..."

I moved my eyes to Rosalie and offered up a smile. "She gets more like you every day, Rosalie, I swear."

"Sorry 'bout that."

I barked out a laugh. She wasn't sorry at all, but then again, neither was I. I wouldn't have Ella any other way. "Get over here. It's been too long."

"Your fault," Rosalie quipped. "Not mine."

I rolled my eyes and hugged her tight, not letting her go so I could ask her about Nana's health.

"She's got her good days and bad. Today's one of the bad."

I grimaced.

She stood back, letting her green eyes roam over my face. "Y'all look good. I'm glad you're here."

I didn't reply to that. I was still debating on how I felt about all of this.

Seeing my grandmother up on the porch, though... currently smiling at the beauty that was my little girl was enough to rid me of any doubt I might have felt. I didn't matter in this equation. She did. Her last days with her family did.

I stepped up on the porch and smiled down at the woman who'd swooped in and raised Rosalie and me after our father's death. Not that he did much with us as it was. With my mother long gone, Annabeth Masen had been there for us in some way or another every day of our lives. My father had been the one to work to provide us with what we needed until it caught up with him, and then he too had been powerless against death.

"Why, Nana, I do believe you're the prettiest sight out here today," I said, bending over to give her a hug.

"Don't give me that, Edward. I'm old and I'm sick. That squirrel out there is better lookin' than me, and you know it."

I snorted and watched the aforementioned squirrel scurry up the nearby oak. "Well, now, Nana, I'm not so sure about that. You see, I don't think you have two buck teeth. From what I recall, your teeth are pretty nice. For an old lady."

Her laughter was raspy and, never one to let me get away with anything, she smacked at the back of my head.

I hated that there wasn't any weight behind it anymore.

"Edward Anthony Masen, you need to hush," she said between chuckles.

"Yes, ma'am. Gettin' reacquainted with Ella all right?"

"We're just fine," she replied, waving me away. "Why don't ya go in and unpack your things."

"We're not stayin' long. Just until I can find an apartment or house for rent."

"Rent," she scoffed. "Why rent when you can stay here for free?"

"You know why, Nana," I said, and gave her a pointed look.

"Doesn't mean I like it."

"You don't have to. But I know you agree that it's for the best."

She didn't answer, so I knew I'd won.

"Need somethin'?"

She shook her head and closed her eyes. "Everything I want is right here."

_Ouch._

I scowled and stalked off to my Chevy before I broke down in front of everyone. I yanked the suitcases out of the bed of the truck and hauled them to the upstairs bedrooms. I chose the two bedrooms that were connected together by a bathroom in case Ella woke up and needed something in the middle of the night, and then started unpacking a few of her things.

"Carlisle, Esme, and Alice are comin' in a few weeks."

I exhaled slowly and squeezed my eyes shut. Having my aunt, uncle, and cousin here made everything seem so much more _despairing_. We were biding time now. Waiting for the inevitable. All coming together to be here when she...

When I was sure I could speak, I asked, "Jasper?"

"New job. Alice said he's going to try to get off before..."

I nodded once.

"The paper's downstairs if you want to see if there are any ads in there that interest you. But if it were me, I'd just head down to the realtor and ask."

"I was thinking about askin' Sam, but that works, too."

She didn't say anything back, and without looking, I knew she lingered. I could feel her watching me unpack Ella's stuff. There were so many things she could want, but nothing was really as pressing as what was happening to our grandmother.

And with that, I was abruptly thinking of her white blood cell counts and how they were still so high, regardless of the time she had already spent on chemo.

God help me, I couldn't have that conversation today.

"Not now," I finally croaked.

"When?"

"I don't know, Rose," I sighed. Exhaustion suddenly overcame me, and all I wanted to do was collapse and sleep for weeks. Which was impossible. I had to make a life here for Ella and me.

"Just not now."

* * *

Like everything else, Sam's was as busy as I remembered. From the day he opened his restaurant, people had flocked. The bar was to the right. Tables for families to the left. There was karaoke on Thursdays and two dollar Bud Lights on Friday. The food was good, and the bar stayed open until the wee hours of the morning.

But honestly, it was the _only _thing open late for miles.

The bells on the door jingled behind me, and after a quick glance around, I found the person I was looking for.

Tall, muscular, and dark skinned, Sam stuck out around here. He was Quileute, if I was thinking of the right tribe; from the northwest, moved here with his parents when he was little. Black eyes found mine, and that face stretched into a smile, revealing wrinkles that weren't there the last time I'd seen him.

I ran my hands through my hair and made my way through the crowd. Not that it was hard. Murmurs had started; people had noticed exactly who it was that walked through the door and were moving aside to let me by. I caught a few appreciative looks from the waitresses and quick-tongued comments from the patrons and resisted rolling my eyes. No one had any idea what had happened with me in the ten years I'd been gone.

Didn't mean they didn't try to piece together the puzzle themselves.

"Come to ask for your job back?" Sam teased when I stepped up to the bar.

I snorted. "You've lost your mind, old man, if you think I want to wash dishes. But give me a few years. I may send my daughter in to take my place."

He chuckled. "She'll just love you for that."

"Gotta start learnin' how to be responsible at some point."

"Sure do," he agreed with a grin. "So what brings ya here?

"Need a place to stay. We've got-"

"I know," he said quietly, "and I'm real sorry to hear it. She's an amazing lady."

I tried to talk around the lump that was now in my throat. "Thanks."

"Y'all holdin' up all right?"

"Yeah, we're good. I don't think anything's really set in yet, though. Ya know?"

He nodded, saw the way I fidgeted, and started listing off everything he knew of that was available around here rather than keep talking about my grandmother's failing health.

Nothing sounded very promising.

Hands on my face this time, rubbing hard. The last thing I wanted was to stay at that house where so many things weighed on me.

Speaking of...

"Mrs. Cope still run the preschool?"

Sam smiled. "Sort of. She's technically retired, but they can't seem to keep her out."

I chuckled and glanced up at the clock on the wall. "They still do daycare, right?"

"Yeah. You don't want to save your money and let your sister keep that girl of yours?"

Dangerous ground there.

"Nah, Rosie's gonna have to stay free to take my grandma back and forth to the doctor. Plus, she was talkin' about doing some online class for the second summer session."

He nodded. "I'd like to meet her. Ella, that is."

I blinked. I didn't think many people knew her name. Although, honestly, I shouldn't have been surprised. The way people gossiped around here...

Seeing my reaction, he explained, "Your sister came by a few days ago. Said y'all were comin' home."

There was a clatter in the kitchen, and Sam snorted out a laugh.

"That'd be the new girl. Pretty little thing. Smart, too. Can't keep on her feet for nothin', though."

"Why'd you hire her?"

His expression darkened for just a second, and then he flashed me a smile.

"Seemed like the right thing to do," he said with a shrug.

Now it was my turn to nod.

A girl came flying out of the kitchen, the door popping open and then swinging wildly in her wake.

"Sorry, Sam," I heard her say as she whizzed past us and over to the supply closet.

Intrigued for some reason, I watched her.

And then found myself unable to look away. I itched to see what this stranger looked like, but her hair blocked a clear view of her face from me. It was long, dark, thick, straight... swinging with her movements. I could only catch glimpses of a little, button nose; pouty, pink lips. Her body, Lord help me, was highly visible. And highly appealing. She was lithe and curvy, packed into a tight, black shirt and fitted black pants.

Getting just that much alone - without even knowing the glorious flesh beneath - was enough to take my breath away, make my blood warm. She bent over, and I nearly groaned. God, I wanted to see all of her, but she moved in such a way that her hair never really let me.

Like she was hiding.

I wondered why.

When she'd shot past us again, I said, "I'll bring Ella in tomorrow, maybe. Sound all right?"

"Lookin' forward to it, Edward."

I cast one last, unsuccessful glance around for the girl before walking out, and then decided to leave my truck in the lot and walk over to the little Presbyterian church the preschool was held in.

It didn't take me long, and soon I was inside looking around. I'd gone here when I was a kid too, but I hadn't been inside this part of the church since Rosalie was little. Everything was pint-sized. Tiny chairs. Tiny tables. I got a glimpse into the boys' bathroom on my way down the hall and realized even the sinks and urinals only came up to my knees.

"Jesus," I mumbled.

"Mouth, young man."

I whirled around and found Mrs. Cope behind me, hands on her hips, lips as bright as ever. Her hair was teased and blonde now, and I gave her a sheepish grin at being caught.

"I always forget this is a church."

"Must have been away for too long then."

"Probably," I admitted.

"Your girl go to church?"

"Um, that's kind of why I came here, Mrs. Cope. I need to sign Ella up for daycare this summer, and then... Well, probably for preschool in the fall, too."

Her lips pursed together for a moment. "We've got a spot open. If you come with me to the office you can fill out the forms now. I'll need to see her birth certificate, though."

Damn.

"Now?"

She smiled. "No. Just before the school year starts."

I just hoped no one in this place took confidentiality laws lightly.

I dutifully filled out paper after paper, not any the same color as the one before. I came to a pink physical form and groaned inwardly. I was going to have to take Ella all the way back to her pediatrician in Jacksonville for this. No way was I setting her up in town. Not yet. To do so meant we lived here, and while I might have been trying to make arrangements that said otherwise, I wanted it to be temporary. It was easier if we eventually went back to Jacksonville.

For all of us.

"When do you need her physical by?"

"First of August, if you can."

I nodded and moved on to the next form.

"Y'all here for good then?" she asked, and I had to press my lips together so that I didn't say some sarcastic remark back at her. I was going to have to get used to this kind of questioning.

"I have no idea," I sighed. "I figure it doesn't hurt to be prepared."

It also didn't hurt to have a job.

"Think I could make any money doing what I did back in Jacksonville?"

"Which is?"

I stared at her blankly. People really didn't know what I did? I thought everything about me was common knowledge.

Well, their perception of what my life was, anyway.

She laughed. "Honey, I am not like those other gals that live in this town. I don't gossip, and I don't judge."

"Hmm," was all I responded with.

"What you did in Jacksonville is your own business," she continued. "Your grandmama seemed proud enough, and that's all that matters."

I glanced away awkwardly at the mention of my grandmother. "I have a construction business," I finally told her. "Thought maybe I'd branch out here."

More laughter. "Edward, you'd better specify exactly what kind of construction you're in. Girls get wind of that, and they'll have you over to check whatever non-existent problem of the day they can come up with."

I huffed.

"I, on the other hand, have a legitimate issue."

I smiled widely. "Is that so?"

"Got a house that needs to be fixed up."

"The house down the road?"

"That'd be the one. I've got a new tenant, and I've been meanin' to get some stuff done for her."

"She complaining?"

"The opposite. Claims the house is fine as it is, but let me tell you, it's not. Hell, the downstairs toilet - Lord, forgive me - doesn't even flush anymore."

"Well, I'd be happy to take a look at it for ya," I said and stacked the forms neatly together to give back to her. "Other than the toilet, know what else I should be lookin' for?"

"Edward," she said dramatically, "you're pretty much lookin' at it all."

* * *

The house was dark when I went inside. Nothing could be heard but the low hum of the air conditioner and the occasional bird chirping in the trees outside. I glanced around, took stock of the layout. It was spacious and mostly original, and looked like Mrs. Cope had just abruptly left the place for something bigger and better. Nothing signified the presence of anyone else, anyone younger. There was a floral couch, lace curtains... An old TV sitting up on top an oak stand.

I stopped wondering about the girl who lived here and worked my way through the house, checking doors and hinges, faucets and drains...

The broken toilet.

I went into the kitchen. Faded yellow cabinets and old, white appliances circled the spotless room. There was a teacup and saucer sitting in the sink. I moved it aside to check the faucet.

Only a trickle of water came out, and my brow quirked.

I moved along and jotted down everything I could see that needed attention: the way a light that flickered above me, receptacles that were dead. Floorboards that creaked and wallpaper peeling off the walls upstairs. There were broken tiles in the upstairs bathroom, windows that were caulked shut. I went through the bedrooms and stopped when I got to the last one. Clothes were strung out all over the floor; the bed hadn't been made. I drew in a sharp breath and suddenly felt on edge. Like I was invading this girl's space, like I didn't belong. I started to back out of the room, but the deck in the backyard caught my eye. The planks were rotting out.

I ran my hand over the back of my neck and sighed. I still needed to check the structure of the house, see if there were any termites or any other bigger, hidden-

The sound of a door slamming had me scrambling out into the hall. Footfalls sounded up the steps, giving me about three seconds to plaster some ridiculous smile on my face and hope I didn't scare the daylights out of the girl who lived here.

She still screamed.

I reached out for her. Stopped when she recoiled back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare ya. Mrs. Cope asked me to swing by and see what needed to be done on the house. She said you were workin'?"

"Lunch," she gasped, and then noticed how her hand was resting over her heart. It fell to the side and pink bloomed across her cheeks.

She was gorgeous, better than anything my mind had pictured at Sam's. Big, brown eyes blinked back at me and made my stomach feel off. Her hair was shoved back behind her ears; little earrings spiraled their way up her left ear and only one adorned her right. She shifted, and my gaze fell downward, body warmed all over again.

A man could look at her for days and never tire of it.

I cleared my throat and did my own little shift, for a completely different reason. "I really am sorry, ma'am," I repeated. "I thought Mrs. Cope would have warned ya."

She didn't look at me; her face scrunched up the second I said "ma'am", and I had to make it a point not to grin about it. She chewed on her lip, and then her eyes shot up to mine, realizing I was waiting for an answer.

She shook her head once.

Then she licked those lips of hers, and I decided it was time to get out of there.

Before I did something stupid.

I moved past her, trying so hard not to touch her on my way out. I had a feeling that once I did, I wouldn't be able to stop.

I got halfway down the steps and heard her call out to me.

"Hey!"

I turned around slowly and stared up at her from behind the railing.

"You're taking the job?"

"Not sure. I didn't finish goin' over everything," I answered. And this time, I might've laid on the charm with a smile.

Her eyes widened fractionally. "Oh."

She didn't look like she was going to say anything else, so I stared back downstairs again.

"I'll be gone again in thirty minutes."

I didn't move, hand hovered over the door knob, a grin eating up my face.

"If you know... you want to finish?"

_Oh, I want to finish, all right..._

I glanced over my shoulder and found her standing at the bottom of the steps, the hall window upstairs casting light down on her.

She glowed.

My heart slammed against my ribs.

_Now that was unexpected._

"Yeah, all right," I responded, and I had to work to keep my feet rooted to the ground. Closing the distance between us to take her against the wall was practically the only thing I could think of.

She'd feel so good.

"I'll lock up when I'm done."

I opened the door.

And forced myself outside.

I didn't stop until I was safely in the cab of my truck, pulling at my hair and glancing back at the large, tan house.

Her silhouette passed one of the windows upstairs.

I groaned.

God, I hadn't had sex in... longer than I cared to admit, actually. Having Ella made it nearly impossible since she was the most important thing in my life. I'd put too much distance between my family and me to ask them to keep her so I could date more frequently, and I was not one of those dads that found random babysitters just to get laid.

No matter how many times the thought struck me.

If I hadn't been wound up so tight I might've laughed at the situation I'd just found myself in. Only two hours ago I'd been thinking of ways to keep my life in Jacksonville waiting for my return.

And now there was another option. One that might possibly entice me to stay. With gypsy eyes, a mouth I couldn't wait to get wrapped around me, and a body made to dive into.

An option whose name I'd completely forgotten to get in my haste to leave.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Bella**

"Bella! Order up!"

I swiped my hands on my apron, gave my customers a small smile, and rushed over to the window. I focused on the task of loading up my tray, making sure everything was as it should be, rather than the chatter of the other waitresses beside me. I heard someone - likely Jessica Stanley - snicker at something, and instinctively knew the reason was me.

It was always me. People around here didn't get me. Sure, most of them were nice enough, but I didn't really fit in this small town I'd found myself in. Everyone was like family here.

And I was just... _me_.

Some days, I wondered what made me come here in the first place. There were so many other options I could have chosen from after I'd left Seattle. But instead, I'd spread out a map of the United States, closed my eyes, and pointed at a tiny little dot in seemingly nowhere. I'd immediately packed up the very few things I had left to my name and never looked back. I could never look back. There were too many things that haunted me there, too many people I missed every day.

I hefted the tray up over my shoulder and hurried out to the table waiting on what it held. I passed out the food to its appropriate person, not really finding the need to speak until I had everything settled, and even then it was only to ask if they needed anything else.

"I'd like some more tea," the man on the left drawled. He gave me a smile, and I nodded, thinking that tea would be the death of me before it was over.

Not exactly a bad thing at this point in my life, I had to admit. I had nothing. No one. Not a place to call my own, money to buy my own car. A cop's pension only got you so far. Especially in the middle of an economic recession, when the sale of your father's house had eaten away any insurance money you'd been granted rather than giving you anything extra. When your fiancé was convinced the world was waiting for us, that things like beneficiaries weren't necessary to twenty-five year olds.

With a heavy breath, I went over to get a pitcher of iced tea.

"We're out after this," I mumbled, my eyes latching onto the floor as I passed my boss.

He merely laughed. "You ever gonna learn how to make it, Bella?"

I shook my head forcefully.

That was a disaster waiting to happen.

I refilled the man's glass, inwardly rejoicing the fact that not a single drop had been spilled in the act, and turned around to put the pitcher away.

But I celebrated too soon.

I didn't see Bree, the hostess on duty, leading a man and little girl to my section. I didn't see how if I'd have taken one step to the right, I'd have missed him completely. I didn't catch a glimpse of familiar auburn hair glinting in the sun that streamed through the window, hear the little girl's beautiful, tinkling laughter as her father made some kind of remark to her.

No, I, Bella Swan, ran straight into the man, knocking the pitcher of tea into his chest and spilling it right down the entire length of him.

My eyes, now wide, met his. Green. Captivating. Amused. Crinkling at the corners with his smile. His hands came up to wipe uselessly at the stain on the front of his plain, white t-shirt, muscles in his forearms tensing, tightening, with the movement.

My face warmed, and I glanced away, attempting to shield my humiliation from his sight.

_Edward._

"I'm sorry," I gasped.

I was so fired.

"I'll get you a towel."

I rushed off to the bar to grab as many towels as I could carry, unable to look at anyone as I did.

Reiterating my thoughts, Jessica sneered, "Oughta just fire her now, Sam."

Sam simply sighed and put a hand on my shoulder. "I'll get the mop from the back. You just run off and make sure he's not mad, will ya?"

"Thank you," I said, trying to choke back hot tears.

"Yeah. Well..." He didn't say anything else and went through the double doors to retrieve the mop.

"Why don't you just let me take your table for ya, honey?" Jessica asked, smiling sweetly and reaching for the towels in my hands.

I stared at her suspiciously, and then blurted, "Why?"

"Well, after that little stunt, I figure Edward's not going to want you to wait on him."

She knew him. Not all that surprising, really. Everyone would want to know him, and how could they not? He was too big for this place; too perfect and beautiful.

"Oh."

I debated doing as she said just to save face. I mean, she was probably right. But something inside me wouldn't relinquish the towels, Edward, to her. He'd seemed... kind, for all the lack of interaction I'd had with him yesterday. Not the type to demand my job over something as stupid as fumbling a pitcher of iced tea.

Then there was the little girl, her relationship with him, that I wanted to know about. That I felt undeservingly protective over.

I jerked away from her, narrowing my eyes. "I got it. Thanks, though."

She arched a dark brow at my tone. "Suit yourself."

I found Edward trying to dab up the excess liquid with the napkins sitting on his table. I chewed on my lip and thrust the towels at him, looking everywhere but where he sat.

I could feel him take the towels from me, and immediately took a step back, racking my brain for something to say other than 'sorry'.

It was all I could, anyway.

"Sorry," I said, staring up at the ceiling. "If you want... I mean, if you want another-" I huffed, cursing myself for being so nervous that I couldn't get out one simple sentence.

A hand grasped my forearm, and I started, feeling as though a thousand volts had just been pumped through my veins. My eyes found his, unmistakably just as surprised as mine, and I couldn't move. Think. Breathe.

"That won't be necessary," he finally said, giving me a smile, letting me see the dimple on his right cheek.

I'd been so frightened yesterday seeing him in my house I'd missed it completely.

My mind blanked.

I scrambled for a pen and my pad, shifting my weight around anxiously. "Drinks?"

"Well, I had a taste for a glass of tea, but now I think I'll just take water," he teased, his voice slow and smooth, that Southern, lazy drawl people around here had coming out and doing something strange to my insides.

He smiled again, his teeth straight, white. One side of his mouth came up just slightly higher than the other.

"Sorry," I squeaked out, mentally berating myself for that being the only word I could say to him.

I suddenly remembered the little girl sitting opposite him, and twisted around to see her properly. She was quiet, coloring happily on one of the coloring pages Sam kept at the hostess stand.

"What do you want?" I asked quietly, not having any idea how to interact with a child.

Her blond head popped up, green eyes - just like his - zeroed in on my name tag. She tapped her little lips with her finger and asked, "Daddy, what does that say?"

"Why don't you ask her, hon."

Up to mine now, so wide and innocent. She was beautiful, too, I realized. Perfect, just like her father. "What's that say?" she asked me sweetly, drawing out the last word as only Southerners could.

"My name."

"It looks like mine."

I snuck a glance over at her father, seeing if this was acceptable conversation or not. Stranger danger or whatever it was people with children said.

He seemed... _amused_.

That couldn't be right.

"Well," I started, taking a deep breath to steady my nerves. "What's your name?"

"Ella," she answered primly. "Ella Marie Masen."

I blinked.

"What's yours?"

"Isabella Marie Swan. I go by Bella. That's what's up here," I replied, letting my finger drift to my name tag.

Her eyes grew large, and a smile burst across her face. "Daddy, our names are the same!"

"Almost, sweetheart," he said, giving me this look like...

I couldn't pinpoint what it was, exactly, behind that stare. The way he appraised me made me feel heated, yet I felt like fighting back a chill from his intensity at the same time. It made me want so much more than I'd ever known possible. I longed for a life again, a family... the promise of a future with a man I loved.

So, of course, I looked away from him and put my attention on the less threatening of the two Masens sitting before me. Anything more just hurt.

So, so much.

"Our middle names are the same," I told her, crouching down so that I could be nearer to her, though I didn't know why. "And our first names rhyme."

"Rhyme?"

I nodded. "Mm-hm. It's when two words sound the same when you say them, but aren't."

"What do you mean?"

"Uh..." I had no idea how to explain it. "They don't look the same when they're written down."

"I can't write," she said solemnly. "I'm only four."

"You speak very well for a four year old," I told her honestly.

"Daddy says it's cause I'm like Aunt Rosie," she answered. "Aunt Rosie likes to talk."

"That's enough about Rose, El. Tell her what you want to drink. She's got other people to wait on." He saw her pout, and hurried with, "You can tell her about Rosalie later."

Mollified, Ella nodded and pursed her lips. "You have lemonade, Miss Bella?"

I went to answer her, but her father cut me off.

"Wait, that's..." He put those green eyes on me again. "Mind if we call you somethin' else?"

"Like?"

"Like..." He huffed out a breath as he thought. "I don't know. Never mind."

"Izzy, Daddy," Ella exclaimed. She turned her focus on me, shining brightly with her smile. "You like it, Miss Izzy-bella?"

And how was one supposed to argue with _that_?

"I do," I told her, trying so hard not to grin back at her.

But she made it impossible.

"I'll be right back."

I didn't bother being so cautious while making their drinks because after the monumental disaster that had happened just earlier, I figured there was no point. Not to mention if I spilt one of them here, where neither Masen could get a splash of anything on them, I would be less likely to spill something _there_.

My logic was faulty; I was well aware. But I was desperate to not make myself look any more ridiculous in front of this man. It was all I had.

I could hear the other girls gossip behind me, my ears perking up the second Edward's name was uttered.

"He's doesn't have a weddin' ring on," Lauren squealed gleefully.

"I heard they never got married. That after their daughter was born, she just up and left."

"No!" Lauren gasped.

I could imagine Jessica nodding fervently behind me. "Yep. So sad, really. That girl needs herself a mama."

"She has her aunt," Angela chimed in. "And Mrs. Masen."

I closed my eyes and nearly smiled. Leave it to Angela Weber to find the good in whatever situation these two were in.

I grabbed Edward and Ella's drinks before I could hear anything more and sat them in front of them, catching Edward's eye in the process.

"How horrible would ya think I was if I told ya I was hopin' you'd spill that on me so I'd have an excuse to talk to ya about somethin' other than workin' on your house?"

I reeled back in shock. "You- Wh- Why would you want to talk to me?"

"Are you kiddin' me?" he questioned, just as shocked by my outburst. "Do you have a mirror? What guy in his right mind _wouldn't _want to talk to ya?"

And then realizing his mistake, he groaned.

"I don't usually say things like that in front of El," he whispered apologetically, eyes darting over to make sure she wasn't listening. "I promise I don't hit on random waitresses. You're just..."

He fumbled around for a moment, and then brought his hands up to his face and rubbed hard. I could hear the stubble on his jaw scratch at his palms, and noticed just how long and lean - like the rest of him - those fingers were.

I ached.

"Sorry."

I let my head bob, too confused to really acknowledge the statement in any other way. I hadn't been attracted to a single guy since the fire. Not one man in the year that passed had interested me in any way and now, this man, this little girl, walked into _this restaurant _and it was like everything inside me sparked to life again.

And to have even a little of what I was feeling reciprocated...

I had no idea what to make of it.

I took their orders and put them into the computer system before checking in with my other tables. I could feel his gaze on me the entire time, making my heart flutter and a smile pull at my lips. I busied myself with filling salt and pepper shakers for Sam while waiting for my name to be called, and then dropped everything and ran to get the food the second it was.

Pathetic.

"You need anything else?" I asked as I stepped back away from the table.

"You want ketchup, sug?" Edward asked Ella.

"Yes, please."

He gazed up at me with another one of those smiles.

There was that dimple again.

"Ketchup, please."

I nodded and scurried away to get the ketchup, vowing to act normal when I returned. To not linger, act like some moron with her first crush, or do anything else to make myself look desperate.

Though, as I'd said before, I was.

I came back and sat it on the table, my plan of escape going right out the window the moment he said, "Can I ask ya somethin' real quick?"

"Yes?"

"How long have you been here?"

"Here?" I repeated stupidly.

He leaned back against the wall, a smirk on his mouth as he popped a fry into it. I watched him chew slowly and felt my knees wobble.

He didn't say a word.

"Uh, three... No, four months."

His eyes flickered to Ella for a moment, "Baby, that's enough ketchup," and then found mine again.

"What's a city girl like you doing in such a small town like this?"

"How do you uh..."

"Your accent. The earrings." My hand involuntarily darted up to my left ear to feel at the piercings. "Got any tattoos under that shirt?"

"No. And I don't have an accent," I objected. "You have the accent."

His brow quirked. "Izzy, you're in South Carolina. _You _are the one with the accent."

I glanced away self-consciously, but somehow - secretly - I was giddy from the sound of him saying his daughter's nickname for me.

"So I repeat: why're ya here?"

"Seemed like just as good as any other place," I hedged.

"It is," he agreed, staring up at me. And then almost as if he could sense my discomfort, he changed the subject. "You wanna go ahead and ring us up? I've gotta get goin' soon."

I nodded again and went over to the register, quickly making it so that his meal rang up at no cost. If Sam had an issue with it, I'd take it out of my tips. It was the least I could do after spilling a half a pitcher of tea on him.

I placed the receipt face down on the table and went to walk away, but his hand caught mine, stopping me short. It was warm against my skin, calloused and strong.

I wanted that hand touching me everywhere.

"This says I don't owe anythin'," he said, gazing at me curiously.

Good Lord, he was fast.

"It's on me."

He laughed once, startling me. "Well, all right. Can't say I've ever had anyone buy Ella and me lunch, though."

"I'm guessing no one ever spilled a pitcher of tea on you, either."

"No," he said with a rueful smile. "They sure didn't."

I gave him a little smile of my own in return.

I waited until Edward and Ella had started toward the door before making my way back over to their table. We were short a busboy today, so I stacked up their plates and cups in an effort to help Sam out a little bit more.

Someone slipped something into my palm. I spun around and glanced at my hand, confused to see that Edward had given me a small, folded piece of paper.

"What are you doing?"

"Givin' you a piece of paper to write your number on. You supply the pen outta that apron of yours."

"Uh..."

He chuckled and moved closer to me.

I couldn't breathe.

"You ever been chased, Bella Swan?" Edward asked smoothly, the words rolling off his tongue in that way of his again, making me like putty, ready to be molded into whatever his hands wanted. "Something tells me that despite comin' from some city-"

"Seattle," I offered, even though that wasn't exactly the truth. I didn't always live in Seattle.

He threw out a smile. "You haven't."

His hand came up between us and pushed an errant lock of hair off my forehead. He tucked it back into my bun, his green eyes burning into me the entire time.

"Well," he asked again. "Have ya?"

Mute from whatever was happening inside me, I simply jerked my head from side to side.

The smile widened, dimple reappeared. My eyes widened as his body gravitated toward mine. I wanted to run before he got too close to me, but I couldn't. Something kept me here, something that I hadn't noticed when he'd touched me earlier. Something I'd never felt before. Not even with Jacob.

It was terrifying.

No... It was _exhilarating._

A sound came out of me the moment his chest brushed across mine. He dipped his head down so that his mouth was hovering at my ear. His breath tickled, made me quake and want and so many other things that my head began to swim.

"I wanted you yesterday. Did ya know that? Up against the wall; however I could have ya. Haven't felt like that in a long time," he breathed seductively.

"Wha-?"

"You're not some random waitress," he murmured. "Not in the least."

My breath came out in a rush, and another laugh escaped him as he backed away. I wanted to pull him to me, keep his skin connected to mine - feel that warmth, that flutter inside me again - but I was frozen in place; this time, for a completely different reason. I was too unsure of myself and everything that had happened to me to make a move.

Because why would he ever want someone as damaged as me?

"So I talked to Mrs. Cope this mornin'."

I nodded, too flustered to really do much more.

"She's under the impression that I can make that house worth your while."

I shook my head. "I told her it's fine," I said quietly.

"Iz, you gotta admit it needs work."

"Edward," I whispered, clearing my throat and wondering when it became so thick, "don't inconvenience yourself..."

I blanched.

Oh, God. He'd never told me his name.

He ran a hand through his hair, making it flop haphazardly back down. "Guess the girls around here are gossipin' already. Don't believe a word of it, all right?"

I stared back at him questioningly.

"My name sure does sound good on your lips, though," he continued in a low rumble. "Say it again?"

Heat bloomed in my cheeks, causing Edward's brows to lift slightly.

"Now there's somethin' spectacular," he murmured.

"Edward," I said again, not realizing what I'd done until after the word was free from my lips.

My blush deepened.

"God damn." He took a shuddering breath, another step away. He plucked a pen from my apron and held it out for me. "Number. Before my kid comes over here and screws it up for me."

Unthinkingly, I laughed and scribbled it down. "I take it that happens often?"

His answering smile was incredible, stealing my breath once again. "Nah. I don't usually ask for girls' numbers. But leave it to Ella, the second I do..."

My face scrunched up in disbelief, and he rolled his eyes.

"I'll pick you up next Friday at seven."

"Why wait so long?"

"Builds up the anticipation."

"Are you kidding?"

He shook his head and grinned, but didn't elaborate. "So next week. Wear somethin' comfortable."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"But what about...?" I let my eyes drift behind him to see Ella chatting happily with Sam.

"She's comin' with us." His mouth twisted into a smirk as he took in my surprised reaction. "Oh, I see. You thought I was..."

I fidgeted awkwardly.

"Somethin' tells me you're not ready for that yet." He put the ball cap he had stored in his back pocket on, hiding away that insane mess of auburn hair.

Strange, but I just wanted to rip it right off.

"Besides, Ella's taken a shine to you. She'd enjoy having you around for it."

"Oh. Um, okay?"

"Next Friday. Seven. Don't keep Ella and me waitin'."

He started to walk off, and it was then I finally found myself again. "Wait, where are we going?" I called after him.

He looked at me over his shoulder, that smile liquefying me once more. "You'll see."

"But what if I told you I don't like surprises?"

"I'd say you're gonna need to get over that real soon, there, sweetheart."

My mouth opened to respond, but nothing came out.

He chuckled.

"Just... consider this me chasin' ya."

I gaped, standing there like an idiot as he gathered Ella up in his arms and headed out the door. I could see him walk over to a new, shiny, red Chevy truck, hoist her up to the back and watch her buckle up. He kissed the tip of her nose before he shut the door, and I nearly melted on the spot.

He was a dad.

Someone's father. A good one, at that.

I had no business getting involved with someone like him. Someone who had another being depending on him, who didn't need to get involved with a half crazy, still grieving-

"What the hell was that?" Jessica gasped incredulously from beside me.

I turned to face her, scowling. "What was what?"

She pointed to my pocket where my pen was tucked safely back inside. "That!"

"He asked for my number."

No use keeping things quiet around here.

Masen Valley had no secrets.

"You? He asked- I- He wanted your number?" she sputtered.

I shrugged, unoffended by the disbelief in her tone. I'd been wondering the very same thing myself.

But then she stared at me long enough that I got annoyed.

"What?"

"I don't get it. I just don't get it," she muttered as she stalked away.

I pulled the tub of dishes up off the table and went to deposit them back in the kitchen by the sink. When I turned around, Sam was watching me with a grin.

"Masen likes ya, huh?" he asked me.

"Masen?"

He laughed. "That boy there is a Masen. You didn't know that?"

The whole damned town was named after his family.

"Oh, great," I moaned.

More laughter.

"That'll cause a commotion," he said. "Especially since Jess has her panties all twisted about it."

"You all need to learn to mind your own business."

"It's 'y'all', Bella. If you want to fit in here, you need to embrace it."

"I don't want to fit in here."

"Then why come?"

I pressed my lips together and thought about that. Sam knew my history. His family even knew my father and Jacob's father. He was the reason I had a job in this town; he'd been the only one willing to give me a chance when everyone else had been leery of the new girl they'd suddenly found on their doorstep.

"To escape the pain, Sam," I finally responded. "I just wanted to escape."

"Pain follows you wherever ya go, though."

"I found that out, thanks," I mumbled dryly.

The look he gave me was one of pity.

I'd come to loathe those looks. It was how everyone back home looked at me, full of their false concern. Not one of them had tried to be there for me or help me out in any way.

I'd been left utterly alone.

Unwilling to think about it anymore, I pushed away from the sink and headed back to work, hoping the distraction of keeping myself busy would work again this time.

Just like it had for the past four months.

* * *

Color burst behind my eyelids. Bronze, gold, green. A smile flashed in my memory, one of a man I didn't really know yet. I'd awoken to dreams of him for the last few mornings now, though I could never remember them in full detail. I was only able to recall flashes of a scene. Only felt residual feelings they evoked. How my hand always seemed to find its way between my legs.

My groan was muffled against the pillow, hand jerked out of my sleep pants. I was not giving into this urge despite how appealing it was. Edward was off limits, something that had become abundantly clear to me once cognitive thought had come back to me. And not because I wasn't interested - I was. But I was a mess. A tragic waste of space that hadn't the first idea how to pull herself together again. His little girl didn't need someone like that around her. She needed someone who had ambition, drive... dreams. Not a person who merely used to. Who'd gone through school, gotten her masters and had interviews lined up all over the west coast, only to let it all fade away without her family to encourage her anymore.

Because without them... having a successful career didn't seem so important.

Nothing did.

The doorbell rang, and my eyes snapped open. I waited for a moment, staring at the wall, and then it chimed again.

Teeth gritted, I kicked the covers away from my body and threw myself out of the bed. I had one day off this week. One day to sleep in and lounge around and catch up on laundry. And Mrs. Cope knew this. Why she was coming over to bug me at seven A.M...

I threw the door open, poised to shout at my landlady, and then abruptly grabbed the door frame to keep myself from falling over. On my porch, leaning against the rail with a bag of tools in one hand and a sledgehammer in the other, was Edward Masen. Smiling, smug, Edward Masen.

"I take it this is a bad time."

I reached up to quickly put my tangled hair up in a ponytail, my face flaming at being caught half asleep without any makeup on or a bra...

I squeaked. My arms shot back down and crossed over my chest, and I knew my nipples were probably visible through the thin cotton of my yellow tank. His eyes traveled up to mine.

He'd been staring.

My face grew hotter.

"Don't get all shy on me now, darlin'."

"Why um... Why are you here?" I asked, swallowing hard. The need I felt from the dream I'd just had was still fresh and raw, and Edward was _right there_, beckoning me to-

"Startin' on your bathroom today," he said. "Mrs. Cope's orders."

"But it's my day off. I don't want you banging around on my day off."

"And you don't pay me. She does."

I grumbled a few curses under my breath.

"Come again?" he asked, those lips forming another crooked smirk.

"Are you always this cocky?" I blurted.

"You think I'm cocky?" He laughed. "Believe me, I'm not. There's somethin' about you that brings it out in me. Like if I get under your skin just enough you'll let me in."

"You want in me?"

His expression changed, eyes roamed over my body again. "Don't set yourself up for that one, sugar."

My mouth popped open; I'd completely missed the innuendo there.

"Now, you gonna let me _in_," he teased, "or am I workin' out here today?"

"Out here?"

"Out back," he clarified. "On your deck."

As much as I wanted to use the back patio, I had to admit two working bathrooms sounded much nicer.

"One condition."

"Oh, you're makin' qualifications now, are ya?"

I kicked my chin up. "Yep."

"By all means, let's hear 'em."

"Fix the kitchen faucet while you're here."

"That's it?"

"That's it. I can't cook much without running water. Well, water _pressure_, I mean."

"You like to cook?"

"Love it," I answered honestly.

Another laugh as he pushed off the rail. "Then, Izzy, I'd be happy to fix your kitchen faucet."

"Thank you."

He gazed down at me, elbow brushing against one of the arms still at my chest, and I thrilled.

"You're welcome," he said lowly.

Inside, he moved through my living room with purpose, reaching just inside the bathroom and flipping on the light.

It was delayed, and he frowned.

"Looks like I'll be fixin' that, too," he muttered to himself.

I shifted my weight around, thinking very hard about going upstairs and taking a shower-

"Gotta turn the water off for a while," he said suddenly.

And there went my shower.

"Awesome," I replied.

He smiled over at me, unperturbed by my tone.

"So where's Ella today?"

The smile widened. "With my grandmama and sister for a couple hours this mornin' and then over at Grace in the daycare there. You know my sister yet?"

"Ah..."

"Rosalie Masen? Looks just like my daughter only older?"

"Don't think so," I answered.

"You would. Rosie's not a girl you'd forget."

I doubted anyone in the Masen family was.

"Maybe I'll see her soon." I took a couple of steps back toward my room. "I'll just get ready and go out for a while. Let you do... whatever it is you're doing."

"Be prepared for a mess when you get home."

"Uh, excuse me?"

"I'm guttin' it out. Startin' completely over."

"Oh my God. Are you serious?"

"I look serious enough, don't I?" he chuckled.

My eyes narrowed. "Not really."

"Yeah, I know; the laugh ruined it."

I giggled. "Pretty much."

"It's still gonna be a mess when you get home," he continued, laughing with me. "But I'll try to keep it contained as much as I can."

"I appreciate that. I think."

His laughter died, replaced by something heavier. "You're awful fun when you're not spillin' tea on people and over-thinkin' everything."

"I'm fun even when I am," I retorted, surprised at my banter with him. This was the most I'd spoken to any given person in months.

"I guess you are." He drove a hand through his hair, shoved his cap on over it. "I'm really glad I asked you to come with us now."

"Come where?"

"Not so fast, Iz," he warned. "I'm not ruinin' that, too."

I smiled at him. I felt...

Wonderful. Light. Free. Happy, even.

I wondered what it was about Edward that made me feel like this. How, for the first time in a year, I felt more like me again.

But then everything that had happened to me came back in a rush, and my smile faltered, good feelings faded.

"Where'd ya go?" he almost whispered.

I shook my head, realizing that I'd zoned out a little. I tried to smile again, but I wasn't entirely sure it actually was one. Everything in me ached again, weighed me down.

"Nowhere," I whispered. "I didn't go anywhere."

He gave me a look that told me just how full of it he thought I was.

"Well, I'll get out of your way now."

"All right," he replied uncertainly.

At the steps, I gazed back at him. He hadn't moved, was still watching me closely, curiosity all over his features.

"Thanks for doing this, Edward. I know you're getting paid, but I... I appreciate it more than I can say."

"Why?"

I shrugged. "No one seems to really want me around here. I'm the outsider."

"That's-"

"It's okay. I don't mind."

"You're only the outsider because you've made yourself that way."

Well, wasn't he insightful.

"Maybe," I acquiesced, and gave him a wave just before I headed upstairs to my room.

But deep down, I knew he was right. No one in town might have given me a chance, but then again, I hadn't given them one, either. I hadn't made an effort to get to know a single person here, too busy staying trapped in my little bubble of grief to try, too convinced that one of these days they'd hurt me too.

Because they all did.


	4. Chapter 3

**Let me preface by saying that I'm amazed and blown away by the response you all gave me to what I posted last week. This was just some idle idea that popped up in the middle of writing Dear Maggie, and I figured I might as well see it through. Pretty happy I did now ;)**

**Some of you asked about the update schedule, and rather than trying to weed through reviews (My kids' school starts next week, and I work at a university, so things are fairly crazy at the moment) I thought I'd just address it here. I'll update every Wednesday unless I tell you otherwise.**

**Thanks to my amazing beta dude, Stratan, and to my prereaders: stephk0525, Nikita2009, claireoth, twilover76, and my amazing sister from another mister, Andrea. If you're not reading Steph's, Twi's, and Nikka's stuff, go do it now. Seriously. GO.**

**PSA: There was some formatting issues with the first EPOV that I had to fix after updating. It was duplicated, there was a page break missing, and something very vital was dropped off - the four in twenty-four. Edward was 24 when Rosalie came to live with him, making him 28 now. **

**Just so we're clear.**

* * *

Chapter 3

**Edward**

I couldn't stop thinking about Bella and the way she looked when I'd arrived yesterday morning. Her hair was all over the place, eyes heavy. Her pajamas were faded, bottoms loose and sitting low on her hips. Rumpled and still half asleep, she still managed to knock the wind out of me.

And then there was the fact that she wasn't wearing a bra.

I groaned and snatched my laptop from the far end of the kitchen table, hoping that the task of going through the local listings for properties for sale or rent would keep me from envisioning how perky her boobs were or that they had jiggled when she reached up to tie her hair back.

That I could literally see the outline of her nipples through that thin, yellow top.

Another groan came out of me. I ran my hands through my hair, took a deep breath, and called up my email account. I hadn't even really, truly touched her yet, and I was hard as a rock at the kitchen table.

My grandmother would shoot me if she knew.

With a deep breath, I got to work and answered a few questions from clients who were in various stages of building homes; gutter size for a roof with a steep pitch, if they could substitute siding in certain spots on the home instead of using all brick and stone to cut cost. When I was finished playing nice, I opened up the email from a guy I'd gone to school with here, Mike Newton, who had done what I hadn't been willing to do and taken over the family business.

"There's not a damned thing in this town," I snarled, pushing my laptop aside.

A cup of coffee was slid across the table, and I glanced up to see my grandmother smiling indulgently at me.

"Think maybe you're expectin' too much, hon. This isn't Jacksonville."

"Yeah."

She turned away and started pulling pans out to make breakfast. Immediately, I shot up out of my seat and maneuvered in between her and the stove.

"What do you think you're doin'?"

"Makin' breakfast. What's it look like?"

"Nana..." I said sharply. "Sit down. I'll make breakfast."

"I'm not dead yet, Edward."

Pain lanced through me so strong with her words I felt like I couldn't breathe. Like the entire world was folding in on itself, on me.

Seeing my reaction, she reached up and cupped the side of my face. "Gonna have to get used to it, ya know."

I nodded once and closed my eyes, remembering all the times she comforted me like this as a child and how I did the very same thing with Ella when she was upset. But even that nice bit of nostalgic comfort didn't help. I still wanted to rip something apart, let grief consume me.

"Where's El?" I asked instead.

"Sittin' on the porch with Rosie. She wanted to be a big girl this mornin' with coffee, the paper, and the mornin' sun."

"You didn't."

"She got decaf."

I let out a sigh of relief, making my grandmother laugh.

"You don't have to move out, Edward."

"Yes, I do. This was never my dream."

She nodded in agreement. "It was Rosie's, and you gave it to her."

"Well, I tried," I admitted. "And ya know... I really can't picture not havin' Ella now."

She took a deep breath, and I could tell she was getting tired already. "Your mama and daddy would've been proud of you for that. Just like I am."

I glanced down at the package of bacon sitting on the counter. "You really don't want me doin' this?"

"No," she answered hotly. "And if you try to baby me all the time, I'm gonna wind up kickin' you out."

"You wouldn't kick out your great-granddaughter." I pretended to be offended, but the facade was ruined by the smirk I couldn't keep off of my face.

"She can stay. You, though... You keep up with that know-it-all smile, and you'll be sleepin' out there in the pasture with the cows."

"Nana, you sure all those drugs aren't makin' ya hallucinate?" I joked. "We don't have cows."

"Who said I'd let you stay on my property?"

I snorted out a laugh. "Fine. Smile's gone. Satisfied?"

"Yes, thank you."

"I'm gonna go make sure Ella's not gettin' into trouble. You holler if you need me to help with anything."

At my pointed look, she rolled her eyes. "You should lighten up a bit, hon. Rosie's not gonna do somethin' stupid."

"I know, it's just... Watching the two of them together makes me feel like I've stolen somethin' from her."

Her green eyes softened as she stared up at me. "You didn't steal anything. She's yours. She was always meant to be yours."

I gave her a grateful smile. "Thanks."

I wound my way through the house and found Ella playing in the front yard, tiny hands fisted around a bottle of bubbles and the wand, trying hard to blow one without popping it. Her hair was already pulled up high on her head, and she had a pink dress on. One I hadn't seen in a while.

"You've been busy," I mentioned casually, never letting my eyes leave Ella.

"She spilled her coffee."

I chuckled. No surprise there. "Did she even get to drink any of it?"

"Not much," Rosalie answered, and I finally cast a glance over at her.

Rocking on the porch, her hair was identical. Piled loosely up on the top of her head, same exact spun gold color as Ella's.

I scrubbed my hands over my face and tried to rid myself of the guilt. She was mine. Not Rosalie's. We had papers verifying that little fact. And Ella knew no different.

"You workin' today?"

"Gonna work on the deck so she can use it."

Rosalie nodded. "Ella was talkin' about her, ya know. Said somethin' about the fair?"

"Yeah, I invited her. Ella seemed to really like her, and she looks like she could use a friend," I said evasively. No reason divulging the real reason I'd asked Bella Swan out.

That I wanted something from her; that I couldn't get enough of her; that for the first time ever yesterday, I hated my job because busying myself with a project meant not being able to antagonize her more, work my way further under her skin.

Her smile made my heart warm, and it made me forget about how horrible my life was at the moment.

"Daddy!" Ella exclaimed happily when she spotted me standing there. "Blow bubbles for me!"

I checked the time on my phone as I made my way over to her, and then took the bubbles from her with a grin. "I bet we have fifteen minutes before Nana comes out and tells us breakfast is ready. Hurry, yeah?"

She took off as fast as her little legs would carry her, pink fabric billowing out behind her, with a squeal of delight. She turned around, lost her footing, and stumbled a little, grinning at me when she'd righted herself.

I beamed back and started blowing bubble after bubble, until they filled the air around her. She jumped around to pop as many as she could, giggling and going so hard at it her hair loosened and slid down from its original perch.

I stopped to see how tired she was, causing her to glance around and frown.

"More, please," she requested sweetly.

"Baby girl, you need a break. You're sweaty and your cheeks are red."

"I don't wanna stop," she protested.

"Just for a bit, all right?"

She looked angry, but luckily, didn't throw a fit.

Breakfast was filled with the usual. Rosalie lamenting about a class she was taking, talking with our grandmother about the doctor's visit tomorrow, and the hope that this second round of chemo would work.

Nana, God bless her, placated Rose, not at all like the way she'd been with me earlier. She'd always known exactly what we needed. Rose needed optimism.

I needed realism.

Ella didn't seem interested in eating anything at all, and after telling her what seemed like five dozen times to eat, I'd finally had enough of it.

"Five more bites or Daddy's takin' away your dolls for the rest of the week."

Her green eyes widened. "No."

"Then eat. Now. I've gotta get to work."

Fast and quick the tears came, streaming down her cheeks all while she ate bite after bite until she'd reached her quota, and I knew immediately that something was wrong. Ella never cried like this.

Ever.

"That's enough, sug," I said gently, taking the fork from her hand and motioning for her to sit on my lap. "You all right?"

She sniffled against my neck, not moving an inch.

"Ella Marie..."

"I miss my friends," she wailed. "I wanna go back home."

_Shit_, I thought, and pulled her closer until she'd calmed down enough to speak to me.

I gave my grandmother a terrified look, and then pushed Ella back so I could see her face, hand splayed out on her cheek and into her hair just as I'd had done to me earlier. "Baby, you'll make friends here, too."

"No, I won't," she huffed out.

"Aw, come on. You've just gotta give them a chance to warm up to ya. It's like... ya know how when you meet someone new, and ya don't know what to say to them?"

She blinked up at me, sniffled again, and said, "Yeah?"

"Well, that's what they feel right now. They've just gotta figure out what to say to you. Just be patient, all right? It'll all work out."

She nodded somberly.

"Tell ya what. How 'bout we spend the day together. You can help me at work."

"At Miss Izzy-bella's?"

"Mm-hm. I'll work on the deck today and you can play outside."

"Will Miss Izzy be there?"

"Not for a while. She's workin' too."

"At Sam's."

"At Sam's," I confirmed. I slid her off my lap. "Go get your stuff together so we can go."

No one spoke until we were sure Ella was completely out of earshot.

"Well," was all Nana had to say.

Rosalie, though...

"Do you think this is a good idea?"

I stared at her hard. "What's bad about it? She's not even gonna be there."

"Well, just... I mean, introducing someone to Ella so soon... When she's got all this she's adjusting to."

And then I was glowering at her from across the table.

Her hands came up defensively. "All right, I get it. I don't know why I said that. You've always been so cautious with her."

I let out an angry breath. "Look, I'm attracted to Bella, Rose, but I don't know her well enough to figure out if that's all it is yet." I caught my grandmother's lips twitch out of the corner of my eye and ignored it. "I also get the impression that there's more goin' on inside that head of hers than she lets on. So when I told ya I thought she could use a friend, that's all I meant."

_For now. _

I was still going to keep pushing her for more.

"If it makes ya feel any better, I haven't even called her yet, and her number's programmed into my phone."

And that was when my grandmother decided to pipe up. "You're kiddin' me," she scoffed incredulously. "You met a girl last week, got her number, and then didn't even call her?"

"I work on her house. It's complicated," I shot back defensively. "I'm tryin' to do right here."

"You're givin' the girl mixed signals." She narrowed her eyes at me. "I know you. I bet ya came on strong, and then left her danglin' when ya got a hold of her."

"I didn't," I argued, feeling my face flush in embarrassment. "Not intentionally."

"Edward Anthony Masen-"

"Nana," I snapped. "It needs to be slow. For all of us. Let me see how things go Friday, all right?"

"I did too good a job raisin' him," she muttered, winking over at Rosalie. "That's the problem. He's too considerate for his own good."

Rosalie smirked at me.

"Y'all done bustin' my balls now?"

"I think so," Nana said decisively. "Just promise me one thing."

"Good Lord, you women and your qualifications," I mumbled.

"You'll let me meet her."

No need for her to finish that sentence. The expression on her face told me everything I needed to know. That if something came of this, I'd bring her home _before._

"You got it," I said shortly and launched myself out of the chair to find Ella.

* * *

"Here, Daddy," Ella said from beside me.

I glanced over and saw her holding out a screw for me.

"Just a sec, Ella Bug."

Getting the plank positioned the way I wanted it, I took it from her, screwed it into the two by six, and held out my hand for another.

"You're fast," she giggled.

"That's my job."

"What will you do with the old wood?" she questioned, and I could hear the screws rattling together as she tried to get another from the box.

"Take it to the dump. Can't burn it," I replied distractedly.

"Oh."

She was quiet for a while, watching as I went over to the saw and cut the end of the next plank at the angle needed to fit the corner of the deck.

The radio played in the background.

"Need a drink?"

"I have tea?"

"Ella, it's noon. No way are you gettin' all that caffeine."

I glanced over in just enough time to see her scowl.

"I brought strawberry lemonade, though. Nana's strawberry lemonade."

That did the trick.

She grinned and raced over to the cooler before I even had a chance to put the plank down. Chuckling, I headed over to where she was jerking the lid up and pulled out one of the blue plastic cups I'd brought along with us from the bag next to the cooler.

Then I swooped in and grabbed the jug out of her hands before it slipped and made a mess.

"A little or a lot?"

"A lot. I'm hot."

"It's pretty muggy out here, huh?"

She nodded fervently.

"Hungry?"

Another nod.

I passed a cup to her and spread out the quilt I'd brought while she chugged lemonade down. When it was smooth on the ground, she sat in the middle...

And tipped the cup of lemonade over.

"What is with you today, girl?" I chuckled, moving her away from the wet spot. "First your coffee, now your lemonade. Do I need to get you a sippy cup?"

"Daddy," she said, dragging out my name, and then she rolled her eyes.

Which only made me laugh harder.

We ate quietly. I could see Ella getting tired and wondered if I could coax her into taking a nap under the tree. I could move the saw up front to keep the majority of the noise away from her, even though it would take me twice as long to heft the two by sixes back and forth while she slept...

And while I was still working out the logistics of having her on site, her eyes suddenly brightened, and I glanced up at the house to see what had gotten her attention. Bella was standing at the backdoor, gnawing on her lip as she gauged the landmine that was currently her deck, and suddenly I brightened up at just seeing her again, too.

"Miss Izzy-bella!" Ella squealed, dropping the remnants her peanut butter and jelly and racing over to where Bella stood.

"Hi, Ella," Bella greeted, her eyes flashing up to mine. "What have you got going on out here?"

"Daddy's fixin' your deck. I helped."

"You did? That's really nice of you, thank you."

"You're welcome." She started to dance around a little, and Bella gave me a strange look.

"Bathroom," I mouthed.

Her eyes widened in realization.

"Need to use the restroom, Ella?" she asked softly.

"Yes, please, Miss Izzy."

"There's one upstairs you can use. Your daddy's destroyed the one down here."

"Daddy's fixin' that, too!" she said excitedly, and followed her into the house.

"Oh, is that what he's calling it?" I heard her reply, and I couldn't help but laugh at the sarcasm behind it.

I cleaned lunch up and went back to work, expecting Ella to come back outside at any given moment. But when I'd screwed four more planks into the frame of the deck, I stood up and got concerned. Knowing my girl, she was asking Bella anything and everything she could think of.

I went inside and glanced around the kitchen. Abandoned vegetables sat on the counter, and the red light on the stove was illuminated, indicating it was on. I frowned and walked toward the living room, the sound of the television getting louder and louder the closer I got to the living room.

Spongebob.

At the entryway now, I stayed still so they didn't notice me. Bella was eating what looked like a salad in the frilly chair and ottoman in the corner, and Ella had taken up most of the couch, sprawled out with a pillow under her head and a blanket draped over her.

And damn it, if the plan to go slow didn't just fly right out the window. I wanted this girl, more than I'd wanted anyone before. The way she just... _meshed _with Ella was more important than I'd realized. Because never would there be any hope with any woman if my daughter didn't feel comfortable with her.

Ella's eyelids drooped, and I quietly made my way back out of the house, glancing at the still wet drywall mud in the bathroom on my way by.

Tiling the floor and tub surround was next on my to-do list. But I was going to need Bella to pick out the tile for me before I could start on it. Mrs. Cope had decided that Bella pick everything out first, and then she'd just look at it long enough to make sure it wasn't going to be "tacky" before I installed it.

I had a feeling there was more to the story than that woman was letting on. And that Bella was just as oblivious to her scheming as I was.

I wasn't sure how much time went by before Bella resurfaced, shock coloring her face when she saw my progress and alterations I'd done to the original deck.

"Oh, my God, this is so..." She spun around and grinned, and I swelled a little bit with pride.

"Got the steps left. They'll take the rest of the day. I want to angle them so they come out farther in the middle and sorta wrap around the main part up there so you can step down from anywhere you feel like."

"It's great." She spun around again, and I noticed a glass of something in her hands. "Oh. Here."

She passed me the glass, and I took it immediately, noticing how hot I was now that I'd stopped working. I took a deep pull of the liquid, and then wished I hadn't. The tea was bitter, not at all like what I was used to.

She caught my expression and seemed to get a little angry. "See? This is exactly why I never bothered trying to make this stuff," she griped to herself.

"You've never made tea before?"

"Not this kind."

That was strangely endearing.

"It's good," I promised. "Needs more sugar, though."

"Needs more sugar," she echoed. And then she gave me this odd look. "What is it with you Southerners and tea so sweet it's syrupy?"

I chuckled. "Don't drink tea in Seattle?"

"Of course we do," she shot back. "But there are so many variations... You all just seem to want plain tea with a pound of sugar mixed in and poured over ice."

"So you just don't like tea. Makes sense. You did dump it on me the other day."

A blush rose to her cheeks, and all I could think of was running my fingers over the spot and feeling the warmth there.

She was so beautiful when she blushed.

"I'm teasin'," I told her, pushing that notion away. "I figured it'd get a rise outta ya or somethin'."

"You like me mad?"

"I like you talkin'," I countered.

"I talk."

I smiled widely. "You do, huh? Funny, I just noticed a bunch of head nods and such when Ella and I came in to eat the other day. Until I hit on you. That seemed to loosen ya up a bit."

"Oh, shut up and give me that," she snapped, and reached for the glass of tea in my hands.

I held it up high enough that she couldn't get it. "Now, don't you be takin' off with my tea, Izzy. It's hot as hell out here and, as you can tell by the amount of liquid already missing in this glass, I am quite thirsty."

Her eyes narrowed. I stepped forward. I was sweaty as all get out, so I kept enough distance between us that I didn't offend her senses.

"Besides, it'd do me some good to get some culture about me. Learn how you Northwesterners drink it."

"You have got to be joking," she huffed.

"Am I?" I threw out that crooked grin I knew she liked. Closer I came, until the hand at my side was just next to hers, practically twitching to reach out and take it. Her pupils dilated, breath came out in a rush, and satisfied that I'd gotten her where I wanted her, I took a step back and brought the glass of tea back to my lips.

Because as much as my body hardened for her - as much as I wanted to take her - I was letting her set the pace in this. Whatever _this _was.

"It's really not bad," I reiterated. "Just gonna take some gettin' used to."

She blinked a few times, and then cleared her throat to speak. "Ella's asleep."

"Ah." I smiled tightly. "You don't mind, do ya? I can-"

"No, no. It's fine. She's... she's really very cute, Edward."

Like I could take credit for any of it.

"Thank you."

She nodded and stared off toward the house behind hers. "Her mom live in Jacksonville?"

I stood there for a moment studying her. She wasn't fishing for information like most of these girls around here. She was just making conversation. Innocent conversation, as far as she knew.

"Well..." My hand came up and started messing with my hair. "That's a long story, actually."

Her eyes snapped to mine.

"One I might tell ya someday," I hedged.

"Someday?" she asked in bewilderment.

"Yeah, someday."

But instead of becoming even more confused with the lack of explanation I was offering, she just smiled and said, "You're not a mass murderer, are you?"

A startled laugh burst out of me, and I shook my head. "Not the last time I checked."

"Good."

We were quiet for a while, and I decided to sit down and take a little break. "So what's your story?"

"Oh, no. You're not getting mine if I can't get yours."

"Mine is not some_ thing_ I just don't like talking about," I told her. "I honestly _can't _talk about it."

She opened her mouth a couple of times, but nothing came out. Again with the silence, I stared off at the grass, noting how the atmosphere seemed to shift around us. How she got that strange heaviness about her again.

It was almost like she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders.

"I was engaged," she said softly.

My head slowly turned toward her, and I was completely speechless.

"He's um... Well, he passed away last year."

"How?"

But she stayed quiet, expression blank.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I murmured.

"I couldn't take it, you know? Living there with all the memories and the people who didn't seem to really care. It was just..." She shook something away. "And I didn't make the money to keep my dad's house. So I sold it."

"And then you moved all the way across the country?" I asked in disbelief.

She simply shrugged, her eyes cast downward and a blush creeping its way into her cheeks.

"Don't get me wrong; I'm happy you're here. And... I understand leaving someplace to search for somethin' more. I did it as soon as I graduated from high school. But I wasn't so far away that I couldn't keep in touch with people here."

"You didn't, though. Did you? I mean, people around here are constantly speculating about what you've been up to, so it sounds like you just up and left. Like me."

No. I hadn't. But it wasn't for the self-absorbed reasons everyone around here believed.

"Isn't there anyone you miss back in Seattle? No family..."

"They're gone. They're all gone," she said in a whisper so low, I barely caught the words. "No one else mattered afterward. They just..."

Another shrug, and I knew the conversation was through.

I wanted to move closer to her, take her hand in mine and show her some hint of what I was beginning to feel for her. But she was so... skittish all of a sudden. I'd probably only push her further away.

And yet, I still found myself drawn to her. I stared at her, my body inching its way closer to hers under its own volition. I craved something of her. Anything. Just a taste. A touch.

Whatever she would give me.

Her eyes suddenly darted down, and I realized my leg had brushed against hers. I wanted to pull back, but I couldn't. I needed to see her reaction, push her a little with something other than just my words. Make her see that her life was meant to be different. Here.

Maybe with me.

"What are you doing with me, Edward?" she asked. Her lower lip disappeared between her teeth, and her eyebrows furrowed together. She was quiet, gathering her thoughts, and then, "I don't... Just what is it you expect to happen here?"

"I don't expect anythin', Bella. But I want it. I want you," I answered.

She blinked once, obviously surprised with my response.

"I want to know how your skin feels; how your lips taste. I want to feel your hair slide between my fingers and listen to you sigh. I wasn't kiddin': I want to be_ in_ you, Bella, and... pardon me for saying it, but I think we both know that I eventually will be."

Her breath caught at my words.

"God," I continued shakily, "I can't wait for the day you decide to let me be with you like that. For the day you finally give me the piece of yourself no one else around here can claim."

A broken sound came out of her, and I had to clench my hands into fists to keep from bringing her into my arms.

I needed her permission first.

"Please," I begged. "Let me do somethin'. My grandmama would tie me to a tree if she saw me just lettin' you cry like this."

A laugh escaped her, and the jerk of her head was all I needed to envelop myself around her. She smelled sweet like an orchard, and was so warm. Her body was firm, but soft. Right. Perfect against mine, actually. I could feel her hands crawl up my back, gripping at the fabric of my t-shirt. Her head moved down, forehead pressed against my chest, and I knew that whatever was happening between us was bigger than I imagined it would be, more serious. She needed someone. She needed me.

And if I was being honest, I knew that I was going to need someone soon, too.

"I came home because my grandmama's dyin'," I whispered, the words thick and hoarse. I pulled in a shuddering breath and continued, "I hated this place and all the expectation in it when I left. But I'm here now, and I'll stay. For her."

"I'm so sorry," she replied, sniffling and moving away from me. Her eyes were red when she gazed up at me, cheeks still wet from her tears.

"It's not the first time I've had it happen, but I'm older. It's... harder."

She nodded in understanding.

And then she surprised me.

"It was a fire. In this little place called La Push."

My brows knit. "La Push? Isn't that where...?"

"Sam's from, yeah. His parents knew my dad. Jacob's dad."

"Jacob," I repeated. "Your fiancé?"

I hated the way that felt on my tongue.

Another nod. "They were having Jacob's bachelor party. And I was just down the road, having the final fitting for my dress."

The way her voice broke on that last part, how she wrapped her arms around herself and curled up in a ball...

I was done with this.

"What do you plan on doin' with the deck when I'm finished tonight?"

She thought about it, that lip going in between her teeth again as she slowly unfurled herself and looked around.

"I don't really have a lot of money..."

"That doesn't matter. What do you _want_?"

She finally let herself grin a little. "A teak table and chairs set? Something small, with a bright umbrella."

"Color?" I prompted.

"Red, maybe. No, definitely."

"Red's good," I encouraged. "What else?"

The smile came in full bloom then, stealing my breath as she glanced around excitedly. "Lots of flowers. Big pots that have them just spilling out everywhere. Maybe some herbs. I wish I knew how to garden. I could set one up in the corner there."

"It's not hard. I'll teach ya."

She gazed at me. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. You can come play around in my nana's garden."

Her smile faded. "Oh, I couldn't intrude-"

"Don't be stupid, Iz. The help would be welcome right now."

"I..." I smiled at her, knowing that it would win her over. "Okay."

Satisfied that the Bella Swan I knew was back, I stood up and stretched and headed over to the saw to finish up the job. "Let me know when Ella gets up?"

She nodded and started back toward the house, stopping just a few steps away from the door. She turned around, squinting against the sun, and yelled at me.

I let the piece of wood rest on the saw and waited for her to speak.

"About Friday..."

"You're not backin' out on Ella and me, are ya?"

She caught my smile and shook her head, lips quirking on their own. "No, but... Are we eating when we go? Cause I was thinking, I haven't gotten to cook for anyone in a long time, and... Never mind. Forget it."

I hated myself for what I was about to say, because I really wanted to be there in that kitchen with her, helping her, getting to know her better.

But I wanted it to be just the two of us when I did.

And I wanted to keep that part of my life away from Ella. Until I was sure. Until it was right.

"Yeah, we'll eat there. Ella will kill me if we don't," I responded. "Raincheck?"

If she was disappointed, she didn't let it show. She simply smiled and nodded in agreement before heading back inside.

Leaving me alone, trying to figure out what, exactly, it was I was doing here. Why, with everything going on in my life right now - everything _she _was going through - making this girl mine was so important.

* * *

**Cause I always forget... I have a Twitter if you wanna stalk for updates. It's JT040708.**

**I also just got a Facebook. Jenny B Fic, is the name, because there are too many rules for me to put anything resembling Jenny0719 in my name.**

**Bastards.**


	5. Chapter 4

**Thank you everyone for the reviews and adds, the recs... All of it. I'm so appreciative, I can't say.**

**Thanks to my awesome beta, Stratan, and to my prereaders - the whole lot of them, lol: stephk0525, Nikita2009, twilover76, claireoth, and Andrea.**

**Holding On and Letting Go was nominated for Fic of the Week on The Lemonade Stand blog. Go vote for your favorites!**

**www. tehlemonadestand .net**

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Chapter 4

**Bella**

I banged around the kitchen in frustration, opening cabinets and searching through drawers for inspiration. I needed to go to the store. Badly. Which, of course, coincided with the need to cook something. To feel creative in some way again for a change. I hadn't cooked much of anything since moving to Masen Valley. Not for lack of trying, though; I'd even offered to cook for Edward and Ella. But between my self-imposed pity-fest in the last year and moving into a house that was in dire need of repair, it just hadn't happened yet. Or hadn't been feasible. And now... All I wanted to do was just go through the process of cooking something, watch everything come together to make something beautiful, and there wasn't a thing in the house to do it with. Nothing I wanted to eat when I was done, anyway.

Giving up, I plopped down in one of the chairs at my kitchen table and held my head in my hands. It wasn't the lack of food in my house that was actually bothering me. It was this burgeoning relationship with Edward. The fact that despite what I kept telling myself, I wanted to be a part of his life, his daughter's life. I wanted to be deserving of their attention, of them, again.

But I didn't know how to go about it.

Actually, that wasn't true. I knew that there was nothing I could physically do to make myself any better. I needed time still. Maybe some of that grief counseling I'd been so adamant to refuse before. I needed to finally process losing so many people at one time and how helpless I'd been to stop it.

That I'd watched practically the entire neighborhood go up in flames from a spot in the distance, knowing everyone I loved was trapped and suffering.

The ache in my chest swelled and throbbed, and I was left gasping for air, pressing my cheek against the cool wooden table.

This was why I ignored it. This was why I pushed it all away and just went through the motions of my life. Having repetition, a set schedule in my life every day, was what kept me going. It kept me sane and unable to dwell on that night. Kept me from wallowing in sorrow. Every day was the same. Shift at Sam's. Heat something up to eat. Shower. Brush my teeth. Pull out an old, worn out book from the shelves. Immerse myself in it for a couple hours. Shut off the light. Pray for a dreamless sleep.

Lather.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Over and over again since the day I'd moved here. But Edward made things different. He made feelings resurface and possibilities resume. He made me wish for the day that it would feel better. For when it would no longer debilitate me. I longed for the day that I would wake up and feel like me again, because being with him was the closest I'd come in over a year.

The doorbell rang, and I immediately sat up and groaned at the sound. I could _not_ do this today.

I shuffled to the door and threw it open, the look on my face telling Edward everything he needed to know about my mood. But then I saw what he held in his hands, and it all disappeared. Much like yesterday, I suddenly wanted to let him throw his arms around me while I sobbed. Except this time it would be from gratitude. Because, apparently, this man's thoughtfulness knew no bounds.

"Had to pick up some supplies and I spied these by the doors. Got four of 'em," he said in greeting, his smile almost shy rather than the arrogant smirk he typically gave me.

"Four?" I asked breathlessly. My fingers grazed over a red flower, and I grinned. I couldn't help myself. The flowers were bright and vibrant, cascading over the clay pot just like I'd described. He'd listened to everything I'd said yesterday, and picked out these specific arrangements because of it.

A relieved laugh escaped him, and then he was the Edward I was getting accustomed to. "As much as I'm sure the neighbors would appreciate me being the newest lawn statue around here, I think I'd rather stick these out back than get ogled at by some desperate housewives. Care to let me in?"

I snorted. "What makes you think you'd get stared at?"

"Everyone stares at me," he said, that lopsided smile of his coming out in full force. "It's both a blessing and a curse, I'll have ya know."

I rolled my eyes, choosing not to comment back on that, and moved aside to let him in the door. "Need help?"

"Nah," he replied nonchalantly. "You just go get some shoes on."

"Shoes?" I asked in confusion. "Why?"

"Need to move along with your bathroom," he called out. I could hear his grunt as he shifted the pot of flowers in his hands and went to open the door.

I rushed off to help him.

"What does that have to do with me?"

"Mrs. Cope asked that you pick everythin' out."

My eyes widened. "But it's not my house."

"Ya know somethin'? I had that exact same reaction. But like I said the day I started: you don't pay me. She does. I do what the boss lady says." He dropped the pot in the corner, studied it, and then turned it until he was satisfied with the way it looked.

"I um..." I had no idea what to say.

"I'd pick stuff in stock, if I were you," he continued. His arm brushed against mine as he passed by me, and everything in me awakened. This was why I couldn't stay away. After so many months of feeling dead, I craved his touch, that spark of life inside me again.

"In stock?" I questioned and followed him back out front.

"Mrs. Cope was supposed to have picked everythin' out when I started and order it on my account. Guess she changed her mind about how she was doin' things, though, because she never did. So unless you want to wait for whatever you pick out to be shipped, and delay the use of that-" he grunted as he hefted another flower pot out of the bed of his truck - "bathroom, I suggest you get somethin' in stock. Kitchen, though... You've got free rein on that."

I blinked. "Kitchen?"

He glanced my way and smiled. "Mm-hmm."

"Holy..."

"People 'round here aren't as bad as you think. Now, I'm not sayin' they're all good. That Jessica Stanley-"

I abruptly laughed.

"So you _do_ know," he said with a grin. "Lauren's about the same, really. They never did grow up, I guess."

"You seem to know a lot about them for not having much contact with people around here."

"I was gone for ten years. People want to fill me in."

"I just bet they do. Most of them girls?" I asked knowingly.

"Blessing and a curse, Iz," he repeated.

And then I was laughing again.

"But none of them matter 'cause I got my eyes set on this one girl," he continued. "Haven't figured out how she feels about me yet, though."

I took a steadying breath and a leap of faith. "Keep working on her, Edward. You're getting under her skin more than you realize."

His answering smile was blinding.

It was my turn to be a little shy, so I ducked my head and ran upstairs to change into a pair of shorts and grab a pair of sandals out of my closet. When I resurfaced, Edward was waiting for me by the front door, his eyes widening and trailing over my legs as I descended the stairs.

"Should I change?"

He shook his head and smirked, his momentary lapse of character fading just as quickly as it had come. "Definitely... _not_."

Heated, those eyes met mine, and I found myself blushing and clinging to the bannister so I didn't jump him in response. The way he made me ache without really doing anything at all was ridiculous.

I seriously needed to get a handle on this sudden surge of hormones.

I took a chance and let go of the railing, intent on walking right past him and to his truck parked outside. But the second I was close enough, his fingers grazed over a scar on my thigh, brow furrowed in concentration as he looked at it. My heart stuttered and slammed against my ribs, pounding relentlessly with the feel of his touch.

The pad of his thumb swept over it; his fingers splayed out on the back of my thigh. He gripped onto my leg, and then - seemingly deciding something - just let go.

He cleared his throat and took a step away. "We'd better get goin'."

"Edward..."

He gazed down at me, waiting for what - I didn't know. I wanted to act on this need to feel him against me, but I was so terrified I couldn't move. I wasn't entirely sure I could do this again, no matter how much I wanted to. The fear of being hurt was paralyzing.

So I gave him something else, a part of me I never thought I'd willingly share with anyone here.

I gave him a glimpse into my past.

"Even when we were kids, Jake and I were inseparable. We did everything together. Climbed trees, went hiking, rode dirt bikes... I remember once he got this idea to camp out in the Clearwater's barn one night. Our parents knew where we were, and we had permission to do it - even as a kid I was always pretty responsible. Maybe even uptight at times."

Edward chuckled, and I relaxed a bit more.

"Anyway, we get to the barn and I start setting stuff up in the corner, thinking we'll sleep down there. Only Jake gets this gleam in his eye and glances up at the loft. So he grabs everything and hefts it up to the loft, and, of course, I went along with it like I usually did. I got all the way up that ladder before I slipped. The ladder fell to the ground, and I was just dangling there. Jake took my hand and pulled me up, but there was this nail sticking out of the support beam. When I put my leg up on the floor of the loft to crawl up, the other leg got caught on the nail."

"Ow."

"Yeah. I flailed around like the eight year old I was, and Jake lost his grip on me. I fell to the ground and somehow managed not to break a bone in the fall. So I told him I was finished with camping and hobbled over to the Clearwater's house. Mr. Clearwater put the ladder back up for Jake and took him home. Me, though... I had to go to the hospital for a tetanus shot and twelve stitches. I didn't speak to him for a week."

"Ever go camping again?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I decided I wasn't the camping type, but really, it was just me being stubborn. After he was gone, I-"

I was poised to finish the sentence, but I couldn't. Instead, tears welled in my eyes, and Edward stilled, his face crumpling with something indecipherable.

"Thank you," I said fervently.

He relaxed and nodded, knowing it was meant for more than just flowers or what he was doing for the house.

Little by little, I could feel that part of myself I'd closed off begin to open up once more, feel the hardened shell around my heart begin to crack. He was giving me what I'd just lamented over earlier: _me_ again, without even trying.

And it was beginning to mean more than he could ever possibly know.

* * *

"What about this one?"

My nose crinkled up as I studied the tile in Edward's hands. It was the right size for the bathroom, but so busy. And shiny. Like porcelain. I could see myself slipping and falling in a matter of weeks on that stuff.

"I'm kind of plain," I replied evasively.

He leveled a serious look at me. "You are_ far_ from plain."

My heart fluttered. "Okay, I'm simplistic."

"All right," he replied, sliding the tile back in its spot, "I'll change my target audience."

I giggled.

He went over to another display and pulled out another tile. It was larger, neutral in color with swirls of a deeper, almost brown color going through it. He pointed to the photos hanging above the tile, and said, "It'll look somethin' like that up there."

I stared at it and pressed my lips together so I didn't grin stupidly with excitement. That was going to be my house soon. And while it wouldn't technically be something I owned, I never thought I could afford to live anywhere I could claim to be this nice.

"What is that?"

"Travertine. It's a type of limestone. Ah..." He brought his hand up and pushed his hair back. "Ya know those hot springs out west? Wait, what am I saying; of course you do."

I laughed. "I do, but only because my dad was a big nature buff. He loved fishing and all that stuff."

I inhaled sharply when I realized I'd just spoken about my father. Without tears.

Unaware of how big that was for me, Edward simply asked, "Was?"

I smiled weakly and gave him a meaningful glance.

He paled. "Just how many people did you lose that night?"

"I told you. Everyone."

"Your mom, too?"

I nodded. "She'd already seen my dress and was hanging out with Jake's mom."

"Jesus, Iz, I'm sorry."

"You said that yesterday."

"Because it's true."

My arms came up to hug my torso as I thought about that night. Even though I wanted her there, I never said a word about her missing it. She was never really all that sentimental, and wouldn't have understood my feelings, anyway. Not when she would see me in full hair and makeup with the gown just a few days later.

I should have pushed her to stay. I should have opened my mouth for once and just told her how I felt.

But I didn't.

And now she was...

"Can we talk about something else?" I whispered.

"Yeah," he said quickly, and then got back on the original topic. "They don't mine the stuff ya find in Yellowstone. Most of it's from Italy. It's what the Romans used to build... uh, nearly everythin', I guess."

"Look at you," I joked and hoped that I could rid myself of the way I was feeling now. "More than just a pretty face."

"Ya think I'm pretty, huh?" One side of his lips curved, dimple flashed. "Don't know if I should be flattered or offended."

I rolled my eyes. "Because of that whole blessing and a curse thing, right?"

The grin widened. "Touché, Izzy. Touché."

I reached out and ran my hand over the tile still in Edward's hands. Once, twice, and then my hand was removed, cradled by Edward's larger one, his thumb tracing a pattern down over my wrist.

"I do know I'm happy you're just lookin' at me, though," he said in a low rumble.

I stared back at him, felt something stir in my chest, and then hurriedly glanced away.

"Right." He cleared his throat and dropped my hand, and I immediately regretted losing contact with him. "It comes in different sizes. If ya like it, we can use somethin' like eighteen inch tiles of it in the kitchen and then these twelve inch tiles in the bathrooms. They have smaller ones cut for borders and things like that. I was thinkin' maybe use those around the edges of the showers?"

"How much is that going to cost?" I asked hesitantly.

No use getting my hopes up if it was over Mrs. Cope's budget.

"With my discount?" He stared up at the ceiling as he mentally did the math. "You'll be all right."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah." He carefully slid the tile back in place and motioned for me to follow him. "When's your shift start?"

"Five."

He nodded. "Let's try to get what we can done while we're out here, then. I'll drop ya by Sam's on the way back into town."

"You're sure?"

"No bother. I'll even splurge on some Dairy Barn later."

"I've never been there," I admitted. "Is it good?"

He stopped mid-step and turned his gaze on me. "Oh..." He chuckled. "We're definitely goin' now."

I took that as a yes.

We weren't in the flooring store long before Edward had finished ordering everything to remodel the bathrooms and kitchen and led me back out to his truck. He opened the door for me, waited until I was seated inside, and then finally walked around to his side of the truck to get in. The truck started, and music filtered through the cab.

Country.

Again.

I groaned and threw my head back, realizing all too late that I'd actually let my feelings be known.

I gazed over at Edward, a sheepish expression on my face, and pulled my lower lip between my teeth.

"Somethin' botherin' you, Iz?" he asked, his brow cocked in amusement.

"I don't um... I don't really like country music?"

His jaw dropped, and then he was shouting, "_All _country?"

I merely shrugged.

"So ya don't like this song playin' right now?"

"Not really..."

"It's a classic!"

"Well-"

I broke off at the sound of his phone ringing. He jerked it out of where he'd sat it in one of the cup holders, and made a face.

"I have to take this."

I nodded and stared out the window, watching the scenery rush by. Even though I was making it a point not to listen to his conversation, I still picked up a few things that indicated it was a work call, that something had gone awry on a site back in Jacksonville.

And then he let out a harsh, frustrated curse, surprising me.

"God damn it. I'll be there Saturday, Marcus... Yeah."

He threw the phone back into the cup holder roughly, causing it to bounce around before finally leaning on its side.

"Everything okay?" I chanced.

He let go of the steering wheel with one hand and dragged it through his hair. "Basement's flooded in one of the houses. Drain pipe was found turned around."

"What?"

"Some stupid fuckin'-" He huffed and slid an apologetic glance at me. "Sorry."

"Don't be. What were you going to say?"

"Some stupid kid probably thought he was bein' funny."

"You think it's vandalism?"

"A prank," he qualified. "Happens a lot. Could've been worse."

"Still sucks, though."

He let out a bitter laugh. "Yeah."

Nothing else was said for a while. Edward focused on the road, twisting the steering wheel between his hands as he worked through his anger. And I didn't know him well enough to figure out how to calm him down or distract him.

So I just sat there. Completely useless.

He suddenly swerved into a parking lot, and threw the car into the first parking space he could find.

"Out."

"Excuse me?" I screeched.

"I said _out_," he repeated, opening his own door. "Just stand right by the truck. And leave your door open."

"Edward, I don't-"

"Trust me, Iz." His eyes were beseeching. "You trust me, don't ya?"

Such a loaded question.

But without answering I dutifully got out of the truck, leaving my door open, and stood just next to it.

The radio was turned up. Something slow was being crooned now, and it gave me chills. A sense of fear.

"I don't think I can..."

Arms around my waist, making it so I couldn't think. His eyes were dark again, boring into mine. The scent of his cologne wafted between us, and my eyes nearly rolled back into my head. He smelled incredible; I couldn't believe I'd never noticed it until now. His features were pinched together with stress, and I had this strange urge to run my finger between his brows and smooth away his worry.

Shocking us both, I did.

His eyes fluttered closed, and his lips parted. That stirring sensation swelled inside me, and I felt like I needed to grip onto something, stay grounded.

"See? Country music is not all that bad."

So I was finding out.

He dipped his head down, and for a moment, I got this unexpected sense of excitement at the thought of him kissing me. I wanted it, to learn it, know it. I wanted to know his taste, the way his mouth would move. How he used his tongue, and what it was that would make him need more.

But he didn't. His head dipped down, and he started swaying us to the music. A surge of disappointment swept through me, confusing me. I didn't want to feel this again, _couldn't_.

Yet I did.

"How did you do it?" I murmured to myself.

His eyes slowly opened, and he stopped moving. Hands spread out on my hips, he whispered, "Do what?"

"Make me want you already."

He groaned then, fingers tightening their hold on me. "Bella..."

Memories flashed in my mind. Of Jake. His smile. The way he made me laugh and felt so comfortable. How my skin seemed so pale in comparison to the dark, russet color of his heritage. Our first time together; the day he proposed.

I nearly fell to my knees.

"Kiss me, Edward," I pleaded. "Make me forget."

"Oh, God," he moaned. He clenched his jaw shut, and held onto me, bringing me flush against him. His hands skimmed up my back just as he buried his face into my neck. I could feel him breathing, feel the way it sped up, almost in tune with my own. I could feel him harden, muscles tensing. He pressed a kiss to the hollow of my ear, and I gasped in surprise.

And then he was gone. Up against the door of the Chevy, breathing heavily, cheeks mottled with color. His hair fell down over his forehead, and he shoved it back. My eyes pricked with tears as rejection came over me - irrational, but strong. He'd never hidden how much he wanted me. But here I was, practically begging him to take me, and he wouldn't.

"I can't. Not like this," he finally ground out.

I gaped up at him, having no idea what to say back.

"I'm not kissin' you to make you forget," he spat.

Heat bloomed in my cheeks at his response. "That's not what I meant."

He stayed silent.

So I took another leap of faith.

I closed the distance between us and put my hand on his chest. His heart thudded beneath it, and his eyes slowly found their way to mine once more.

"This is so hard for me. I... don't have any idea how to do this. Jake was all I ever knew, and then you..." My voice shook, and I fought against the emotion threatening to overtake me again. "I'm sorry. I'm not someone you should want to be with. I'm so..."

_Lost._

"It scares me," I finally breathed.

"What scares you?"

"That you'll come to mean something to me, and then I'll lose you, too."

He growled in annoyance. "You act like you're the first person to lose someone."

"I lost more than just _someone_, Edward," I defended angrily.

"Yeah? Well, so have I. My mama died when I was ten, when Rosie was just a baby. I watched her disappear as the cancer spread, and I couldn't do anythin' to stop it. If that wasn't enough, my dad worked himself to death to keep us goin'. Went to bed after a long day at work and never woke up. Aneurysm. And now my grandma-"

His teeth snapped together audibly as he cut himself off.

"You don't see me lyin' in bed all day or pushin' people away just because they might one day no longer be here. It's stupid. It's... it's not livin' at all. You can't tell me your family - Jake - would want you to be like this."

"No, they wouldn't," I whispered. A tear streaked down my cheek, and I swiped it away. "I'm sorry."

His eyes narrowed.

"I am. For everything. I shouldn't... I don't know how to get out of this funk. I don't know how to fix it."

"Iz..."

"But I know I want to."

He softened a bit toward me. "Yeah?"

I nodded.

He sighed heavily and outstretched his arm. "Come 'ere," he murmured.

Without even thinking about it, I did.

And I reveled in the way he felt around me.

"I'm sorry, too. I promised myself I wouldn't push ya, and here I am-"

"Push me, Edward," I replied. "I need to get over it. I need..."

"What?" he whispered. His hands wound through my hair, and I closed my eyes. God, his touch felt so good. "What d'ya need, Bella?"

"You. I just... I think I just need you."

I couldn't be certain, but I almost thought I heard him echo that.

* * *

"Well..." Edward said, waving at my burger with an elaborate flourish and a grin. "What do ya think?"

"I think..." My eyes darted around the room; everyone was watching us. "I think I don't want ketchup running down my chin with all these people watching."

He flopped back against his seat and threw a fry down dejectedly. "Don't blame ya."

"Is it always like this?"

He nodded. "Worse since I came home."

"How do you...?"

"Stand it?"

"Yeah."

He jerked a shoulder up in a shrug. "Went through my senior yearbook and drilled Nana and Rose about what was happenin' in town. Sorta like a study session."

I snorted with laughter. "You what?"

"I'm a Masen. It's expected of me to know everythin' about everyone," he sneered. "Can't be embarrassin' the family name just cause I went off and did my own thing."

The resentment in his voice was undeniable.

I picked my foot up and set it on the seat beside him, nudging at his thigh. His eyes shot up to mine. "What are you doin'?"

"Not holding your hand."

"You'd hold my hand?"

"If we weren't in public, I might."

At least, I thought I would, anyway. I had this strange desire to comfort him for some reason.

I figured I'd do something for him.

A smile stretched across his lips, and he brought his hand up to the table, laying it with his palm up.

"Do it," he dared.

I blushed and glanced around wildly. "But then people will talk, and we'll have to... I don't even know what we are. We're not dating-"

"Cause you're not ready."

I rolled my eyes. "Even if I was, I hardly know you."

"It won't always be like that. Friends or somethin' more, eventually we'll learn all about each other."

"So we're friends?"

"We're..." He pursed his lips together. "Us."

"Us."

Another shrug. "I don't wanna label it."

"Why not?"

"Might scare ya off," he teased.

I laughed.

He waved his fingers at me. "Come on, Iz. Just do it."

"You work for Nike now?"

He chuckled. "Fine. You did say to push, though."

I did.

He started to bring his hand back to his side, and suddenly, I found myself grabbing a hold of it to keep it in place, awkwardly interlocking my fingers with him and staring at him like-

He quirked a brow. "Look like you're about five seconds away from throwin' up."

I swallowed hard. "Try ten."

He laughed and picked up his burger. He took a bite, set it back down, and then dropped his other hand to my foot and squeezed it encouragingly.

xx

"You have a little ketchup..."

"Have you ever tried eating a burger with just one hand, Edward?" I demanded, and wiped at my chin.

"Until today? No." He led me out the door, hand on my back with that smirk of his twisting at his lips. "However, ya don't see me with ketchup all over my pants."

I quickly glanced down and noticed I did, in fact, have a blob of ketchup by my crotch.

"Great."

"Not that I mind starin' there, exactly, but what would all these folks think?"

His eyes dragged over my body, and I gave a little squeak of protest instead of responding with words.

He didn't play fair.

The Dairy Barn was a little too close to Sam's for my liking, and I inwardly cursed living in this tiny town. As much as I was still struggling with my feelings for him, I didn't want to leave his sight. He made something in me click into place, like I was supposed to be here, with him, and not in Washington state with the life I'd had before.

I simultaneously loved and hated it. I loved it because I thought that maybe, finally, I was beginning to heal. To not sit in limbo anymore and wonder what it was I was supposed to be doing with my life. But I also felt guilty, like I was leaving those who mattered so much to me behind.

Like I was forgetting them somehow.

He put the truck in park and stared over at me, his arm draped over the back of my seat. I warred with what I wanted. I wanted to jump out and run away from this. I wanted to stay and be with him. Forget the rest of the world existed for a while.

I was such a mess.

"You're doin' that over-thinkin' thing again," he said knowingly.

Too exhausted to argue, I just nodded.

"What's holdin' ya back, Bella?"

At the sound of my name, I finally gazed over at him. "I don't know," I breathed out.

"You want me," he replied. "You've already said it yourself."

"I know. I-"

His hand moved from the back of my seat to cup my jaw, and the way it felt nearly broke me. There was a sort of intimacy about it, a promise that no matter what was said or how nervous I was about everything, he was there.

I drew in a shaky breath and just watched him, the way he gazed back at me. There was a flicker of emotion on his face, and then he pulled away and reached out to unlock the doors.

"Mind if I call ya later?"

I blinked a few times. "Call me?"

"I _did _get your number..."

"Why... didn't you call?"

"Did ya miss it?"

"Well, no." At his offended expression, I hurried with, "I've seen you almost every day."

The dimple flashed. "Thought I might let ya get used to me bein' around."

"Oh."

"Are ya?" he questioned. "Used to me yet?"

Smiling with a sense of conviction, I nodded and reached for the door handle.

"You know what?" I replied, and got out of the truck before I could change my mind and skip work all together.

"I think maybe I am."


	6. Chapter 5

**As always, thank you for all the reviews and interest in this fic so far. You guys are the best ever :)**

**Thanks to my beta, Stratan, for being his usual awesome self.**

**Thanks to my prereaders twilover76, stephk0525, claireoth, Nikita2009, and Andrea. **

* * *

Chapter 5

**Edward**

I paced the length of the kitchen, cell phone in hand, supper simmering on the stove. I hadn't been this determined to win over a girl in... forever, actually. Not one single girlfriend or casual date made me feel like I had to, like they were worth the effort. I'd never even worked this hard to keep the girl who ripped my heart out when she left me all those years ago. I'd just let her go.

Then again, I'd been preoccupied with the little, squalling seven pound human who relied on my every waking moment.

And I had to admit - though outwardly I'd never show it - I felt ridiculous at times trying to be with Bella. But that was what I liked so much about her. That I had to_ try_. That, while she might've finally started to come around, she didn't fall over me like most women did. She didn't flirt or scheme her way into my bed.

Not that those kinds of women made it there in the first place. It was simply nice not to have to deal with deciphering her motives. Bella Swan had no motive. She was just her. It was just us.

"Daddy?" Ella whispered. She hovered at the double doors, lip quivering and that stupid Happy Napper in her hand.

"Yeah, baby girl?"

"Nana's sick."

"She's sick?"

"She's in the bathroom. She's got a tummy ache."

My own stomach dropped to the floor.

I searched around the kitchen for something to keep Ella occupied for a while. My phone was the only thing I could find, and before I could think anything more of it, I had it up to my ear and was listening to it ring.

"Hello?"

Her voice was breathy, like she'd raced over to answer the call. My body reacted, craved. But most importantly, there was a calm beneath the surface. Like she was what could quell my rising panic.

"Bella? It's Edward. I-"

"Hi!" Still breathless, but in a whole different way, I fought back the urge to groan.

She was happy to hear from me.

"Hi. I'm gonna foreword this with the fact that I _was_ gettin' ready to call ya just to talk."

"Okay..." she giggled.

"But Ella came downstairs, and now I need to ask ya for a favor. I know we've got plans in a couple days, but I-" I dragged a hand through my hair and inwardly cursed.

Why was this so hard?

"Edward, what's wrong?"

"I-" Deep breath in, exhale out. "Nana's havin' a reaction to the chemo. It's normal, but..."

"Oh," she gasped.

"Rosie's off in Charleston for a few days... I need..." I hurried away from where Ella stood so that she didn't hear me. "I need some kinda backup for a while tonight. I hate to ask but Ella knows ya, and -

"Where do you live?"

"Too far for you to walk," I replied, realizing how stupid this plan was. There was no way she'd be able to get here, and I couldn't leave Nana alone just to get her. "Damn, never mind."

"No, not never mind. Does Sam know where you live?"

"Izzy, everyone but you knows where I live."

She laughed. "Well, I picked up the rest of Angela's shift so she could run some errands, but I'm almost done. I can see if he'll run me there?"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, why not? I could get a look at that garden of yours."

Oh, the things I could counter back to that.

I cleared my throat and went back into the kitchen. "Sure. Don't eat. I've got supper."

"I get dinner, too? Aw, Edward, you shouldn't have!"

"Don't be smart, Iz. I cooked for Ella and me. I'm only lettin' ya have some cause you're helpin' me out like this."

"So what does one have to do to get dinner from you?" she questioned, having absolutely no idea what she was doing to me.

I dropped my voice so Ella wouldn't hear. "Maybe I'll show ya an example a little later."

"What...? _Oh_. That's not what I was getting at, but that might be kind of nice."

I blinked in shock. "What?"

"You heard me," she said coyly.

"Corny as it may be, I'm just gonna ask: did I dial the wrong number?"

"I just realized a few things after you left today. You know what? We can talk about it when I get there. Sam's coming this way."

"Yeah, all right." I had a feeling I'd rather talk about it in person, too. Chances were that I'd wind up covering her mouth with mine when it was all said and done.

If it wasn't pushing too hard, that is.

xx

The doorbell rang, and I rushed through the house to greet the girl on the other side of the door. I opened it, grinned at her reaction. Wide eyed and looking nothing short of stunned, her eyes roamed over the house wildly.

"When I found out you were a Masen, I didn't know things would be like..."

I fought back a laugh. This was exactly why I liked her so much. I was just Edward. The annoying contractor-slash-handyman that worked on her house. Who just happened to be someone she was attracted to. Who couldn't get enough of her. I wasn't some guy born into a family with money and prestige around here and wasn't poised to inherit this with Rosalie when-

I stifled that thought before it could stifle me.

"Where did ya think I lived, a shack?" I paused. Deliberately grinned wider. "Actually, we still have one of those left round back. Slave quarters."

That snapped her back to reality. "You have what?"

"Slave quarters," I replied, and then let my lips lift in a sly smirk at her dumbfounded reaction. "Iz."

"Huh?"

"It's empty. Has been since the war. The _Civil _War," I clarified.

"I know that," she scoffed.

But the skeptical look on her face said otherwise.

"I'll show ya after El gets to bed." I moved aside to let her in. "Supper's just about ready."

I led her through the house, watching her reaction with every design feature inherent to these kinds of homes. Open stairwells, large foyers, parlors... The kitchen was in the back, cut off from the rest of the house to keep the heat from the stoves overheating the living areas. She looked at the double doors leading into the kitchen and frowned.

So I explained it.

"My family's kept everythin' as original as possible. My granddad was a history fanatic."

"Must be where you get it," she murmured. She caught my confused look and grinned. "Earlier with the Roman stuff. I looked it up on Sam's computer in the back. The Coliseum is the largest structure ever made from travertine."

"How 'bout that," I responded lowly, staring down at her. My hand twitched at my side. I just wanted to touch some part of her, maybe trace my fingers along her jaw.

But Ella was waiting, so I pushed one of the doors open and gestured for her to go inside.

There she was, sitting just at the spot at the table that I'd left her at. She had my phone in her hand; her face was the picture of concentration. Her lips pursed, brows furrowed, and then she heard us come in, and her head snapped up.

She spotted Bella and smiled. It was a smile that I'd only ever seen her give me or Rosie. Nana, occasionally.

It was a smile that was my undoing when it came to this woman.

"Miss Izzy-Bella!" she squealed, throwing the phone aside and hopping down off the chair. Little legs brought her over to us as quickly as they were able, and she teetered just as she reached us.

I put my hand on her chest to balance her before she faceplanted on the floor.

"Easy, baby girl."

Bella gave me a look at that... One I couldn't figure out. Before I could try, though, Ella had squirmed out of my grasp and latched onto Bella's hips.

"Hi, Ella," she greeted. She bowed down to get closer to her. "I thought we could go outside and play for a while after dinner. Is that okay?"

"Daddy, d'ya know 'bout Miss Izzy comin'?" Ella's words came so fast, they slurred together. "Did ya?"

"I did," I affirmed. "Thought I'd surprise ya."

And then I was forgotten, her attention turned toward our guest once again to tell her all about her day at the church, what they learned...

She was still yammering on when I finally pointed to the ceiling and mouthed that I was going to check on my grandmother.

A quick nod from Bella, and I was making my way upstairs.

It was quieter and darker than I expected in my grandmother's room. She was lying down, asleep, hand over her face and looking a little worse for wear. Prescription bottles were strung out all over her nightstand, leading me to assume that she'd taken some anti-nausea medication and would be passed out for a while. The tape over her central line had worked itself loose. It peeked out of her shirt, and I debated tucking it back inside. But then that could wake her up, and if anything, she needed to sleep as much as she could while she was getting dosed with whatever cocktail they were giving her this time.

God, even her hair looked thinner, duller. It was flat gray against her head, not a single strand shone in the sunlight streaming through the windows.

"Fuck," I muttered and quickly backed out of the room until I hit the wall in the hallway.

I slumped down and just stared at the wooden floorboards.

Rosalie was going to have to come home soon.

I couldn't do this by myself.

* * *

"Did you always want to be a contractor?" Bella asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

The stars were bright tonight. I sat on the porch steps with Bella and stared up at them. Nothing but the sounds of the night were around us, and I had to think hard on her question. Had I always wanted to be a contractor?

I shook my head. "I never really had anythin' in mind. I just knew I didn't wanna follow my daddy's footsteps and become a lawyer."

"Is that what the Masens do around here?"

"Pretty much. It's what Rosie's doin'."

"How much longer does she have?"

"She'll graduate next year and then go on to law school in Columbia. She's pretty driven, though, so I don't expect her to run into any complications or whatnot."

Not again, anyway.

"Your accent's thicker when you're tired."

I groaned.

She giggled.

"Sorry. It's... it's cute."

It wasn't at all, actually, but I kept that to myself.

"So what did you decide after I dropped ya off today?" I questioned. I twisted and leaned up against the porch rail to see her better.

I could've sworn she blushed in the moonlight.

"I like you in my life, Edward Masen."

My eyebrow quirked. "Is that so?"

She nodded. "It's strange. I'd been here for three months and never really talked to anyone till you got here. But when I'm with you it's just... I don't know. Feels good."

"I can make ya feel good," I joked.

She rolled her eyes.

"I'm glad I make ya feel good," I said seriously. "You make me feel good, too."

"Yeah?"

I nodded once and moved closer to her. "I forget how shitty things are when you're around, Iz. You're... different than anyone else I've met. I like that. I like you."

She flashed a smile, and then gazed out into the yard. "You're moving back to Jacksonville, aren't you?"

"That was the plan."

"Was?"

My shoulder jerked up, and I waited for her to face me again before continuing. "The plan's muddied now. Ella didn't adjust to the move like I thought she would. And I can't be jerkin' her around every which way. It's not fair to her."

"Oh."

"And then there's this... _thing_ I have with you. That Ella has. I can't discount it."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm not sayin' anything, Iz. Lord knows I don't wanna push ya away. I just finally got ya to admit you felt somethin' for me."

"No, I know, it's just..." She looked like she was going to admit something more, but she quickly changed topics. "You always put Ella first."

"She's all that matters," I said honestly, and moved closer to her.

Her eyes darted down to my lips. My own curved.

"She's lucky to have you."

"How so?"

"You're a great father."

And wasn't that an opening if I ever saw one.

"I'm also a great kisser," I murmured.

"Edward..."

"Too far?" I asked, but I moved even closer to her, my hands resting on the porch on both sides of her legs, trapping her in a way.

"I don't..." She shook her head.

And said something I least expected.

"No. It's not too far."

Before she could change her mind my lips were on hers. Soft and sweet, she sighed as I took her in my arms. Her tongue was velvet, tart with the lemonade in the glass beside her. I couldn't seem to get close enough to her, just wanted to bury myself in her, feel her slide against me as I slid into her.

Now, _that_ would be pushing it too far.

I used the little self-control I had left and dropped my hands to her hips, squeezed once, and then used them to push myself away. Her face was flushed, breathing heavy. Her eyes fluttered as she opened them, and a shy smile graced her lips.

"Damn, you taste good."

Her eyes dropped to the step.

"Change your mind?"

She shook her head once.

"Then what is it?"

"I'm happy. And that makes me feel guilty."

"You should really go talk to someone, Izzy."

"I know." Her eyes found mine again. "I'm going to do this, and I'm sorry."

"Do what?"

"Fight you."

"Ah. I see."

"Do you?"

"Not really."

She laughed once. "I don't either. I only know I wanted you to kiss me. And when you did, it was like something... But the second you stopped I felt like I was betraying Jake."

"Can't betray the dead, Bella."

"I know that. I do. But I'm really.." She scowled. "I know I should let him go, but I can't. I keep holding on to him. Everyone. And it's stupid to try. I can't change what happened, but I just feel like I have to. I'm the only one who truly knew all of them left."

"You don't have to forget them, ya know."

At her questioning look, I continued.

"Letting them go doesn't mean forgetting them. Not at all. Take it from someone who knows."

She sighed heavily and leaned back against the rail, away from me. She brought her hand up and traced over the veins in my forearm.

"Watching you and Ella together makes me miss my dad."

"That's normal, I guess."

"It sucks, though. It'd be easier if you were sending her back to Jacksonville every now and then. To be with her mom."

I moved my arm and took her hand with mine. "There's one problem with that."

"Which is?"

"She doesn't have a mom."

Her eyes shot to mine.

"No abstract woman that left her, no picture on the mantel. Nothin'. It's just me and her. Always has been."

"How...?"

"One of these days, Bella," I promised softly.

She nodded and let it drop.

"Thanks for comin' tonight, even though I didn't need ya."

"You were worried. Besides, I had fun with Ella."

"She had fun with you and all those damn Barbies."

"You spoil her," she teased.

"I know. I need to stop. But like I said: me and her."

"You ever wish it wasn't?"

Again, with Bella, that question wasn't as loaded. There wasn't a machination behind it, only her wanting to get to know me a little more. The knowledge made my chest burn with something weighty inside. Something I hadn't felt in so long now.

Was it possible to fall for someone in just a week's time?

"I don't wish for anythin'," I responded. "Whatever's meant to happen'll happen."

She yawned, and I moved to stand. I reached out to help her up, pulling her against me and breathing her in.

God, she smelled so good.

"I should get you home."

"What about Ella?"

"That kid sleeps like a rock. She'll be all right. And Nana's here if she's not."

"But your grandma-"

"Would kick my ass if I let you walk home alone. Trust me. It's better to leave them both here asleep than to let her find that out."

She smiled and glanced back at the house. "I didn't get to see it all."

I said the one thing I knew was true in response to that.

"You will."

* * *

"Jesus, Marcus, what the hell-?"

I broke off and tried searching through the stack of paperwork piled high on my desk.

"Charlotte's been out this week. The whole family's been sick with some kind of flu," he replied.

"Peter, too?"

"Yep."

"I don't... I don't have time to fix this for y'all. I have to be back tomorrow."

"But we've got-"

"Is it the Martin job?"

"Yeah."

"Well..." I fumbled with some more papers before finally giving up. No way was I going to find the specs I was looking for in all this. "The guys aren't gonna be fixin' anything till Monday. It can wait. I'll put in some extra hours on the job I'm doin' back home this weekend so I can be here to help out."

Maybe Charlotte would be back, too.

One could hope.

He crossed his arms over his chest and smirked at me. "Your accent's thicker."

Son of a-

Why did every keep telling me that?

"Yeah, well, you look like shit," I retorted, motioning broadly to the wrinkles in his khakis and black polo. "Seriously, cut your hair. It's fallin' all over the place and distractin' me. The least ya could do is hide it under a hat."

He laughed and smoothed his hands over said blonde hair. "You're awfully eager to get back, so it must not suck that bad."

"Left El there with my grandmama," I muttered.

"I bet that's not all of it."

One side of my lips pulled up as I glanced back at him. He had me pegged. "No, it's not."

"Girl?"

"Yeah."

"Good for you."

"Thanks." I drove a hand through my hair, and then checked the time.

"Lunch?"

"You buying, boss?"

"Yeah. We'll... talk some about the consults I have this afternoon. Charge it off."

He grinned. "I like this plan."

"Figured ya would."

There was a diner just down the road from the office. One that Marcus and I had frequented since he'd started working for me. He was the guy who was keeping my business going while I dealt with everything back home. He was better than the job he was doing, and worth far more than what I was paying him.

I kept waiting for him to smarten up and start his own company. Or ask to make this temporary partnership he'd found himself in more permanent. Legal.

Most people would take advantage of a guy when he was down.

But he was also a friend, the first person I'd met when I'd moved here. He'd just happened to decide that grad school wasn't his thing right after I'd gotten my license. I'd given him a job, and soon, he'd found out that he liked building things as much as I did.

He finished school two years ago. Which would be why I was waiting for him to smarten up.

"So the girl."

I glanced up from my menu, not that I needed it. I knew the thing by heart. "Bella."

His brow arched.

"Yeah. El calls her Izzy." And so did I, most of the time.

"She likes her?"

"A lot, actually."

He grinned.

"What's with all the questions? You're not exactly a talker, Marc."

He shrugged. "Nothing, really. Just haven't seen you with anyone since..."

The face I must've made was enough for him to not say her name.

"Still, man?"

"I just don't wanna talk about her," I said nonchalantly. "That's all."

"You're not still hung up on her, are you? I mean, shit, it's been... what? Three years?"

"Four. And no. I'm not hung up on her. Not in the least. I just don't want to talk about her," I repeated. "I never have."

His head tilted to the side in acknowledgement.

We weren't able to talk much more after that. My phone was going nonstop, but not one call was from the person I wanted to hear from.

Which made me feel insane. I knew Bella was working. I knew that tomorrow, I'd spend the entire evening with her. But after last night... After kissing her, the way her body went pliant against mine as I did; the willingness of it all...

_Fuck._

"You know those times when you're talking about someone and all of a sudden they appear?"

I blinked at Marcus, completely confused by his question. "Yeah?"

"This is one of them."

Scowling, I let my eyes wander around the diner.

And then I froze in place, staring at a ghost from the past. Someone I'd gone out of my way to avoid since she packed up her things and left me.

She looked the same. Same long ,wavy blonde hair. Same tall, lithe body. Her eyes found mine, blue and piercing as ever, but suddenly, they weren't the eyes I so desperately needed to see anymore. They were all wrong. Light, not dark. Smaller, not large and searching. _Everything _about her was wrong. I wanted dark hair. Hair that kept her face shrouded in mystery. Kept the world out. I wanted the curves. The woman who barely came up to my shoulder.

I wanted Bella.

The enormity of it made my heart pick up speed, chest burn again.

"Edward," she greeted smoothly, but I knew her too well. The way her eyes darted around the room spoke volumes.

"Tanya."

"How are you?"

"Fine, and you?"

"Good. I'm... Well, I'm getting married," she said carefully.

Nothing. Not a flicker of jealousy, a spark of reaction. "Congratulations," I answered simply.

Her eyes widened, smooth exterior faltered.

"Um... How's-"

I reacted now, glaring up at her and silently daring her to speak Ella's name after the way she abandoned her.

"She's great," I said through my teeth.

"How old is she now?"

She knew. She had to. Yet, I was forced to answer her anyway.

"Four." And then I said what I knew would piss her off. "She looks just like Rosalie. Right down to the little indentation at the top of her lips."

And I was right. Her eyes narrowed as she stared down at me. To this day she couldn't stand the fact that I'd given up my entire life - our lives together - the day I laid eyes on Ella. It was mostly my fault; I'd wavered for so long, thinking the entire time I had her support in whatever it was I chose. But really, she was silently hoping I really would refuse my sister's request. That I'd choose her over my family.

When I didn't... When I signed the adoption paperwork and made Ella mine, she walked, taking her false promises with her.

And never looked back.

"What d'ya want?" I finally asked, closing my eyes. "I'm on my lunch break and have way too much to deal with before I go back home."

"Home?"

"South Carolina."

"Why would you ever want to go back there?"

And there lied our problem. To take Ella as mine was to tie me to that place and everyone there. Here, alone, she and I were free to do as we chose. Adding a baby into the mix... A baby that wasn't ours...

"Because it's where we're from, Tanya."

I opened my eyes just in time to see her face scrunch up with frustration.

"Your mama looks good," I said casually. "You see her much?"

"When she comes to visit. More since I'm planning the wedding." She paused and gazed down at me confusedly. "You really moved back?"

I wasn't about to explain to her what was happening with my grandmother, so I simply nodded my head and looked past her, spotting our waitress head our way with a tray on her shoulder.

"Our food's here."

"Oh." She seemed disappointed as she stepped back and let the waitress put our food on the table. "Right. Well, it was good seeing you."

"Yep."

"Tell your-"

I pinned her with an angry stare, cutting her off instantly. "Congratulations again," I said tersely.

"Thanks. I hope you find someone soon..."

I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"I did."

Not bothering to see her reaction, I started pouring ketchup onto my plate. Forks clanked against porcelain, chatter filled the air...

Marcus broke the silence.

"You say that to get a rise out of her? Cause it worked. She was pissed."

"I don't know," I said quietly, cramming a fry into my mouth to keep from saying more.

Because I really _didn't _know what I was feeling when it came to Bella.

But I knew I couldn't wait to get back to her.


	7. Chapter 6

**Thank you, everyone, for voting Holding On and Letting Go into the top five over at The Lemonade Stand. The awesome evilnat made a banner for the occasion, and I am so grateful to her - and you guys - for it.**

**Thanks for the reviews, adds, and faves this week. And for all the speculation about Ella and Bella's past. I love reading all the guesses.**

**Thanks to my fabulous beta, Stratan, and prereaders. Stephk0525, twilover76, claireoth, Nikita2009, and Andrea - I honestly don't know what I did before you guys.**

**xxoo**

* * *

Chapter 6

**Bella**

There was music coming from downstairs. It was something with twang that would never be caught playing on my radio. I pushed the covers away from myself and practically fell out of bed, hitting up the bathroom on my way down the steps.

There was only one person I knew who'd listen to that kind of crap around me.

And he was also the only one who knew where my hide-a-key was stashed.

I wiped the sleep from my eyes and double checked my tank top to make sure nothing was twisted inappropriately. Satisfied that I looked somewhat presentable, I walked over to the downstairs bathroom and stopped just inside the door, where the music was at its loudest, hiding the sound of Edward scraping mortar on the wall around the bathtub.

I was staring, watching his muscles flex with his movements and listening to him hum along with the tune. Not surprisingly, he had a good voice. Really good, actually. I leaned against the doorway as he put up a tile, then another. There were these little foam things placed in the cracks to keep the tiles from sliding, and then he was checking to make sure it was all level before moving to the next section.

I reached out and changed the radio station.

"My radio, Swan," he said, looking at me over his shoulder.

My heart fluttered.

"My house. On Saturday."

"Gotta fly back down to Jacksonville on Monday," he said absently. "Thought I'd pick up the slack this mornin'."

"You just couldn't wait till tonight to see me," I joked.

He grinned back, that dimple flashing and melting me a little again. Only the look in his eyes wasn't teasing when he said, "Caught me. I just can't get enough of ya."

I glanced away, hoping to keep things light at eight in the morning. "You make this look easy."

"It is."

I shook my head. "No way. If I was doing it, it'd be bumpy and the spacing would be all-"

The bathroom was small enough that all he had to do was reach out behind himself to grab me. He dragged me to his side and put the tool in my hand.

"Try it."

"What do I do?"

"Me."

I huffed but kept quiet. I'd set myself up for it.

He chuckled at himself. Or me. There was really no telling with him sometimes. "Put the mortar on the wall, Iz."

I reached down and scraped some of the mortar from the bucket, tentatively lifting my hand up to where Edward had been working and spreading it out on the drywall there. Edward said nothing, simply watched, until I was reaching down again, and then his hand clasped at my wrist to stop me.

"Thinner. Spread it out before ya get more."

I did as instructed, and felt his eyes on me, not the wall, the entire time. His gaze was blistering, frightening the way he made me feel. He touched me again, this time at the waist, and I swore my lungs seized up.

"Get a tile," he rumbled in my ear.

I fumbled for a tile and pressed it where I thought it should go. Edward's hands came over mine, securing it in place and making it so it was perfect like all the others.

I stared over at him, wanting so much to simply press further against him and kiss him again. But I couldn't. I stood still, instinctively fighting the need to be closer to him, care for him...

Love him, if that's what was fated to happen.

God, my hesitancy was already getting so old. I knew I wanted this, whatever _this _was. But fear kept me rooted in place, gagged me in silence. All I needed to do was speak the words - mean them - and I'd be his in some way or another.

But when I rallied myself and stood on my toes, leaned just a little closer to him, I couldn't go through with it. Because _what if _was the only thing I could think of. What if something happened to him too? What if I gave myself to him and he broke my heart? What if... What if... _What if_...?

And then he made the decision for me.

His mouth was suddenly on mine, lips parting, tongue delving. He moaned and wound his hands in my hair, and my heart starting flying, pounding at my ribs as heat filled my body. This kiss was different than the last; it was desperate and greedy. Almost as if he knew what I needed to push me into taking that next step with him.

Because right then, I'd do just about anything he wanted.

My back abruptly found the wall, and this time, it was me moaning at the way it felt to have his body flush with mine, rocking, gasping, aching...

My hands found their way under his shirt, testing out the smooth, hot skin at the small of his back, and then moving up. I was at his shoulder blades now. I gripped onto him as he strained against me and hitched my leg up over his hip.

A squeak of pleasure came out of me when he hit just the right spot.

Instead of moving forward, he pulled back. Gave me space to breathe again, room to think.

"Not like this. I... This piece of you isn't enough for me anymore. I want... Fuck, I want it all when I'm inside you, Bella. I want every last part of you as mine," he drawled roughly, and I knew he was right. I _wanted_ him to have all of me, too, just as I would have all of him when it happened.

And I couldn't give that to him. Not yet.

"Not like this," I agreed.

He dropped his head to my shoulder and placed a kiss there as he worked to calm down. I could feel the ragged way my chest heaved against his, the way his hands were roaming over the safer parts of my body. But my mind... my mind was racing, reeling now from how much different he made me feel. With him I felt something I didn't know was possible. Being with Jake was always so fluid. It was second nature, like breathing. With Edward, though, there was more. There was fire and possession and a craving unlike anything I'd known. I'd always assumed that love felt like it had with Jake. But knowing Edward, feeling his hands on me and the way he tasted, I wondered if maybe I'd simply settled for the natural. The expected.

And if my life hadn't gone just the way it did, I could have missed out on this. On him.

I hated those thoughts. Because Jake deserved so much better.

"Guess it's a good thing I came by," Edward murmured. "Ella doesn't need to see that kinda thing."

I giggled and worked to stamp down this guilt at being with Edward evoked. _He_ deserved better, too. So much better than some broken, poor excuse of a human being. "I think you got concrete in my hair."

He laughed and finally lifted his head. His eyes were bright, piercing mine. "Better go hop in the shower before it sticks."

I brought a trembling hand up to his jaw, making those eyes widen slightly, and simply smiled up at him. I didn't have the wits about me to do anything more.

"Is this you fightin'?"

"This is me just... being here."

"Well, I'll take it." He kissed the tip of my nose, just like he did with Ella, and my hold on him involuntarily tightened.

I meant something - though I wasn't quite sure what - to him already. He'd let me wiggle my way into his life, his daughter's life, and I was protesting every little thing he did. Second guessing it all.

There it was. The fight. Or more appropriately, the urge to flee, bubbling up inside me and making me feel like I was going to crawl out of my skin if I didn't escape his hold soon.

My hands dropped to my sides.

"I've got to work. What time will you pick me up?" I asked, staring down at the floor.

"Izzy."

I didn't budge.

"Izzy," he repeated, this time harsher. My eyes slowly moved to his. "Don't do that. Ya don't have to hang all over me, but I don't want ya shuttin' me out when somethin' like this happens."

"I can't help it. I promise I'm trying not to do it, though."

"I know. I..." He stepped away from me and ran his hands through his hair. "I'll be here around six."

"And I'm to wear something comfortable."

"Like jeans. Boots, too, if ya got 'em."

I gazed at him curiously. "But it's so hot."

"Trust me on this."

I backed out of the room without another word, because what was there left to say? I'd ruined the moment the second I brought up my defenses again, the second I started over-analyzing the way he made me feel versus the way Jake had once done.

I needed help.

Work was slow, but steady, thankfully keeping me from thinking about Edward and tonight too much. I knew if I had any free time at all, I'd likely scare myself to the point that I would cower down in the corner of the freezer in the back, hiding from Edward - everyone, really - until the time for him to pick me up had long passed.

I pulled in a deep breath and let my hair fall around my face as I made table twenty's drinks, keeping everyone from seeing my expression. My emotions always showed so clearly on my face; I could never keep anything secret. Or play poker. Poker was definitely not in my future. It was something I'd gotten from my mother, something passed on to me even though I physically resembled my father and paternal grandmother.

Another deep breath. This one to calm myself and stop my hands from trembling. The ice shook in the glass I held, and I inhaled again, closing my eyes and pushing away my grief...

"How's Edward?"

My head shot up, and my brows furrowed at Angela's knowing smile.

"Bella, you've lived in Masen Valley long enough that you should know how this town talks."

"But neither of us ever..."

She shrugged, smiled wider. "You went to the Dairy Barn together."

"But-"

"Left holdin' hands."

I puffed out an aggravated breath. "Jesus Christ," I muttered.

Word traveled faster than I'd expected.

Angela laughed and put her hand on my forearm. "You're the hottest thing in years, hon. Might as well get used to the attention."

I simply groaned.

"Y'all seein' each other again soon?"

"Tonight. But it's not a date or anything. He's just... I don't know where we're going, actually."

"Sounds pretty date-y to me."

I shook my head. "His daughter will be there. So it's not like that."

Angela was poised to say something in return, but Jessica came rushing by, nasty look on her face.

I heaved a sigh and went to pick up my tray.

"Oh, how nice of you to actually work today, Bella," she spat, pushing me aside to get to the ice.

Usually, I wouldn't have replied. Usually, I would have just taken the abuse and kept quiet. But today wasn't the usual. Something in me was a little different, changed just enough so that a retort was out of my mouth before I had time to realize what had happened.

"Yes, because I never work. I never have to pick up your slack while you spend all your time back here gossiping about everyone in town," I snapped back. "Ever."

She gaped for just a moment, and then narrowed her eyes at me. "Don't think that you're better than me. You wait tables just the same as me."

I quickly hoisted my tray up to my shoulder, shocked when nothing came tumbling off of it in my haste. As I started to step past Jessica and Angela, I could feel tears prick at my eyes. If anything, I considered myself unworthy of Edward and all his goodness, of the kindness given to me by Angela or Sam. But maybe that was the problem. I'd shut everyone out entirely, made them mistake hesitancy, lack of worth, with snobbery instead.

"I don't think I'm better than you," I answered quietly.

She snorted derisively. "Right. That's why you walk around here with your nose up in the air all the time."

"_That's_ what you think I do?"

She shrugged and put her focus on pouring tea into the three glasses she had set up.

What a judgmental-

Angry now, my teeth ground together. "You know nothing about me," I somehow managed to say. "Not one damned thing. So don't pretend to."

* * *

"I have nothing to wear." I moaned at my use of that cliché and flopped down on the bed. My entire wardrobe bounced next to me, the clank of hangers hitting the hardwood followed.

I so wished I had the money for a quick shopping trip. Or even a vehicle to take me to the mall.

I put my lamenting aside long enough to sit up and look through the meager stack of clothes I'd pulled out of my closet. I grabbed my favorite jeans - worn and faded in all the right spots - and searched out a tank top to wear with it. It was going to be hot and muggy, and the few pairs of shorts I had were calling out at me, but Edward had expressly told me to wear jeans. And to trust him.

If only it were as simple as those two words: trust me.

I found something bright and decided that the plain, turquoise top would just have to suffice. Edward knew my financial state, and he wanted to be with me anyway, oddly enough. Not to mention he'd seen me at my worst; crying and puffy and all-together a mess.

No need to try to impress him, especially on a non-date, of all things.

Once I was dressed, I threw on my pair of tennis shoes - I didn't own a pair of the suggested boots - and shook out my hair. Pursing my lips, I grabbed a hair tie from one of the bathroom drawers and quickly braided my hair to, hopefully, keep it looking somewhat decent in the muggy, late May heat.

The doorbell rang, and my stomach lurched.

I was out of time.

I stood there for a second, and then was suddenly jump-started when Edward knocked on the door a few times. I rushed down the stairs and threw open the door, my lips curving as I saw what awaited me.

"Hi, Miss Izzy-bella!" Ella exclaimed, and pushed a small bouquet of pink carnations at me. The second her hands were free, she clumsily pushed back a stray lock of hair out of her eyes and grinned up at me.

How was it possible that something so adorable existed?

"Daddy let me get you these. They're pretty, huh?"

"They are. Did you pick them out yourself?"

She nodded vigorously just as I took them from her. I plucked a pink flower out of the bouquet and handed it back to her.

"Mine?"

"Yours." I smiled at the look of sheer excitement on her face. "Where's your dad?"

"By the truck."

Sure enough, waiting for us at the truck, was where I spotted him. He was leaned up against it with his arms crossed over his chest, watching us with a smile on his face. He gazed at me, grinned wider, and lifted a hand to wave.

And all I could think of was how good he looked like that. Relaxed, with his worn baseball cap in his hand and a pair of jeans and some sort of graphic t-shirt on.

I longed to feel that way again.

I eventually waved back and let Ella inside to help me put the flowers in water. When we were finished, I locked up the house and then followed Ella out to where her father still stood. Once she was buckled in the car, he turned to me just as his lips lifted up on one side.

"Thanks for the flowers."

"I didn't buy you flowers," he retorted playfully. "This is not a date, remember?"

I rolled my eyes. "Ella did not buy them herself."

"Well, all right. You got me there. I supplied the funding for them. Happy?"

"Yes. Thank you."

He nodded and snuck a look back at Ella. Satisfied that she wasn't watching, he chanced a quick peck on my cheek.

I blushed, causing him to smirk. His eyes danced over my face; that smirk became more entertained with my reaction, but shockingly enough, he said nothing.

I didn't think the man had it in him.

"Hi," I finally uttered shyly.

"Hi," he whispered back. "You look real good, Iz."

My face got hotter.

He groaned.

"Get in the truck before I do somethin' I'll regret," he said, and opened the passenger's side door roughly.

I got in without question.

"Miss Izzy-bella!" Ella protested. "Sit in the back with me!"

My eyes shot to Edward's. "Uh..."

"Please?" she begged.

"Ella bug, I don't think-"

Edward stopped talking the second I climbed over his console and sat next to his daughter. He said something under his breath, raked a hand through his hair, and shut the door, smiling and shaking his head as he made his way to the driver's side.

"See my DS?" she questioned sweetly.

I glanced down at the console. "Is pink your favorite color?"

She nodded.

"I like pink, too."

She gasped, "Is it your favorite?"

I giggled. "No, it's my second favorite. My favorite's blue."

But maybe it was leaning more toward green now.

"Nana got it for me for Christmas," she continued.

"And she has no idea how to play it."

Ella frowned at her father. "I do, too, Daddy."

Edward made a noncommittal hum of agreement and put the truck in gear.

"You have to buckle, Miss Izzy, or Daddy'll go to jail. Daddy told me so."

A laugh came bursting out of Edward. "No, baby, I told ya that if _you_ didn't buckle Daddy would go to jail. Not Bella."

She frowned again. "Oh." Just as quickly as the frown appeared, a smile had taken its place. "You like rides?"

"Rides?" I found Edward's eyes in the rearview mirror. "What kind of rides?"

"Daddy says there's swings and cars and that one that spins you round and round and round..."

"We're goin' to the fair," Edward said, noticing my confusion.

"Sounds... fun?"

He chuckled. "Don't sound so sure of yourself, Iz."

"Not all of us can be as cocky as you."

He laughed some more.

"Okay, in all honesty," I finally said, "I've never been to one. Aren't there like, cows and stuff there?"

"There are," he confirmed.

I arched my brow at that. This was... Well, this was definitely not my kind of thing. Nor did it necessarily seem like Edward's, either.

But maybe I was wrong. He _had_ grown up here.

The fairgrounds were on the outskirts of town. On the drive there I didn't get to talk to Edward much since I was in the back with a very chatty four year old. I found out just how well Ella could _not _play video games, instead.

And that I wasn't any better.

"I can't." I passed the pink console off to Ella with a shake of my head. "I can't get past this right there."

She glanced down to the spot I was pointing at. "Neither can my daddy, so it's okay."

I snorted with laughter, earning a playful glare from the man in question through the mirror.

"Thought you were good at everything," I commented casually.

"I never said _that_."

We hit a dip in the ground as we turned into the field they were directing traffic to. "No? Sure did allude to it."

"I believe I was alluding to my success with the female population of South Carolina and Florida," he argued.

"Which is astounding, I hear," I replied wryly.

"Not exactly."

When he saw me cocking my head to the side, he continued carefully.

Little ears and all.

"It could have been astoundin', I guess, had I been into all that."

"Into all that?"

He paused as he parked the truck next to another and shut off the engine. "First off, the casual thing's not really somethin' I'm interested in. I'm sure you've probably figured that out by now."

He turned around to meet my gaze, intense and as sure as ever, and I nodded my agreement.

"Secondly, I'm someone's dad. I'll always be someone's dad despite which woman happens to... Well, ya get my meanin'."

And I did. Just like with everything else, he put Ella first, before himself, before any of his baser needs.

It was more than most guys out there would ever consider.

A little chink in my armor formed, loosening its hold on my heart. It left me more exposed than I'd been in a long time, this knowledge of him; the fact that he would never push me further than I was ready for, and would always, always wait for me to just get there, get to that elusive place he was at.

Almost as if he knew what I was thinking, he smiled a little and reached out toward me. His index finger ran down my nose, from bridge to tip. His face softened, eyes bore into mine...

My pulse quickened.

With a sharp inhale, he sat back and glanced over at Ella. "Ready to go, sug?"

She was out of the cab before either of us could blink.

* * *

"We see the piggies now, Daddy?" Ella pleaded, pegging her father with those sweet, green eyes of hers. "Madelyn at school said they have baby piggies here. Can we go? Please?"

Edward chuckled and shifted the enormous amount of stuff Ella had managed to "win" while we were here. Little did she know, the women working local fundraiser booths were all too happy to give away anything they could to a Masen. Particularly _this_ Masen.

I couldn't blame them.

"Sure. You don't want to ride any more rides? Need another drink?"

She shook her head, for which I said a silent prayer of thanks. I wasn't sure I could stomach any more rides with that kid. We'd ridden everything. Twice. Sometimes three times, depending on the ride.

The Scrambler was her favorite, now my stomach's nemesis, thanks to all that wacky fried food Edward had made me try.

Fried Kool-Aid and Coke?

Who came up with this kind of stuff?

"Piggies," she said firmly.

She grabbed a hold of my hand and, with a strength I'd have never pictured in a four year old, dragged me over to where a line of stables and barns sat at the edge of the fair.

In the first building, she paused in the door and took a look around. "There's no piggies here."

I didn't answer. I was too busy bringing my free hand up to cover my nose and mouth. It smelled awful in here.

At least I knew why Edward had insisted on jeans and boots.

Edward's low laughter rumbled in my ear. "Problems?"

"I don't think I've ever been this close to a horse."

"Never?"

I shook my head forcefully. I was the weird kid who wanted nothing to do with the goats and cows and whatever else was found in children's and petting zoos. I didn't even know if you could _find_ a horse in a petting zoo.

"Come on, then."

"I don't..."

"Iz." The expression on his face told me just how far I'd get by arguing with him: nowhere.

I puffed out an annoyed breath and rolled my eyes, but I followed him over to where a line of horses were standing in individual stalls. Edward promptly found a spot to put all of Ella's winnings down and scooped her up so that should could see the horse inside the stall better. He made some sort of clicking noise and grabbed a handful of hay to lure the horse over.

White with a gray mane and markings, it slowly walked over to him and took what Edward offered it.

It made some snorting sound, and I instinctively took a step back.

"Is it a boy or a girl, Daddy?"

"Girl."

"What's her name?" Ella squealed.

Edward glanced around. "I don't know, hon. Doesn't say."

"She's so pretty. Isn't she, Miss Izzy-bella?" she asked, her arm stretching out so she could rub the horse's nose.

I found myself nodding, even though I wasn't able to think of anything but of how absolutely massive she was up close. And terrifying with all her hidden power.

I took another step back, and suddenly found Edward's hand wrapped around mine.

"Oh, no, ya don't."

"Edward," I practically whined.

"Just touch her."

My brow quirked.

"Don't try to distract me by bein' a perv. She won't hurt ya." He glanced around, and then set Ella to the ground. "Why don't ya go see the bunnies over there."

He pointed her in the right direction and waited until she'd settled in with the group of kids already there before turning back to me.

"Come on, Bella. Nothin' to be scared of. It's just a horse."

"How do you know?"

"Rode 'em when I was young."

"Of course you did."

He chuckled at my sarcasm. He grabbed my hand again, leading me closer to the large animal. "She's not gonna hurt ya. I promise. Just touch her."

I brought up my free hand, now trembling, and then jerked it away before it came too close to the horse. "Where?"

"Here." He ran his hand down her nose, over her jaw, and then back over her neck to her flank, stopping with a final pat.

He made_ everything _look so easy.

"I can't reach that far."

"You don't have to."

I reached out, only to snatch my hand back again. I took a deep breath and tried once more, this time very lightly touching the back of her jaw until I was satisfied enough.

"There."

Edward gave me an unamused look.

"God, you're so difficult sometimes."

He merely flashed that dimpled smile of his at me.

Again I ran my hand over the horse, surprised when I noticed that she didn't feel as coarse as I expected. I went back further, like Edward had shown me, a smile working on my lips as I did. Now that I was a little more comfortable with her, I realized she really was pretty. Beautiful, even. Especially her eyes. They were black as coal, framed with long lashes. She seemed so... content. Tranquil.

Then she grunted and my comfort disappeared.

I jumped back, heart flying, and bit back a scream of terror.

The horse never moved.

"Okay, I'm done. You can hang out here with your thousand pound animals. I'll go over with Ella and pet the rabbits."

Edward's laughter echoed behind my retreating form.

I didn't care a bit.

Edward eventually came over to join us, leading Ella through the barns and showing her the various animals. As expected, the pigs were the highlight of the tour; she had to be dragged away from one specific piglet, especially, and spent the entire walk back to the main area begging for one of her own.

She was in tears by the time we got to the rides.

And Edward looked to be at his breaking point.

I knew nothing about kids, but I knew that a distraction was probably the best thing I could offer to them right now. When music started up, albeit that horrifying country cover band crap found at Sam's on the weekends, I led them both over to the stage and quickly pulled Ella up in my arms and started dancing with her.

She giggled when I dipped her, all thoughts of baby pigs long forgotten. And I couldn't help but grin with her. She made it impossible not to.

A new song came on, and she wiggled out of my arms. She started doing some sort of dance beside me, took my hand, and tried to teach me the moves.

I never got them right, and before the song was over, she spotted someone she knew and went racing through the crowd to hug her legs. The girl was young, had long, blonde hair, and scooped Ella up with a smile.

"Rosie," Edward murmured in my ear.

I stared back at the girl, and saw the resemblance immediately. Ella looked exactly like her, right down to the cowlick at the left side of her hairline. I should've known she was Edward's sister.

"Ella looks like her."

Something flashed in Edward's eyes with that, and his lips tightened into a thin line. "Yeah."

"Not happy she looks like her aunt instead of you?" I joked.

"Nah, that's not it." He stared down at me and smiled. "Dance with me?"

"I don't think I can dance with you and make it look completely platonic," I answered. "And Ella's..."

"Rosie's got her. She's not givin' us a lick of attention now." He held out his hand, smiled wider. "Dance with me."

I made a sound of frustration but relented, placing my hand in his and letting him take me to a more secluded spot. The band started a slow song, and Edward wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tight against him.

I felt his lips in my hair, traveling down my skin until they found my mouth, and sighed.

"I've wanted to do that all night," he said when he moved away.

"Mmm."

"You're good with her."

"I like her," I responded, knowing he was talking about Ella. "Not sure how good I am with her, though. She's the first kid I've ever really been around."

"Really?" He sounded so surprised by that. "Watching you with her... It... I don't know, Iz. It does somethin' to me."

I tipped my head back to see him clearly. "What?"

"I never thought we needed it. We never _did_, really, since she's so little. And then you..." He let out a long, slow breath, eyes trained on mine. "Don't hurt her."

"Edward, I-"

"No, listen to me. You're the first girl I've ever let around her. She's gonna... And if you can't..."

He didn't seem to have the words for what he was thinking, or maybe he was just trying to be polite and didn't know how to go about it, but I got the gist. I was constantly pushing and pulling with him. It was only natural he didn't want the same to happen to Ella.

"I won't. Nothing that is going on with me will affect that little girl," I promised. "Even if we don't work out."

His lips turned down, but he never told me the reason why. He simply said "good" and brought me closer.

We swayed to the music for a moment, and then he spoke up again. "I don't want it to affect us, either. You're important to me."

"Already?"

He let out a bleak laugh. "Yeah. I'm a dumbass; I know."

I shook my head. "No," I whispered, digging my fingers into his shoulders with this emotion swirling inside me. It was warm, familiar; far too intense for me to acknowledge. "You're important to me, too. And that's what scares the absolute crap out of me."

"Why?" he groaned. "Why does it have to scare you?"

"Because it's so quick. Because if you... I can't do that again. I can't."

"You won't."

"You don't know that."

"Not any more than you do."

My chin quivered, so I buried my face into his chest and tried to squeeze out the sadness before it consumed me.

He huffed once and let his hands move up a little, bringing me to him so that our legs were intertwined together and we could no longer move. It was exactly what I needed to let that part of me go for a while.

To be consumed by him, instead.


	8. Chapter 7

**Thank you for the reviews for the last chapter!**

** I'm just gonna thank my beta, Stratan, and my prereaders stephk0525, twilover76, claireoth, Nikita2009, and Andrea, and then get out of the way ;)**

* * *

Chapter 7

**Edward**

"Get up!" Rosalie yelled in my ear.

I jerked awake and felt something jump on the bed near my feet.

_Ella._

"What is it with you Masen women and waking me up at the buttcrack of dawn?" I mumbled angrily.

"Daddy!"

"What, baby girl?"

"You said buttcrack! You not s'pposed to say that kind of stuff."

I chuckled at how affronted she seemed to be. "Sorry."

"It's okay."

"Nana wants to go to church," Rosalie informed me.

I opened my eyes to see her smiling smugly at me.

"No."

"She won't say it, but she wants us all there. It would mean a lot to her."

I groaned; Rosalie's attempt to guilt me into it worked like a charm. Like it always did. "Yeah, yeah, yeah... I'll get up and shower. What time is it?"

"A little after eight."

"Ella, have you eaten yet?"

"No. Aunt Rosie said we should wake you up first."

"I hate you," I muttered.

"You can hate me all you want," Rosalie laughed. "Just as long as you're comin' to church with me. I'm not goin' by myself."

I started to mouth off, but she smacked the back of my head before I had a chance to get a word out and sent Ella downstairs for some cartoons before breakfast.

Little sisters were such pains in the ass.

"Saw you with that girl the other night," she said when Ella was out of earshot.

"Rose, the whole town did."

"Was that the point?"

"Nah. Just don't feel like hidin' it, is all," I told her, stopping myself with a yawn. "People round here are gonna gossip no matter what I do. Might as well do what I want in front of their faces."

She smiled at my logic. "She's pretty."

I made a hum of agreement and moved to sit up. I blinked a few times, ran my hands over my face, and stared back at Rose.

"What do you want?"

"Nothin'," she laughed. "I've just never seen you like that with someone. Not even with Tanya."

"Bella's different. I can't describe why, but she is."

"Y'all are cute together, ya know that?"

I grinned. "Could ya repeat that later? In front of her? I'll take all the help with her I can get."

"Why? She doesn't want to be with you?" she questioned.

"She does. She's just... She's scared, Rose. She lost a lot of people not too long ago, and it's messed her up."

"We've lost people, too," she argued. "It sucks, but ya gotta take the good with the bad sometimes."

"I know. But everyone at once... I don't know how I'd react to it, either."

"When you say everyone..."

"I mean _everyone_. Family, friends; everyone who was important to her. The night before her wedding."

Rosalie's eyes widened. She opened her mouth to say something in response, but nothing came out.

"Mind if I bring her along?"

"You're gonna bring her around Ella more now?"

I shrugged. "I'm not gonna be hangin' all over her in front of Ella, if that's what you're wonderin', Rose."

"No. But..."

"I know what I'm doin'," I assured her. "So can I bring her or not?"

She cocked a dark blond brow at me. "You're askin' permission?"

"Didn't know if you wanted it to be just family or not today," I hedged.

"Oh." She frowned a little as she thought about it. "It'd be nice, but I know Nana wants to meet her. So call her up. See if she wants to go listen to some fire and brimstone sermon with us."

"You gonna be good to her? I'm not bringin' her if you're gonna be a bitch."

She rolled her eyes. "Wow. Nice to know how you really feel about me."

"I mean it, Rosie. No third degree. I can't have ya runnin' her off."

"Fine," she laughed. "I'm gonna make the kiddo some breakfast. I'm thinkin' pancakes with extra syrup on 'em. I hear it's Lauren Mallory's turn to help with the kids downstairs."

"Evil."

Her grin widened, and she winked at me as she got up off the bed. "Exactly why I'm goin' to church. I've gotta atone for my sins somehow."

I flopped back down on the bed with a laugh and reached out for my cell phone sitting on the nightstand. I yanked it off its charger and had Bella's number pulled up before I could think twice about how early it was.

"Oh, my God," she groaned into the phone. "Why do you insist on always bugging me so early?"

I snorted. "You're easy to rile up when you're sleepy; that's why."

"Okay, hanging up now."

"Now, don't be hangin' up on me, Iz," I chuckled. "I called for a reason."

"Which is?"

"We're goin' to church today, it seems. I wanted to invite ya."

"You, in a church?" She paused, quiet for a moment, and then burst into laughter. "Oh, that's funny."

"Hey, I'll have ya know I am quite good at prayin' for forgiveness."

"So I take it you spend the majority of your time on your knees?"

I blinked, stunned that Bella had finally gotten one up on me.

"That... did not go as planned," I said.

She snickered, "Got to be smarter than the girl you're trying to date."

"Tryin'?" I repeated. "I don't think I'm tryin' anymore, sugar. Not after Friday mornin' in your bathroom."

She made a sharp sound of protest.

"I'm pretty sure you'd have let me do anythin' I wanted then. Am I right?"

"Edward..." she murmured. Her voice was thick, bordering on raspy, and I knew I was getting to her.

I smiled to myself.

I was so, so right.

"Well?" I pressed. "How right am I, Bella?"

"I..."

"Does it help if I tell ya that it took everythin' I had not to take you upstairs and fuck ya." God, just the thought of her wrapping her legs around me as I took her to bed made me hard. "It would've been so good, you know. The two of us together?"

Sheets rustled in the background, and her breathing was just a little heavier.

"You want me, too. Tell me I'm right. That when ya get yourself off you think of me, just like I think of you."

"Holy..." She moaned softly.

"I picture you ridin' me," I continued, struggling not to close my eyes and picture just that; reach down and stroke myself.

There'd be time for that in the shower later.

"You're so wet I can hear the sounds we make together. You're beautiful. Your back arches when you come, and you say my name," I drawled, "because I'm the only one who can make ya feel like that. No one else, Iz, will ever make you come as hard as I can."

"You have to stop," she gasped.

"Why?" I smiled widely. "I'm goin' to church already. Might as well have somethin' to repent for. Phone sex seems like a damned good start."

"Jesus, Edward... I-"

"Problems?" I asked, smirking into the phone. "I can fix that right up for ya if ya let me."

"Yes. Okay? Yes. I want you," she said breathlessly. "But I thought you said you wanted more than this."

"I do," I admitted. "I want ya as mine. Will ya, Bella?"

"Will I what?"

"Be mine. Be somethin' to me. Anythin', really."

"You want to label it now."

"I want to label it," I confirmed. I needed to label it; needed to know that I wasn't just wasting my time bringing her into my life like this.

"So we're dating then?"

"If that's all you'll give me, then yeah. We're datin'."

"I don't... I don't know..."

"I'll make it worth your while," I wheedled.

"I know you will. That's kind of the problem."

"So it's really _not_ me," I replied. "Thank God. For a second there, my ego got a little bruised."

"Please," she scoffed. "Like that ego of yours could ever be bruised."

I chuckled. "Church with me and my family... Think you're up to the task?"

"Not in the least."

I laughed harder. "Come on. They wanna meet ya. And Ella would love to have ya there..."

"You play dirty, Edward Masen."

"Never said otherwise," I countered. "I'll pick ya up at ten. Think of me when you're in the shower... I'll be thinkin' of you."

xx

At ten on the dot, I knocked on Bella's door. After a few seconds, the door flew open, and a blur of purple went shooting up the stairs.

"I'm running late! I'm sorry!"

I grinned and stepped inside, closing the door behind me.

Bella knocked something over in her rush and cursed, so I went up the steps to find out what the commotion was all about.

She was throwing clothes out of her closet. A black, ruffled skirt still on the hanger came flying out at me.

"Hey, now."

She whirled around, bottom lip stuck between her teeth. She had makeup on and her hair was curled. She looked different. Gorgeous as always, but different. Like she'd tried harder. For me. To meet my family.

My chest warmed with the thought.

"Easy, sweetheart," I murmured. "They'll love ya even if ya show up in jeans and an old, ratty death metal t-shirt."

"I have that. Don't tempt me."

My brows shot up in surprise. She didn't seem the death metal type.

"It um... It was Jake's," she explained. "It was the shirt I..." She shook her head suddenly. "You know what? I shouldn't be telling you this. Guys don't want to hear about the girl they're interested in's first time."

She was right; I didn't want to hear about it. But I knew she needed to say it out loud, come to terms with what she'd lost.

"I'm not most guys. So let's hear it."

"I... Jake was down the road at a party. He was wearing that shirt when he snuck over and we... It was cold, and the shirt was the closest thing to us after..." She glanced away. "So yeah. I just never gave it back. And then we ended up moving in together during college, so there was no need to."

College. First time I'd heard her mention going.

I wondered if she graduated; what her major was. Why, in God's name, was she waitressing at some small town diner if she'd gone to college?

So much of her was still a mystery to me.

"Did it suck?" I said with a sly grin. "My first time did. I think I lasted about five seconds."

She giggled. "Yeah, it was bad. Not horrible, but definitely not something we wanted to tell everyone about. We worked on it, though. Got better, I guess."

Her cheeks grew red with embarrassment. "So did I."

"Think so?"

"Don't think, Izzy. _Know_."

"There's that ego again."

I flashed her a smile and decided to change the subject a little. I held up the skirt she'd thrown my way. "What's wrong with this? I bet your legs would look really sexy in it."

"That's not what I'm going for," she huffed.

"Shame."

"Be serious. Please?"

The look on her face was so heartbreakingly beautiful, so terrified.

I stopped teasing her immediately.

"All right, listen. It's a little, small town Presbyterian church. Anythin' works, so long as ya show up."

"Anything?"

I nodded.

She pulled in a deep breath and started going through her closet again. "Okay. I can do this."

"You're makin' it harder than it needs to be."

She pointed back at me without ever turning around. "Shut it, Edward. I'm a girl. That's what we do."

I laughed lightly and walked over to her, putting my hands on his hips and drawing her close against me. The neckline of her shirt was cut out, exposing her shoulder.

I bent down and pressed a kiss there.

She dropped her head against my chest.

"Church."

"I'm still gatherin' sins to repent for," I answered into her skin.

"Didn't take care of that in the shower?"

"I did. Just doesn't help. Not when the real thing is right here in front of me," my hands splayed out on the backs of her thighs, fingers snuck under the hem of that long, purple t-shirt and felt... _nothing_, "wearin' a thong, mind you."

All I wanted to do was spin her around, lift her up, and drive into her. It would be so easy. So quick. There was barely anything in the way... barely anything holding me back.

She suddenly tensed up a little. Whether it was from my comment or something more - me trying to get just a little further with her - I couldn't tell. I could never tell with her. Sometimes, the smallest, seemingly most inconsequential things struck at her.

"That," I said lowly, and took out a cotton, floral dress hanging in the back of the closet. "You'd look perfect in that."

"Really?" she asked doubtfully.

"Mmm." Another kiss to her shoulder, and then I stepped away to give her the space I knew we both needed.

"I'll wait for ya downstairs."

* * *

"Miss Izzy-bella! You came!"

Ella came running down the steps and over to where we were parked. Bella tugged at her dress nervously, glanced around, and then offered her a smile, albeit the wavering, how-did-I-get-myself-into-this-one kind.

But she was here. She was going out of her comfort zone, and not pushing me away.

Progress, it seemed, was a thrilling prospect.

"Hi, sweetie. You look so pretty."

Ella spun around proudly, hot pink and black tulle flying out around her. "My Nana got it for me."

"Last summer," I whispered. "It was too big then."

Bella nodded once. "Well, it's beautiful."

"Thank you. I like your dress too, Miss Izzy. Lots." She put her focus on me. "Daddy, I sit with you today?"

"No, bug, you need to go downstairs and play with the rest of the kids."

She pouted. "But I want to sit with you. Please?"

"Ella... You know you can't sit still."

"I can. I promise."

I exhaled sharply. "All right. But if ya start misbehavin', I'm takin' you outside. Ya hear me?"

"Yes, sir," she said with a nod.

I reached out for her. "Get up here, you."

She grinned and raced over to me, hopping up in my arms in one well-practiced motion.

"Better get inside," I said to Bella. "I'm sure lots of people will want to introduce themselves to ya."

"Oh, God."

"Watch it, now. You're on hallowed ground."

On cue, a couple came up and started talking to us, glancing over at Bella fervently and waiting for an introduction.

Her eyes shot to mine, large and uncertain.

I gave her a quick smile, and then managed to shift the conversation to other things, things people around here wanted to know about just as much: Nana and Rosalie.

Nana would probably have my hide later for throwing them under the bus like that, but I couldn't seem to care. Bella was noticeably more relaxed.

I'd do whatever it took to keep it that way.

"Don't worry," I told her when the couple finally had enough of talking to me and moved on to someone else. I shifted Ella over to my hip so she couldn't see me take Bella's hand with mine. "I've got ya."

More people were milling around the foyer, talking with one another as they'd done all the times I could remember coming to Sunday service with my grandmother. I spotted Rosalie near the front, hovered near the pew I assumed my grandmother was sitting in.

Bella's hold on my hand tightened.

"Edward... the entire town is here."

"Not the whole town. There're folks that go to St. Francis down the road. And there's a Baptist church right outside of town I hear has a pretty decent sized congregation."

She glared up at me.

"What do ya want me to do? This is the church we've always gone to. I can't help it that almost everyone else does, too."

"You made it sound so tiny."

"Wouldn't have gotten ya here if I didn't," I replied with a shrug.

"I cannot believe you," she hissed.

I glanced over at her, expecting to find her angry. But when those dark, brown eyes shifted to mine, her lips bloomed into a smile.

"I'm so getting you back for this."

"I don't know what you could possibly be gettin' me back for," I said innocently. "It's just church."

"Right," she snarked. "Sure it is."

But we both knew it wasn't. Whatever it was between us, whatever we were, had gotten more serious the second I asked her to come, meet my family. She was _involved_ now, more so than I thought she'd ever really planned.

As was I. Somehow, I'd found myself invested in her.

Rosalie waved us over, and I let go of Bella's hand so I could place it on the small of her back and lead her through the crowd. I spotted Nana sitting at the edge of the pew, hands folded primly on her lap, red, patterned silk scarf on her head. She blinked up at me, and I noticed her eyelashes were even thinner today than they were yesterday. Everything about her seemed thinner, even frailer than before. Like if I touched her, I'd break her.

I breathed out slowly and set Ella down. I bent over and placed a kiss on my grandmother's cheek, earning a pat on my arm and a smile in return.

"You've got lipstick on your teeth, woman," I teased.

"I do not. I made Rosie check before we left the house."

"She lied."

Thick, hoarse laughter rose out of her, and she glanced behind me to where Bella was standing nervously. "Manners, Edward. I know I taught you manners."

"I'm gettin' there," I replied in exasperation. I shifted and brought Bella to me, reassuring smile on my face. "Nana, this is my girlfriend, Bella Swan."

Bella spluttered against me, her eyes darting around in shock for a moment, and then finally landing on mine.

I shrugged unapologetically. This was her push into the label I'd asked for earlier. She could either deny it, and us, or she could accept it. Live it.

_Be with me, _I silently begged.

"Bella, this is my grandmother, Annabeth Masen."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, hon. Edward here's quite taken with ya."

I shrugged again. It was a well-known fact just how taken I really was with her.

Bella opened her mouth to reply, but was stopped when Ella said, "Daddy, Miss Izzy's your girlfriend?"

"Well..." I stalled, raking a hand through my hair.

My grandmother smirked up at me.

"If it's okay with you, I am," Bella answered, and carefully crouched down to be closer to Ella.

My face split into the biggest, most excited smile of my life. I'd honestly thought she would turn me down. She _should _have turned me down. I hadn't really done much to earn the title yet, convince her to drop her guard... trust me.

I silently vowed to fix that as soon as I could.

Ella pursed her lips for a moment, and then looked up at me. "Daddy, do you kiss Miss Izzy?"

"Uh..." I laughed awkwardly. "I have, yeah."

Her little nose scrunched up, but her lips curved upward. "Like in the movies."

"Like in the movies," I agreed.

"So is it okay with you?" Bella asked again, and then dropped her voice to whisper conspiratorially, "If it isn't, that's okay, too. I'm secretly looking for an out as it is."

My grandmother laughed; Bella winked at her and grinned.

My heart twisted.

"Are you gonna marry Daddy?"

Now it was Bella's turn to be a little flustered. "Um... Why do you think that?"

She shrugged. "That's what you're s'pposed to do when you kiss a boy. That's what they do in the movies."

Rosalie nearly cackled.

_Thank you very much, Disney._

"Baby, that's not the only reason why you marry someone."

Ella gazed up at me, bewildered, to say the least.

"You marry them because you love them. Because you can't see yourself not ever being with them. Because you want to be a family."

And many other things that were just a little too complicated for a four year old.

"Oh. Well, it's okay with me, Miss Izzy," Ella said simply and moved past us all to sit down. "I like you lots."

"That's good," Bella replied. "Because I like you lots, too."

Rosalie introduced herself to Bella, and then, somehow, managed to make Bella feel comfortable enough to talk to her. Gone was the quiet, shy woman I knew her to be. She giggled, spoke to Rose in hushed tones-

"Looks like she's won your sister over."

I glanced down at my grandmother. "She's won everyone over."

"Includin' you."

I didn't respond.

"Play dumb," she said on a laugh. "I can see right through ya, though."

"Always could," I muttered, letting my eyes drift around the sanctuary.

Jessica Stanley was glowering at Bella.

My brow quirked.

"Come on. Sit down. Reverend Weber will be startin' the service soon."

"You need anythin' before I do?"

She shook her head once.

I carefully maneuvered past her so that I was sitting next to Bella. She glanced over at me, and without thinking, my arm came up to wrap around her shoulders and pull her against me.

She stiffened a little, but didn't fight it.

It didn't take Ella long to start fidgeting in her spot. She stood up, saw me watching her, and put her bottom back down on the pew just enough so I didn't get onto her.

Then she started to rock back and forth, testing my patience. When she kicked the pew in front of us, I'd had enough.

I whispered for her to stop and moved over enough so that she had room between Bella and me when she pouted and started our way. But instead of sitting in the space made for her, she opted to sit on Bella's lap, curling up against her and reaching up to play with her hair.

That warm feeling spread through my chest again.

I shifted and coughed a little, worked to rid myself of how heavy this emotion was.

Bella started up at me curiously. "You okay?"

_Not really._

I nodded and gave her a tight smile. I didn't know if I would feel this way with anyone Ella took to, or if I was feeling like this because it was_ Bella _she took to.

But it was almost too much. Too big.

I wasn't prepared for it.

I glanced past them, over to Rosalie, and found her looking over with the oddest expression on her face. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't figure out what it was my sister was thinking at that moment.

Her eyes flickered up to mine, and I furrowed my brow in silent question. She blinked once, twice, and drew in a deep breath before gazing back up at the reverend.

Guilt ate away at the good I'd been feeling, ruining the moment and making me question it all over again.

Every last bit of it.

I held my daughter when we went to stand and sing; I needed that physical connection with her to know that taking her from Rosie wasn't a mistake; that it was meant to be this way - she and I. I helped her with the lyrics, grinned encouragingly when she got something right, and quieted her down as the closing prayer was said.

My grandmother was mentioned. People murmured their "Amens".

I couldn't breathe.

We were swarmed again, but most everyone wanted to speak with my grandmother, ask her how she was feeling or inquire about her treatment. She took it in stride, but I could see it wearing on her; the lies, the false positivity. Only we knew the odds, the facts. That the radiation had shrunk the tumor in her pancreas but surgery hadn't been an option. It was still there, lying in wait and making her blood all wrong, so infected.

I needed to get out of here.

* * *

Nana was exhausted, as expected. Rosalie offered to take her and Ella home so that Bella and I could do something alone together, but I couldn't let her too far from my sight. Not yet. Reality had hit me hard again, and ridiculous as it was, I needed to stay near. In case something happened. In case the worst finally came down upon us.

Just. In. _Case._

I got her settled on the couch in the parlor, TV remote in hand and a blanket covering her up. She was too tired to make it up the stairs, and a vision of a hospital bed taking up the empty space nearly crippled me. Furniture would be pushed aside, monitors would beep...

I hurried outside and braced myself on the rail of the porch, eyes squeezed shut, pushing it away... burying it all again to function.

A hand came up to rest on my back, gently moving up and then back down.

I sighed heavily. "Hi."

"She's asleep," Bella replied. "Your sister said she'd make us all lunch."

I nodded.

"How are you doing?"

A short, brittle laugh escaped me.

"That good, huh?" She paused long enough for me to open my eyes and look over at her. She stared out into the yard, past the trees, and then finally gazed back at me.

Her eyes were full of tears.

"I hate seeing you like this."

"Why?"

"There's nothing I can do for you. I know how you feel and that no matter what anyone says or does, that... _weight_ is always there."

"You help, Izzy. More than ya think."

She scoffed.

"You do. With Ella. It's... I can't explain it." I puffed out a breath and tried anyway. "Knowin' you're here, knowin' you understand..."

I straightened up, dragged her over to me.

"I don't know what happened. This isn't even what we consider a bad day."

"No?"

I shook my head, buried my face into her neck. She smelled like apples, like pears... Sweet and strong. The need I had for her burned beneath the surface - in more ways than just the one. She was my anchor, my rock. Touching her made me see what I had rather than was losing.

There was so much possibility between us.

"Take a walk with me?"

"Okay."

I made sure Rosalie knew to watch Ella before leading Bella away from the house. Past the garden we walked, out into the field. I took her to the one place I'd promised to show her but hadn't gotten the chance yet.

She stood in front of the old, rickety shack, eyes squinted in the bright, afternoon sunlight.

"It's tinier than I expected."

"People didn't need as much back then."

She looked over my shoulder at the grandeur of the main house and arched a brow.

I laughed.

"Most people," I amended.

"I see."

"Want to go in?"

She turned those dark, playful eyes on me. "The roof's not going to collapse on me, is it?"

"I wouldn't let you go in if it was," I answered seriously.

Inside, she turned a circle. Grinned. "You should fix this up. When you're done Tazzing your way through my house, I mean."

I ran a hand through my hair and glanced around. "Think so?"

"Yeah. It's kind of perfect for two people."

"It's one room. And there's no bathroom."

"Add some walls and a water supply, Edward," she answered, like it was completely obvious. And it should've been. I'd just been to blind - or maybe too selfish - to see it. "You could be closer to your grandmother this way."

"I..." I scowled. "Huh."

She shrugged a shoulder. "It makes sense."

"I think I've just been so determined to get outta here I never thought about it. But it's a good plan, especially if I need to be around some till Rosie gets outta school. And this is the last one left. It probably should be preserved in some way."

I just wasn't exactly sure I wanted it to be_ that_ way.

"Why are you so determined to get out of here?"

"I don't want this," I responded simply.

She crossed her arms over her chest, waiting for more.

I rolled my eyes. "When I left, I didn't want the scrutiny or the responsibility of always seeming perfect. Now, it's more. I mean, sure, that's still part of it. But I made a life for Ella and me in Jacksonville. I have a business waitin' for me there. Friends."

She took a couple of steps toward me. "You have family here."

"I wish it wasn't," God, I wished it wasn't, "but it'll be just Rosie. I've got an aunt, uncle, and a cousin that live in Charleston. They'll actually be here in a few weeks."

"Oh, goodie. More family to meet."

I chuckled. "You did great, though, Iz. My nana likes ya a lot. Rose, too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

She beamed at me. I grabbed a hold of the front of her dress and brought her closer to me. "As a new couple, I think we're required to christen certain places. This should be the first."

She threw her head back and laughed. "Not with your daughter running around here."

"My daughter's gonna run around wherever I am. Get used to it."

"Edward. Come on."

"No, you come on," I joked, grinning widely. My hand snaked around her waist, moved down to her ass.

Her jaw dropped when I hitched her leg up over my hip.

"I want you," I murmured. "I've wanted you all day. I've wanted you since the day I met ya, actually, but today... Today I can't seem to turn it off. I don't _wanna_ turn it off."

The way she gazed up at me stole my breath.

"Jesus, you're beautiful."

"You want to... now?"

"Yeah. Now."

"I..." She exhaled sharply and pushed at my chest.

I didn't budge.

"Don't push me away again." I kissed her once, stared down at her. Then again before I dragged my lips down her jaw, to her neck.

She whimpered.

"Bella," I groaned. "Let me just..."

Her head fell back; I leaned forward, pressing her against the wall. I could feel the heat coming off of her, feel her muscles coil, her hips undulating against mine. She gasped when I pushed against her. She gasped when my hand cupped her breast.

"Yes," she finally breathed, and brought her lips to mine in surrender.

"Don't tease me."

Another kiss, messy and desperate.

"I'm not," she answered, and I had to turn over her words in my mind again, be certain I wasn't just hearing things. "I swear I'm not. If you think we have time, take it. It's yours. I think it has been since..."

_Shit. _"Really?"

She nodded, stretched up so that every last part of our bodies lined up just so. "Yeah. I- _I'm_ yours."


	9. Chapter 8

**I apologize for the weird, evil cliff hanger last chapter; most of you were irate that it ended, lol. Thanks for all the reviews (and PMs!) with your opinions on what is to come. They all made me smile.**

**Thanks to my beta, Stratan, and thanks to my prereaders stephk0525, twilover76, Nikita2009, claireoth, and Andrea. They are the greatest pimps alive, and this would not be much of anything without them. **

**Find me on Twitter JT040708 or on FB at Jenny B Fic.**

**xoxo **

* * *

Chapter 8

**Bella**

God, his mouth. His hands. Roaming over me, ridding me of my dress. His movements felt so sure; this connection between us undeniable now that I'd let go of my doubts for the moment. Solid. Tangible.

Like I could reach out and capture it. Keep it. Him.

There were storage bins sitting in the corner. Edward ran over and got a quilt from one of them, and then spread it out beside me.

He had me down on the ground beneath him before I could gather my thoughts.

I giggled at his eagerness.

My bra disappeared, and Edward's mouth latched onto my nipple. I pressed against him with a moan as he moved over to the other side, felt him lightly bite down, and I was bucking up into him again with that bolt of sensation. He cupped both breasts in his hands, grazed his teeth over my skin again, and then ran his tongue over the spot soothingly before descending further down my body.

A cocky smirk formed on his lips as he twisted my underwear in his fingers and slowly pulled them down. His eyes studied me, darkened, and then his hands were all over me again. Exploring. Teasing. Torturing.

The pinstriped shirt he'd worn today was only half unbuttoned. I fumbled with the remaining buttons as quickly as I could, needing to feel his skin beneath my hands, brushing against my chest when he finally fit himself between my legs.

Once I had divested him of his shirt, I fought with his belt, causing him to chuckle. He picked his head up and smiled at me, murmuring as he helped unzip his fly, "Now, this is a nice change - you needin' me like this. I could get used to it."

"Stop it. I just..." I got angry at my ineptness and shoved his pants off his hips.

I let my eyes rake over his body - very nearly a mistake. I thought he was perfect before. _With_ clothes. Without...

Almost as if he could read my mind, that one eyebrow of his arched upward again. "You just what?"

I opened my mouth, but not a sound came out. I couldn't think anymore. Couldn't breathe as he dipped a finger inside me. It'd been too long since someone else's hands had touched me.

But if I was honest, that wasn't exactly why I'd lost all sense of reason. Nothing had felt this good before, this intense. Another finger joined. In and out, twisting, swirling... Edward Masen was pulling me apart at the seams.

And he wasn't even inside me yet.

He propped himself up on his elbow and simply watched. Watched my face. My chest with each breath I inhaled. His hand between my legs.

"Well? I'm waitin'."

I stared back at him and bit my lip, refusing to answer. I was already giving him so much of me... So much more than I'd ever anticipated or wanted...

My hips rocked into his movements; my blood boiled, skin burned. Off the ground I came, shattered into little pieces for only Edward to put back together. He rolled over and brought my leg up over his.

"That was amazin' to see."

"It was just amazing period, Edward," I gasped.

"Mmm," his mouth ran across my jaw, "you're sure about this, sweetheart? You do this with me, and I'm not lettin' ya go."

Fear lanced through me for the first time since we'd come out here - surprising given how ridiculously temperamental I was about dating again.

With a heavy sigh, he started to push away from me, but I grabbed a hold of him and kept him there.

His mouth turned down, confused, and then he lightened the mood up slightly with a joke. "It's all right to change your mind. I might have to disappear into my bedroom for a while later, but I'm not gonna get angry about it. Not with the image you just gave me to think of. You archin' up off the floor like that? Hotter than anything I pictured."

I struggled to find the words to explain it, even though I was smiling and blushing wildly with his candor.

He nipped at my ear playfully, and I felt like if I hadn't been pinned beneath him I would float.

His will to understand me was incredible.

"I want this," I eventually told him. "You. I need it. I need to cross this line with you. You're... you're the only one I _can_ cross it with."

"Bella-"

"No, I... That didn't come out right. I'm sorry." I pulled in a steadying breath, but my vision blurred anyway. "I'm terrified. But I'm ready. I want to move on. With you. Just be careful with me, okay?"

He nodded, knowing I meant more than how long it'd been since I'd last had sex. Everything about me felt so fragile, like one wrong move would break me again.

"I'm not gonna hurt you, baby," he drawled softly. He brought my leg up further, positioned himself. "I'd never want to hurt you."

I believed him.

"I know."

"I don't have a condom. I don't do this often... I haven't done it in a long time."

"I'm on the pill."

He exhaled in relief. "Thank God. I didn't even think about it."

I laughed. "So I noticed."

"I'm a little outta practice, all right?"

"Good. Now I don't feel so... lacking."

"You're not lacking. God, Izzy, you're incredible."

"Edward..."

"Shh. Don't argue with me when I'm about to fuck ya. It's rude."

I snorted out a laugh, and then pressed my lips together.

No more arguments from me.

He smiled at me with that perfect, one-dimpled smile.

Everything in me quickened, anticipation spinning me out of control. But something in me was sure about this, about him.

If only I knew what it meant.

I closed my eyes when he kissed me, when he slowly sank into me. I made a sound of distress and he stilled, thumb running over my hip in concern.

"Want me to stop?"

I shook my head vehemently. I didn't want to stop. I just needed a minute to adjust to him, to this. It was a huge step for me, another giant leap of faith. Maybe the biggest of my life.

Testing me, he pulled out, and then languidly thrust back into me.

"There it is," I moaned unthinkingly.

My cheeks flamed.

He laughed a little and kissed the tip of my nose. "I told ya it'd be good."

"You think it's good?"

Because, apparently, I needed the validation.

One side of his lips pulled up, and his eyes flashed as he stared down at me. He thrust a few more times to prove his point, doing something with his hips that had me gripping at the quilt beneath us.

"I don't think..." He pushed into me again and groaned. "I wanna keep goin', but..."

He suddenly flipped us over so that I was straddling him. I sat up just as he grabbed my hips and rocked against him, over and over again so that everything in me built again, tightened and coiled.

"Edward, I-"

I lifted up and came back down on him, a grunt of pleasure coming out of him with the motion.

"Fuck, Iz."

Faster, he started rising up to meet my thrusts. Our breathing was sharp; our skin slapped as we came together. I rolled just right, found that perfect rhythm with him, and slowly unraveled.

He made another noise, and his face contorted. I watched raptly as he stilled and came; how his mouth fell open in a silent scream. He was perfect like this, with his hair even crazier than usual, his eyes heavy, smile lazy. We were covered in sweat and sex, but he pulled me down to him and kissed me once more before shifting us so that I was lying in his arms.

Nothing needed to be said. Explained.

Not yet.

We simply were.

* * *

He led me back to the main house with his arm around my waist, checking me over for debris and anything else that was an obvious sign of how we'd spent the last thirty minutes. I picked at a spot on his shirt, pulled it out of his black pants just so, and he grinned at me.

"You know this is useless, right?"

"How's that?"

"My lips..." I could already feel the effect of his kisses, the sweet burn of them on my chin.

"You _are_ a little red there, sugar," he said smugly.

"I figured as much."

"I'd say I'm sorry..."

"But you're not."

"Nope." He glanced away, suddenly nervous. "Are you?"

That was such a hard question to answer. I wasn't sorry for being with him. Not at all. I was still so unsure that I could be something good for him, something worthy of him. I knew I cared about him - wanted him - but everything in me was so tangled up. Tangled in the past. Tangled in the future, in what I had standing right in front of me, waiting for my answer.

If only I could get my guard to drop, find a way to let him into my heart completely.

"That's just great," he finally muttered, and started forward.

His hands raked through his hair, and I heard him utter a low curse of frustration with me as he stormed off.

"I'm not sorry," I shouted after him.

He stopped. Gazed at me over his shoulder, green eyes bright in the afternoon sun.

He was mine. Beautiful, generous, and kind.

If I just let him.

"I'm not sorry," I repeated. "I just don't know how to give you what you want."

"You give me everythin' I want," he argued, and closed the space between us. His hands came around my arms, and I was suddenly yanked against him, staring up at him. "You just don't realize it."

"How-?"

"Hey, guys!" Rosalie called out to us, and instantly, we broke apart. "You're just in time! Lunch is ready!"

"Be right there," Edward yelled back. "Can ya go ahead and make Ella a plate?"

"Already did."

A small smile twitched at his lips. "Thanks."

He waited until the sound of the screen door shutting behind his sister was heard before continuing the conversation.

"How, what?"

"How," I swallowed hard, "how do I give you everything you want? You barely know me."

I stared down at the grass at our feet, prompting him to pull my chin up gently.

I squinted at him; the sun slipped out from behind a cloud, making it too bright to see him clearly.

He sighed.

"You're right. I don't know much about ya. I want to, though. I wanna know everythin' I can about ya. What your favorite food is, favorite band, what you majored in in college... If you're allergic to anything and where that scar on your hipbone came from. But mostly... I just want ya to let me know it all. Trust me with it all."

"I wish I could explain this feeling I have. It's irrational, but I just feel like I have to protect myself."

"From what?" he asked in a huff. "From life?"

I shrugged. "I told you it was irrational."

"Yeah."

"I don't... I don't have the slightest idea what to say to you, Edward."

"I don't want ya to say anythin' to me," he answered. "I know what I got myself into."

I stiffened. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"It's not a bad thing, Iz," he soothed. His hand came over mine, fingers entwining. "I like who you are. A lot. All right?"

The sincerity in his voice, on his face, was impossible to match. Anything I said would seem like I was returning the sentiment simply because it was what was polite in this sort of situation.

So I did something else. Gave him a little piece of what he wanted.

"I went to college in Seattle. University of Washington. It's... a few hours' drive from where I grew up in Forks. It's not far from that little town I told you about."

"La Push," he said instantly.

I closed my eyes and let my lips curve. I didn't have to repeat a thing with him. He listened to it all.

He kissed me, impish grin on his face when my eyes popped open with the feel of his lips abruptly on mine.

"Couldn't resist. Continue."

I giggled and brought my hand to my lips; he could be so sweet sometimes. "Anyway, my parents were there in Forks, and Jake was stuck in La Push for another year. We were the same age; he'd just... I don't know. His mom thought he needed another year in kindergarten or something. You know how it goes."

He nodded.

"So Jake finally moved to Seattle, and I finished up my undergrad at UW... And then I... You're going to be shocked."

He grinned questioningly. "I doubt it."

"No, you are. I'm... Well, I got an MFA in photomedia."

He blinked once. "Get out. But... I've never even seen you with a camera."

"I know. I graduated right before..." I cleared my throat. "But I had job interviews lined up at the time and everything."

"Why didn't ya take one of 'em?"

"It just didn't seem right after. Nothing did, really."

"Masen Valley has a lot of good places to take pictures, ya know. Lot of historical stuff. Nature."

I smiled back at him. "I'm not even sure what I did with my camera. And I don't have a darkroom..."

"Your boyfriend's a contractor, remember? That's not an issue. I can have somethin' up in a day if you want."

"Yeah, that's the thing." I sighed. "I haven't even had the urge to find it, much less take any pictures with it. Nothing inspires me anymore. It makes me think that it wasn't what I was supposed to do with my life after all. That maybe it was just another one of those things I went with because it was easy."

His brows knit together. "_What_ are you talkin' about?"

"It's something I've been wondering lately. Since I met you."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Everything in my life was easy until that night. Jake and I... We were friends that shifted into something more. I happened to be good with a camera, so I just went with it. It's kind of what I did with everything. I went with the flow. You make me question all of it, Edward. It drives me crazy, because it makes me feel guilty that I question my life with Jake and guilty that I'm with you and thinking about all of that."

"Ah," he said, seeming to understand. "You shouldn't feel guilty about thinkin' about that stuff when you're with me. You've gotta process it at some point, Iz."

"I know, but what if Jake was still here when I met you? How would I have reacted? Would I have broken his heart to be with you? Would things have been platonic between us instead? Because I don't see how that could be possible. You... Whatever I have with you is intense. Or maybe magnetic is a better way to describe it."

"Well, what if things with me were different?" he returned. "What if I hadn't been dropped by my ex when Ella was born? I thought Tanya was it. But I didn't feel half of what I feel for you when I was with her."

Astonished, I breathed out, "You mean that?"

"Yeah. She killed me when she left, Iz. So much that I've spent the last four years avoiding her. And then I finally saw her the other day. Felt nothin' for her save for one thing: when she asked about El. She doesn't get the right to know how my daughter's doin'. She gave up that right when she packed her stuff up and left."

I stared back at him blankly. It was the first fact he'd ever given me about Ella's birth, and it left me feeling a little befuddled. I'd never really been the maternal type, but I still couldn't imagine ever willingly walking away from that little girl.

"Her," I struggled to clear my head, "her mother just left you with her?"

He deliberated his answer for a while, and I thought that maybe_ I'd _crossed a line here. He was so wonderfully protective of her that it would have made sense if I did.

I was just about to apologize when he finally replied. "She's not her mother."

It was so cryptic and flat; it didn't tell me a thing.

"But that's not the point."

"It's not?"

He grinned. "Nah. The point is that I don't think I felt anythin' for Tanya when I saw her because I'd already met you. It's like... everythin' sorta has this place in your life at its right time. It all leads up to somethin' else. We don't ever really know what's in our future, so there's no use tryin' to figure it out."

His arms encircled my waist again, eyes went dark with emotion as he stared down at me. "When I say I want you as my girlfriend, it's not because I wanna change who you are, Bella, or fix what you're goin' through."

"Really?" I asked warily.

"Yeah, really. I'm here for you. However you want me. But if you're gonna be around, I need a commitment from you, because I don't let people into Ella's life lightly. If it's too much, walk away. _Before_ my daughter gets hurt."

My throat tightened and my chest ached with the out he'd just given me, and I suddenly knew exactly why I'd given myself to him so readily before - why I'd never even questioned it. Letting him go wasn't an option. I didn't know when it had happened, but I knew that I wanted to make this work; make something wonderful out of this connection I had with him.

Guard around my heart or not, he'd managed to find a place in it.

"There's the over-protective daddy I know," I murmured jokingly.

"Bella..."

"I want to be with you, okay?" I brought my hands up and rested them on his chest. "I promise I do."

His eyes flickered over my features, seeking the truth of that statement. "Yeah?"

I nodded.

"Good," he said thickly. "Cause I wanna be with you, too."

xx

"So you get back from Jacksonville on Thursday?" I asked, my eyes sliding closed with the feel of Edward's mouth on my skin.

"Hopefully earlier," he murmured in return. "I don't wanna go."

"You have to go. It's your job."

"No, I mean that I don't wanna leave you yet. I wanna go in there and take ya to bed and fuck ya all good and proper."

My fingers flexed against his shoulders.

I wanted that, too.

The sun was setting, making everything seem as if it matched the way I felt. Like it was on fire. Somehow, that glowing, achy, intense feeling Edward gave me had spread. Made it so I couldn't think straight. Made me think that I would crumble under the weight of it.

"Ella's waiting for her daddy to come back," I replied. "Besides, I have to go inside and put all these cucumbers and stuff you made me take in the fridge."

"We can't eat 'em all up ourselves," he said. A grin stretched across his face as he straightened up to see me clearly. "Plus, there's this rule in the Masen family."

"A rule?"

"You pick it; you figure out what to do with it."

"That would've been nice to know before you took me out to the garden and forced me to help out."

The grin got bigger. "Just wait till the tomatoes are in. You'll have to get Rosie and Nana to teach ya how to can 'em."

"Thought you knew everything about this kind of stuff," I teased.

"I'm a guy, Iz. I was out messin' with the tractors when I was little. Not learnin' how to can vegetables and make jams."

"You still know how to do it all, though, don't you?"

He chuckled. "I have an idea, yeah. But I haven't seen anyone do it in so long, I wouldn't be any help to ya."

"Mmm. I doubt that."

"You workin' tomorrow?"

"I'm working every day this week."

"I'll text ya when I land. Call ya when I get off the phone with El every night."

"Okay."

He took a step back from me, creating just a sliver of distance between us. A hand shot up to his hair, dragging through it awkwardly. "I think I'm gonna miss ya."

"I hope you are. Having sex with someone and watching them run off into the good night is not exactly what I had in mind today."

"Be serious," he snorted, and rolled his eyes.

"I am."

He suddenly didn't seem so amused.

"I know I'm gonna miss ya," he amended quietly. "A whole hell of a lot, actually."

"I'll miss the sound of you hammering..."

He smiled down at me. "After I get home and get Ella in bed Thursday night, can I come over?"

"Definitely. I'll make us dinner. We'll have something with cucumbers in it."

He laughed. Pressed a kiss to my hair. "All right, I'm goin'. If I don't go now, I'm probably never leavin'."

I simply nodded.

"I'll talk to ya later, Iz."

I lifted a hand and waved him off as he started toward the spot his truck was sitting on the road. I didn't move when I heard the sound of his truck door shutting behind him. Or when he started the engine and the headlights came on. I stood there until he had driven out of sight, and then slowly opened the door and stepped inside.

I closed the door and laid my head back against the window in its center.

I noticed there was a crack in the ceiling and wondered if that was something on Edward's list of things to fix around here.

On my boyfriend's list.

"Oh. My God," I breathed when my pulse raced.

I'd tried so hard to keep that from happening.

And yet it did.

_We_ did.

* * *

As expected, work on Monday sucked. The only thing that got me through it was the text I'd gotten from Edward mid-morning, and the promise that I'd hear his voice before I fell asleep that night.

The phone call was shorter than we'd wanted, both of us too tired from our days to really have much to say.

Tuesday was worse; my mood had become prickly and sour.

All I got that evening was a slurred, barely coherent goodnight from him.

So by Wednesday, I was shocked to get any tips at all.

Thursday...

I didn't even want to think about Thursday. The salt spilling everywhere. Jessica's attitude.

A specific, auburn-haired man still missing from town.

It was the day I had been looking forward to all week since Edward had been expected to come home. Or more specifically, to come to my house for a while. Take me to bed. Work on my bathroom. Eat some of the food I'd splurged on the night before.

But there'd been an emergency, an accident with one of the roofers on a construction site, so he'd stayed behind to lend support, because that was just the kind of guy he was.

It made me want to swoon and break something all at once.

I glanced up at the clock. Twenty minutes until my shift ended and I could go home and throw myself on the bed.

Maybe with my phone glued to my palm.

I hated how needy of him I was all of a sudden. It was inexplicable. Illogical.

We shouldn't have had sex. Sex ruined everything. The detachment, the will to keep the previous status-quo...

"Hey, Bella?"

"Yeah, Sam?"

"Sit down for a minute, will ya?"

My hands froze over the glasses in the crate on the bar. "Why?"

He chuckled. "Just sit down. I wanna talk to ya for a sec."

"You're not firing me, are you? I haven't spilt anything in... No, wait; you don't know about yesterday. I dropped the salt in the back and had to sweep it all up. Jessica saw me, of course, and made a big deal about it." I closed my eyes and grimaced. "I'm sorry."

He laughed again. "I'm not firin' ya. God, Bells. Just sit down with me for a minute before your shift ends."

I opened my eyes and did as I was told, even though I thought my heart was going to leap up into my throat at any moment.

"How're ya doin'?" he finally asked when we were settled in the booth in the corner of the bar.

"Fine."

"Just fine?" he inquired.

"Well, I mean, I guess I'm a little better than fine. You know about Edward."

"I do. I also know about that pout you've been sportin' since Monday."

"I am not pouting."

He stared at me in silence.

"Okay, so I am."

The serious facade cracked with a smile. "And?"

"And what?"

"What's with the pout?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Cause I care about ya. I want to make sure things are all right for ya. I haven't talked to you much since he came back home."

"Oh." I sighed. "Well, he's back in Jacksonville for work. Maybe till Monday unless he can get things wrapped up today. And then he has family coming in soon to help out some."

His grin got even bigger. "Is that so?"

"Shut up."

"You miss him."

"Maybe a little."

Another knowing stare.

"Okay, I miss him a lot," I relented. "It's awfully quiet around without him constantly trying to piss me off."

"Sounds like Edward, all right," he agreed. "Once he gets his sights set on somethin', he doesn't let up till he's got it. Been like that for as long as I can remember."

"So I've noticed," I muttered dryly.

But then I winked. Edward's drive, as annoying as it could be at times, was one of my favorite things about him. Without it, I'd still be stuck in that limbo-esque state I was when I first got here. And as frightening as all the risks of letting him into my life were, the thought of not having him seemed a little worse.

Maybe there was some truth in all that Edward had told me so far. That everything happened for a reason, in its right time; that living a life full of fear wasn't living life at all, and was doing nothing to honor the ones I'd lost last year.

They'd all want me to be happy. And finally, after all this time, I was beginning to feel that way again. I wouldn't have been this way with anyone other than with Edward. No one was a blip on my radar until now; no one attracted me to them the way he did.

My heart to heart with Sam was left at that - he was never one to get too involved in other people's business - and I finished my shift with a quick wave to Angela as I headed out the door.

The walk home was almost stifling. I felt on edge, like I needed to do something with myself, and didn't have the slightest idea where to start. Much like I did the day Edward really, truly stepped into my world and all I could think of was cooking.

I grabbed everything I had originally planned to make for dinner the night before and threw it on the counter. I shuffled around the kitchen, grabbed a couple of pots I'd need, and then stopped suddenly. I didn't want to cook. Not today. Today I had the urge to do something more. Something I hadn't done in over a year now.

I dropped one of the pans in my haste up the stairs, leaving it clattering across the floor behind me, food on the counter. I was after an object far more important, one I hadn't even thought of until Sunday afternoon.

My camera.

I opened the door to the attic and was met with a blast of hot, heavy air. The box was stacked in the corner, just where the movers had left it when I'd first gotten here. Spiderwebs and dust covered it, and I quickly wiped it all away before clawing at the tape and ripping the top open.

There it was, in its torn navy case, sitting nestled in the corner.

I pulled it out with a deep breath, my fingers trembling as I worked to unzip the case and hold it in my hands.

Oversized and black, I held it awkwardly, almost as if I'd forgotten the feel of it in my hands, how it functioned when I was taking a picture. I didn't have any good film or anything to develop it with, so I set it aside and fumbled inside the box for the digital camera Jake had bought me for Christmas just before he died. The one he'd given me so I could point it at whatever I chose and take a picture with just a click. No mess. No fuss.

Typical Jake.

It made a musical sound when I pressed the power button to check the battery's life, and I numbly started back downstairs. I had no idea where to go from here. There was nothing I could think of around here that I wanted to shoot, but I wanted to at least try to find something. I had nothing better to do, and the task would, hopefully, keep my mind off of people missing in my life right now.

In more ways than one.

I scrambled to put everything away, basically throwing the food in the fridge whether it belonged inside it or not, and snatched the camera off my kitchen table. I flung the front door open, and reached for my keys in my pocket in order to lock it up from the outside.

But I never made it that far.

Arms wrapped around my waist and threw me up against the door frame. Hot, wet lips enveloped mine, and I moaned as soon as I registered who was here, and what he was doing.

I had to make a conscious effort not to drop the camera.

"Where are you off to?" Edward murmured.

"Thought I'd take some pictures of something somewhere," I answered in a rush, and then went to pull his mouth back to mine.

He wrenched his head to the side and fought against my hold with a laugh. "Not so fast there, sweetheart. What'd ya mean you're takin' pictures of somethin' somewhere?"

I scowled as he took a step back. All I wanted to do was forget the camera and focus on him.

But I knew Edward well enough now to know that wasn't going to happen.

"I just thought I'd do something to keep me occupied since you weren't here. What _are _you doing here, anyway?"

"Couldn't wait to get back. I missed Ella somethin' awful."

I raised a brow. "Ella, huh?"

He grinned at me. "Uh-huh. So back to you. You found your camera?"

"It's upstairs. This is a digital one. I thought I'd just take this out in case nothing strikes out at me. But you know what? I should forget it. I don't know what all there is around here still and it's not like I can go very far without a-"

"Stop it, Iz. You wanna take some pictures? We'll take some pictures."

I blinked. "Where?"

"I know a place."

"But what about Ella?"

"Ella's busy with my nana. I'm gonna let them spend some time together tonight." A haunted expression flickered over his face. "Nana should get all the time with her she can before she gets too sick."

"Edward..."

His returning smile was sad. "Come on. Don't make me regret spendin' time away from my girl for this."

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure. We've got just enough time before dark. What do ya say, Iz?" He paused and held his hand out to me.

It was my decision. Sink or swim.

"Wanna scrape the rust off that old thing or what?"


	10. Chapter 9

**Thanks for all the reviews and adds this week, the love and support. Thanks to my beta, Stratan, whom I am seeing in just three days (SQUEE), and to my prereaders stephk0525, claireoth, twilover76, Nikita2009, and Andrea. **

* * *

Chapter 9

**Edward**

The wind whipped Bella's hair around as she stood out in the field. She shoved it back a few times, and then finally reached inside her pocket to pull out a hair tie, tying it up on the top of her head in a messy bun. A tendril escaped at the nape of her neck anyway, and I had to bite back a laugh at the expression on her face when she realized she had to pull her hair up all over again just to keep that one piece from going into her mouth.

I hadn't realized how much I'd missed her until the second I saw her; put my hands on her. I didn't know how deep I really was with this girl already until it was too late to stop it - not that I wanted to. I took a few steps back against the wooden fence to put a little distance between the two of us, knowing that to touch her would be to wreck me, consume me, until the moment I was buried inside her again.

And for all I knew, she could have changed her mind again. About this. Me. Everything.

Nothing held her here like it did me. She could be gone in a blink, as fast as the wind that encircled us.

Ball cap low on my head, I sat up on the fence and leaned against one of the posts to watch her. She scanned everything, took a few steps to get a different, better angle, and snapped a picture.

A storm brewed in the distance; lightning struck out at the ground, and she took another picture.

This time, she gazed back at me. Grinned uncertainly.

I wondered why this was so difficult for her since she seemed to enjoy it. Did she link everything she did to the past? To the people she lost?

Didn't she ever just do anything on her own?

With a sudden blink, she spun around, and set her sights on me. I laughed, and then shook my head and hopped down.

"I don't think so, Iz."

"Why not? You looked really good up there."

"If you're takin' pictures of me, then I get to take pictures of you. It's only fair."

"That's... I thought you were taking me out here for inspiration. I found it. In you."

"Out of all the stuff out here," I said, gesturing broadly to the landscape, "you pick me to be your subject?"

She shrugged once, and that beautiful blush rose to her cheeks. I shifted and bit down on the inside of my lip to keep from rushing her, throwing her on the ground... Because I knew she was thinking along the same lines as me. That while she hadn't really said the words or acted much like it, she missed me as much as I did her.

"What can I say? You're pretty."

"Pretty, huh?" I returned.

One step closer.

"You know this already. Don't act so surprised."

Two.

"I'm not surprised. Just happy to hear ya admit it, is all."

Three, and I could almost reach her.

Four.

"What are you doing?" she breathed.

"Nothin'," I answered innocently.

Her eyes narrowed.

Five, and I was right in front of her, so close I could feel her chest brushing against mine with each rise and fall of breath.

And then I snatched the camera from her hand.

"Give it back!" she giggled.

"Nope. Not yet."

She jumped up to grab it, so I held it up higher. "Edward, stop acting like you're twelve."

"I am twelve. Didn't ya know? I might look like I'm almost thirty, but really - deep down inside - I'm twelve. Like in Big. I just need a fortune teller to get me back to nineteen ninety-five."

She crossed her arms over her chest and arched a brow at me. "You're an idiot."

"I don't even score points for knowin' what that movie is?" I asked in mock outrage. "I thought chicks dug that kinda stuff."

"Shut up, Masen," she responded, trying so hard not to laugh.

But she did.

And it was gorgeous.

Grinning, I went to her again, camera held high, finger poised over the shutter release button. I brought my other hand up to cup her jaw and trailed my thumb over the apple of her cheek.

"You look real pretty today, too, Izzy. So pretty I could just take ya right here on the ground with the thunder rollin' behind us."

She inhaled sharply.

I ran my hand over the length of her body, stopping just at her ass. My fingers crept along her hip toward the seam of her jeans, toward the place her body was the hottest. Her lip went between her teeth, eyes fluttered closed then opened once more…

I snapped a picture.

She flushed again.

"Delete that and I'll kill ya," I murmured.

"Edward..."

"I want it. For when I go outta town again. So I have somethin' to see when I'm in bed at night and thinkin' of ya."

"Do you plan on leaving again?"

"Somethin's bound to happen so I have to."

"I don't..." Dark eyes blinked earnestly up at me. "I don't think I want you to go again."

"Come with me next time," I offered.

"But Sam-"

"Will give ya a few days off," I interrupted. "Come with me next time. Let me show ya where I live."

She'd need to see it eventually; know what it was like to make some kind of decision in the future, especially if we wanted to keep this up after...

I cleared my throat and gave her the camera back. "Get any good shots yet?"

She nodded. "A few. How much longer do you think we have before that storm gets here?"

I gazed out at the horizon for a moment. "I think it'll get dark before it gets here, to tell ya the truth."

"Mind if we stay till then?"

"Not a bit. I'll just hang back and watch ya," I replied, and waggled my eyebrows.

She rolled her eyes and started out into the field again.

I watched her hips sway the entire time.

She took a few more pictures of the landscape; the lone tree sitting about half a mile away, the way the mountains were set in the distance, and then she came back to me and perched herself up on the fence beside me.

"I'd like to go with you to Jacksonville."

"Yeah?"

She nodded. "Yeah. See your house, meet your friends. I've never been to Florida before."

"You're kiddin'."

"Uh-uh. Washington has beaches, but they're not the same. The water's cold and it's always raining... They're made up of pebbles and not sand, and they're surrounded by these cliffs... Some of the kids cliff dive."

"Nowhere to cliff dive in Jacksonville," I said with a chuckle. "Got some parasailin', though, if you're interested."

She didn't reply.

"Got a bikini?"

"One," she said with a knowing grin.

The girl knew exactly how I thought.

"Good. We'll make a weekend out of it. My house is on the beach, and I've got a boat in the marina not too far away."

"Well, well... Look at you."

"I got into business when the housing market was at its peak. Things are harder now, but I still do all right."

"You did all of it on your own?" she questioned.

"Yeah. Uh... That was kinda the whole reason I left," I said sheepishly. "I didn't want anythin' to be tied back to family money. I was stubborn and stupid and lived off of Chef Boyardee a lot at first, but it just... I don't know, Bella, it felt better to know I did it on my own."

"Understandable."

"Tell that to my nana," I said dryly.

"I thought..."

"She's always wanted me to be happy. But there's money I could've used to help myself out. Get happier faster. She never understood why I didn't use it. It was mine. Tanya never could figure it out, either. Why I made her live in some shoebox apartment when I had all this money at my disposal. It was one of the things we fought about a lot."

"That seems stupid."

"What does?"

"Fighting about money. It wasn't hers to decide what to do with."

I let out a stunned laugh. Other than my family, no one ever really had an issue with how Tanya wanted to spend my inheritance.

"Do you still have it? The trust fund or whatever it is you got."

I nodded once. "Savin' it for Ella. For college or somethin'. I don't need it." I stared down at her for a moment. "Ready to head back?"

"I think so," she said slowly. She jumped down and waited for me. "Hey, Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"Why'd your ex want to leave Masen Valley? Just because you did?"

I hopped down off the fence and started getting the few things I'd brought out here together. "I thought that at first. But it was more. I was her ticket outta this little, Podunk town. She wanted somethin' bigger, and I had the capability to give her all of that."

"That's... that's really shitty," she said fiercely.

"I'm not sayin' she didn't love me. I think she did. She just loved me with an ulterior motive. It's why she left when Ella was born."

"That still blows my mind."

A raindrop fell and splattered on Bella's forehead, enabling me to avoid the subject entirely. "Storm's comin' up faster than I expected. Better leave before we get drenched. Truck's still a ways off."

She hurried and slipped her camera into her bag, and then tossed it onto her shoulder. "Can we go see her?"

I gave her a blank look.

"See Ella," she explained. "I... I kind of missed her this week."

"She asked about ya."

Her eyes lit up considerably.

"Pretty sure she missed you, too."

Then she beamed.

And in that very moment, stole my heart.

* * *

"Wait, no! You can't go through there!" Bella exclaimed.

Ella ducked through the space between the newel and baluster at the bottom of the staircase and grinned. "Why?"

"Because, I can't fit through there. How am I supposed to follow the trail if I can't stay on it?"

"Squeeze, Miss Izzy," Ella said simply.

"But I..." Bella glanced around, having no idea what to say back to that.

I fought off a laugh. "You might fit, Iz."

She glowered at me.

"Without the boobs."

"I have boobs too, Miss Izzy-bella," Ella said proudly. "Cause I'm a girl."

Bella smirked at me.

I dragged a hand through my hair awkwardly, and then just decided to go with it. No use fighting nature.

"Ella bug, you won't get boobs till you're old. Like Bella and Aunt Rosie," I told her, and reached down to tickle her belly.

"Daddy, no! Not when I'm old!"

"Oh, yeah?"

"Aunt Rosie says I'll be twelve. When she did," she giggled.

Damn it all.

"Oh, that's only eight years, Edward," Bella goaded. "You going to be able to handle that?"

"I'll deal with you later." I turned my eyes back on Ella. "Don't be talkin' to Aunt Rosie about boobs."

"Why not?"

"Cause you're four, that's why."

"Well, I gotta talk to somebody, Daddy. Madelyn at school talks to her mama about it."

This kid was way too damn smart for her own good sometimes.

Which was exactly why I didn't want her talking to my sister about this kind of stuff. Not yet. I wasn't ready for that conversation, that explanation.

None of us were.

Ella, specifically.

"Okay, no more about what Madelyn at school does."

"But-"

"No more, sug," I said more firmly. "We aren't Madelyn's family, and every family does things differently. I say no talkin' about boobs until you're at least... seven."

That bought me three more years, anyway.

"Seven?" she gasped. "But Daddy-"

She cut herself off at the warning look I gave her.

"Yes, sir," she pouted, and stomped off toward the family room.

"Aw," Bella said with a laugh. "Now you've ruined our game."

"You wouldn't have been able to play that game, Iz," I chuckled. "She'd have tried to get ya in the dumbwaiter."

"You have a dumbwaiter?" she asked incredulously.

"Big house," I said in explanation. Headlights coming down the driveway pulled my attention away from Bella. "Stay here with Ella for a sec? Rosie's home."

"You're not going to start a fight over something like a little girl's curiosity about boobs, are you?"

I shook my head. "Nah. Just gonna ask her to defer stuff to me from now on."

"I don't think..." She seemed to waver for a moment, and then just finally said what was on her mind. ."I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, you have to admit: Ella's going to need a woman in her life to answer these kinds of things for her eventually. Why can't that be your sister - her aunt?"

I almost responded with the truth, but stopped myself just before the words were out. I didn't like having this secret between Bella and me. Hated it, really. But no one had ever known the story of how Ella became mine outside of my family, and even then, the subject was fairly taboo. Telling Bella would be huge for me, because we never spoke of it. For Ella's sake. For Rosalie's. To keep our secret just that: a secret. To keep from hurting Rosalie more. As much as I wanted to tell Bella about it, I couldn't trust her not to leave us after she found out. Not with how much she vacillated about being with me and being alone.

And that was what held me back. Until I knew that Bella was in my daughter's life for good, I wasn't telling her any of it. No matter how much it killed me to keep it from her.

So with a quick kiss to the top of her head, I left the room before I said anything at all.

"Hey," I called out to Rosalie as I headed down the porch steps. "Got a minute?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"Ella started talkin' about boobs today."

Rosalie burst into laughter. "Uh... Okay?"

"So I'd prefer it if you didn't tell her how it was for you and make her realize how alike y'all really are."

"I didn't- I mean-" She shook her head, blond hair spilling over her shoulders. "I never even thought about it like that."

"I know, but we talked about this before I agreed to," I sent a furtive glance back toward the house, "take her from ya. It's why we stay so far away usually. I already have enough issues with it, don't make me-"

"You don't regret it now, do ya? Cause I don't. I'm... God, Edward, I was only sixteen... messed up. I-"

"I don't regret it, all right?" I sighed. "But all those doubts I had before are still here. Some are worse now that it's just me. I can't have her askin' me about where her mama is before I'm ready."

"When will you be ready, Edward?"

"Soon enough," I shot back. "Just promise to send her my way for a while. Especially while we're here."

"Yeah," she said, bobbing her head. "All right. I won't do it again."

"Thank you."

I rushed back up to the house, my boots sounding over the wood loud enough that I knew Bella would hear me come back. Only she wasn't standing where I left her. She was in the living room with Ella, her bag slung over her shoulder like she was leaving.

My heart dropped.

"What are you uh...?"

"We have decided to take all the ponies up to Ella's room."

"Oh, really, now?" I chuckled.

"You're cordigal- cord-" Ella glanced up at Bella in confusion. "What's that word again, Miss Izzy?"

"Cordially," she said on a giggle. "Daddy's cordially invited."

"Cordially invited," Ella repeated, grinning even though she'd still had to say it slowly.

Again, that overwhelming feeling came over me when I saw the two of them together. How they seemed to just _fit._

I swallowed it down and waved toward the steps with a flourish. "After you, then, ladies."

Ella skipped off toward her room, and Bella and I followed. She glanced up at me, and then back toward Ella to make sure she wasn't paying attention.

Satisfied, she whispered, "Get it all out of your system?"

"I just don't like surprises where Ella's concerned."

"That's extremely endearing and extremely ridiculous all at the same time. She's a kid, Edward. Even I know there are bound to be surprises."

"Not those kind," I muttered.

She sighed, but let it go.

I gave Ella an hour to play after she set up everything, and then fought her to take a bath.

"But I want Miss Izzy to do it, Daddy!" she protested, stomping her little feet on the way into the bathroom.

It seemed we'd found a new way to show our displeasure recently.

"But Miss Izzy doesn't know ya very well. What would the neighbors say if they found out she saw you naked, Ella?"

She opened her mouth to argue, and then promptly snapped it closed.

Point for Dad.

I heard Bella laugh from my bedroom.

Bath time was as usual. There were mermaid Barbies, bubbles, and bath crayons involved. She splashed a little too hard and soaked my jeans; she got soap in her eyes and cried. I still, somehow, managed to wash her hair after that catastrophe, and let Bella braid her hair back for her so we didn't have to use the blow dryer before she went to bed.

My girl was exhausted. I barely had time to wrap her up before her eyes slipped closed and she snuggled into the pillow.

Back in my bedroom now, I found Bella lying diagonally across my bed, twisting one of my white hats in her hands.

She looked up at me. "You have a hat that says 'Cocks', Edward. Is there something I should know about you?"

I snorted a laugh. "Gamecocks, Iz. USC. It's where I thought about goin' to school at before I decided to do an apprenticeship instead."

"What'd you apprentice in?"

"Just general construction management. Nothin' special," I answered. "I should probably take that hat back to Jacksonville with me. Can't wear it around here."

"Why not?"

"Nana thinks it's inappropriate. You should've seen the fit she threw when she found out I bought it."

She giggled. "How old were you?"

"Seventeen."

"I'm surprised she let you keep it."

"Oh, I hid it so she couldn't find it."

Her brows shot up.

"I paid almost thirty bucks for that hat," I explained. "I wasn't losin' it."

More laughter. "You could have at least gotten one that said 'South Carolina' or something on it too."

I grinned wolfishly. "Now, where's the fun in that, sweetheart?"

"Not much, I guess," she said slyly, and slipped it on her head.

I felt my blood rush, my heart speed, at the sight.

"Wanna go home?" I asked quietly.

She leaned up. Studied me for a moment. Her eyes flickered with everything I was feeling. The need to be closer to her. The need to reconnect, to join again.

I clenched my hands into fists to channel some of it out.

What were a few more minutes when I'd already gone days without her?

"Only if you're coming in."

* * *

The clock on Bella's nightstand read midnight, but I wasn't ready to go back to that house. Not yet, even though I knew I would soon. Rosalie needed to go to Charleston for a few things at her apartment and a series of exams starting Monday. I would be expected to stay with Nana. Watch her disintegrate further for the next couple of weeks.

"What are you thinking about?" Bella whispered softly. Her hand came up to push my hair away from my eyes, and I squeezed her tighter, held her so that every line of her body matched up with mine.

"My grandma," I said honestly.

"Is it...? I mean, I want to ask you about it all, but I never know if I should or not. You tend to avoid it all."

"Must be why we get along so well."

She pushed at my chest, buried her head further into the crook of my neck. "Don't be an asshole."

"I'm not tryin'. I'm..." I sighed and shifted us so that I could run my fingers through her hair, down the line of her back. I needed some kind of distraction while I talked about it.

"I'm gonna have to take a few days off from workin' at your house next week," I started. "Rosie's gotta go back to school for a while, and my nana's right in the middle of radiation treatments."

"Need any help?"

I shook my head, knowing she'd feel the movement. "I'm gonna get the rest of the tile done tomorrow so it can set while I'm gone. I was gonna start on some of the smaller stuff in the meantime, but now-"

"It's okay," she murmured. "I'm not in any rush."

"I know, but this is... I'm gettin' paid for this, and I just feel like-"

Another interruption, this time in the form of her hand over my mouth. She sat up a little and stared down at me. "This whole town knows what's going on with your family. Mrs. Cope hired you knowing that you only came back to help with your grandmother. She's not going to fire you because you can't work for three or four days."

"Five," I corrected her lowly. "Five radiation treatments per week. It's why Rosalie's not been around much. Why I've been able to spend so much time with ya as it is."

"Wow."

"Yeah, that was kinda our agreement. Rosie'd help out with Nana, and I'd come home and take care of all the bills and things around the house. Be backup for when she had to take off to school for a little while." I floundered for a moment, thinking of how maybe this was Rosalie's way of repaying me for everything I'd given up four years ago. "She's been a lifesaver. I can't... I can't be around all that like she can."

"No?"

I shook my head. "Rosie's got hope. And I... My grandma's got pancreatic cancer. I look at everythin' they're doin' to her and see nothin' but a waste of time. She's got a twenty-five percent survival rate for the next year, and that's if they can rid her of the damned stuff in the first place. She's only doin' it to make us happy. Rosie, especially. She doesn't mince words with me, but with her..."

"Edward," she breathed.

But I kept going, the need to vent strong now.

"Rosie didn't tell me right away. She only said it was bad. It wasn't until I got my contractor's license in South Carolina and started gettin' everything arranged and packed up so I could leave Jacksonville for a while that they told me all of it. I heard it and just... I swear a little piece of me died that day. It was bad when both of my parents died, but this? I'm not as resilient as I was then.

"She was diagnosed with type two diabetes a couple years ago. We all teased her about bein' a born and bred Southerner, ya know? Except the oncologist said it could've been one of the first signs. Rosie had barely started school, and I was all the way in Jacksonville. We were too busy with our own shit to see it."

She kissed me then, and I was left breathless, struggling. The ache in my chest was so strong, so hard to ignore.

"This is not your fault. Don't make it that way."

"Bella, I don't necessarily think it's my fault, but..."

"I want you to see some stuff."

"What do ya mean? What stuff?" I asked warily.

Without an answer, she left me in the bed, wrapping a throw blanket around her naked body and padded across the room. A wooden trunk sat in the corner, and she stood there in front of it for a moment, seeming to steel herself against what was inside.

She opened it and pulled out a stack of books awkwardly. Photo albums and newspaper clippings filled her arms, and she let them drop on the bed beside me.

"I saved everything. From my parent's house, from mine and Jake's, and all the reports on it after... I don't ever look at it because it goes back to that guilty feeling I've told you about. 'Survivor's guilt', they call it. I wonder why I'm the only one left sometimes. Why they all had to be taken from me and how I'm supposed to get through all of it alone. Why that rec center didn't burn down when I was just there the day before."

"How did it happen?"

"Faulty wiring. Faulty alarm systems. It had a basement that was kind of like a game room. There was a bar, pool tables... They were all downstairs drinking. Jake called it _pregaming_ before they went off to some club in Port Angeles. The fire started in the attic. By the time the smoke had spread and they-"

She choked on a sob and before I could think about it, I had her in my arms.

"I watched it. In my wedding dress from the little dress shop up the road. No one would let me anywhere near it, and I... I have _never _felt so helpless before in my life."

"Shh, baby," I murmured when she cried harder. "I've got ya."

Those three words were a repeat of what I'd said less than a week ago at the church.

But now they meant so much more.

"I've wasted all year avoiding it, trying to keep my head above water, because when I think about it all, I get consumed by how much I miss everyone, all the questions. I don't want you to do the same, and taking the blame for something you can't help... Feeling all that guilt..."

"I'm not. I won't. I _can't_," I answered. "I have Rosie and Ella... You."

Her eyes burned into mine questioningly, red and swollen with her tears, and I wondered if maybe I overstepped the line with that confession.

I wanted to take it back.

But I couldn't. Wouldn't. She needed to know that she was important to me. _This _was important. That I'd been telling her the truth when I told her just how out of practice I was, how infrequently I dated.

I'd found something in her that I hadn't in anyone else before.

She kissed me again, slow and soft, but her hands clung to me, nails dug into my skin. When she pulled away, her face was a mix of emotions.

But then an easy smile spread across her lips, and I knew that she'd needed to hear it and know that while I couldn't control fate, I could control this one thing.

"I want you to see all of that, but I can't watch you when you do."

I nodded in understanding.

"I'm kind of hungry. Want something?"

"Sure," I agreed, because I knew if she was making food for two people instead of one it would take her longer. I'd get through more of this.

"Okay, I'll be back up in a bit."

I reached out for one of the photo albums and flipped it open. A dark skinned teenage boy smiled back at me, along with a younger version of the girl retreating from the room.

She looked so different then. She was paler, but still, somehow, more vibrant.

This girl had no idea what awaited her.

"Bella," I called out, and watched her spin around to see what it was I wanted.

I swallowed a couple of times before finding the words.

And they didn't say any of what I wanted.

"Thank you."


	11. Chapter 10

**Thank you all for the recent reviews and adds; thanks to my freaking amazing beta, Stratan, for going over this and making sure it's pretty. I miss you like crazy already. That took all of what; four days? Ha.**

**Thanks to my prereaders stephk0525, twilover76, claireoth, Nikita2009, and Andrea. For without them, this would likely suck.**

* * *

Chapter 10

**Bella**

"Can I ask you something?"

I glanced across the table, my eyes shooting back to the silverware in my hand nervously when Angela met my gaze.

"Sure, Bella. What's up?"

"Well..." I finished rolling the silverware in my hands before finally blurting my question out. "What's the acceptable time frame to start calling the guy you're sleeping with some kind of term of endearment? Directly after the first time you have sex? When you've screwed around for a few months? Or is it neither and just when you decide to be exclusive?"

She held a fork in mid-air and gaped at me.

I wanted to slink under the table and hide. My cheeks went warm with an embarrassed blush, and I tried to will it away, tried to pretend everything was normal and that I had_ not _just asked a person I barely knew a question like that.

Pretty sure I failed miserably.

"Wow, Bella," she said, clearing her throat. "Sorry, but I um... I really don't know."

"No, I'm sorry. I'm-" I shook my head. "Never mind."

_Cue awkward silence._

"Okay, how 'bout you lettin' me ask ya somethin' now," she eventually returned.

After that, she was entitled to ask me almost anything she wanted.

"What?"

"Why are ya questionin' it? I've seen y'all together. You're cute."

And there was that god-awful blush of mine again.

"Thanks. It's just that it's new, and I don't... I've never really dated anyone before."

"Come on," she scoffed. "You've never dated anyone?"

I shook my head once. I couldn't elaborate further.

"Huh. I'd have never guessed. So is Edward your first boyfriend?"

Again with the shake of my head.

She looked so lost, so curious...

I should've just kept quiet.

"I don't know what I'm doing, or what's expected," I said, hoping to get back to the original topic. "He calls me all kinds of things, I just call him 'Edward'. Makes me feel like an ass, really."

It worked.

"You need to quit worryin'," she laughed. "Whatever it is you're doin', Edward likes."

Except Edward didn't know everything yet. Sure, he knew the majority of what made me... well, for lack of a better description, _me_ now that I'd let him see some of the things I'd kept over the months following the fire. But he didn't know all the ugliness yet. The depression, the panic attacks from the thought of me being completely alone.

How at one time I wanted to join my parents, Jake, in whatever afterlife awaited us as humans. That the pain of trying to figure out the why's, the way to move on and live without them, was so debilitating I could hardly crawl out of bed.

I had to admit that thinking back on that made me see how much progress I'd made.

But still... Once he saw how defective I really was now... How I'd spent almost a full year on auto-pilot…

"You think?" I asked, ignoring how that specific thought caused an entirely new sensation, a new wound in my chest.

"Absolutely. He's not paid any other girl in this town any mind since he met ya," she replied. "And Lord knows how much they're tryin' to get his attention."

I pursed my lips unhappily with that. I knew this was the case. But to be reminded of it just plain sucked.

It made her laugh again.

"Just watch him the next time y'all are out about in town. You'll see what I mean."

"Maybe."

"My daddy did," she continued smugly.

"Your dad?"

"At church last weekend."

I nearly smacked my forehead with how stupid I felt. I was so self-absorbed these days I didn't even put the two together. And I should have. Same last name, same light brown hair and blue eyes...

I smiled sheepishly at her. "Right. Your dad's the pastor at Grace. I keep forgetting how small this town really is."

She grinned back at me. "Yep. Said it was good to see Edward so happy with everything goin' on."

"Ah..." I glanced around the room, having no idea what to think about that, much less say to it. "Yeah. I guess it would be."

The door chimed, and Angela looked to our left to see who it was walking in.

She groaned in annoyance.

"Here come the Hawthorne brothers," she muttered.

I followed her gaze and watched Bree lead two men to one of the smaller booths lined up along the front windows in my section. Their hair was ratty, clothes tattered, and they were sweaty, like they'd been outside working all day. One wore his blond hair back in a ponytail, and the other's was black and stringy around his face.

The blond was taller, lankier, than his supposed brother.

"Brothers?"

"Yeah, well... Their daddy didn't exactly do his best to keep it in his pants, if ya know what I mean."

I opened my mouth, and then promptly shut it again. I had nothing to say back to that, either, it seemed.

"They've got no manners and think it's okay to hit on anythin' with girl parts. I'm sorry you got 'em, Bella."

"I'm kind of surprised I haven't seen them around yet, actually," I murmured thoughtfully.

"Exactly why they think it's okay to hit on any girl they see," she retorted. "They live a few miles outta town and don't come around often. When they do, though..."

She shuddered delicately, causing me to snort out a laugh.

She was really so sheltered. They didn't seem any worse than some of the guys I'd had the displeasure of running into when I lived in Seattle.

Minus the cowboy boots and camouflage hats in their hands, that is.

"It's fine. I can handle it."

"Okay. But you remember that Sam's just in back if ya need him."

"I will."

I put all the silverware I'd rolled up in the bin, and then got out of the booth and made my way over to their table. They were already messing around with everything when I got there, but I plastered on a fake, friendly smile, and greeted them anyway.

The blond leered at me for a moment, letting his eyes rake up and down my body unabashedly.

"Can I get you something?" I asked impatiently. "Or are you just going to stare at me all day?"

"Stare," he replied.

His brother snorted.

"I don't think I know ya," he said, and casually draped his arms over the back of the booth.

"No, you don't."

He grinned. His teeth were straight, but yellow. Like he'd inhaled a little too much nicotine and used a little less whitening toothpaste than he should have.

Blue eyes found my name tag.

"Bella. That's nice."

"I like it all right," I said flatly.

"I'm James."

"Good to know."

"This here's my brother, Laurence."

"Nice to meet you. Drinks?"

"Bud. Bottle."

I jotted it down.

"You?"

"Same, sweet thing."

I barely managed to keep my expression neutral.

"Be right back."

I hurried over to the bar and got their beers from the bartender on duty, and then made my way back to their table.

I put the beers down in front of them and pulled out my notepad. "Know what you guys want?"

"Yeah... I know exactly what I want," James said. He drew his lower lip between his teeth and looked me over again.

_Not in this lifetime._

"Well, how about we stick to what you can have?" I retorted. "Food."

The other brother whistled and laughed.

James sneered at him.

Eventually, I managed to get them to talk lunch instead of hitting on me. With their orders placed, the lunch rush began, and I was too busy running around the restaurant to notice they'd practically destroyed their table while they ate. Ketchup, mustard, pepper - even pickle juice - was smeared all over the table when they were through.

I pulled out the check and held it up, my eyes scanning over the table to find a clean spot to set it down on. Seeing none, I decided to put it on the corner and started to walk away.

"Hold on there, now," Laurence called after me.

"Did you change your mind on the dessert?" I asked.

"Nah." He grinned. "How long ya been here?"

It was deja vu.

Only without the amazingly good-looking contractor on the other end.

"Almost five months now."

"Haven't seen ya around, though," James commented. "Why is that?"

I shrugged. "You haven't been into Sam's to eat, I guess."

"I ain't been to eat, no. But I been here to drink a few times."

"Oh. Well, I'm not much into bars," I answered, and then looked for a way to change the subject. "You sure I can't get either of you a piece of pie? We've got a lemon meringue that's to die for."

"We know what's on the menu," Laurence said, a sly smirk twisting at his lips. "How 'bout ya tell us what we can do to get what's not listed there?"

"Back to this again?"

His fingers grazed over the hem of my apron, dancing under it to run along my thigh. "_Always_ back to it."

I jerked back, eyes narrowed.

"I'll give you a few minutes to settle the bill."

I spun around and slammed straight into someone hard.

My hand shot up to smother my shriek of surprise. Green eyes bore into mine then darted past me, the beginnings of a snarl contorting the face I loved so much.

"Jesus, Edward, you scared the crap out of me," I scolded. "What are you doing here?"

"Gettin' Nana and me somethin' to eat before we head home." His eyes stayed zeroed in on the men sitting behind me. "How's your shift?"

"Fine."

That brow arched, but his eyes never moved. "Fine?"

"Yes," I said slowly, confused. "How'd your grandmother's appointment go?"

Now, he was staring back at me.

"It was all right. We had that girl... Um..." He laughed at his inability to remember names for a moment. "_Bree_ sit us in your section."

I glanced around and found his grandmother sitting a few tables away, fidgeting with the blue scarf on her head.

I waved.

"Oh. Good. I'll be right over."

He nodded and pivoted on the ball of his foot like he was going to join his grandmother, only to stop.

"Hey, listen, Iz, before I forget, I was wonderin' if you wanted me to pick ya up after your shift? We could use some help in the garden, and I figured you might want a lesson on that cannin' we were talkin' about when I took ya home the other night. Should be a few bushels of beans ready. Might be enough strawberries to do somethin' with, too."

"Canning?"

"With Rose... Ella and me."

His eyes skirted past me again.

I exhaled sharply.

"Yeah, that sounds nice. Let me check my other tables, and then I'll be right over."

He flashed a lopsided smile at me. "Take your time, sug."

I pushed an errant lock of hair out of my eyes and shoved my annoyance down. No need ruining my tips because Edward was being an idiot.

"Masen, huh?" James asked.

"Yeah. Masen."

He sulked a little, but got out his wallet and threw down a few bills. "Thanks for lunch, Bella."

"Thanks for coming in," I answered politely.

After they were gone, I bustled around the room to make sure everyone had what they needed, and in no time, was standing over Edward and his grandmother and tapping my foot against the tile floor impatiently.

He smiled up at me from behind his menu, that damned dimple of his flashing with the upturn of his lips, and greeted me with a nonchalant, completely innocent, "Hey."

"I'd like to excuse myself in advance, Mrs. Masen," I said quickly, and then let my aggravation out on Edward. "So if you're finished pissing all over me, would you like to do what you originally came in here for and eat something?"

"I wasn't pissin' all over you, Iz," he responded calmly.

"That was a pissing contest if I ever saw one," I argued.

"I didn't even touch ya."

"You don't have to touch me to get your point across."

"No, I don't," he agreed.

And then he grinned again.

I glowered at him.

"I don't like either of them," he explained. "Never have. And I especially didn't like Laurence touchin' ya."

"That makes two of us. So ordering," I said, still fuming. "You want to?"

"You act like you're not happy to see me," he said, and then gave me that damned smirk of his, the one that made me forget what exactly it was I was saying or doing.

"Stop it. You're not winning this."

"I think you're real happy to see me, Iz. You just won't admit it."

"Edward-"

"Come on, sweetheart, admit it," he wheedled, that suggestive tone of his out in full force. "Or do I need to convince ya further?"

I would not react to that. Would _not_.

So I turned back to his grandmother. "Would you like anything, Mrs. Masen?"

She shook her head. "I'm actually enjoyin' the show. Never seen my grandson actually have to work at gettin' a girl to fawn all over him."

"That is... not surprising at all," I deadpanned.

"Nana, you should eat somethin'," Edward said lowly.

"Don't feel much like it now, hon," she said, and waved him off.

She should've known that Edward wouldn't back down so easily.

"Nana," he said sharply. "How 'bout some soup?"

She shook her head. Now that I wasn't preoccupied with Edward and his blatant attempt to stake claim on me, I could see how much yellower her complexion was, how tired she seemed to be. She shifted in her seat and winced, and I suddenly wondered if the library had any good books on cancer and chemo and radiation. Cancer for Dummies, like me - anything with tips to ease the symptoms, really.

I hesitantly sat down beside her, waiting for her to look over at me before saying, "I can ask the cook to make something up. Something with ginger in it for your stomach?"

Her face softened, and she reached out and took my hand. "You're sweet for offerin', Bella, but I'm all right."

"You're not," Edward said in a huff. "You need to take more pain meds, and to do that, you need somethin' on your stomach."

"I'm fine," she said hotly.

The Masens had to be the most stubborn group of people I'd ever met.

"I'm ordering you a shake because I refuse to let you sit here and suffer for no reason," I interjected. "And from the anxiety attack Edward seems to be on the verge of, you are... So you can either pick it out yourself, or I can pick it for you; I don't care. But you're getting _something _in your stomach."

She sighed, but her lips twitched with the same smirk that frequented her grandson's mouth. "At least I know Edward won't be runnin' ya around after I'm gone."

"Nana," Edward groaned.

It sounded like he was frustrated, but the look on his face told me otherwise.

"You'll do him some good," she said softly, closing her eyes for a moment.

I needed to get up. I needed to walk out that door and never look back. The opposite, getting attached to this family and watching Annabeth Masen's death tear it apart, hit too close to home. It was too much, too soon. I wanted to suck in a deep breath, try to eliminate this feeling in my chest, but to do so would be to break down in the middle of Sam's, add fuel to the fire burning through me.

But for some reason, when I met Edward's eyes, I stayed.

Because he got it.

All of it. Without the words ever being said.

"Peach," she finally said.

I cleared my throat and moved to stand, but Edward's hand found my knee, squeezed.

I reached under the table and gripped it back.

This was so, so hard.

"Want something?" I asked him quietly.

One side of his lips pulled up, and he mouthed, "You."

My eyes popped open with shock, and then darted over to his grandmother sitting beside me.

He snickered under his breath.

I twisted his hand in mine and pinched it.

"Ow," he muttered, and yanked it back. "I'll have a buffalo chicken sandwich, all right? Chips, not fries."

"Thank you," I replied, and got up. "I'm still mad at you, by the way. Don't think you're off the hook because of some sweet words and a smile."

"I'll make it up to ya, Iz. I promise."

"Yeah. You will."

His grandmother's thick, throaty laughter echoed throughout the room when I walked away.

* * *

"Why do you guys have a garden this big again?" I asked Edward and bent over to move the leaves of the zucchini plant aside.

"Why does your ass look so good when you're all bent over like that?" Edward returned, and immediately, I stood straight up.

"Quit it. I'm still annoyed with you about earlier."

"Your right eye twitches when ya lie."

"It does not," I objected. "You have more zucchini, squash, and cucumbers. God, Edward, what are you going to do with all of it?"

"Thought about brinin' the cucumbers for pickles," he said with a shrug. "The rest... You can take it to work with ya and see if you can get rid of most of it for me, I guess."

"Which brings me back to my original question: why a garden this big for three people?"

"It's tradition, Iz. I don't know. We just do it, okay?"

"When was the last time you did it?"

"Yesterday in your bed," he shot back.

"I'm making an effort to get to know you better, and you can't even be serious about it," I huffed.

He grinned. "Ya know you love it."

I simply stared back at him.

"It was probably about five years ago. My trip home for a couple weeks was timed just right. Nana had me on the tractor before I could open my mouth to argue."

"Who's done it since then?"

"Rosie's capable, but Nana usually hired some high school kid to break the ground and do the tillin' from time to time."

"Who weeded it?" I questioned, and realized I was doing just that.

I straightened up again.

"She did."

"Really."

"Oh, yeah. Nana did a lot of stuff until recently." He suddenly grew quiet, so I snuck a glance over at him.

He was tearing apart something leafy in his hand.

"I'm sorry."

Another jerk of his shoulder, and he tossed the remainder of the green in a wooden basket at his feet. "So we've got greens and lettuce, the cucumbers, squash, and zucchini you loathe so much, a few tomatoes-"

"I love it when you say that," I giggled.

"What?"

"Tomato. It doesn't end with an 'o' when you say it. More like an 'uh' sound."

He rolled his eyes, but fidgeted under my scrutiny.

Something about his behavior sparked a little more confidence in me, made me move through the rows to get closer to him.

"Your accent's hot," I admitted softly.

He stared down at me, his hand slowly coming up to rest at my hip. "Yeah?"

I swallowed hard. My heart was flying in my chest, but I was going to do this. I was going to let him know that despite how hard I tried not to, I wanted him from the very moment I saw him.

"It was one of the first things that attracted me to you."

"So I rendered you speechless," he teased. "And here I was thinkin' you were just all bashful."

"Well," I replied, "it definitely didn't help. But I used to dream about you. About what you could do to me."

His expression darkened, fingers flexed into my jeans. "Shit, Iz."

"Yeah. Anyway, I still haven't really talked to anyone around here."

"Now why did ya go and say somethin' like that, only to change the subject?"

"Don't know. Figured I'd change the subject before I freaked out?"

"Good point. You're doin' that ten seconds to pukin' thing again."

"Yeah, well…"

"So what were we talkin' about?"

"The fact that I don't really talk to people."

"Oh, yeah… you've talked to plenty."

I shook my head. "I can still list everyone off on one hand. I want to... I don't know, branch out or whatever, but I seem to freeze up every time."

It was inexplicable, really. I'd think of something light to say, something to break the ice, but the words wouldn't form. I'd just stand there and blush. Maybe stammer.

"You did fine when it came to James and Laurence."

"That's not the same thing."

"Why not?"

I chewed on my lip and tried to think of why, exactly, it wasn't. Before Edward, I might've just walked away. But between telling Jessica off a couple weeks ago and not putting up with any of the Hawthorne brother's crap, I realized it was more.

I was finding my backbone again.

"You."

"Me?" He laughed. "I don't think so, sweetheart."

"No, it's true. I would've just let them say whatever they wanted a month ago."

"I don't think that has anythin' to do with me," he said confidently. "I think it's got more to do with you finally lettin' yourself be you again. Lettin' yourself live life again."

"Maybe," I conceded.

I wasn't so sure, though. I'd always have this hole in my heart, this missing piece that disappeared when I lost my family and Jacob. I could evolve some, learn to live with it - ignore it, even - but it was never going to truly go away. I was never going to recover from losing so much at once.

I'd always be different.

He glanced around the garden, and then focused on me with a wicked gleam in his eyes. "So back to those dreams about me... Any one of them involve a quick fuck in the garden? Cause no one but Nana's home, and those sunflowers in the back give pretty good cover."

I shook my head and grinned. "They're not that tall yet."

"Tall enough," he murmured.

"They're not, and you know it."

"We could always just make out here."

"Like teenagers."

"See," he chuckled, sneaking his hands up under my t-shirt, "I knew there was a reason why I liked ya. You think like me, whether you wanna admit it or not."

"Oh, do I now?"

He dipped down and skimmed his lips over my jaw, placing a kiss at the hollow of my ear. His hands pulled me against him tightly, and I could hear the rush of breath come out of him just before he said, "Yeah. You and me, Iz... I think we're more alike than we know yet."

"I think we're complete opposites," I breathed, and put my hands on his shoulders.

"Nah. We've been through things a lot of people can't understand. We're different now."

My breath halted at his words. It was exactly what I'd just been thinking.

"You don't look a thing like that girl in your pictures," he continued, and I gripped at him harder, willed my tears away with the way he always seemed to inherently _know_. He knew how to pick at my scars, force me to open myself up to him even more. "And I like that. I like this girl, the one standin' with me in the middle of my garden. She's real. She's smart. She puts me in my place and her beauty takes my breath away. I just wish she'd see all I do, too."

I fisted his shirt in my hands, and squeezed my eyes closed.

A tear slipped down my cheek.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what, exactly?"

"Say things that practically... break me in two."

"It's how I feel," he replied easily. "Oughta know by now that I don't hold much back."

"You shouldn't. Feel like that, I mean."

"Ah, now, Bella," he rumbled. "We don't get to decide the way we feel. If we did, life wouldn't suck so bad sometimes."

I sniffled into his shoulder.

"I wish ya'd stop torturin' yourself."

"So do I."

"Given any more thought to talkin' with someone?"

I shook my head. "You're distracting," I muttered.

He laughed and moved so that he could bring his hands to frame my face. "But in the good, I-can-make-your-toes-curl-when-I-fuck-ya way."

"So cocky."

"It's not cocky; it's true. I've seen 'em."

I giggled and slapped at his shoulder.

He kissed the tip of my nose, and my stomach flip-flopped. "So to continue our previous conversation, we've got beans and peas, too. Which would you rather do?"

"Uh..."

"Beans it is." He released me and headed over to the first row of green beans. "Know how to judge whether they're ready or not?"

"What do you think?"

He grinned. "All right, I'll show ya, then."


	12. Chapter 11

**Thank you everyone for the reviews, pimping, and recent adds. I'm more appreciative than I can express in just a few words up here.**

**Thanks to my beta, Stratan, and to my prereaders stephk0525, twilover76, Nikita2009, claireoth, and Andrea. You guys are so wonderful to me. xxoo**

* * *

Chapter 11

**Edward**

I clipped the last shower curtain hook on the rod and glanced around to make sure everything Bella had bought was in place. I adjusted the towels hanging on the bar on the wall once, and then took a steadying breath and dragged my hands through my hair.

I didn't think I'd ever been so nervous to show off a project before.

I opened the door and stepped out into the hall; the smell of something garlicky and amazing slapped me in the face.

Bella was cooking. For Ella and me.

Little did she know, it'd probably be the last meal she made in that kitchen for a while. We'd ordered the cabinets yesterday, and she'd picked out the granite she wanted for the countertop. I had only a certain amount of time to get everything ripped out and ready for reinstallation.

And I was just one contractor. With more personal issues than most. It would take me a couple of weeks, at best, to get it ready.

I walked into the kitchen but hung back, content to watch Ella dump a jar of tomatoes into a pot on the stove, take the wooden spoon from Bella and stir it. She cupped her hands and held them out for Bella to put some kind of spice in, and then dumped it into the sauce with a little giggle.

"Smells awful good in here," I finally said.

They turned around and grinned at me, and it all kind of clicked right then. This was what I wanted to see every day. Bella in the kitchen with my daughter, a ring on her finger. A life built together.

Bella's brows knit in concern. "You okay over there? You went as white as a ghost."

I cleared my throat and shifted my weight to my left foot. Cleared my throat again. Bella couldn't know anything about that little epiphany. She wasn't anywhere near ready for something so serious, and if I was being honest, neither was I. I still had so many logistics to work out when it came to my life, so many complications. This was one of those complications I couldn't afford to have.

And yet, those three, enormous words came to mind, anyway.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said. "I finished the bathroom up if ya wanna come take a look."

She lit up, and threw the hand towel down on the counter. "Ella, want to see what Daddy did to my bathroom?"

"Daddy, you're done?" Ella asked excitedly.

"Done, baby girl," I confirmed. "Come on."

They followed me down the hall and stopped just at the bathroom door. My palms started sweating and my heart thumped with my nerves, though I didn't know why. Everything was just as Bella wanted it: dark brown grout between the tiles; pale, creamy walls; those green hand towels Bella had picked out with the dark brown trim; bronze fixtures.

"You look terrified," she said, finally meeting my gaze.

"Just a little nervous, is all," I admitted.

She beamed at me then, and my anxiety started to fade away.

"Why? I love it. Like... _love_ it, Edward. It's better than anything I pictured."

"Yeah?"

"Yes," she said emphatically, and walked further into the room. "You're so good at what you do."

"I'm not bad," I replied, "but this is nothin' compared to what some guys do."

"This isn't one of your multi-million dollar houses, either."

I tried to hide my smile by pressing my lips together, but it didn't work all that well. "Been doin' research on me?"

She shrugged, and spun slowly around to see the entire room. "I wanted to know more about what you do for a living."

"Could've asked."

"Where's the fun in that?"

"Stalker," I joked.

She smirked. "It's amazing what you can learn from Google."

I laughed.

"Daddy, what's this for?"

I glanced over to see what Ella was pointing at. "That's a jet, Ella bug. Makes the water move around like in a hot tub."

Her eyes danced as she took in the rest of the tub. She let go of the shower curtain and spun around. "I take a bath in Miss Izzy's new bathtub?"

"Um..." I looked to Bella for her approval. "I don't mind, but you don't have any toys here."

"I have something she might be able to use," Bella interjected, and then bent over so that she was face to face with Ella. "Want to help me look?"

"Yes, please."

Bella stood up and grinned. "Okay, let's go stir the sauce first so it doesn't burn."

"I got it," I said to her, and waited for Ella to turn around before pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Ella's not the only one who would like to try out that tub."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Mmm," I murmured in her ear. "You all naked and wet-"

"In more ways than one, I bet."

I chuckled and stood up so I could stare down at her. She had no idea how easy, even with all her hesitancy, she'd made it to fall. "Bein' inside you is the best thing..."

Her breath hitched; mine felt as though it'd disappeared entirely.

"I know I told ya no one would ever make ya feel like I can, but, Bella... no one can make me feel like you do, either. It's all I want anymore."

"Sex with me?" she tried to joke, but her voice warbled, cheeks warmed.

Truth was on my tongue, but lies were all I could give her. I inhaled sharply and pried myself away from her. She might've given me the commitment I asked for, felt enough for me to try, but I wasn't naive.

It could all be gone in a blink.

I supposed that now I knew exactly the way she felt every time she'd pulled away from me. My mind seemed to be working too fast; my blood rushed in my veins.

How the hell did she stand it?

I let a smile stretch across my face, let it hide what I was really thinking, and responded with, "Well, I am a guy. I don't think that little fact of biology can be debated by you now."

She laughed lightly.

"So what's this toy you have for the blond monster over there?"

"Daddy!" Ella protested.

"Yes, sug?"

"I not a monster."

"So says you," I teased.

"It's a few Barbies I had growing up," Bella told us both. "I have no idea why I kept them, but now I'm glad I did."

"Barbies?" Ella nearly shrieked. "Where?"

"In the attic."

They headed up the stairs, and I retreated back into the kitchen to stir the sauce like I'd promised. When I was finished, I went to the window and stared out into Bella's backyard, feeling like maybe my lungs had stopped working, because I still couldn't seem to pull in enough air. Maybe it was panic. Maybe it was fear. Maybe it was the enormity of what I'd just realized - I didn't know. I just knew that I didn't know how I'd survive if she were to change her mind or grow scared again.

I heard Bella come into the room after a while, and I quickly pushed it all away before she could notice. Between this and my nana, I was getting good at pretending.

"She's in the tub. Well, I turned on the water and told her to get undressed and hop in on her own, because I'm not her parent. So you might want to check in a minute."

I turned around, took a few steps toward her, and asked, "Why do ya keep so much distance from her? Cause of what I said, or cause ya need to?"

"Both," she admitted. "I keep my distance because it's easier to keep my promise to you that way. If we don't work out, then I'm nothing but a family friend she met when she lived here."

Looking back at her, I felt exactly the way I did when I first learned about Nana's cancer. Like I just wanted to rip my heart out to keep from hurting.

She was going to ruin me, this girl, with all the talk of leaving, of not working out.

And I didn't want to do a thing to stop it.

So I took the few steps necessary to close the distance between us, snake my arms around her waist and kiss her with everything I had, all I was. My hands traveled down at the sound of her moan, over the swell of her ass, and I quickly picked her up and sat her on the counter, flexing my hips into hers and feeling that warmth, that perfection between her legs, against my hardening length.

I kept the thought of Ella in the back of my mind, knew that I couldn't go too far since she was in the bath. But I could hear her figure out the button that started the jets, the motor's thrum through the wall, and I just wanted feel Bella for a bit, taste her. She was everything, and she didn't even know it. Couldn't even see it, she was so blinded by what she'd lost.

I wished I knew how to tell her that it all, eventually, sets itself right again. It was the only thing that kept me going those first few weeks following Rosalie's phone call, and it made me think of a proverb my grandmother always quoted.

_This too shall pass._

I pulled back and kissed her once more, nuzzled against her, and listened to the way she breathed. Heavy and loud, worked up like me.

"Guess I got a little carried away there," I said apologetically, and moved away from her.

Watched her.

Brown eyes flickered up to my face, cheeks full of that blush I craved. "That wasn't very nice, you know."

I chuckled and kissed her forehead before stepping away. "I was tryin' to apologize, baby."

Her eyes narrowed playfully.

Ella screamed for me.

I rushed to the bathroom to see what had happened in the five minutes she'd been in the tub, and opened the door the rest of the way to see bubbles towering over her. She stood up, that deer in headlights look, and then burst into tears.

"Miss Izzy told me no bubbles, but I didn't listen. I sorry," she wailed. "Don't put me in time out, Daddy. I sorry. I won't do it again."

I picked her up out of the tub and set her down on the rug so that I could wrap her up in one of the towels Bella kept on the shelves against the wall. I found the on/off switch through the foamy mess that covered it, and turned off the jets, drained the tub of water.

"Shit, this is a disaster."

Ella cried harder.

Bella's soft gasp came from behind me, and with my hands still placed firmly on Ella's shoulders, I gazed back at her.

The second my eyes found Bella's, we both laughed.

It took me longer than it should have to sober up, but when I did, I finally cupped Ella's face and kissed the tip of her nose. "Don't cry. It's okay."

She sniffled once. "It is?"

"No, but I'm not mad at ya. It was an accident. Just help me clean it up, yeah?"

"Kay."

I sat back and pointed to the top of her head. "You're wearin' a bubble hat there, El."

She giggled a "daddy" out at me in response.

And I knew all was well again.

* * *

I could remember sitting on the porch with my grandmother as a child, waiting on my father to get home from work. Her hair was as red as the lipstick she wore, and she dressed far too well for some of the things she did around here to help out. She never stuck around long, though. Always went back to her little house she had in town.

Her presence lingered. In every corner, on every surface. She was in the air, in how the old wood floors still shined like new. She loved this place, and had taught Rosie and me everything we needed to know about running it and caring for it, exactly the way the previous Mrs. Masen had done when she married my grandfather; the way she did with my mother.

Then my father died, and she was suddenly here, with her things all scattered around, before I was even able to process an alternative. I'd never even known there was another way, that families weren't all made the same, until I was older.

Until I'd been the one to experience what it was to make sacrifices for the ones you loved.

"Keep thinkin' like that, and you'll look like you're forty when ya turn thirty next year," Nana quipped, and I hurriedly glanced over at her.

She wasn't rocking in that chair, and she was bundled up again. This last round of radiation had made her so weak, so susceptible to everything. Her hair had come out in clumps the last few days because of the chemo, and I'd installed an air purifier in the house at Rosalie's insistence. Three words from the doctor - compromised immune system - and she'd gone into an even bigger cleaning frenzy than she had the first time, executed every last recommendation given by the oncology staff.

Nana thought it was a waste of time and money.

I tended to agree, but kept quiet. All of this was a soothing balm of sorts for Rosalie, a way to cope with the visual effects this round of chemo had on Nana. Anything to help, I was willing to do.

"Sorry. I was thinkin' about when I was little and I used to sit out here with ya and wait for Dad," I replied. "What're you doin' over there? Readin' scripture?"

She smiled behind her mask, something that her doctors had told her was almost required now, and held up the large, maroon Bible that sat in her lap. "Just dottin' my i's and crossin' my t's."

"In that case, I should get you some of that other stuff. I hear the Book of Mormon is good readin'. Might as well be prepared."

"I'm not breakin' any commandments, Edward. It defeats the purpose."

I laughed.

"How's Bella?"

"She's good. I think she's about to toss me to the curb, though."

"Now why would ya say somethin' as stupid as that?"

"I tore out her kitchen yesterday."

Now _she_ was laughing. "What's Shelly got up her sleeve, anyway?"

"Won't tell me. Just lettin' Bella have free rein of it all."

"Hmm. Given any more thought to that suggestion Bella had about fixin' up the old house at the edge of the property yet?"

"No. I don't... I don't know. I'd rather keep it original if I can."

"Just like your granddaddy," she muttered. "So what are ya gonna do?"

"Got a meetin' with Newton in a couple hours. Figured I'd take Ella with me."

"Leave her here. Rosie and I can watch her for a while."

"Nana..."

"You can go take your girlfriend out to dinner for a change. Maybe a movie, too, if there's anything you're interested in seein'. It's the least you can do for makin' her house a wreck."

"I don't know. This round of chemo has really-"

"I'm tired, and I hurt, and I can't eat hardly anything without wantin' to throw it right back up, but I can sit with that baby for a few hours, Edward," she insisted angrily. "Stop treatin' me like I'm dyin'."

"You are," I responded in exasperation.

"Doesn't mean I want ya treatin' me like it." She glanced my way, her ire melting with whatever she saw. "_Go_. We'll be fine without ya."

"You'll call me if it gets to be too much," I said sternly.

"If I don't, Rosie will," she sighed wearily. "You two are gonna drive me to the grave before my body does."

And that was my cue to leave.

Showered and ready now, I gave Ella explicit instructions to take it easy on her aunt and great-grandmother, though I knew the solemn nod of agreement would only be remembered for a couple of hours.

She was only four, after all.

When she was sitting with a bowl of spaghetti Bolognese brought from Bella's in front of her, I kissed her goodbye and started toward the door.

"Daddy, when will you be back?"

The sweet, innocent look she had on her face made my heart clench and insides curl. In a way, I felt like I was abandoning her.

"Don't," Nana said softly, and my eyes darted over to her. "Don't do that. You deserve to be happy, Edward. Ya can't be happy without makin' a few concessions sometimes."

"Yeah, but..." I drove a hand through my hair and focused on Ella again. My grandmother was right. Bella deserved something more than what I was giving her. She deserved more than late nights, quiet exits. More than stolen kisses and time when I was working at her house.

This was no different than trying to date back in Jacksonville. Life just hadn't been so full of heaviness then.

"I'll be home right after the movie," I finally told Ella.

"You takin' Miss Izzy to the movies?"

"If there's something she wants to see, I will."

"I like the movies. Daddy, we see a movie soon?"

"Sure, bug. We'll see what they're playin' this weekend, okay? It'll be just me and you. Sound good?"

She smiled brightly and dug into her spaghetti. One bite and she glanced at Nana. "Nana, I need more cheese."

"More cheese," Nana repeated, and picked up the block of parmesan and the grater sitting on the table. "Tell me when."

I left that scene and headed over to Sam's to meet Mike, my eyes immediately scanning the room to find Bella.

Didn't take long.

Drawn to her, I swept across the room, nodding my hellos and smiling at the few people who sat up and took notice of me. The moment I was near, I snaked my arm around her waist and pulled her close.

She started and dropped the little jar of Tabasco onto the table. She twisted around and laughed when she saw me.

"Always scaring the hell out of me," she said, her eyes flickering around the room when I bent to kiss her cheek.

It was just a chaste kiss of greeting, but enough for people to know where we stood. Her face flushed, but her smile was just as warm and happy as it'd been before.

"Not my fault you're completely oblivious to the outside world," I answered.

I flashed a smile at her and flipped her hair back off her face, my hand grazing across the steel of her earrings with the movement.

"I really do love these," I murmured, stopping to examine them. "How long did it take ya to get them all?"

She shrugged. "I honestly lost track."

"Hmm. I'm gonna sit at the bar. Got a few listings to look at today."

"Ah. Think you'll find anything worth making an appointment to see?"

"Probably not. I'll wait for ya to finish your shift."

"Why?"

"Got a surprise for ya."

She huffed.

I kissed her again, impish grin on my lips when I pulled away and saw her expression.

"Don't be such wet blanket, Iz. I'll talk to ya in bit."

* * *

Nothing. Out of the entire stack of listings Mike had shown me - some even as far away as in the neighboring town - fit with what I needed or wanted. The few that did were either asking too much or were just as in need of as much work as that old shack on the Masen property.

I was beginning to think God was telling me something here.

Something I didn't particularly care for.

"She really is pretty," Mike said, glancing across the room wistfully.

"Who is?" I asked.

"The new girl. Uh, Bella, I think."

I almost slammed the menu down. As it was, it slapped loudly against the table.

"I've been in here a couple times," he continued, unaware of the way my hands clenched on the table top, how my _jaw_ clenched with them. "I've flirted with her, but she didn't acknowledge it."

"Well, I'd hope not," I said darkly. "She_ is _my girlfriend."

His eyes shot to mine, widened. "I heard about that. Girls at the front desk were talkin' about it."

"So you thought you'd admit to flirtin' with her, anyway?" I snorted derisively. "Not very business savvy, are ya?"

"No, I mean, I- I just thought..." Beads of perspiration suddenly appeared on his forehead. "I didn't think it was true."

I crossed my arms over my chest, for fear of ripping his tongue out. "Explain that. Quickly."

"You're... Well, with the way you left after we graduated... I didn't think you'd be tyin' yourself down to this town again, that's all."

"Let's get somethin' clear. I didn't leave this town for any of the reasons y'all seem to think I did. I left to make somethin' of myself - on my own - and when I did, I just couldn't see comin' back. It's not this _town_ I hate, Mike."

"What is it?"

"Not your business, that's what it is."

"Fair point."

Still seething, I stayed silent.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean any disrespect."

"You're an idiot, know that?"

He laughed nervously. "Yeah."

"Don't be lookin' at her like that again."

He nodded.

I sighed. "I still feel like punchin' ya in the face, so why don't we call it a day. I'll stay and get a late lunch and you can go somewhere else. Hit up the Dairy Barn on your way back to the office."

He stared at me blankly.

"I'm serious, Mike. Don't call me unless ya have somethin' real good to show me."

He gulped, and then scrambled to get out of the little booth. He went to get his wallet out of his back pocket to pay for the half-drunk beer still sitting there, but I held up my hand to stop him.

"I got it. Just go, Mike."

"I'll keep watch for ya. Somethin's bound to turn up."

"Yeah. You do that."

Not hungry now, and deciding it'd be better to wait for Bella anyway, I watched a bit of the Braves game Sam had up on the TV and tried to drown everything else out. Before I knew it, someone had plopped into the seat across me.

I gazed over and saw Bella there, grinning at me.

"You look bored out of your mind."

"I am."

"Baseball not your thing?"

"Not unless I'm at the game."

"I guess it's a good thing Sam's letting me go early then."

My brow quirked up. "Oh, yeah?"

"He said I needed to put you out of your misery."

I chuckled and looked around for Sam, finding him drying glasses behind the bar. I lifted my hand in a silent thanks, and then said to Bella, "Wanna eat?"

"Yeah. But not here."

"Let's get outta here then."

Hand in hand, we walked over to one of the few nice restaurants Masen Valley had. It was a seafood place that a couple my parents had been friends with owned, and as much as I hated networking and socializing, not bringing her here felt rude.

Besides, when I'd lived here, their bang bang shrimp had been excellent.

Bella stopped just outside the entrance and smoothed her hands over her hair nervously. "Am I dressed right for this?"

"It's a small town in South Carolina," I said on a laugh. "You're better dressed than half of the people that come here."

She still chewed on her lip uncertainly.

I lead her inside and to the hostess stand. A teenage girl I didn't know - a daughter of someone I knew in the past, probably - was on the phone, taking a reservation.

Because there were so many people in this town...

She hung up and smiled at us, her eyes widening when they landed on me.

And then I knew exactly who she was.

"Macy Rae Porter," I muttered, a smile working at my lips. "I forgot what ten years'll do to a six year old."

"I can't believe you remember me."

"Why wouldn't I? You used to hang all over my legs and make me walk ya around the house when ya came over with your mom and dad. How are they, anyway?"

"Good," she said with a nod. "They'll be happy to know ya came in."

"Tell 'em I said hi, would ya?"

"I will." She slid a look at Bella, and she grinned. "Two?"

"Yeah. Uh... This is my girlfriend, Bella Swan."

"I know who she is."

Bella blushed.

"Small town. Don't worry 'bout it," Macy said casually. She took a couple of menus from the stack and smiled again. "Want a table in the back?"

"Please."

"Follow me."

She led us to a small table in the back corner, far enough away from prying eyes that maybe Bella and I could actually eat in peace, unlike the day we went to the Dairy Barn and had what felt like the whole town watching us.

"Man, Angela was right," Bella eventually whispered. Her eyes moved around the room, and I let mine do the same, trying to figure out what it was, exactly, Angela had been right about. "They're everywhere."

"What are you talkin' about?"

"Your fan club. Although, I don't think she realized just how young it started out at," she said, and slid a meaningful look over at Macy.

"Aw, come on, sweetheart. Don't start that. Her mama and daddy were friends with mine, and they kept comin' over after they both died to visit with Nana. She was always with them. There's nothin' to it."

"Tell that to the stars in her eyes. You're _The_ Edward Masen. The _Beautiful _Edward Masen who gave her piggyback rides and who knows what else when she was little."

"Ya think I'm beautiful?"

"Not the point," she said quickly, and studied the menu.

"Oh, I think it is," I answered smugly. "Although, I don't think I'd consider myself beautiful. More like... _ruggedly handsome_."

She rolled her eyes with that. "The point is that this town's entire female population has created a fan club for you since you got back. It probably comes with a newsletter packed with a message from its president, meeting minutes, and fundraiser information," she snarked.

"Pick out somethin' to order before I drag ya outta here. Jesus," I shot back with a laugh.

With a little smirk, she focused on doing just that.

But I knew the teasing was far from over.

"Just for the record, do those who are officially members get a button? You know, like one of those with your name at the bottom and your face placed over a bright red heart?"

I fell back against my chair and threw my menu down with a groan. "I swear to... You like crab cakes?" I tried again.

"I do," she replied. "I think I might like them better wearing some Edward Masen flair, though."

I shook my head, tried not to laugh. "Wanna order 'em?"

"Sure. Can my button have a pink heart? I don't really want a red one. Kinda reminds me of a bleeding heart."

"Bella, your stupid button can have whatever ya want on it," I chuckled. "So long as you drop it."

"Oh, the possibilities..."

I arched my brow.

"It's dropped!"

Vocally, it was. But I could see her lips twitch throughout dinner, hear a quiet snort when she thought of something else. When we were finished eating, I laid the tip down on the table, and helped her out of her chair.

"You don't know how to let anythin' die, do ya?" I murmured, my hand still clasped around hers.

"Just think of it as payback for that church stunt," she said with an easy smile, and then dropped my hand and headed out the door.

I stood there speechless for a moment before bursting into laughter, startling some of the other patrons nearby.

Exactly why I'd fallen. Right there, for the entire town to see.

Outside, I unlocked the truck and opened the passenger's side door for her, not speaking until I had sat in the driver's seat and turned over the engine.

"It's almost dusk," I said lowly.

She glanced out at the sky. "It's pretty. All pink and orange."

"Thought maybe we could head up to the drive-in."

"Edward Masen, is this a real date?"

"It might be."

"And you didn't even ask."

"Figured you'd say no," I joked.

"But we are dating..." she said slowly, and I could hear the confusion in her voice. We'd never really gone about this the usual way: the meeting, the phone call, the first date. No children, no temporary living situation, no baggage. We just sort of... _were_. "Right? And that's what people who date do... They_ date_."

"Still not pushin' ya, Iz," I responded, and then qualified with, "For the most part. You're... How do I put it? You're different, like I said. It's a good thing, but it's also somethin' I have to consider when I'm with ya. Is what I'm doin' gonna drive ya away? Or is it gonna make ya smile? I never can tell, and sometimes, I just have to risk it."

"I... I feel like I should apologize," she muttered.

"No. Not at all. I probably should."

"For what?"

"Not talkin' to ya about it. Just doin' what I thought is right for ya."

"But it kind of is," she admitted. "When we went to the fair, I was a nervous wreck, and that was with knowing it wasn't an actual date and that Ella would be there. I can't imagine how I'd be if I'd have known you'd planned all this."

"I didn't plan it. I just kinda... agreed with my nana," I said sheepishly.

She laughed.

"I don't always want a buffer, though, Izzy."

"Like Ella being with us all the time," she interjected softly.

"Yeah. Having her around keeps the pressure off of it. We can't get so serious with her around. It has to stay PG." I dragged a hand through my hair before finishing. "But I want more than that with you. I guess I'm selfish, but I want it all."

"All?"

"All that stuff that comes with bein' a couple. The day to day stuff, the fights, the plannin' for a future."

She drew in a sharp breath. "When did you decide you wanted that much from this?"

"Honestly?"

She nodded.

"Right before Ella destroyed your bathroom."

Her exhale was loud. Slow. "Wow... Uh... Okay," she whispered, and I snuck a look at her. She looked fragile all of a sudden, and pensive.

"We don't have to."

"I want to. I want to be with you. It sometimes surprises me, that's all."

I gave her a funny look, but I didn't press her to tell me what she'd meant by it; instead, I put the truck in gear and decided to let the night run its course. Show her some fun.

Knowing her, she probably couldn't explain it right now, anyway.


	13. Chapter 12

**SO sorry for the delay. Hopefully, it won't happen again. Thanks for the patience, the interest and reviews. xoxo**

**Thanks to my beta, Stratan, and prereaders twilover76, stephk0525, claireoth, Nikita2009, and Andrea. Twilover76 recently finished No Ordinary Proposal. I suggest you head over and read it if you aren't already. It's wonderful.**

* * *

Chapter 12

**Bella**

How did one piece of paper feel so heavy? Like it was weighing down my pocket, weighing down my hand. I unfolded the pamphlet and pulled my lower lip between my teeth, only to wince the second my teeth pressed into the skin.

I'd chewed my lips raw worrying over this.

"What'cha got there?"

I hurriedly shoved it down in my pocket and turned to Sam.

"Nothing. It's nothing," I said in a rush. "Just something I was reading."

He stared at me for a while; long enough that I huffed out a breath and yanked the pamphlet out of my pocket for him to see.

He scanned the information over almost fleetingly, and then handed it back to me with a smile.

"Ya know I'm not gonna be able to charge that kid for anything now, don't ya?"

"Sam..."

"You've had people tryin' to get ya to go for the last year, and he comes back home and gets ya to start looking into it after a month?"

I stared down at the floor.

"You know his birthday's next week."

My eyes snapped to his. "What? He never-"

"Of course he didn't," he chuckled. "He's never really been one to make anythin' of it. Not like that sister of his. Rosie... She'd have invited the whole town if her grandma would've let her."

"But he should have at least mentioned it," I objected.

"Did you ever tell him when your birthday is?"

"No, but mine's not next week."

Sam shrugged and grinned. "And now you're makin' a big deal about it."

"I thought you were on my side. You didn't talk to Edward in the ten years he was gone."

"Call me sentimental. I gave him his first job."

"Busboy, right?"

"Dishwasher," he corrected. "He hated it."

A loud clatter rang out from the kitchen.

"I can safely say that it wasn't me this time."

Sam chuckled.

"So are you gonna go?"

"I should," I hedged.

"Yes, you should. You know what all those psychotherapists call your problem."

I nodded.

"You just need the tools to straighten yourself back out."

Another nod.

Sam rubbed my arm. "Talk to Edward."

"I already did. He wants me to go. No need to beat a dead horse."

"There is, actually."

"What?"

"You're in a relationship with him, yeah?"

"I was coerced," I muttered petulantly.

"Which is why you need to talk to him," he teased. "That boy can coerce ya into anything."

I glowered at him, but there wasn't any anger behind it. Edward coming home to Masen Valley, into my life, was maybe the best thing that could have happened to me. It forced me to try again; it forced me to deal.

"I'm kiddin'. But he should be included in all the major stuff in your life. Grief counselin' is one of them."

"Okay. I'll talk to him tonight."

He leaned away from me, his eyes scanning the room for something, and then turned back with a serious expression. "Why don't you go ahead and go on now."

"I can't, Sam. I need the money."

"I got it. Consider it sick time."

"I don't work a job that earns sick time."

"Just go. You're no good to me here." He pressed further when I opened my mouth to argue again, "You're distracted with this. I can cover your tables till Lauren gets here. Not like we're busy or anything."

"I feel like I'm taking advantage of you."

"You're a friend. You've been my friend since the day ya got here. You'd do the same for me."

"I don't own a restaurant, so no, I wouldn't."

He ruffled my hair. "Smartass."

"I'll put in extra time this weekend," I promised.

"No, ya won't," Sam shot back. "The Cullens are comin' in this weekend."

"Shit, how do you know that?"

"Small town, lots of gossip."

I scrubbed at my face. That meant half the town probably already knew about my inquiry this morning. "Fine, next weekend."

"All right," he acquiesced. "I'll put ya on the schedule for a double on Saturday."

"That's going to suck."

"You wanted it," he laughed.

"I did. I'll see you later. Thanks."

"Sure thing, Bells."

Walking home, I passed a little green and purple plastic tea set displayed in the window of the children's store in the square, and without thinking, went inside and bought it for Ella. I wanted her to have something more than just Barbies to play with when Edward brought her by.

It was another one of those giant leaps. Hopefully, one in the right direction.

I tried not to think about that, and the way it made me feel so nervous, the rest of the way home.

Edward's truck was sitting at the curb in front of my house, making this ridiculous smile take up the expanse of my face. I hurried inside and heard the radio playing from the kitchen, the tear of wallpaper as Edward pulled it down.

A bucket sat beside him, yellow sponge floating in the blue of the solution inside it. He was facing away from me, a tool belt was strapped around his waist today. His hat was backwards, and the white shirt he had on had bunched up at the small of his back. I watched him methodically cut into the wall paper, dampen it down with solution again, and then start pulling at the top, scraping away any film left on the wall when he'd removed the entire piece.

"I forgot how much I hate wallpaper," Edward complained the second he heard one of the floorboards creak with my weight.

I laughed a little and went to stand beside him, my hand sliding up under his t-shirt and rubbing at his back soothingly.

"That feels good," he murmured, and twisted just enough so that he could see me. "What are you doin' here, anyway?"

"Sam let me off early."

"Really? How come?"

"He's an awesome boss," I answered.

"Should've called. I'd have come and got ya."

"I wanted to walk." Needed to, really, to clear my head some. "I bought something for Ella."

He turned further to see the bag hanging from my forearm. He peered inside, and chuckled, "You know you'll never get her to leave now."

My smile became frozen, happiness marred. A flash of a memory of who I used to be, what I was slowly leaving behind, made me temporarily forget what I'd been trying to accomplish lately. But with one look cast out of green eyes, I was reminded that there was more out there waiting for me. Things I'd been blind to up until this point. Things, people, that took precedence over self-pity and sorrow. There was someone who was at the forefront of my thoughts when I awoke, and the last thing I thought about when I lay in bed at night. He was in my dreams; he was a part of my life. I was still so afraid it would all slip through my fingers again, but the opposite - that extreme I thought I had to go to when he first walked through my door - wasn't an option anymore. Not knowing Edward, or Ella, seemed ridiculous now. They brought me so much joy; joy I never thought I'd have again.

This man... through all my doubts and insecurities - all my fear and indecision - breathed life into me each and every day.

If I just let myself forget it all, for one fraction of a second, I felt as if I could fly.

Nothing had ever compared to it before.

And nothing ever would.

He dropped everything he had in his hands and put them on my hips. They were gooey with glue from the wallpaper and left streaks across my black pants, but I didn't care. I just wanted him to touch me. To look at me just the way he was doing now: dark and needful, like I was the only thing in the universe. The sun, the moon, the stars, all wrapped up in one being.

Jake had never even looked at me like that. Not once, in all the years I knew him.

I struggled with that for a moment, and then brutally shoved it away.

Because Edward was so much more.

"Changed your mind, huh?" he rumbled. One, small step forward, and he was pressed completely against me. "Why's that?"

I dropped my head back to see him, grabbed a hold of his shoulders in hope that it would keep me weighed down, keep me grounded.

Birds flapped around in my stomach, in my chest.

I swallowed and smiled up at him.

How did I ever expect to live without this? Him? What he gave me?

"Well, I had this concentration issue today," I started to tease, and trailed off with a lick of my lips.

His eyes darted down with the movement, eyebrow quirked. "Oh, yeah?"

"Mm-hmm. There's this really hot, redheaded contractor working on my kitchen-"

"I'm not redheaded," he interrupted with a scowl. "It's brown... enough."

I giggled and took the hat off of his head. I pushed a hand through his mess of hair, and had this sudden urge to kiss him over and over again until I was left breathless. "It's red. Get over it. You're ruining the moment."

"Am I?" he asked slowly, and flashed me that dimpled grin. "Tell me, Izzy, were ya thinkin' about me takin' you to bed when ya got home?"

"Maybe."

"Were ya thinkin' about me touchin' ya like this?"

He moved his hand between us, his fingers pressing the seam of my pants into that perfect spot there, rubbing so slow.

So achingly slow...

"You're gettin' wet already, aren't ya?" he asked roughly.

I made some sort of strangled sound, my face igniting in a blush.

It was all the confirmation he needed.

"Fuck," he said, and abruptly scooped me up in his arms.

"No, no, no," I giggled. "We can't. I really did come home to talk to you about something."

"Talk later. I don't wanna wait."

"But..."

"Please, baby," he murmured, and then he trailed his lips over my jaw, nipping when he got to my ear. "I need you."

My argument faded away when he put his mouth on mine and carried me into the living room. It was long forgotten when he spun me around and draped me over the back of the couch in the center of the room, hurriedly unfastened my pants and jerked them down to my ankles.

"Open for me," he directed, placing his hand between my legs when I kicked my pants the rest of the way off and complied. "God, your heart is beautiful, Iz, but this..."

He slipped a finger inside me teasingly, thumb rolling over my clit. I sank down against the cushion and moaned.

"This is heaven."

I whispered his name, listened to the tool belt hit the ground with a loud clanking sound, followed by the soft, swishing sound of denim as he removed his jeans. He stroked me in long, fluid motions, stood closer to me so that I could feel his skin brush against mine. I arched my back, wanting more than just his fingers. I wanted _him_. All of it - _his_ heart, _his_ soul, _his_ body.

In one, swift thrust Edward was buried inside me. Pushing, pumping, taking, owning me so that the heat of it enveloped me and my skin went slick with sweat. His hands were all over me; cupping my breasts, kneading the flesh at my hips, toying with me. Suddenly, he broke away, led me to the front of the couch and laid me down, and had his mouth between my legs.

I yelped out a curse as I came.

With a little self-satisfied smirk, he rose up and languidly pushed into me again. His head dropped as he moved his hips, and I dug my nails into his lower back, clung to the fabric of his shirt, and then brought my hands up to his shoulders, silently urging him to move faster. Harder. It wasn't enough. _Nothing_ was ever enough when we were together like this.

No words were spoken. Not a sound was made outside our heavy breathing for a while. Then, he stared at me and murmured something I couldn't understand, and I thought my heart would burst. He took ahold of my leg and brought it up, went deeper until he stilled through his own orgasm, a low, mangled groan at the feel of it escaping his lips.

We stayed there for a little while, locked together like that. Edward dragged his lips over my jaw. A kiss was pressed into my neck, and he lifted up just enough to see me, to smile down at me.

I swore my heart _did_ explode then.

His thumb grazed over my cheek. "What'd ya wanna talk about?"

I couldn't help but do the same, tracing over the freckles that spanned across the places the sun had kissed.

There'd be more under his shirt, over his shoulders and his chest.

Slowly, I was memorizing everything about him.

"I got some information from the hospital today."

He raised a brow.

"There's a guy that does grief counseling there."

He shifted, braced himself on the arm of the couch. "Are you gonna go?"

"I think so..."

Up now, kneeling, pulling me with him.

"I know we've talked about it, but you headin' down there... It's big, baby." A quick laugh came out of him. "Sorry. I just... I can't stand to see ya sad. This is a good thing, Iz. You considerin' it."

"I know," I answered quietly.

"What made ya decide to finally check it out?"

I shrugged. I wasn't sure I could explain it in any other ways than I'd already tried before. It was mostly because of him. But it was because of me, too. Because I couldn't keep going like I'd been, didn't want to.

There was something else, though. Something I wasn't ready to admit yet.

Knowing not to push, he shifted the conversation a little. "When do ya start?"

"Whenever I call back and make an appointment, I guess. He said he wasn't too busy."

The look on his face - the excitement, the pride.

I knew I'd made the right decision.

"I can take ya, if ya want."

"I'd like that," I said gently, "but I think I'd rather go alone. It just... feels like I need to do it that way."

"Okay," he agreed, albeit reluctantly. "But if ya change your mind-"

"You'll be the first to know."

* * *

"How did it go?" Edward asked, the second I slid into his truck.

I'd relented some, opting to walk to the small, downtown county hospital from my house for my first appointment alone and let Edward pick me up when it was over. After thinking about it for a couple of days, I knew I'd need to see him as soon as humanly possible. And I was thankful I did. Seeing him, being able to touch him and physically reconnect myself to the life I had now, was more important than I'd imagined.

"Fine, I guess," I replied. I gazed over at him, saw the worry etched on his features and sighed. "How bad do I look?"

"Like you've spent the entire time bawlin' your eyes out."

"That's a pretty accurate description," I said softly.

"Iz..."

I shook my head, felt tears build again. "It's okay. I knew it wasn't going to be easy."

His hand stretched out between us, fingers grazing over my jaw line. "You wanna talk about it?"

I didn't even want to think about what had happened in there, how inconsolable I'd been for what felt like no reason at all. Most of the session was just the therapist getting to know my situation and background information. But it didn't seem to make a difference. Being there in that room, sitting in that chair... I knew what awaited me. I'd have to relive it all, explain everything that happened afterward and the reasoning that went with it. For moving here. Spending all that time stuck on auto-pilot. Those first few weeks when I'd hurt so much I'd just wanted to die.

I cried the entire time I sat in that room. Maybe it was a purge of some kind. The therapist wouldn't tell me. He simply smiled and gave me some kind of assignment to do over the weekend.

I stared at Edward.

Another tear streaked down my face.

"Not really," I finally managed to tell him. "I kind of want to forget about it. Until Monday, anyway."

"You're goin' back so soon?"

"Every Monday until I can... Well, until he sees progress."

He cradled my face in his hand, and with it, my heart. The way he looked at me; the concern, the gentleness of it, made me want to cry all over again.

"Want lunch?" he inquired.

I took a deep breath, and I pushed it all away.

"Don't you have a house to work on?" I joked.

"Yeah, but see, I'm datin' the girl rentin' it, so I can get away with slackin' off every now and again."

I giggled. "Where do you want to go?"

"I was thinkin' about Dairy Barn. Get some burgers, maybe? Somethin' we'd normally do."

_Normality._ That word I'd clung to all this time with the schedule I'd kept myself to. The repetition. The monotony.

I leaned across the console to kiss him.

When he pulled away, his eyes were curious, smile hesitant. "What was that for?"

"Getting me."

xx

Strong arms wrapped around my waist, hands splayed out on my stomach. I leaned back into Edward, listened to him breathe in against my ear, and smiled.

"You girls have been busy," he murmured.

Rosalie glanced over at us, managed to quarter a tomato without looking, and grinned. "Six cannin's down, probably two more to go."

"Keepin' the juice?"

"Of course. I've got the strainer all set up in the sink."

"That's disgusting," I said, and scrunched my nose up.

"It's good with a little salt," he countered. "You'd like it."

"I doubt it."

He chuckled and released me, stepping back just enough so that he didn't get in my way.

"You could help, you know."

"Nah. Y'all look like you've got it," he teased.

I gave him a look at that.

He took the hint and sat down at a stool on the opposite side of the island.

"Thank you," I said sweetly.

"It's common sense, sug. Ya don't piss off a girl with a knife in her hand."

I made a little sound of agreement, and then went in for the punned kill. "Speaking of pissing off a girl with a knife in her hand, what exactly is the plan for your birthday?"

Edward looked as though he'd stopped breathing.

And then his shoulders sagged, and he said, "Well, shit."

Rosalie tried to stifle her laughter beside me.

"Were you going to pretend you didn't have a birthday or something?"

"No... I just don't like people makin' all over me, is all, Iz."

"Who said anything about making all over you? I just want to know when it is," I said nonchalantly.

He eyed me suspiciously. "You got somethin' up your sleeve?"

I giggled. "It crossed my mind."

"Aw, come on, sweetheart," he nearly whined. "I'm sorry. Can't ya just let these three give me a cake and call it a day?"

"I don't know," I teased. I put the knife down and wiped my hands off on a nearby hand towel. "I'm kind of offended you hid it from me."

"Damn it," he huffed and abruptly stood up. He came back around to my side of the island, and with a flick of his eyes to Rosalie behind me, held my face in his hands and murmured, "I wasn't hidin' it from ya. I just don't like bein' the center of attention."

I knew I should probably let it go; this went right along with everything he'd ever told me before. About his family, the money, the strange sense of admiration people around here seemed to have of him because of it. But I didn't want to. Being an only child, birthdays were always made to be a big deal in my family. It was hard to let go of such an ingrained tradition when I finally had someone to celebrate it with.

Right then, I knew how much I truly wanted this; how much I wanted to heal, no matter how much it hurt during the process.

"Birthdays were always big in my family," I reiterated out loud. "I kind of want you to have that, too. For _us_ to have it... But, I mean, if you really don't want it we don't have..."

"Iz." His voice was nearly a growl, and he had this unfathomable look on his face. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something more, and then dropped his eyes to my lips.

Before I knew what was happening, he had me in his arms, kissing the absolute hell out of me.

I stiffened in surprise for a moment before melting into it, into him, and wondering if maybe there was a way to intertwine the two worlds. Mix the old with the new. Maybe everything Edward had said about letting those we'd lost go was true.

They didn't have to be forgotten.

The people left behind simply had to adjust. Find new traditions. Press on. _Move_ on. Much like I was doing by dating again, going to counseling.

And so I gave in. Completely. Wholly. Letting that little seed of hope finally bloom into something substantial.

"Still standing here, ya know," Rosalie commented, and I immediately jerked away from Edward.

"Yeah, Rosie, I know ya are," he snarled in return. He relaxed when he focused on me again. That dimple flashed with his smile, and he leaned down and said, "Too bad, too, cause if we were alone I'd have thrown ya up on the counter and fucked the shit outta ya."

I gasped.

"Don't be gettin' all gross over there," Rosalie said to him. "I'm sleepin' pretty good lately. Don't mess it up for me."

His fingers flexed into my waist, but he released me and went to sit back down without another word.

He was angry, though. I could tell it by the way he nearly ripped the pages out of the magazine he'd grabbed off of the counter. I cleared my throat, garnering his attention, and grinned at him.

"Sorry," he mouthed.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head - because I honestly didn't know anything about sibling behavior - and then focused on getting back to work. Edward resumed thumbing through the magazine, eventually humming something under his breath as he did. The sound was beautiful, and it helped to keep my nerves calm while I waited for his family to arrive.

A car door shut outside.

From the living room, Ella squealed in delight.

"They're here." Whatever expression on my face made Edward laugh. "Come on. My cousin's dyin' to meet ya."

I glanced over at Rosalie, my hands held up over the big, blue bowl we'd been using to dump the tomato peels and cores in.

"Go. I'll finish this up and be right out."

I wanted to stand there and argue with her, but I knew it would be a waste of time. I had to meet the Cullens at some point.

Might as well do it without the awkwardness of the Masen family standing around and watching me as I did.

I washed up and let Edward lead me out to the porch. The sound of the screen door hitting the frame made me jump, made Edward laugh, and some of my unease disappeared.

Down two steps, and a tiny woman came out from behind the black Mercedes, hidden completely by the trunk lid. She had a yellow bag slung over her shoulder, and an equally bright smile on her face. As she got closer, I could see she resembled Edward in a way. Green eyes, the same shape of lips. But her hair was black and long, pulled high up off of her face.

Edward let go of my hand, bounded down the last two steps on the porch and picked her up off the ground with a relieved laugh.

"Happy we're here, huh?" she giggled when he put her down.

"You've got no idea, Alice," he replied.

He suddenly looked so tired, and I wondered how much strain he really felt having a business to run from miles away, a daughter, sister, sick grandmother. He'd only given me glimpses of his pain, his struggle, so far, and I couldn't say I blamed him; I didn't let people see much of mine, either.

I felt horrible for not trying to help out more, for letting that distance I was trying to keep get in the way of supporting him. Even a mere friend would have done more than I had.

But before I could scold myself any more, Alice had moved away from Edward and to me. She stared up at me, cocked her head from side to side as if she was debating something, and then hugged me.

"I'm so happy to finally meet ya," she said cheerfully. "Edward's told us all about ya."

"Um... I don't know if that's a good or bad thing," I said honestly.

She giggled and dropped her voice. "Good. You've been real good for him, Bella. For Ella, too."

I could feel my face warm.

"Daddy, I show Alice her room?"

Alice stepped away from me and grinned down at Ella. "I get my own room? Ella Masen, you sure do know how to spoil a girl."

"Daddy says there's just enough space for all of us here," she said excitedly. "Daddy, can I go?"

"Sure, bug. Be careful on those steps," he warned. "I know how ya like to try to fall up 'em."

Ella took Alice's hand and dragged her into the house, glancing up at her and asking, "Alice, is Jasper comin', too?"

"Soon," I heard Alice reply as they stepped inside.

"Jasper is Alice's fiancé," Edward said to me. "Somethin' my uncle can't stand."

"I like the kid all right," someone shouted out from the car. I gazed out into the driveway to see a blond haired man trying to carry all he could in one trip. "Can't stand the fact that my only daughter's gettin' married, though."

Edward laughed. "Still see you've got your hearing, old man."

"No thanks to the three of you," he retorted playfully. "I swear, Bella, between your boyfriend, his sister, and Alice, I was sure I'd go deaf before I turned forty."

"And you're what now?" Edward asked. "Sixty?"

"Watch it, boy. You'll get here before ya know it."

"So I guess you guys were loud when you were together."

"Loud does not describe it."

Edward's uncle sat down the duffle bag he had slung over his shoulder along with a rolling suitcase and what looked to be a women's tote bag at the bottom of the steps. He climbed up to where we stood quickly, hand extended, and a warm, welcoming smile on his face.

"Nice to meet ya, hon. I'm Carlisle, if ya couldn't figure it out already."

I smiled and shook his hand. "I got it. Thanks."

He nodded and let his blue eyes drift to the car. "My wife, Esme, is over there somewhere. Knowin' Edward, he didn't tell ya her name."

"Why don't you people give me credit for anythin'?" Edward demanded.

His uncle grinned at him. "To piss ya off."

I snorted out a laugh.

Edward narrowed his eyes at me. "Somethin' funny, sweetheart?"

"Nope. Not a thing."

"Mmm."

"Carlisle! Could you help me clean out the car? Alice left a mess back here."

"Like mother like daughter," he said lowly, and then gave us a quick wink before heading over to the car.

She popped her head up over the hood of the car, and I had to make sure my eyes didn't pop out on their own. She was an exact replica of Edward's grandmother, the face in the pictures I'd seen of her younger years scattered around the house.

"Hi, honey!" she said to Edward. "How're ya doin'?"

"Fine," he said.

"You're such a liar." Her green gaze landed on me. "I'm sorry I'm such a frazzled mess. It's been one of those trips."

I simply smiled back at her, having absolutely no idea how to answer.

"Are they always like this?"

"Pretty much," Edward replied. "Scared ya off yet?"

"No, it's just..." I shook my head and let out a shaky laugh. "I'm a little overwhelmed."

"You all right?"

Was I?

I swallowed thickly. "I think so."

"Bella, if ya need to go-"

"No," I interrupted, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. "I want to be here. I want to get to know them a little. But it's hard not to think of the fact that you'll never get to do this. You'll never get to fly to Washington with me and meet my mom or my dad or..."

He looked ready to burst at the seams with something - some deep, dark confession that made my heart jump in my chest. But instead of saying whatever was on his mind, he lifted my hand and placed a kiss on my palm.

"Thanks."

"Why are you thanking me?" I asked confusedly.

"For whatever it was that made ya stop fightin' me. For bein' with me. For..." He stopped with a shrug put his arms around me.

Suddenly, I felt like I was being pulled in so many directions. Run. Fight. Stay. Live. _Love._

"For agreein' to be here with me today," he continued. "For all of it, Iz."


	14. Chapter 13

**Thanks for all the reviews and adds. Thanks to my beta, Stratan, and my prereaders stephk0525, Nikita2009, claireoth, twilover76, and Andrea.**

**This is a little late again, but there was a hurricane and an election... My thoughts are with everyone affected by Sandy.**

* * *

Chapter 13

**Edward**

"Edward!"

Hearing my uncle's shout, I shut off the weed eater and glanced over at him. "Yeah, Carlisle?"

"I've gotta stop. I'm not cut out for this heat anymore."

I chuckled and put it aside, raising my arms over my head to stretch out some. "Don't bullshit me. You never were."

"Which is exactly why I'm a doctor. I get to sit inside while poor saps like you work out in the sun."

"I like it all right," I said with a shrug.

"I'd imagine ya do since ya made a livin' out of it." He paused and ran his eyes over the expanse of the house behind us. "Annabeth looks a little worse than Esme thought she would. I tried to warn her, but well... you know your aunt."

"She's gone downhill a lot in the last couple of weeks," I answered, and then searched for something else to talk about.

He beat me to it.

"Happy Birthday, by the way."

"Shut up."

"Ya know they've got somethin' goin' on in there."

I felt the blood drain from my face. "Shit."

He laughed and grabbed a handkerchief out of his pocket. He wiped some of the sweat from his brow as he said, "Oh, yeah. They've been schemin' since we got here."

"Why?"

"Your nana wanted to do somethin' special," he replied. "Can't say I really blame her."

"That-" With a huff, I stopped myself. "She knew I wouldn't be able to either."

"Probably."

I groaned a little and snatched the weed eater back up off the ground. "Guess I'd better stop and get cleaned up."

"You're a good kid," Carlisle said, his lips twitching with a smile.

"And you're enjoyin' this way too much."

A full blown grin now, making the skin at his eyes crinkle. "Yep. It's not every day I get to watch ya squirm."

"Yeah, yeah."

"You doin' okay, though?"

"What do ya mean, with Nana?"

He nodded.

"I guess. What um... I mean... When do you think, from a professional..." I drove a hand through my hair. "No, never mind. I don't think I want to know."

"There's nothin' I can tell ya that her oncologist hasn't already. She's susceptible to just about everythin' now," he said gently. "If she doesn't catch somethin' to speed up the process, she's down to a matter of months."

I swallowed hard, tried to just keep breathing. Months. _Months. _I knew it was likely the case, talked about it with Bella even, but having it confirmed... God, it hurt.

"Can't believe you didn't know yet," he murmured, deciphering my reaction correctly.

"I knew. Just tried not to know_ for sur_e. Actually, I've tried not to know much about it at all," I admitted. "I don't think I can... Rosie's better equipped for stuff like this."

"She's a strong one." He studied me, shifted his weight between his feet, and then finally, almost reluctantly, spoke again. "So are you. Takin' Ella proved that."

"It wasn't a big deal."

"Don't belittle it," he snapped, surprising me. "You've always done that. No one except Annabeth could ever praise ya for what ya did."

I ground my teeth together to keep from arguing, because he was right. I'd always belittled it. Claimed it was familial duty that made me take Ella as mine, even though that really wasn't the case. She was supposed to be mine. Deep down, I'd known it all along; I'd just been in denial until she was born.

Subsequently, I'd torn my entire life with Tanya apart to keep her. Never once looking back, never regretting it.

If that didn't tell me something right there...

"There wasn't anythin' to praise me for," I responded. "She may not be mine, but she's still blood. And honestly... Honestly, I wanted her. More than I wanted anythin' else until Bella."

He grinned with that. "You love her."

"Carlisle."

"What?" he demanded. "It's clear as day. You love that girl like ya love Ella."

"Ya know what I really love? These little talks of ours," I said dryly.

"So what you're actually tellin' me is that you don't _want _to talk about her."

"Not really."

"Good, cause she's comin' up the drive now."

I turned around and saw that Bella was, in fact, walking up to the house. Drawn to her like always, I let the weed eater fall to the ground again and started toward her.

"Take that back to the shed for me, would ya?" I asked Carlisle, barely turning to make sure he heard me before I set off to meet her.

I stopped at the gate, ran my hand over the back of my neck, and just watched her come to me. She looked incredible today in a little, white sundress - all eyelet lace and ruffles. Her hair was piled up high, a mess of waves and curls. She smiled this smile at me, full of life and happiness, and my heart kicked up, galloping away behind my ribs.

"You really must like to walk."

"I just really don't want to depend on anyone."

I laughed a little, and bent down to give her a kiss. It was meant to be chaste, but the moment my lips found hers, it spiraled out of my control, and all I could do was let myself be consumed by her. By this.

Carlisle knew exactly what he was saying. Bella was everything to me now, the same way the little girl sitting inside with my family was.

I pulled away with that. My hands stayed on her, though, eventually coming up to her shoulders, and I watched her blink up at me lazily and let out this sigh of need that had my cock stirring all over again.

"Jesus," I finally managed to get out. "I think I like ya in this dress."

"I can tell," she said, and followed it up with her own light laugh. "Happy Birthday."

Hearing her say those two words didn't really sound as bad as it did coming from everyone else.

"Thanks."

"I got you something."

"Return it," I said unthinkingly.

I froze in shock, and then quickly stepped away from her.

"Sorry. Guess I'm just used to tellin' people that every year."

"I told you we didn't have to-"

"I want to," I promised. And I did. Anything Bella needed from me to move on, I would do.

Her teeth moved over her lip, rolling, chewing, as she watched me and tried to figure out if I was lying or not.

"You're not the only one who needs to let go of a few things," I finally murmured, tweaking one of her earrings and giving her a grin.

She smiled in return and went to dig something out of her purse. But then she hesitated and gazed back up at me without pulling whatever it was she'd gotten me out.

"I have kind of an... odd question for you first," Bella said quietly.

"What's that?"

"How would you feel about me putting up some pictures of Jake and my family?"

"Your place. Your pictures," I answered. "Don't see how I would need a say in somethin' like that, Iz. I think it'd be good for ya, though."

"No, I..." Warmth flooded her cheeks, and I reached up and let my thumb trace across its rosy color. "Thanks, but that's not what I meant."

"What then? No need bein' shy with me, baby. I've seen ya naked."

One side of her lips quirked, and her breath came out in a relieved rush. "I just don't want you to feel weird knowing a picture of my ex-fiancé is out for everyone to see."

"Uh-huh." I thought about it for a moment. "Really, I don't think it'd bother me. It's not like it's just a picture of him. It's everyone, right?"

"Yeah."

"So long as you're not plannin' on havin' them in your bedroom. I don't think I want all those eyes on me when I'm fuckin' ya. Voyeurism was never really my thing."

"Edward, you fucked me in the room I was thinking of putting them in."

"Oh." I smiled at her innocently. "Well then. Where're ya puttin' 'em up at?"

"In that hutch in the living room. I thought... that maybe..."

"What, there's more?"

"Well, yeah, I..."

I waited.

Bella deliberated.

I finally gave up.

"Spit it out, girl. Don't ya know there's a birthday party waitin' on me in there?" I joked.

She giggled the second my fingers found her ribs and began to tickle her. "Okay, I thought maybe I could put a picture of you and Ella with them."

"You want pictures of us in your house?" I replied, and pulled my hands off of her. "How sweet of ya."

"Here we go..."

"I mean, I'm there almost every day. It'll be nice to see my smilin' face when I walk by that cabinet." I rubbed my chin thoughtfully. "Say, how'd that picture you took of me in the field turn out? That'd look real good there. Just think of it: me up on that fence with my hat blockin' my face and makin' me look all mysterious... A picture of El beside me..."

"You're such a shit sometimes," she laughed.

"It's been my experience that women want a man with a sense of humor. I'm just tryin' to lure y'all in."

"Oh, yeah?"

"One girl especially."

"Pretty sure you got her, Edward."

But for how long?

"Yeah. Suppose I did," I agreed.

"So you can drop the act at any time..."

"What'd I tell ya about listenin' to all that gossip?" I asked her, grinning. "Nothin' about me is an act."

She rolled her eyes playfully. "Do you want your gift or not?"

"You're the one puttin' it off, not me."

"Only because I thought you were mad," she protested.

"I wasn't mad," I told her earnestly.

She seemed nervous again, but silently nodded and finally pulled something rectangular out of her bag.

The wrapping paper was white and full of miscellaneous drawings, with a big, black homemade bow in the middle.

"Ya draw all this stuff, sweetheart?"

She jerked her shoulder up awkwardly. "I got bored one night. The paper's actually floral."

I started to open it, peeling back the paper and seeing that it was, actually, floral - covered in pink peonies and roses.

"How pathetic is it that I know what kinda flowers these are?" I questioned, making her giggle again.

"Ridiculously so. Open it before I freak out and take it away from you."

"Good Lord, you're pushy. I don't wanna ruin art. I might be from a hick town, but I'm certainly not a hick. I know good art when I see it."

"Edward."

I ripped the paper off the rest of the way, staring back at her the entire time. "Better?"

"No."

I laughed, and let my eyes fall to what she'd given me. It was the picture I'd stolen of her awhile back framed in solid black, and it looked exactly like I'd hoped it would.

"Goddamn," I said hoarsely.

"That's all?"

"That's all I can coherently come up with."

She blushed, her eyes darting away from mine shyly.

"I figured it'd be, I don't know, a good way to kind of ease you into the gift receiving thing again since you did already ask for it and all," she rushed out.

"It's great, Iz."

"Yeah?"

"Wanna know what I like more?"

"What?"

"That you got those pictures ya took that day printed out in the first place."

Her eyes widened. "Oh."

"You wouldn't have done that a month ago."

"Guess not, no."

I tucked the picture under my arm and pulled the gate back so that we could walk through together. "So how was your counselin' session?"

She blinked, and then snorted out a laugh. "That's your segue?"

"It's as good as any," I said, flashing a smile at her.

She shook her head ruefully and said, "It was fine."

That was likely all I was getting today, so without another word, I walked with her to the house, leading her into the kitchen where Nana sat at the table, and Rosalie, Alice, and Esme worked on supper.

I spun around the second I saw what was going on, almost managing to escape before they all took notice of us and started shrieking at me.

"What? If y'all weren't tryin' to surprise me with this nonsense, nothin' could be spoiled," I retorted.

Rosalie threw a dish towel at me. "We only tried to surprise ya so we didn't have to listen to ya bitch all afternoon long about it."

Nana laughed, and I narrowed my eyes at her. "Don't think that just cause you're sick means ya can get away with plannin' all this."

"Sure it does. It buys my way outta nearly everythin'. Just not this since it was really all Alice's doin'."

"Nana!" Alice gasped. "What-?"

"Don't like it under that bus?"

"You told me you wanted to do somethin' for him!"

"Wantin' to and actually doin' are two completely different things, darlin'," Nana shot back.

Alice looked flabbergasted.

I just wanted out of here before they turned on me again.

I pulled Bella in for a quick kiss. "I'm gonna check on Ella, and then run upstairs and take a shower."

"What? You're leaving me down here by myself?" she hissed.

"Yep. Throwin' ya to the sharks, as they say."

"You're an ass."

"Swim, Bella, swim," I teased with a laugh.

She seemed ready to hit me.

I hurried off into the living room before I could dig myself into a hole and found Ella playing with a baby doll, her attention divided between the toy and the TV the entire time I stood there.

"Need anythin', sug?"

She twisted around and grinned at me. "Hi, Daddy. Wanna play with me and Dolly?"

"I wish I could, baby, but I've gotta shower. Miss Izzy's here, though. Maybe she'll play with ya."

Her eyes brightened, smile widened. "Okay!"

She started to rush off into the kitchen, but I swept her off her feet and buried my face into her neck, plastering kisses all over her skin until she squealed in delight.

"I gotta question for ya first," I said lowly. My eyes darted over toward the kitchen, and then back at Ella again. "You still miss home?"

"Florida?"

"Yeah."

She nodded.

"What'd ya miss the most?"

"My room. Our beach. Playing at the park with Tyler and Garrett," she answered solemnly.

"Well, what would ya say to us headed back for a week or so?

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. I've got some work I've gotta do. Meetin's and all that borin' stuff. Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle offered to stay here while I go, and I thought I'd take ya with me."

"Miss Izzy-Bella, too?"

"If she wants to come." I set her down on her feet. "Don't say anythin' yet, though. I've gotta figure out when Miss Izzy can go, all right?"

She was off again, only making it halfway across the room before she doubled back and latched onto my leg.

"I love you, Daddy," she said into my jeans.

I crouched down to see her clearly. My hand came up to cover the side of her face, and I smiled, even though I felt like I was being unfair to her and all of this was messing with the balance her life should have. I'd promised myself to be everything I could for her, and lately, it seemed like I was failing. Like I was spreading myself too thin, neglecting her somehow.

I sighed, pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose, and murmured, "Not as much as I love you."

* * *

"I'm stuffed," I said on an exhale, and pushed away from the table.

"Not so fast!" Rosalie exclaimed. "You have to open your gifts."

"My what?" I returned flatly.

"Gifts. I told ya we went all out this year."

"Why do y'all insist on torturing me all the time?"

Bella giggled quietly to herself, and then glanced over at me sheepishly. "I feel like maybe I started something here," she whispered.

"Ya think?"

She tried not to smile.

Didn't succeed.

The women in the family stood up and started gathering empty plates and platters of leftover fried chicken and pork chops, bowls of mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, and okra. Nana went to grab the blackberry cobbler, and Bella shot up out of her chair to get it instead.

"Mama!"

She glared at Esme. "What?"

"Sit down. Bella's got it."

"I'm fine."

"Sit down," Esme commanded. "I'm not askin' again."

Gingerly, Nana sat down and huffed in annoyance.

"And you say Rosie and I are bad."

She turned her stare on me. "Y'all are. I can't even help with the dishes anymore."

"You can't even do the dishes," I returned. "Ya pick up a plate and cringe."

"That's not true."

I cocked my eyebrow at her.

"Well, no one knows if I could or not since they won't let me try," she sniffed.

"Nana, you're barely even eatin' anything anymore. Why would they?"

She pursed her lips unhappily.

"You agreed to let us all come home for this."

"I did," she sighed, and then let her eyes flicker over to Ella. She lowered her voice and continued with, "You seem to be doin' better with it."

I snorted derisively. "You're kiddin', right?"

She blinked back at me.

"Nana, I- God," I swore, and shoved my hand through my hair, "you remember what it was like when Mom died?"

"Of course I do."

"Yeah, well, that's what it's like for me. All over again." A blurry memory came back to me, and my stomach churned anxiously. "I take that back. It's worse now. It's harder because I know what's happenin'. I've seen it already. I know what's comin'."

She reached over to grab my hand.

Her skin was cool to the touch.

"Ya always knew I wouldn't be here forever," she murmured.

"But I didn't think it'd be like this. I thought... I don't know what I thought. You'd go in your sleep or somethin'?"

"Everyone's dream."

I forced a smile back.

"I'm glad you've got Bella now," she said. "You'll need her. You're obviously takin' this harder than the rest of them."

"I know."

We both glanced over at Ella again. Carlisle had moved to the chair beside hers, keeping her distracted.

He met my eyes and smiled.

"You need to tell her about Ella."

Back to my grandmother now, I scowled.

"I know," I repeated.

"Before it's too late."

"But when?"

"You plannin' on bein' with her till ya die?"

"Without question."

An exuberant smile bloomed across her face. "That's all I ever wanted for you, ya know? To be happy with someone."

"Yeah."

"You should tell her now, Edward. If there's anythin' I know now, it's that it doesn't do ya any good to wait on things. Look at the way your daddy went. Look at your grandaddy. Ya don't know how long you'll have with someone till they're gone. Why spoil the time ya got with a lie?"

"I need to talk to Rosie first."

"Hon, you defer to your sister too often when it comes to this. Ella's yours. Not Rosalie's."

"But this affects her."

"It's affected all of us, Edward. Don't fool yourself into thinkin' it never did."

"What do you suggest I do? No one knows about this except for our family and the asshole that..." I took a deep breath. "And Royce."

"Tanya does."

"Tanya doesn't count, because Tanya doesn't care what happens to her," I said vaguely. "She made that clear when she saw her lying in her bassinet the day I brought her home with me, and then packed her shit up as quick as she could."

"Ya ever find out why Tanya took off?"

"Not really. I was so pissed off and... blown away, I just let her go without a fight."

"Ya might've," Nana interjected. "But you had a few more important things to think of. Like that baby's next feedin' or nap. You couldn't go around chasin' some girl who had it in her to leave ya like that in the first place."

I was silent for a bit, thinking of what to say - how to explain. "After I got some perspective, I saw all these little things that should've tipped me off. I think at first, she was intrigued by the idea of takin' Ella. Then after a while she decided that she didn't want her, but I guess she didn't know how to tell me. She was always tryin' to convince me that Rosie was givin' her away anyway; why not let her give her away to some set of strangers and get married and have our own?"

"And you?"

"I wanted both," I answered quietly. "I wanted Ella and a couple other kids runnin' around eventually. I wanted what Tanya wanted, but I wanted to give Rosalie somethin' no one else could, too: a chance to watch her daughter grow up with everythin' she couldn't give her just yet. But I loved Tanya. It took me a long time to come to the decision that havin' Ella meant more to me than anythin' else."

"I would've taken her. Helped Rosie do all she wanted."

"But where would we be now? Rosie's still tryin' to sort herself out after all that."

"She's doin' fine now."

"Because she lives how many miles away from that piece of-"

My grandmother opened her mouth to cut me off, but the door to the kitchen abruptly swung open to do it instead, revealing Alice and an armful of gifts.

Bella came back into the room last, a remorseful expression on her face.

I barely reined in a groan when they were all plopped down on the table in front of me.

"Happy Birthday," Alice sang.

I smiled tightly and set to work on opening everything they'd gotten me. Most of it was practical; things like a new hammer that Ella had proudly picked out, a miter saw that Carlisle and Esme had gotten when I'd complained about my old one. I said my thanks and watched them all disperse to different parts of the house.

Ella and Bella lingered.

"What now?" I chuckled.

"Miss Izzy helped me make you a card, Daddy."

"Oh, she did, huh?"

She nodded and held the folded piece of blue construction paper out for me to take.

Little scraps of paper in different patterns and colors were arranged and glued on the front to look like a house. Gold glitter made up the sand, and a turquoise, paisley printed cut out of a wave was in the background.

"It's our house," I said to myself.

How ironic that I'd just been asking her if she missed home.

All I had to do was wait for this and I'd have known just how much.

"That's our beach and my swingset and Miss Izzy helped me with the big flowers that are over here."

"Hibiscus, bug." I opened it up and took in the barely legible and misspelled "Happy Birthday" she'd written inside.

That weighty feeling came back in full force, and I thought I might suffocate with it.

"This just might be my favorite present ever," I told her, and watched her face light up with a smile.

"Really?" she squealed.

"Yeah," I confirmed on a laugh, and Bella's expression relaxed. She had no idea how much things like this made me feel for her, how much everything felt as if it'd finally fallen into place, despite the chaos that surrounded me.

"I think it is."

xx

Upstairs now, Ella was fast asleep. Alice had driven off to Sam's to grab a drink with Rosalie, even though my sister's underage status would force her to sit in the dining area, and Esme and Carlisle had hunkered down in their bedroom not too long ago.

Nothing but the sound of classical music floated through the walls as we passed it by.

Nana had been in bed for hours already. I took a quick peek into her room, saw that the TV was still going softly, and without adjusting anything, shut the door before leading Bella into my room.

The card they'd made me stood proudly on the nightstand.

I took off my boots, my watch. I unbuckled my belt and went to the drawer to grab a pair of sweats and saw Bella fidget nervously.

"What are you doing?"

I chuckled and moved to stand beside her. "Gettin' comfortable. Relax. I'll drive ya home in a while. I just wanna sit with ya for a bit."

"But Ella's..." She trailed off and gazed over at the door that connected my room with Ella's.

"Fast asleep." I pulled her close to me, leaned down to kiss that space below her ear I loved so much.

She clung to me.

"Thank you for today. It wasn't actually too bad. Tolerable, even."

Her laughter was quiet, almost silent, and she pulled back to see me.

"I could've done more. Sam offered to close down the restaurant for the night and let me throw a party. And you know everyone would've been there with you being a Masen and all."

"And why didn't you?"

"Because the point was to celebrate your birthday. Not ruin it," she retorted. Her lips twitched again with enjoyment, and with it, came a moment of clarity.

She worked so hard to make me happy, despite whatever went on inside her sometimes; despite how much I was keeping from her. She needed to know everything, all the ugly, all the secrets.

I just had to figure out how to say the words. Explain everything I'd been thinking when I adopted Ella, and what we'd originally planned for her.

Because one day in the not so distant future, Ella would know she was adopted. And then, slowly over time, she'd get the full story.

And maybe - hopefully - Bella would be there when she did.

"What are you thinking?" Bella whispered softly. Her hand stretched up and lightly pushed at my hair. "You look so serious all of a sudden."

"Nothin', really," I murmured, and then put my mouth on hers, brought her against me. She emitted a low moan, and dragged in a rough breath before letting herself go a little more, before melting against me and letting me walk her to the bed.

"Ella-"

"You'll just have to be quiet," I said. My mouth moved over her skin, fingers skimmed beneath her dress. I grabbed the fabric and ripped it over her head, and then laid her down. Crawling down her body, touching her, making her writhe while I finished undressing her, until she was gorgeously bare beneath me.

My hands fanned out at her hips, urging her to spread her legs. Her right leg dropped; her breath caught when I gazed at her, and I was left tumbling, falling all over again for this woman.

"I need to ask ya somethin'," I said against Bella's stomach. I dipped my tongue into her navel, worked my way down.

"Then you're going to have to... so I can..."

"Nah." The word was muffled, and I pressed a kiss to the inside of her thigh, watching her body arch up with sensation. For me. "I wanna make sure ya say yes."

"Edward," she replied, and the sound was almost keening from how long I'd been torturing her.

Just a little more...

Shifting to the right, just enough so that my nose grazed over her. She grabbed at the sheets and gasped. "Take a week off and come home with Ella and me."

"What?"

I pressed a kiss to the apex of her sex, let my thumb slide inside. "You said ya wanted to come to Jacksonville with me."

Her teeth cut into her lip, and she squeezed her eyes shut. A sound bubbled out of her throat, and she exhaled when I finally eased my mouth down on her.

"Nothin' in the world is prettier than you gettin' ready to come," I said. The vibrations in my voice made her body clench, made her moan.

"When do you want to go?" she ground out.

"Whenever Sam'll let ya. As soon as we can. I can't wait to take ya in _my_ bed."

"Oh... Fuck."

"Mmm. Ya like that idea, baby?"

I replaced my thumb with my index finger, felt her tighten up again, and then added a swirl of my tongue.

"Bella?"

"Yes," she hissed.

"Yes, ya like it or yes, you'll go?"

"Both, just..." She shuddered, right at the precipice. "Don't stop."

"Sweetheart," I said with a chuckle. "I wasn't gonna."

* * *

**If you didn't already know, I entered the Going for the Gold contest a while back and won a little something. Thanks again to everyone who voted, and to the judges for giving Melt With You first place. I've posted it to my profile if you're interested. And t****hanks to MsKathy for giving it a shout out on Fictionators. xoxo**


	15. Chapter 14

**Thank you, everyone, for reading this thing. Seriously. Words do not express.**

**I won't be updating next week due to the holiday. To everyone celebrating it in advance: Happy Turkey Day!**

**Thanks to my beta, Stratan, and my prereaders stephk0525, twilover76, claireoth, Nikita2009, and Andrea. xoxo**

* * *

**Bella**

I slipped out the front door, needing some time to myself. We'd spent the last three days with Edward's family, and they were absolutely wonderful. Amazing. They were loud. They pestered one another. But there was a softer side to them. They were kind, sincere. Caring. Giving.

Everything I knew of Edward seemed to be hereditary.

I sat on the closest rocker and pushed off the white, wooden planks on the porch. I gazed out into the yard and closed my eyes. Just for a moment. Just long enough to regroup, get myself sorted out again. Having a celebration for Edward's birthday had been important to me. Getting to know the people he loved, the ones he relied on most, almost a necessity. But I hadn't had the foresight to know how it would affect me. How it would make me long for my dad's gruff laughter; my mother's scattered thoughts and conversation. The smiles, the jokes. How Jake and I would sit together and sip whatever alcoholic beverage Renee had concocted that day and praise it, regardless of how we both had to choke it down.

I missed my friend. I missed the way he looked when he grinned. How we understood each other so well that a simple passing look would send us into hysterics.

The front door opened, and Rosalie came out. She glanced around, spotted me, and smiled. The smile didn't quite reach her eyes, and I wondered what troubled her. For as privileged as she was, she always seemed so sad.

I supposed money didn't buy you everything.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Just needed to escape for a minute."

"Ya feelin' all right?"

"I'm fine." I smiled up at her sadly. "I'm reminiscing, that's all."

She looked down uncomfortably, and then quickly moved to sit beside me. "I hope ya don't mind, but Edward told me about..."

"I don't mind. It's not really a secret. All that stuff's public record in Washington."

"Yeah. My brother, he..." She puffed out a breath. "Well, he cares about you."

"I know he does. And I'm grateful for it, Rosalie, because he means alot to me, too. More than I wanted him to."

She nodded and seemed to relax a little. "I see you two and I... I guess I envy ya a little."

"Really?"

"Sure. Y'all click."

Funny, I'd just been thinking the same thing about Jake and me.

"I miss that," she continued. "I thought I had it once, but..."

I watched her shrug, introvert a little, and furrowed my brow.

"So did I."

"Yeah?"

"With Jacob. We seemed to always know what the other was thinking and were so in tune..." I pulled my knees up to my chest, found a loose thread to pick at. "But it wasn't what I thought it was. I mean, I loved him. So much. With your brother, though, it's different. More. Like there was something missing with my relationship with Jake that I didn't know of until now."

"So you love my brother?"

"I..." I hesitated, denied. "I'm not sure yet. Things are still pretty new."

Satisfied, she changed topics. "You want kids?"

I arched my brow.

"Sorry. I just... With Ella, I wondered."

"I'd never thought about them until I got engaged. And then I wanted them, even though the closest I'd ever been to a baby was in the grocery store checkout line. But after... I was really messed up for a long time. I didn't want anyone, not even myself. Now, I'm seeing that kind of thinking was stupid. Because I'm still me. Different," like Edward had said, "but me."

She nodded.

"What about you?"

"Oh, I can't. I love them. But it's just not meant for me."

Her eyes glazed over, and this look of pure grief passed over her face as she stared out at the Masen property line.

"Wh-?"

Like Grand Central, the door opened again, revealing Carlisle and Esme, chattering away about something as they bounded down the steps and over to their car. Esme opened up the door, reached in, and tossed a few bags over to Carlisle.

"Did they go shopping or something?"

"This morning. Esme wanted to buy Nana a few things."

"Few?"

"Esme's coping mechanism is shopping," she said with a laugh.

"I noticed."

We sat there watching for a few more moments until Rosalie silently rose from her seat and went back inside, leaving me to sit there awkwardly while the Cullens cleaned out their car. After a few minutes, I finally got tired of looking unsociable and went down to see if they needed any help.

"No, thanks," Esme said when I asked. "We're just about done."

"Okay."

She spun around and gave me a smile, the same mega-watt smile that always graced her daughter's lips.

"Ya know, Bella..." She studied me for a moment, and then somehow managed to smile wider. "You're beautiful. Much prettier than that other girl Edward used to bring home. What was her name, Carlisle?"

I blushed.

"Tanya, Esme. You know her name."

She waved him off. "Where'd ya say you were from again? Things are so hectic around here I plum forgot."

"I uh, Washington. I'm from Washington," I stammered.

"Oh, where at? Seattle?" She glanced over at her husband for confirmation. "Didn't Mama say Seattle?"

"No, I grew up in Forks. It's a few hours' drive from Seattle. I went to school in Seattle, though."

"Right, right. Sorry. I don't know why I thought you were from Seattle."

"That's okay."

She smiled at me, and then I was lost. I had no idea what to say or do, and I was beginning to freak out over the silence that seemed to endlessly stretch on between the three of us.

"Listen, I have a bit of a proposition for you," Esme said, and started toward the house.

"Um... okay?"

"Edward says you take pictures."

"Used to."

"He says you've still got all that equipment in your attic," she said, ignoring me.

"Yeah."

"I want ya to take pictures of Mama and the rest of us while she's still here."

I blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Edward swears your work is good, and I want somethin'..." She covered her mouth, inhaled deeply, and then started again. "I want somethin' to remember this last little bit of time with her by. For us to have when she's gone."

"Oh, Mrs. Cullen, I don't-"

"Please?" she asked softly.

"I don't have a darkroom."

"Get my nephew to fix that up for ya."

"Uh." I ran my hands through my hair and sought out another excuse.

The front door opened, and I practically jumped Edward in relief.

"Oh, thank God," I ran over to him and whispered. I snuck a glance over at his aunt and uncle, grateful they were too busy organizing their bags to pay us any attention. "I can't do this. Your aunt just asked me to take pictures of your family while your grandmother..."

I choked back a sob and felt Edward's hands come up to stroke my back soothingly.

"Iz, you do just fine."

I shook my head adamantly. "No, no, I don't. I just stood there and couldn't give her an answer. They probably think I'm an idiot."

"They don't expect ya to be completely comfortable yet."

"I know, but-"

"Hey," he said, grinning down at me. "Calm down. I told them you were kinda shy before they got here. Besides, that was a big favor to ask of you. It's no big deal."

I bobbed my head in reply.

He dug through his pockets for a second, and then pulled out his keys. He dangled them between us, one side of his lips curling up as he stared at me.

"Wanna do _me_ a favor?"

"What?"

"Drive me somewhere. Anywhere ya want."

"Why...?"

"You can regroup. Escape for a while."

"Edward, I-"

"You'll do better if you can think about it without them hoverin' over ya."

I shook my head, took the keys from him.

"Where to, sug?"

* * *

We went to my house first so that I could grab my camera and bring it with me. Film was next on the list, and instead of driving to some destination, I decided to walk to the square and sit with Edward for a while, see if something struck my eye. There was no use telling Esme that I'd take pictures for her if I couldn't find any inspiration to begin with.

"Damn, that thing's complicated."

I spotted a little girl, hair ribbons billowing behind her as she raced over to her mother, and snapped a picture.

"It's not. Try it."

I passed the camera to him and watched him fiddle with it. His face was scrunched up adorably, eyes trained on all the buttons.

He nearly dropped it, catching it just before it fell to the brick sidewalk below.

"Shit."

I laughed to myself. "Here."

I showed him how it functioned, and by doing so, I reacquainted myself with it a little. I'd forgotten the way the shutter release felt beneath my index finger, how the grooves in the focus ring always seemed to catch every spec of dirt imaginable.

I tried to get some of the dust out with my finger and frowned, realizing how much it used to annoy me - to the point that I'd debated buying a new camera more often than not.

Now I didn't think I could ever part with it. It was a piece of the old me, tangible evidence of the girl who'd once held it. Loved it.

Once Edward seemed to get a feel for it, he took a picture of an elderly couple walking down the sidewalk before passing the camera back over to me.

"You know that graveyard?"

"The one by my house?"

I nodded.

"What about it?" he asked, his brow lifting inquisitively. I stared back at him, and that flutter in my chest came back.

"Show me it."

He stared out into the square without answering me for some reason.

"Edward-"

"It's..." He blew out a gust of air. "It's where every Masen that's lived in that house has been buried. I don't ever go-"

He broke off and glanced back at me, a look of deep sadness passing over his face.

And I knew exactly why. His grandmother planned to be buried there.

That changed things.

"I'm sorry," I said softly. "It was a bad idea. For both of us. We don't have to go."

"I probably should at some point. My parents are there."

I was silent for a while, wondering if I could handle seeing him stand before his family or not. Likely not. I could feel the pull, that need to grieve, deep in my bones.

But if I'd learned anything so far from grief therapy, it was that I had to stop hiding from it all. I would never heal if I didn't try to come to terms with what happened last year.

I put the camera in my lap and twisted my body toward him, hand coming up to rub at his shoulder soothingly. He gazed at me, understood.

I didn't want to cry, but a tear streaked down my face, anyway.

I smiled at him.

"I've never been back to where everyone was buried. I went to funerals I can barely remember, and then I just never wanted to go back."

He gently ran his fingers down my cheek then leaned in and kissed the place the tear had stopped. "I haven't been back since... Ella was born. It's easier for most people to keep goin' without havin' to see the reminder all the time, I think."

"You want to check out the reminder while Alice watches Ella?"

"Ya think ya can handle it?" he shot back, and with it, came a teasing grin.

"Only one way to see."

I expected him to get up, maybe drag me with him. But he didn't move. He simply sat there and watched me until I got nervous; until my eyes started darting between his in confusion.

"What?" I asked softly.

He opened his mouth to speak, and then abruptly shook his head. He brought his hand up to cup the back of my neck and kissed me in that way of his. That long, slow, tender way that lingered and made everything in me quicken and want. My breath came out shakily, and I stared up at him again, my heart screaming at me to just admit it, say it aloud.

They were just words. Simple to some.

But to me, they were complex. Complicated. A culmination of all my fears.

To me, they were everything.

"Nothin'," he finally replied. "I... God, I don't know what I'd do without ya, Iz."

A sob caught in my throat, and I pressed my forehead to his chest, hoping to hide how that affected me. Because I knew. Without a shadow of a doubt, I knew that he felt for me as I did for him. That somehow, despite all my efforts, we'd come to be more than just a step in the right direction for me - a leap of faith, a person to share their grief with. And if I just let myself say them, those words would be returned to me without hesitation.

But I couldn't. No matter how much I wanted to.

I just wasn't there yet.

So I did the next best thing. I wrapped my arms around him and took a minute to compose myself, memorize the moment and the way it made me feel: the birds chirping in the branches above us; the way the wind picked up and smelled sweet with the crops in the fields just outside of town. How, through all my insecurities and fears, happy I was with him.

And when I was sure I could speak again, I said, "I don't know what I'd do without you, either."

xx

The Masen family cemetery was just on the edge of their property line, guarded by an old, wrought iron fence. I started in surprise when the gate creaked as Edward opened it. He stepped inside, glanced around. There was moss hanging down from a large oak that Edward had to move aside as he walked closer to the graves. Some were made of large monuments. Others were more modest, their stone weathered by the years. Edward glanced behind me and ran a hand through his hair anxiously. I went to follow him.

I felt like I couldn't breathe.

I ground my teeth in frustration and gripped onto the cool metal of the gate. I swayed, steadied myself, and heard a sound bubble up out of me. A scream, only kept back by sheer force of will. Because I'd pushed myself too far, wasn't prepared for the memories that came back to me. How vivid my mother's laughter suddenly was.

But it was more than that. It was panic, clawing its way from my center. Making me shake. Ache.

And Edward was witnessing it all. Seeing the ugliness I'd managed to trap and ignore until now.

My vision blurred with my tears, but I could see him coming toward me. Hear his voice, his concern. Hear my broken apologies, feel my feet scrambling away from the cemetery line.

I rushed over to the truck and flung open the passenger's door, hurriedly shutting it again as soon as I was safely in the cab. I bowed my head and braced myself on the dashboard, hoping to somehow find air again.

The truck rocked from side to side as he got inside with me, waited this out with me. With one, final deep breath I chanced a glance over at him, and swore my heart broke at his expression.

"You were gettin' better."

A bitter laugh escaped me, surprising us both. "Not in the least," I muttered.

He didn't like that much. He scowled at me for a moment, and then, "No, I think ya are."

"Did you not just see-?" I broke off and turned away from him. "I'm sorry I ruined this."

"Ya didn't ruin it, Iz. I-" He cleared his throat and pulled at his hair. "If my parents were alive they would've wanted me to make sure the girl I'm datin' is okay instead of starin' at the ground coverin' up my ancestors."

I nodded, because he was probably right. My parents would've been the same way. "Now do you see why I didn't think it was a good idea to get involved with you? I'm so... It's like... I don't know what I have to offer other than some broken down version of myself."

"You've got more," he said fiercely. "You're so much more."

I gazed at him warily.

"Sometimes I don't think ya listen to me at all. All the things I've said to ya, and how many times I've told ya I _want _the girl you are now. Not who you were before."

I scoffed.

"Bella, damn it... I swore I wouldn't tell ya any of this until you were ready," he said exasperatedly.

"Tell me what?"

Green eyes pinned mine. "Don't ya get it? Ella's in love with ya. My whole family's in love with ya."

I swallowed around the sudden lump in my throat.

"_I'm_ in love with ya."

With his words, I burst into tears, crying harder than I did before. He looked horrified at my reaction, and he reached out for me, only to snatch his arm back at the last second.

"Are you... I didn't mean to- Is that a bad thing? I can't tell with ya right now. Jesus, this is exactly why I told myself to keep my mouth shut. You-"

He stopped when I shook my head forcefully. "It's good. It's so, so good."

"Thank God," he said on a sigh of relief, and scrubbed his face with his hands. "Fuck. C'mere."

He pulled me into his lap and held me against him. I could feel his lips in my hair, slowly moving down until they were moving with mine, instead. My hips undulated into his, fingers wound in his hair. Suddenly, I couldn't seem to get enough of him; wanted him right here on the side of the road in the hot, sticky cab of his red Chevy.

I fought with the buttons of his shirt, and then shoved it away to feel his torso. My hands roamed over his skin, down until I reached his belt buckle.

He moaned, dragged his mouth away from mine to speak.

"I don't want you runnin' away, but I love you, Isabella Swan. God, do I love you."

I raised up and leaned back toward the steering wheel, groaning when his hands slid up under my shirt, worked their way beneath the cups of my bra. "I'm not running," I gasped, and rocked harder against him.

He froze.

I let my hands travel up to his shoulders and stared down at him, laughing at the look on his face.

"I thought you'd have figured this out by now."

"Figured what out?"

I bent forward with a smile on my face, nipping at his ear just before I whispered the unexpected, "That I'm all talk when it comes to leaving you."

* * *

I sat on the couch, camera in hand, wondering why I'd agreed to do this when I couldn't even look at a gravestone without breaking down. This was bound to be more difficult - more trying - because I would see every smile, every tear shed in this house over the next few months. And while I'd technically be on the outside, there were still feelings involved. I cared about this family and what happened to it. And when Annabeth Masen finally...

I blew out a heavy breath. I was going to find myself in an asylum after this.

But then I looked up and saw Edward coming into the room. Just like me, he was still high on what had happened between us earlier. He gazed over at me and his face broke out into a wide smile, flashing that dimple at me and making me feel all warm and blissed out.

Without thinking, I returned the smile.

This was the reason. _He_ was the reason. For as much as I loved Ella - Annabeth, for that matter - I loved him more. So much, so deep, I'd die a little each and every day to keep him.

I brought the camera up and took a picture of him then shifted and took one of Carlisle and Esme on the loveseat, murmuring some kind of private conversation. One more shot, and the film was gone, the sound of it being rewound loud in the quiet room.

"When do ya want your darkroom, baby?"

I blinked up at Edward and had this intense desire to cross the room to be next to him. Touch him. Show him how much he meant to me since I couldn't seem to find the strength to say the words. I didn't want him thinking it was one-sided, or lose him to my stupidity.

I wanted to keep him forever.

A thought that was, quite honestly, terrifying. It meant I'd given someone else my heart, and could be hurt all over again. This time, the potential damage was more extreme. I'd taken my life with Jake for granted. And now, I knew what I had to lose, how it felt to do so. If anything were to happen to Edward, I was afraid my little, errant thought of being put in an asylum wouldn't be such a joke. I didn't think I could survive it again. With him. With Ella.

I got up off the couch and plastered another smile on my face; my fingers laced with his the moment I was close enough. I gazed up at him, stood up on my toes, and pressed a kiss to his lips, instantly feeling better. There was just something about him that soothed me, comforted me. Made me feel as though I were home again.

"Whenever you want," I said softly, coming back just enough to see how he looked at me and feel my heart speed with it.

"Kitchen'll be wrapped up on Monday," he mumbled.

I somehow brightened up more. "Really?"

"Yeah. I can do it after that? Then we can head down to Jacksonville for the rest of the week if ya still want."

"I still want," I breathed.

"Good."

"God, you two are sickening," Alice teased as she came into the parlor. "Mama, Nana's upstairs sleepin'."

"Is she all right?" Esme asked.

"She claims she's just tired."

Edward and his uncle exchanged a look.

My stomach twisted into knots. It was torture to be involved with this family.

Yet, the torture was voluntary. No way could I let them go.

"Ella still outside?" Edward suddenly asked Alice.

"Playin' in the backyard. Rosie's watchin' her from the kitchen window."

My hand was still in his, so he led me past his sister and to the backyard. We found Ella playing in the dirt beneath the rope swing tied to a big maple; she spotted her father and shot up off the ground.

"Daddy, push!"

With a chuckle, he released my hand - in just enough time to catch Ella in his arms. Dust flew everywhere from her soiled clothes, but he didn't say a word about it. He simply kissed the tip of her nose, sat her down, and instructed her to sit down on the swing.

He followed her out to the swing, and once she was settled, began pushing her. It was low at first, and eventually, he started pushing her harder, higher, until she squealed with delight, and threw her head back to grin down at him.

I abruptly remembered the camera in my hand, the extra roll of film in my pocket. I quickly made the exchange and tucked the used roll back into my pocket as the camera powered back up.

And then I snapped a memory. One where Ella's blonde hair shimmered in the light that filtered down between the leaves; where her face scrunched up with laughter. Where her father smiled behind her, hat now low over his eyes and a smile curving his lips.

I lowered the camera and looked around. "How did you not want this?" I asked in wonder. It was picturesque. Perfect. Made of dreams.

I found him staring at me, his face unreadable. I assumed I'd need to explain, but that ended up being a ridiculous notion. He knew. Just like he always knew.

"Oh, believe me, sweetheart," he replied. "I want this. I just want it somewhere else."

The weight of those words, his expression, made my heart ache. Whatever was on my face was enough for him to let out a low curse, apologize to Ella, and then focus on me again to say, "Forget I said anythin'."

"No, I don't want to forget it," I argued. "I..."

Deep breath.

"I want it, too."

His movements faltered, and Ella went swaying from side to side. He quickly righted her and hurried to my side.

"Izzy, don't fuck with me here."

I laughed. "Nicely put."

"I don't know how else to say it. You know how I feel about ya."

"I know," I confirmed. "And I... God, I..."

It was like my throat closed up on the words.

"I'll wait, ya know," he murmured. "I'll wait until you're ready."

"That's the second time you've said that."

"Said what?"

"About me not being ready."

"Well, you're not."

"But... Why? I mean, why wait? There are so many other..."

"Because I don't want anyone else. Because, with you, all the waitin'll be worth it."

It was unfathomable to me how, after everything he'd gone through in his life, he was able to just take things at face value. Go with the flow. He was so sure of himself, of me. Us. If I could have only had a little piece of that, things might've been easier. Instead, I was constantly second guessing and worrying, wondering when that proverbial other shoe would drop.

"What are ya thinkin' about?"

"You."

"Am I naked?"

A laugh burst out of me. I shook my head. "Sorry to disappoint."

He frowned and pulled me to him, and then the frown was gone, replaced by an impish look instead. The way his body started to move against mine was almost inappropriate for the four year old eyes scanning the scenery behind us.

"Edward."

"Just tryin' to change your mind," he teased. "Is it workin'?"

He pressed himself closer, moved so that I could feel him harden. "We just had sex a couple hours ago."

"Mmm." He dipped his head and nuzzled at my neck. "Are ya tellin' me ya don't want to again?"

"No, I-" I closed my eyes as heat shot straight through me.

"That's what I thought."

"You need to stop," I said weakly. "Ella."

He kissed the spot below my ear he was so fond of and backed away, running his hands through his hair and dragging in a rough breath.

"I'll get Ella. You go get your stuff together."

"What for?"

"I need a distraction from ya for a while, or else I'm gonna wind up doin' somethin' stupid."

"Oh..."

"Yeah."

"So what do you want to do?" I questioned.

"We're gonna set up that darkroom now."

I opened my mouth to respond, and then quickly snapped it closed again, having no idea how I felt about that.

"Don't back out on us now," he said sharply.

"I'm not. It..." I took a steadying breath, reached out to him in an effort to ground myself. "Having a room to process all these pictures your family expects me to take makes it all... _realer._"

"I know it does," he sighed. He stared off at the house for a moment, almost like he was debating whether or not he should continue.

When he finally looked my way again, he seemed so lost, so vulnerable.

"And I'm gonna need ya to get me through most of it."


	16. Chapter 15

***waves* I hope everyone has had a great couple of weeks. Thank you for the reviews, the adds, and support for this fic. Thanks to my beta, Stratan, and to my prereaders stephk0525, twilover76, Nikita2009, claireoth, and Andrea. **

**Updates might be touch and go for a while. I've got a lot going on in my RL, and then there are the holidays... Yeah, you get it. I will update as much as I can until the New Year is here. After that, things should get back to normal. **

* * *

Chapter 15

**Edward**

She still hadn't said it back.

And that was okay, because this was Bella. She'd come to me eventually. I just had to wait, like I'd told her I would. And God knew I had nothing better to do with my time than wait for her. It was all I seemed to do lately. Wait on her to let go of her past. Wait for my grandmother to leave us. Wait for Ella to become old enough to start explaining her family history to her.

"I got us something to christen the new kitchen with," Bella said excitedly as she came bursting through the back door.

Her arms were full of groceries, so I hurried across the room to help her.

"Lube? Handcuffs?" I joked. "You say christen, and my mind races with all sorts of things, sweetheart."

"You're such a perv."

I simply waggled my eyebrows at her in response and said, "Cabin," reminding her of our first time together.

She pulled a chicken out of the grocery bag instead of verbally answering me.

"Your idea of christenin' somethin' seems to be completely different than mine."

"Your grandmother showed me how to cut one up. I thought I'd try to make some fried chicken."

I made a face. "Seriously? Can't we just go upstairs for a while before El gets here?"

"Seriously! Why is this so bad?" she asked with a laugh.

"You're talkin' about splatterin' grease all over this brand new stove... On the backsplash I worked so damned hard on last week. Ya might even get it on the cabinets."

She rolled her eyes.

"These are custom, handmade cabinets, Iz. The stain on 'em is even customized to match the hardwood in there."

"You done?"

"Yep. What'd ya need me to do?"

She grinned at me; that smile was the reason why I'd wait. She might not have admitted it yet, but I knew she loved me, too. I could hear it in the way she spoke, her laughter. See it in the way she looked at me. Feel it in her touch.

But she had a long way to go before she'd say the words out loud.

"Get the flour and stuff out of the pantry. I'm sure you know the recipe."

"Your wish. My command."

We worked in tandem for a little bit, long enough for Bella to get the chicken cut up and pour the buttermilk into a bowl. She placed the pieces in the buttermilk, and then washed up and went to get the frying pan ready.

I took her hand with mine to stop her.

"Let it soak," I murmured.

Her eyes slid to the chicken questioningly. "For how long?"

"However long it takes me to finish."

Back to mine now, they flared with heat. I brought her up and sat her on the counter, running my hands over her hips, up until they were beneath the plain, gray t-shirt of mine she had on.

"This corner's just about perfect for this," I said against her lips, and then I kissed her. God, she was so soft. So warm.

"I thought you wanted to go upstairs."

"Too much trouble. I want ya here. Like this. All spread out for me." I nuzzled into that spot beneath her ear, and she let out a shaky breath, threw her head back.

"Ow," she muttered when her skull connected against the cabinet behind her. "But there's food right-"

I chuckled and pushed the food aside, watching her eyes widen when the problem was abruptly solved.

"Not anymore."

She gave me that smile again - the one that made me feel like my insides had melted, my stomach had turned inside out. "I love you" was on the tip of my tongue, but I knew better than to say it. I knew _Bella_ too well now. She was trying so hard to get better, to be whatever it was she thought I needed. I could only push her so far. She needed to do the rest to get to where she wanted to be.

If only she'd realize that everything I'd said was true. That what I needed was her. Just her. As she was now. This beautiful, damaged creature whose chest heaved with mine, hands roamed over my body.

"I love it when ya touch me," I said into her skin, nipped and sucked, heard her sharp intake of air that followed.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Your hands on me..." She dropped her hand and felt me through my jeans. "God... Bella..."

With a growl, I brought her to the edge of the countertop to feel her heat against me, feel her writhe as I kissed her soundly. Her hips rocked into mine, and soon, I pulled her shirt up over her head, unsnapped her bra and let it fall to the floor between us, because I wanted more of her. Always more of her.

I let my eyes drift downward, stared at her perfection. I cupped her breasts, lifted them up and rolled my thumbs over her nipples. They tightened at my touch, and all I could think of was tasting her, devouring her. My mouth moved down over her; my fingers worked at the fly of her jeans. I slipped my hand in and found her, pushed two fingers inside.

So hot... slick.

Mine.

"You wanna come?"

She moaned, and her legs came up to wrap around my waist. "You're kidding, right?"

I slowed everything down, made a pass at her clit with my thumb. "Tell me, and I'll make ya."

She made a sound of frustration and stared back at me, but her body told me how much she liked it.

"Edward," she breathed.

"Bella."

In.

Out of her completely, running my knuckles over her. Waiting. Willing her to speak the words.

In again. Just a dip. A tease. She groaned and let her head drop back to the cabinet once more, fingers digging into the muscles of my shoulders.

"Make me come."

So I did, drawing away from her to watch as she fell apart at my hand. She took her lip in between her teeth, held onto me, and let out a beautiful sound as she came. The look of it, being the reason for it, overtook me, and I suddenly couldn't finish getting her undressed fast enough. Our mouths clashed together as we fought and pulled, threw things to the wayside, so that we were both stripped bare. Ready. Aching. Needing.

She reached out for me; I jerked in her hand, when she stroked me languidly, and then led me to her. I stopped just short of that place inside her I loved so much and grabbed the back of her thighs, slowly bringing her legs up so that her feet sat at the edge of the granite.

"Just like that," I said darkly, and sank into her.

I cursed at the way she felt around me, how she moved with me. I dropped my gaze to where we were joined and watched for a moment, let my eyes flicker back up to her face.

She was watching with me.

"Iz..." I ground out.

She lifted her head and smirked, and then brought her hand up to the back of my neck and pulled me against her. She met me stroke for stroke, kiss for kiss, until our pace was furious. Until our skin slapped together and we were sweaty, panting. Until I picked her up to get more leverage, so close to-

"Oh, God, don't stop," she gasped. She clung to me, muscles locked up, eyes closed. With a final thrust, her body released and shook. She moaned my name...

And swept me away.

xx

On the floor now, we had our clothes strung around us. She was draped over me, loose and happy. Her hand trailed over my torso, and her quiet breaths rushed over my skin. I closed my eyes and felt my lips curve involuntarily, because I could stay like this forever. Wrapped up in her.

A sudden laugh tumbled out of me.

She rose up, dark hair spilling onto my chest, and arched her brow. "Care to share?"

_Not really._ "I'm whipped."

"You're an amazing human being who tends to put everyone over himself," she countered.

I blinked.

"What?"

"Nothin'," I mumbled, and rolled us over so that she was lying beneath me. Her back made contact with the cold tile, and she hissed; I grinned. "Nothin' at all."

"It's not nothing," she murmured as I started placing kisses on her jaw. Down her throat, to her chest. I took her nipple into my mouth, and she arched up off the floor. "Ella will be here soon."

I dropped back down beside her instantly. I gazed over at her, let my fingers skim over the dip between her breasts, and knew it was time to tell her what I'd been working up the courage to say since my birthday. Since my nana talked a little sense into me. I loved this woman. None of what we were made sense with a secret kept between us. She deserved to know it all. The good, bad... Anything that could change her mind about me or my family.

I swallowed that down and tried to keep my tone light. "You tend to put Ella in front of a lot of things, ya know."

"I do?"

"Mmm."

She frowned and twisted her body toward mine. "She means a lot to me."

"I want her to." I paused. "But we need to have a talk about her before ya get any closer."

She pulled away from me looking hurt. "Did I do something wrong?"

I reached for her and brought her against me. "No," I said firmly. "Never. Everythin' you do is right; that's the problem."

"I don't get it," she said softly.

"I know. I want ya to. I... I have spent forever tryin' to figure out how to tell ya this," I told her, and I had to fight off the urge to keep everything bottled up, protect Ella from anyone who might hurt her.

From anyone on the outside.

"I _want_ ya involved with Ella. As much as you feel comfortable bein'. Ya know that, right?"

She nodded.

"I see y'all together, and I..." I sighed, and propped myself up on my elbow to see her better. "I trust ya."

"Edward, you're talking in circles." She paused for a beat. "And that's freaking me out a little. You're always so blunt about everything."

"I know I am," I groaned. "But, Izzy, you've gotta understand. I've never told anyone this before. No one but my family, the friends I've had since before it happened, and Tanya know this, and that's only because they were all a part of it at some point. I don't know how to go about it right."

"Okay, now, you really are freaking me out."

I tried a different route, because I was screwing this up with the way I was going. "I've been really unfair to ya, Bella. I keep waitin' for ya to drop your guard. I keep pushin' ya to let me into your heart. And I've not done too much of it myself. I keep holdin' back a little."

"Why?"

"I don't have a good reason, really. Fear, maybe? You'll see how messed up this situation is and decide that with everythin' you've got goin' on it won't be worth it."

Her frown deepened. "You've seen everything wrong with me. Heard some of the stories. As much as I don't want to, I've always been open with you about it all. I've let you see exactly what you're getting into so you could run away as far as possible if you wanted - panic attack included. I should get the same treatment."

"You're right. But I think once ya hear it, you'll understand."

She sat up with an angry huff. "I'm waiting."

"El's not-"

There was a quick knock at the door, followed by the sound of the lock being released as someone pressed the button on the exterior handle. We both shot up off the floor and grabbed the nearest item of clothing we could find - her bra, my jeans.

Ella's giggle filtered through the hall, and with one last, wide-eyed glance my way, Bella scrambled to gather the rest of her clothes up and hide in the pantry.

I'd have laughed if I wasn't so busy trying to zip my jeans up.

I'd just managed to jerk my t-shirt on when Alice and Ella came into the kitchen. One of Alice's brows quirked up, and I considered some sort of snide remark about being early, but Ella was chattering away, telling me every detail about her day.

She stopped mid-sentence, turned a circle, and stared up at me in confusion.

"Daddy, where's Miss Izzy?"

"Ah..."

"Yes, Daddy," Alice said with a smirk. "Where's Miss Izzy?"

I glowered at her.

"I'm right here," Bella said, and came out of the pantry looking like...

Nothing had ever happened.

She hefted up the bag of potatoes and grinned. "Want to wash up and help me?"

"Can I Daddy?"

"I'm not gonna be runnin' her up to the hospital for a severed limb, am I?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "Butter knife, Edward."

"Then cut up all the potatoes ya want, sug. I'll get the chicken goin'."

Ella raced across the room to get a knife from the silverware drawer.

"You wanna stay for dinner?" I asked Alice.

"No, thanks. You two seem to be just fine on your own," she joked. "Besides, I've got dinner plans with Mama and Daddy tonight."

"Good 'cause I was just bein' polite."

She laughed and threw Bella a wave. "I'll see y'all later. Ella, I had fun today. Thanks for showin' me the park."

"You're welcome, Alice," Ella answered distractedly. Her face scrunched up as she concentrated on slicing through the potato Bella had set out for her. She pushed as hard as she could, and a piece of the potato came flying out at me and landed just at my foot.

Her big, green eyes were full of shock as they darted up to Bella's. The second their eyes met, they giggled, and Bella handed her another potato to cut, pushing an errant lock of hair behind her ear as if it was the most natural thing in the world to her.

The air left my lungs. Because this woman loved not only me.

She loved my daughter, too.

I bent down to retrieve it, flashing Ella a smile when I stood back up. "Remind me never to get ya involved in any sport that requires you to have aim."

"Daddy..."

Like she knew what I was talking about.

I chuckled and washed the hunk of potato off in the sink before dropping it in the pot next to where Bella stood. I put an arm around her waist and pressed a kiss to her hair, breathing her in as I waited for her to glance up at me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered when she did. "That did not go as planned."

Then again, nothing really did when it came to Ella.

"It's not your fault," she replied. She tossed a peeled and cut potato into the pot, and then glared at me.

My lips twitched with the urge to grin.

I knew what was coming.

"You're telling me later, though. Don't even think about trying to get out of it now."

_Called it._

"Wasn't gonna, baby. I promise."

* * *

The coffee table was covered with scattered crayons and drawings, colored pages from a Disney coloring book Bella had gotten Ella a few days ago. Anne Hathaway was taking the crown on the DVD we'd rented. The room was dark, my girls curled up together on the end of the couch. Bella gazed up at me sleepily and smiled.

"Her name was supposed to have been Isabella."

Bella stilled, her eyes questioning.

"I've never told anyone that before."

"You were going to name her..." She trailed off and brought her hand up to her neck. "So that's why you wanted to call me something different?"

"No. Yes." I ran my hands through my hair. "Can we go outside? I don't want her to wake up and hear."

She nodded and wormed her way out from underneath Ella, laying her gently on the couch and covering her up before following me out to the front porch.

"Tanya picked out the name," I said, leaning against the rail. A car passed by; I watched the red glow of its taillights fade away before continuing. "I loved it from the second she mentioned it. But when she left, I couldn't use it. I didn't want her havin' anythin' to do with that baby."

"So you found something similar."

"Yeah." I exhaled loudly. "I call ya 'Iz' or 'Izzy' mostly because 'Ella' and 'Bella' are too alike. I guess from the beginnin' I wanted ya to be a big part of our life, and I didn't want a lot of confusion when I was talkin' to ya both. I don't know."

"No, that makes sense... But I don't think what you want to tell me really has to do with her name."

"No. It's just an opener for it all."

She reached out and let her hand drift down my arm. She squeezed my hand encouragingly. "Talk to me."

My chest was filled with anxiety, and I had to fight the urge to bring my hand up to my sternum and rub the feeling away.

I swallowed hard.

"Ella's adopted."

Bella's eyes searched my face; her hand clamped down on mine. "What?" she gasped. "But she looks just like-"

She yanked her hand back and covered her mouth. She stood there processing it for a moment, and then, "I feel so stupid for not seeing it."

"Don't. No one sees it because I've worked so hard to make it like there's nothin' _to_ see."

"Edward, how?"

"Sit down. I'll tell ya all I can."

She obliged immediately, giving me no time to gather my thoughts.

I sat beside her and closed my eyes. "Rosie was fourteen when she met Ella's father. Fifteen when she got pregnant. She wanted her. From the time she found out, she was willin' to give up every dream she had for Ella. But Royce wasn't."

"Royce?"

Looking at her now. "King."

"Why does that sound familiar?"

"Because his father's one of South Carolina's trusted senators," I said snidely.

Her brows popped up in understanding. "_That's_ who Rosalie was talking about a few days ago?"

My brows knit in confusion, but I didn't ask what she was talking about. "Must have been, yeah."

"So what happened?"

"He asked Rosie to get rid of the baby. Rosie refused. She snuck off to Columbia with a friend one night to see him. She said she wanted to try to talk some sense into him. They fought; it escalated. He kicked her around a little. Put her in the hospital.

"The Kings spent a lot of money keepin' that quiet. Rosie didn't lose the baby, which was what Royce was probably tryin' to make happen. But the the damage was done. Rosalie was terrified of him. I think he told her there'd be more than just a few bruises and cuts if she didn't do what he said."

"Jesus."

"And despite all..." I waved my hand around in a flourish, "_this_, we're nothin' but small town compared to the Kings. They could destroy our family without even blinkin' an eye if they wanted to bad enough.

"So she did what she was told, because she didn't really have a choice. She promised to give up the baby, and to keep people from knowin' around here and talkin' about her, I took her to Jacksonville for the year. She did homeschoolin' and only went out of the house for doctor's and lawyer's appointments. She was workin' with an agency to find a couple to take Ella."

"How'd you wind up with her then?"

"It was that ultrasound," I answered. "I came home to find Rosie sobbin' in her room and sayin' how much she wanted to see her baby grow up but couldn't. And then it was like it just hit her. Tanya and I had been together forever; we'd planned to get married. So she asked me to take her. Adopt her and raise her. Royce would get what he wanted, and so would she."

Baffled now, she asked, "You _agreed_? Just like that?"

"No." A brittle laugh escaped me. "At first, I thought Rosie'd gone nuts. But she kept pesterin' me about it. Givin' me all these reasons why it'd work. It got me to thinkin'. I like kids. Always have. And I've been pretty good with the few I've been around, too."

"You're amazing with them."

I smiled at her then, put my hand on her leg. "Tanya and I talked about it but could never really make a decision. It was like one day I'd want it, and then the next I didn't. Same with her. Thinkin' back on it now, it was more like we somehow knew we weren't supposed to have her together. So I made sure Rosie kept lookin' for a family for Ella, just in case.

"But then... Then I held her, Bella," I said fervently, "and all the reasons I had for not takin' her were gone. She was mine. I wanted her. I wanted to be the one to teach her how to swim and help her with her homework. I wanted to be the one to protect her from the world. From her father, if it ever came down to it."

"Everything you do with her makes sense now. The way you only came home for holidays up until now. How weird you are sometimes about Rosalie and Ella's relationship. All the evasiveness when it comes to her mom... And, I mean, I guess I get it."

"Do you?"

"Yeah. It's not unusual to have a daughter who looks like another family member. You can keep up the pretense so long as they aren't together all the time. But if someone looked hard enough... How _is_ it that with all the gossip around here no one sees it, anyway?"

"Records are sealed," I said. "People speculate, but they speculate about me and Tanya. Someone asked me once what Ella's mama's stage name was. They thought she was some stripper I cheated on Tanya with and knocked up."

She snorted, "Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"I've never heard that. I don't hear much of anything, though. I probably wouldn't like half of what I did. I'm sure people talk about me a lot. Us."

"That's one of the reasons I wanted to be with ya, you know," I replied quietly. "I'm not some prize to be had with ya. I'm just another guy. Someone who fixes up houses and came home to be with his sick grandma."

"Thank you for telling me. Finally."

"Thank you for stayin' with me," I returned.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I told ya. This whole thing with El's a mess."

"It's not a mess," she objected. "Not anymore."

"Iz, sweetheart... I feel bad about it all the time. I-"

"Edward," she whispered, and moved to straddle my lap. She gazed down at me and put her hands on my face, thumbs running over my cheekbones as she said, "You have nothing to feel bad about."

"I do. The way she looks at us-"

"Is expected. Come on. She gave up her baby. Not just to some stranger. She gave her to her brother."

"She says she doesn't regret it," I murmured, letting my hands drift up to rest at her waist. "I think she's lyin', though."

"Maybe, maybe not. I think you two would need to talk about it to know for sure."

"This, comin' from you?" I joked.

She hummed. It was a sound of contentment, and it made my heart swell. "I'm all about the talking these days."

I laughed. "Now who's lyin'."

"I'm trying," she giggled in return.

I pulled her down for a kiss; words didn't seem to mean enough for the way I felt right then.

"If I thought this would be bad, I still have to figure out how to tell _Ella_ about it all someday," I said after a while. "She's gonna hate Rosie. Me. I..."

"She won't. You'll see," she responded. "She might be angry about it at first, but she'll eventually see that by doing this, you two gave her what you could."

"What's that?"

"You gave her a chance."


	17. Chapter 16

**Thank you everyone for the reviews and recent adds. Thank you to my fucktabulous beta, Stratan, and to my prereaders stephk0525, Nikita2009, claireoth, twilover76, and Andrea.**

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**Also, Dear Maggie was nominated for Best Rec'd on Fanfiction Fridays 2012 at Rob Attack along with SO many other good ones. Thank you for that one as well!  
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* * *

Chapter 16

**Bella**

I tossed and turned all night long. I couldn't seem to shut my mind off, stop thinking of what Edward had admitted to me earlier.

Ella was really Rosalie's daughter.

It all _was_ a mess. But it also made sense. Every strange look he'd had, the way he was so closed off when it came to certain things about Ella.

I wondered if I should want to be a part of it, get involved further in it. Because this little girl didn't have one woman who lived close enough to her to give her what I figured a child would eventually want and need. A female influence, someone to talk boys and shaving and boobs.

"Jesus, I should've guessed right then," I muttered to myself, thinking of the night Ella rambled about getting boobs.

But I_ did_ want to be a part of it. Regardless of logic, my heart was too invested to turn back now.

Giving up on sleep, I threw off the covers in frustration and went to brew a pot of coffee. It was just light outside when I went to sit on the back deck and watch the sun come up. I sipped. Inhaled the sweet, summer air. Listened to birds chirp in the trees.

The door opened behind me; Edward's boots made a hollow sound as he came near.

"What are ya doin' up so early?"

I glanced up at him from my perch on the steps. "Couldn't sleep."

He looked stricken for a moment, and then plopped down beside me.

"So..."

"It's a lot to get into," I murmured. Despite my doubts, the recent panic attack, my voice was sure. Steady.

I felt a smile start on my lips. I'd come so far in such a short amount of time; I couldn't help but be proud of that, despite the knowledge that I still had a long way to go.

And I had Edward to thank for it. Even if he had a habit of denying it.

"Iz, I don't want ya to-" He huffed and looked at me - truly looked at me - and then realized I really wasn't running off scared. I was here, with him, ready to move onto whatever life held for me now.

"Sweetheart," he began, only to stop himself and bring me to him. Kiss me so long and hard, my fingers curled into the skin of his forearms just so I didn't lose myself in it, him.

"This doesn't scare me anymore," I breathed against his lips. I slowly opened my eyes so he could see the honesty of that. "You two fill the emptiness I've felt for over a year. I don't..."

I trailed off and jerked a shoulder up.

"What?" he breathed back.

So close, right there... bubbled up to reach the tip of my tongue.

_I love you_, I thought, and then said something more elaborate.

Though not nearly as important.

"I don't know that I would be any better without you. I kept people out thinking I was protecting myself, but really, all that was doing was hurting myself more. Because I had nothing good to focus on. You're the good, Edward. You and Ella both. With you, I have hope that maybe one day soon I'll be able to walk into a graveyard without panicking or drive by a funeral home without wanting to cry."

"You will."

"Because time heals all wounds," I quoted. "Right?"

"Well... without soundin' kinda corny or cliche, yeah."

"See, I don't know that it does. I think you have to want to heal. You have to have a reason to. And I didn't have a reason to until now."

"This is too deep for six in the mornin', sug," he joked.

I passed off my mug of coffee off to him with a grin. "Drink up, pansy."

He chuckled and took it, his fingers brushing over mine as he did. "I really thought I was gonna lose ya with this."

"Why, because you waited so long to tell me?"

"Nah." He shook his head. "I shouldn't have done it, mind ya, but I've always just thought ya kinda skittish, Iz. Like maybe the smallest thing would set ya off to somewhere else. I don't give ya enough credit. You might've run from Seattle, but ya didn't run from life. You just lived it in a different place."

"That's not totally true," I admitted, and it was surprisingly cathartic to talk to him like this instead of shutting it off or merely giving just enough to scratch the surface of all I felt. "I established a routine when I got here. I made sure I had something to keep me occupied at almost every waking hour. It kept my thoughts from getting away from me, so I was able to... compartmentalize everything, I guess you could say. I'm just now starting to willingly feel it all again."

"You're stronger than ya know, Iz," he argued. "I don't know that I could have gotten through it."

"You've been through it."

"Not all at once," he answered roughly. "Mine was spread out over time. Still is."

"But your grandmother is everything to you."

"She was, yeah," he said lowly. "But things change. She's still important; don't get me wrong. But I have Ella now. And you."

"Me?"

He flashed a dimpled smile at me. "I love the two of ya. Isn't that what you were just sayin' with all that 'reason to heal' stuff?"

I went to speak, but then just grinned back at him and nodded.

He was absolutely right.

"So what are your expectations?" he asked.

"Expectations?"

"Well, now that ya know the situation, what'd ya want from us?"

"I think I should be asking you that," I countered. "You're the single parent."

"I'm not after a mother for her, if that's what you're gettin' at."

"No, but that brings up an important subject."

"It does," he conceded. "Do ya wanna be a mama someday, Iz?"

"I think I might," I replied, understanding that the question meant more than just the biological function of procreation to him. "I think I might rather be chosen to be one, though."

"Chosen, huh?" he repeated with a twitch of mouth.

"Yeah. It would mean more if_ she_ chose _me_ than if we made the decision for her."

"You're sayin' you'll be around that long?"

"I'm saying that as of now, I have no plans to be anywhere else."

He sat the mug down and put his hands on me. "You know,_ I _chose ya, Bella. I did the second I saw ya."

"That sounded awfully close to a marriage proposal, Edward," I responded thickly, and let my eyes wander around the yard nervously.

With a laugh, he pressed a kiss to my nose. He stayed there like that, so our foreheads were together, eyes dancing with amusement. "Settle down, Iz. You'll know for sure when I propose."

"There was no 'if' in that sentence. I need an if. We have to be realistic about this."

"I'm an eternal optimist. I believe I met ya when I did because I was supposed to chase ya down and make ya see that you were meant for somethin' outside of Seattle. You were meant for _me_."

God, how I longed to have some of his confidence.

But I didn't. Not anymore. Not after everything that I went through last year.

There was no use pretending I did.

"Edward," I said hesitantly, "if there's one thing I've learned, it's that life changes drastically when you least expect it. We don't know how we'll feel a year from now."

"Fine," he corrected, rolling his eyes at me as he pulled away. "You'll know_ if _I do."

* * *

There was a commotion at the front door, a banging sound as something heavy was dropped on the floor. Alice's low curse managed to reach my ears, and I put down my book and glanced at Edward's grandmother.

"What has that girl got up her sleeve now?" she asked in exasperation.

I pressed my lips together so I didn't laugh at the expression on her face. "I'll go see."

I made my way out of the Masens' parlor and into the foyer, my eyes widening when I saw the sheer amount of explosive materials Alice had brought home.

"Miss Izzy-bella!" Ella squealed the second she spotted me. "We got fireworks!"

I laughed softly and crouched down to examine the fireworks more closely. "Ladybugs, huh? Bet I know who picked those out."

"Me! And look! We got sparklers! Jasper says I can hold them up like this," she held out her arm in demonstration, "and write my name in the sky."

"You don't know how to spell your name."

"Yes, I do."

"Oh, yeah?" I challenged with a grin. "How?"

"E-L-L-A," she recited proudly.

I pretended to be astonished. "Who taught you that?"

She giggled and rolled her eyes. "Miss Izzy, Daddy taught me."

The door was opened further, hitting me on the hip and bouncing back at the man coming through the door.

He looked at me, tightened his hold on the box in his hands, and gave me a sheepish smile.

"Damn it, Edward, if I'd a known your girlfriend was gonna be here, I'd a dressed better."

My eyes fell to the dirty, white undershirt he had on.

"What for?" I heard Edward yell back. "Not like you need to impress her; you've practically got a wife already."

"Yeah, but I don't want her thinkin' I'm some kinda white trash redneck, either."

Edward simply laughed in reply.

I stood up and moved away from the door, my hip smarting with each step I took. "I take it you're Jasper."

"Ah..." He searched for a place to set down the box, and then wiped his hands on his jeans. "Yeah. Nice to finally meet ya."

He held out his hand and smiled. He was cute. Shy. He ran his other hand through his thick, curly blond hair and gave me a quick once over as we shook. "Alice has talked about ya nonstop. Edward, too."

"Don't start with that," Edward muttered as he came inside.

But the moment he glanced my way, he winked.

I tried not to smile.

Jasper chuckled and backed away. "I really am sorry about the door."

"It's okay. I should've known better than to be behind it in this house."

"And what, exactly, is that supposed to mean, sug?" Edward asked teasingly.

"You all are constantly coming and going," I answered, and then took a good look at him. He was dirty and greasy, just like Jasper. "What have you been up to?"

"Gettin' that old shack cleaned out," he responded. "I've got a team of guys comin' up to fix it for me."

"What are you doing with it?"

"Just restorin' it. I think I wanna... I don't know. I'll get the permits to put in a water line, but I think we'll wind up stayin' here."

"In the house?"

He stared off behind me, toward the parlor where Ella had gone to visit with Annabeth. "Yeah."

"What changed your mind?"

"I was bein' selfish to want to go," he said with a shrug. "I've only got a certain amount of time with her left. Seems stupid to waste it on house huntin' and movin'."

I stood up on my toes to kiss him. He smelled like motor oil, wood, and dust. I went to speak, and suddenly sneezed into his chest.

He laughed. "Am I that bad?"

"You're all dusty." My eyes landed on a cobweb stuck to his shoulder.

"I'm headin' up to shower now. Throw some stuff in a bag for tomorrow. Care to join me?" he murmured.

"No... I'm supposed to help grill. You people eat a ridiculous amount of food."

More laughter. "Come on, baby. Just sneak away with me for a minute."

"Not that I'm complaining, but you've never taken _just _a minute."

"But if we don't do it now, we won't have a chance until we get to the house." He suddenly stopped, lowered his hands to my waist. He clutched onto the fabric of my shirt and pressed up against me. "Never mind. The thought of the next time I fuck ya bein' in my bed is too good to pass up."

I didn't know what to say back to that.

His thumbs drifted up under my shirt, running over my stomach. Back and forth. Back and forth. His movements were almost hypnotic, causing goosebumps to break out all over my skin.

He stared down at me when I shivered.

"Want it?"

"Want um..." I cleared my throat. "Want what?"

"For me to get ya in that bed and take ya slow... until you're beggin' me to put ya out of your misery and comin' so goddamned hard when I do..." He drew in a shuddering breath, bent forward, and dragged his lips over my jaw. In my ear, he whispered, "And then when I'm done with that, I'm gonna fuck ya in my shower. From behind. Fast and hard so ya scream my name."

"But Ella-"

"You think she'll be there when I do? She's got a playdate with my assistant's kids tomorrow night."

"Really?"

"Yeah," he answered roughly. "Really. I wanna do it right. I've never had a girl in my house like this."

"How is that...?"

"Possible?" he finished, and then shrugged. "No one meant enough before now."

Emotion surged through me, thick and heady, nearly sweeping me off my feet.

A throat cleared from the doorway.

"I can't hold her off forever," Jasper said wryly.

_Alice._

I laughed a little. "I'm on my way. Tell her she can start doing whatever it is she's dying to do."

"I like her already," he said to Edward just before he ducked back out of the room.

"I hate my family sometimes."

"You don't."

Edward flexed his hips into my stomach so that I could feel the effect of our conversation. "Uh, yeah. I think I do." He paused. "I might be a while."

I laughed and extricated myself out of his arms. "Come find me when you're done."

With a grunt, he shot up the stairs, leaving me alone in the foyer. I breathed in deeply, worked to hide the flush in my face, and then started through the kitchen doors.

xx

"Ella!" Rosalie called out, motioning her from where the men of the family were getting ready to light the fireworks and over to where we sat. "Come 'ere!"

Ella dutifully obeyed, and raced over toward us. "What, Aunt Rosie?"

"Let me tie your shoe. It's come undone."

Ella glanced down at the little, pink shoes on her feet, and then jerked back when Rosalie bent down to retie the left one.

"Miss Izzy do it."

Rosalie opened her mouth once, and almost as if she had been rendered speechless, snapped it shut again.

My eyes flickered away from her guiltily, and with an uneasy smile in Ella's direction, I sat my camera down and tied the laces tight, checking the right side before letting her run off to be with her father.

"Thank you!" she shouted over her shoulder.

"Welcome," I mumbled.

Rosalie stood up and said, "I'm gonna grab me somethin' to drink. Y'all want anything?"

"I'll just come with you," Alice answered immediately. "I need to put on some more bug spray anyway."

The second the screen door shut behind them, I flopped back into the wicker chair and sighed.

"Edward told ya."

My head whipped around toward Mrs. Masen. "How did you know that?"

"That look on your face," she said softly. "He's got the same one half the time. I don't know what it is with you people and thinkin' ya got somethin' to be guilty for."

"She doesn't know I know."

She pursed her lips, green eyes focusing on mine. "Hmm. He didn't talk to her first?"

"No."

"He tell ya everything?"

"Mama," Esme hissed.

"It's okay," I said to Esme. "And yeah. He did."

"Good. You need to know about Tanya."

"Why?"

"Heard she was comin' home in a few weeks' time. She never comes home."

"Oh."

"Just don't want that girl takin' ya by surprise, is all."

"I'm sure I'll be fine."

A thick laugh rose out of her. "I'm sure ya will."

I was quiet for a moment, watching Edward laugh at something his uncle said.

"Think I should tell him?"

"It's up to you," Mrs. Masen replied. "That girl's a parasite. Used to be able to get under his skin like no one else. I don't think she can much anymore."

I thought about that, and then murmured, "I'm still going to warn him. Seems stupid to keep it from him."

She smiled approvingly at me. "All right."

I rushed out toward them, catching Edward's eye the second I stepped away from the bricked patio in the backyard. He grinned, sat some kind of rocket launcher aside, and went to meet me.

"Hi."

"Hi. Mind if I hang out with you guys for a while?"

He smirked. "Missed me, did ya?"

"I..." I chewed on my lip, debating.

"Iz." No nonsense now. "What's goin' on?"

"I'm kind of uncomfortable around Rosalie."

He scowled. "Because of what I told ya?"

"No... I mean, yeah, that's part of it. But Rosalie called Ella over to tie her shoe, and instead of letting her, she wanted me to do it."

"She's four," he said, like it explained everything.

"I know, but it's weird."

He chuckled and took a step closer. "I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"For tellin' ya and makin' ya feel weird."

"I don't feel weird about the situation. Just that she's unaware of me knowing," I explained.

"Ah. Well," he searched the yard for something, and then let his eyes travel back to me. "How 'bout we talk her when we get back from Jacksonville? It'll gimme a little more time to figure out what to say."

I nodded. "Okay."

A kiss to my nose now. "Okay. Wanna light the first firework?"

"Uh..."

"Come on," he laughed. "Don't be a baby."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"El's ladybugs are up first."

"Well, in that case..."

"Oh, no. They've got more bite than ya think. Gotta light it and toss it away before it can get ya. They're jumpy fuckers."

I giggled. "Seriously? You think I can't handle a little ladybug?"

"Just you wait."

He dug a ladybug out of the package and handed it to me, following it up with a lighter and three giant steps back.

"Now, if ya don't let it go in time, I don't wanna hear a word about it. I tried to warn ya."

"Fine. I won't. All my words will be directed to the doctor in the family," I retorted.

Carlisle snorted with laughter.

I held the flame of the lighter to the fuse until it sparked, and then threw it out to the flat slab of concrete they'd hefted out into the field. It jumped up in the sky and spun, and I grinned when I heard Ella's squeal of delight come from the house.

I tore my eyes away from it to glance over at Edward. "Your ex is coming to town in a couple of weeks."

His eyebrow slowly rose.

"Your grandmother said there's been a lot of gossip."

"Course there has. She hasn't been here in ten years." He puffed out a breath and dragged his hands through his hair. "I might've had somethin' to do with it."

"What do you mean?"

"When I saw her... I made a dig about never comin' home to see her mama. I also mentioned you. Not you specifically, but the general comment that there was someone."

I nodded in understanding.

"She'll be comin' by Sam's to visit. Like everyone who moves away does."

"I figured."

"You good with that?"

Now I was the one to arch my brow. "Any reason why I shouldn't be?"

He made a disgusted face. "Bella."

An abrupt, protective feeling swept through me. "I don't want her anywhere near Ella," I said firmly.

He gazed at me for a moment. "Neither do I. I don't trust her not to say somethin' just to piss me off."

"Great. So she's a psycho ex-girlfriend," I said dryly.

That got a laugh. "I have no idea. I did my best to avoid her till now."

A loud boom went off behind us; a burst of color flashed overhead.

"Ya pack anythin' yet?"

"No. I was going to in the morning."

"Iz!"

"_What?"_

"You put it off any longer and I'm gonna think ya don't wanna go."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm a girl. There's a lot of stuff I use in the morning. It's easier to just pack it all up when I'm done with it."

"Uh-huh," he joked. "Pack any _clothes_ yet?"

I glanced away. "No."

"You're nervous."

"A little."

He grabbed my shirt and playfully yanked me over to him. "What for?"

"It's a big step."

"You're kiddin'," he answered flatly.

"No. I don't know... I don't know how to do this. What you're expecting."

He sighed. "Look, I don't know much either. I don't know if you'll like it there or not and what we do once... But whatever it is, however it works, I want it. Because I'll always want _you_. Okay?"

Just like that, he eased my fears.

"Okay."

* * *

"Higher, Miss Izzy!"

"Uh... No," I replied, and pushed Ella again. "I'm not really comfortable with that."

She twisted around to face me, blonde hair whipping into her face.

"Turn around before you fall!"

Edward snickered beside me.

I glared over at him. "It's not funny. She could break her arm or something."

"She's not gonna break her arm," he replied calmly. "She's got a death grip on those chains."

I gazed back over to where Ella swung in front of us and noticed her knuckles were white from how tight she was holding on.

I gave her a gentle push forward.

"Maybe we should stop."

"Sure. If ya wanna deal with a tantrum."

"I can't do this all day."

"She'll tire out," he promised.

"If not?"

He grinned. "Then I'll drag her off the playground myself. I wanna take ya out on the beach before it gets dark."

My heart fluttered frantically behind my ribs. Edward took one look at me and put his arm around my waist.

"Too much?"

I shook my head once. "No. Everything's... Well, it's beautiful here."

Inland, it reminded me of South Carolina. Lush and green. Toward the shore, the vegetation thinned and palm trees lined the streets. Sand found its way onto the sidewalk, into my shoes.

And then there was the glimpse of ocean, the sound of it rushing the shore.

I closed my eyes and swore I could still hear it, taste it in the air.

"So you like it here?"

My eyes snapped open and shot to his. He seemed so uncertain all of a sudden, so much like me.

I warmed.

"So far, yeah," I answered with a smile, hoping to relax him a little. "But I have yet to see your house."

He stepped back; his hand came up to mess with his hair, and he gave me a smile. "Sorry 'bout that. She loves this place."

I waved the apology away. "It's fine. She missed her home."

"Yeah," he said, and the way his voice sounded had me reaching out for him again.

"You okay?"

"Just... stressed out," he said with a shrug. "I guess that's expected with what all's been goin' on."

I didn't answer. I wasn't sure I could. I might've understood, but anything I thought to say suddenly felt... _inadequate_.

My hand dropped to his, and I squeezed as I stared up at him. The sun was bright overhead, and he smiled at me, leaned down to kiss me-

"Daddy!" Ella shouted.

He jerked away from me. "What, bug?"

"You not s'pposed to kiss Miss Izzy right now."

"Why not?" he asked with a laugh.

"Cause she's s'pposed to be pushin' me," she answered hotly.

"Hmm." He gave her a big push, sending her high into the air. "I think it's about time for us to get goin, anyway'."

"No," she whined.

"Yes. Especially with ya actin' like that."

"But-"

"Ella Marie," he warned. "What happens when ya get an attitude?"

She looked like she was about to protest further, but - smart girl that she was - decided against it.

"I get in trouble," she finally answered morosely.

"Uh-huh." He suddenly grabbed the seat of the swing and held her still. "Listen, hon, I was thinkin' we could take Bella to the house and show her our beach soon."

Ella brightened considerably.

"Daddy, I show Miss Izzy my room and all my toys first?"

"If you behave."

"I will," she swore.

"I know ya will," Edward replied, smiling, and placed a kiss to her hair.

After a few more minutes of watching Ella play, we walked to a small diner Edward said he loved. The moment we walked inside, I could see how much he came here before he moved. People went out of their way to talk to him, much like they did back in Masen Valley, but it was different this time. It was welcomed. The tension seemed to visibly leave his shoulders. His expression relaxed, and I found myself staring at him, seeing him for the first time all over again.

That smile.

That dimple.

The shock that came from the sight of it again, and how it left me breathless. Fuzzy. His eyes found mine from across the room, all things back in South Carolina momentarily forgotten -

I kept a hold of Ella's hand and couldn't help but wonder how he didn't break under all the pressure he was under back home.

Then something occurred to me, like ice water being dumped over my head.

He wouldn't stay. Not for me, for his sister. He'd leave the second he could, because _this place _was what made him happy. It made _Ella_ happy. And something went through me, a feeling rising just to the surface - one I'd never experienced before. It made me realize something: she needed to come home. She needed to feel that stability, the security she had here with the life they had here together.

He'd done too much - given up too much - to ruin it now.

I gazed around the room, envisioned myself meeting him here for lunch, becoming a vital part of his life. Ella's.

It would be so easy.

And I wanted it. I wanted to let everything holding me back go; let it all scatter with the wind, dissolve in the waves that crashed against Edward's backyard.

All he had to do was ask.

Masen Valley had somehow become temporary. A refuge when I was at my lowest. A way to regain my strength, myself again..

He came back over to us then, picked Ella up, and led us to a booth along the windowed wall. I could see people milling around a shopping complex; businesses to our left. The sun was bright, wind kicked up.

"My office is that way," Edward said, pointing in the direction I was staring. "Close enough to walk when it's not too hot."

I spotted an Italian restaurant, and then glanced back at Edward questioningly. "Why here? Why not someplace a little..."

"The burgers taste like the ones back home. Not as good, but close."

"You bring your clients here?" I teased.

"Please," he scoffed, grinning back at me. "If I can get 'em to agree to a meetin' with me despite my accent, ya think I'm gonna mess it up by bringin' them to some mom and pop place?"

"They agree to meet you because you're talented, Edward."

"You're just sayin' that 'cause ya have to," he returned with a wink.

"Caught me."

"Ah. The truth comes out."

I tossed a packet of sweetener at him. "Stop it."

His phone buzzed on the tabletop. He picked it up, read the text, and smirked.

"Marcus," he stated.

"Am I going to meet this infamous Marcus while I'm here?" I asked.

"You wanna?"

"He's a part of your life," I said in answer.

"Tomorrow," he said decidedly, eyes dark as they locked onto mine. "I'm keepin' ya to myself tonight."

I tried not to react to that - all those promises he'd made last night - and failed, shifting ever so slightly in the seat I shared with Ella. "What time is she getting picked up?"

He smirked again, wider, and pushed at my foot with his under the table. "Eager, are we?"

I merely shrugged in response.

"Seven," he said lowly, his eyes flickering to his daughter. She sat oblivious, lips pursed in concentration, tiny hand fisted around a purple crayon.

"Thank God," I sighed. "Okay, shutting up now."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, well..." I nodded in Ella's direction.

He sat back, an intense look on his face. I felt like squirming under the weight of it, with the way it made my heart pound and my throat close up.

"You keep looking at me like that lately. Why?" I managed to ask.

He didn't answer immediately, almost like he couldn't. He brought his glass to his lips, took a sip of his Coke, and finally let his lips curve.

"Countin' my blessings is all, Iz."

Tears sprung to my eyes. "Edward..."

"Look, Miss Izzy! See what I made?"

I exhaled sharply, thankful for the interruption. "It's beautiful," I said emphatically.

"That's me and Daddy..." she pointed out. "And over here, that's you, Miss Izzy-bella."

"What am I doing all the way over there?"

"You're not really over there," she replied with a little giggle. "I didn't have room to draw you with me and Daddy, so ya have to pretend we're all together."

"Oh. I see." I shifted my eyes across the table, saw that same expression on Edward's face again.

"I can do that," I told her gently.

"You will?"

"Of course I will," I responded, acting slightly offended. "I'd be lonely all by myself."

She giggled again and picked up an orange crayon. "You're silly, Miss Izzy."

And then quietly, so that no one could hear...

"I really was, wasn't I."


	18. Chapter 17

**Ohai... I'm still here. I know. Shocking. I'm just really, really busy lately and have time for nothing. Oh, and I'm a little on the blocked side. Things are so hectic, it's like it's clogged my brain.**

**On that note, I have about half of 18 done, but every time I look at it, nothing happens. Boo. Maybe one day, it'll click.**

**Thank you to everyone for your concern and PMs. Thanks for the reviews, and to my beta, Stratan, for finally having some time (he's just as busy) to go over this chapter.**

* * *

Chapter 17

**Edward**

"Edward Masen, are you working?"

I pushed back away from the table and glanced toward the spot where Bella stood in my living room. She had slipped out of my bed and into my old Jaguars t-shirt, hair bunched up at the top of her head.

My heart skittered.

"Goin' over some stuff for this meetin'."

"At five in the morning?"

"It was either this or wake ya up to fuck ya again."

She laughed.

"You look as good as I thought ya would. Like that."

She sent me a questioning look, cocking her head to the side in confusion.

"In my livin' room," I elaborated. "After you've been sleepin' with me."

"Memorize it. Come tonight, I'll be in the guest room."

"No ya won't," I argued. "It'll just look like ya are for Ella's sake."

Her lips twitched in response, and she let her eyes roam the room. I'd redone every last square inch of it myself. Installed dark built-ins around the stone fireplace. Stripped and re-stained the exposed rafters in the ceiling to match. Ella had tried to help paint the walls and the trim. I'd laughed at her face when she'd fallen and went to catch herself, spilling white paint all over the drop cloth, splattering it on the slate colored wall. How, even at so little, she had known she'd messed up our work.

I'd fixed everything but the smeared handprint of my then two year old in the corner.

"Your house is gorgeous, you know."

"It's all right."

"You should really learn to take a compliment."

"I should, huh?"

"It'd make my life a lot easier."

I could've said a lot to that.

Instead, I motioned her over to me. "C'mere."

The second she padded close enough so that I could reach her, I yanked her into my lap. I waited for her to settle comfortably, and then leaned forward and put my head on her chest.

Her heart beat solidly into my ear.

"What's wrong?" she asked worriedly.

Her fingers threaded through my hair, and I pulled her tighter against me and sighed.

"Nothin'. Everythin'." I paused, looking for a way to explain it. Nothing was any different than it was the week before. Yet, now that I'd gotten back home - even if it was just for the week - I was finding out just how strained I'd been juggling everything back in South Carolina and here. Trying to stay afloat.

I was so, so tired.

"You don't need to explain," Bella whispered. "I get it."

"Do ya?"

"Yeah. And I'm sorry." She hesitated, and then, "Maybe after these meetings you should let Marcus take over for the week - and when I say 'take over', I mean let him do _everything_. Take a mini vacation with Ella and me."

"And what would we do?"

"Nothing," she answered, and I could feel her smile against the top of my head. "That's the point. We can sit out on that beach and watch Ella play. Take a swim. Just... be. I haven't done that in so long. It'd be good for us both."

"I..."

"You don't have to be everything for everyone all the time."

I puffed out a breath before I sat up to flash her a grin. "Stop actin' like ya know me."

She laughed a little. "I happen to like what I know, Edward."

I fought not to push at that, to keep things light between us. "Well, that's good," I murmured, "considerin' I've been runnin' around callin' ya my girlfriend for a couple months now."

She rolled her eyes, smile growing larger with the moment. "You never can let anything go."

"Call it a fault of mine."

"No, not a fault, baby," she said softly. "I love that you can make me laugh like you do."

I stared at her. Knew that it would be as close to "I love you" as I'd get right now.

So I took it. Held onto it.

"Say that again," I asked her thickly.

"What?" Brown eyes searching now. "Baby?"

"Yeah."

She tossed her head back and laughed. "I didn't even realize-"

"I know. That's what makes it so good."

I framed her face with my hands and pulled her down for a kiss. Mouths moving, tongues sweeping, and then, "Ya sore yet?"

"A little." She shifted, rolled her hips so that my blood rushed south. "I still want you, though."

I groaned and gently pushed her back so that her elbows were on the paperwork covering my dining room table and she could gaze down at me. I tucked a stray lock of her long, dark hair behind her ear, and then let my hands trail over her, up under the t-shirt, cupping her over pretty red lace as she rocked into my hand.

She whimpered when I moved her panties aside, carefully stroked her, fingers sliding and slipping when she was close.

"Have an attachment to these?" I murmured, pulling harder at her underwear.

"Yes, they're new." Her chest rose with a quick breath before she continued. "Didn't you notice?"

"I was busy makin' ya come, remember?"

"That'll teach me to buy anything special," she answered wryly.

I chuckled, twisted them between my fingers. "I'll buy ya another pair to replace 'em."

"Lingerie from my boyfriend? When did we become so average?"

"Shut up, you."

With a quick jerk of my wrist, they ripped at the seam on her hip. Her hand shot down, rubbed, and her brows knit.

"That's not as sexy as it is in movies."

"Hey, I'm just happy it worked."

Her laughter died when I plunged my fingers into her; she gasped and arched away from me when I dragged them back toward me slowly.

"God, you're beautiful. Know that?" I said on impulse. "Ya just..."

"Less talking," she sighed, and then shot me a grin.

"Even when you're bossy."

"I'm only bossy because you..." She groaned and flexed into my hand. "Right- _Yes_."

I yanked my pajama pants down my hips with my free hand, brought the other up so my thumb circled her clit. I lined us up and waited.

Her eyes fluttered closed. "Baby..."

_That's_ what I was waiting to hear. Even though I knew she loved me, having her call me a term of endearment meant I was closer to hearing her say the words. I was in her heart, her mind... as well as her body now.

Whether she'd originally wanted me to or not.

The second I was all the way inside her, she moaned and let her head fall forward. I kept still, only rubbing at the apex of her sex, regardless of how much I wanted to let my hips drive up into her.

She was pacing this. Not me. Not this time.

"You're gonna need to do the work for a while, sweetheart. I don't wanna hurt ya."

"You're not going to hurt me," she replied.

Yet still, she moved carefully. Rocking back and forth, her lower lip between her teeth. It didn't take long for her body to tighten around me, release rhythmically.

I grunted against the way it made me want to come right along with her and picked her up and laid her on the table.

"We're going to ruin your paperwork."

A languid stroke in. A kiss to her mouth. "I'll print off more copies."

She giggled out a hum of agreement, closed her eyes, and let her hips move in time with my thrusts. Faster I chased, harsh breaths stuttering past my lips with each push into her. Sweat beaded on my forehead. Bella reached up, grabbed the edge of the table to keep still; my hands grabbed her waist, pulled while my hips pistoned.

She wrapped her legs around me, bringing me closer, deeper.

It stole the last of my control, and suddenly, all the tension that had built inside me peaked, exploded.

"Fuck," I groaned, shuddering as I came inside her.

My arms gave out and I collapsed, but I was still mindful to keep the majority of my weight off of her. I laid there and worked to calm down, a kiss to her temple, another to her mouth; one lightly pressed to the hollow of her collar bone.

"Goddamn, I swear my heart is gonna give out one of these times," I rumbled into her neck.

"Maybe you should hit the gym to keep up with me," she answered teasingly.

I laughed against her skin, kissed her one last time at the spot below her ear. "Now, don't you be startin' that with me."

I knew she was grinning beneath me.

I lifted my head, got confirmation of that gorgeous smile of hers. "Shower?"

Her brow arched.

"To _bathe_, Iz," I chuckled. "I couldn't do that again if I tried."

"No?"

"Ya wore me out."

"I think you wore yourself out there, Edward."

"Maybe," I acquiesced, and then summoned enough energy to get off of her. I held out my hand, smiled down at her. "Come on. I'll make ya breakfast after we get cleaned up."

She took my hand and let me pull her up off the table. Papers were crumpled and torn from where we'd been together.

Not that I cared.

"How about you let me make you breakfast?" she countered.

"Ya don't even know where anythin' is."

"Well," she replied, a coy smile creeping across her face. "I have to learn sometime."

xx

Freshly printed papers in hand, I came out of the office to hear Bella clattering around my kitchen. I furrowed my brow, listened for a moment.

The mixer was started.

I grinned in anticipation.

I put the paperwork down on the granite countertop and walked around the bar. Her back was to me as she dumped ingredients into the large, gray stand mixer that had done nothing but collect dust since I'd moved in.

"Why the hell do you have this?"

"Got bored one night. Decided to make..." I tried to remember. "Bread. The girl in the book used one of these with that hook attachment thing. So I got one."

She laughed and shook her head. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Ella and I ate pretty well until the novelty wore off." I paused, put my arms around her and rested my chin on her shoulder. "Why are you usin' it?"

"Muffins. The fruit we got last night at the store seemed a little too ripe to last the week. Figured I'd stretch it with this."

She put the eggs in, turned the speed up, and spun around to face me. Flour was streaked across her forehead and over her cheekbone. I lifted one hand and ran my thumb over the spots.

Every little thing she did these days seemed to win my heart all over again. But I supposed that was what love really was. The good in someone, things that made you warm, amplified. The bad, the peeves, ignored.

I'd never felt this way with Tanya. Growing up in such a small town, options were slim. So we'd simply been.

It gave me a little more perspective when it came to Bella, her guilt - how identical our lives started out. How, if things had happened for me as they did for her, I might have felt the same when it came to Tanya. Now that I knew the way love was meant to be.

I admired Bella's will to get past it even more.

"What time does Ella get home?"

"Eight thirty-ish. Charlotte's gonna drop her off before she heads into the office." Finally managing to rub the last bit of flour off her face, I dropped my hand back to her waist . "You don't mind me leavin' her here, do ya?"

"I told you I didn't."

"I know. It's been just me, though, and I've always had to make arrangements for her... I don't want..."

"Don't, what?" she asked.

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, I guess. I don't want ya thinkin' you're stuck if you ever want out."

She opened her mouth. Promptly shut it again. She stood there, stared long and hard at me, and then finally spoke.

"Just when I think I'm getting better at this, you say something to make me realize how much I mess it up all the time."

"What? How do ya mess it up?"

"By making you feel like you can't even ask me to watch her every now and then."

"Whoa, now. That's not where I was goin' with that, Iz."

"Then where were you going with it?"

"I don't know," I said, and then inwardly cursed for the ineptness of the answer. Something nagged at me, though. Like I really _did_ know.

The niggling suddenly burst to life. I was just as scared as she was. Of losing someone else I'd loved at some point in my life. Our circumstances might've been different, but I was just as damaged by everything I'd been through - everyone I'd lost.

And I wasn't through yet.

I scrubbed my face with my hands, choked it down, and flashed a smile at her. "I'm sorry. That's honestly not what I meant. I know I can ask ya to watch her. I'm not used to havin' many people to rely on, is all."

Not actually a lie.

Mollified, she nodded.

"Want any help?"

"Nope."

"Izzy."

"Edward."

I gave her a look, and a laugh bubbled out of her. "Seriously. Go sit down. Let me figure out your kitchen by myself."

I relented, opting to take a seat on the corner bar stool and watch her open up cabinets until she found what she wanted - the muffin tin. She lined it with white paper cups, and then doubled back to turn off the mixer. She took the bowl and brought it to the island to fold the berries into the batter.

When she was finished, she scooped up some of the batter and went to pour it into the first paper cup. She paused. Cleared her throat. Shifted to scoop out more batter.

Something was wrong.

She went back to the muffin tin, carefully poured the batter, causing the paper cup to crinkle with its weight. Her hand shook. She sniffled, and I shot up off the barstool and was at her side before she could repeat the process.

"Hey," I murmured.

She dropped the ladle into the bowl, and turned to me, eyes pleading for something.

"What? What is it?"

"I was... My mom..." she said dazedly. "It wasn't a big deal when I started baking these, but-"

She choked back a sound of distress.

I drew her against me, pressed a kiss into her damp hair.

"I can finish it up if ya want."

"No," she gritted out. "I will. I need to... _stop doing this_ all the time."

"There's nothin' wrong with gettin' choked up over a memory, sug."

"I know." She inhaled sharply, revealing her anger. "I'm sick of it, though. It's like I can't ever let anything feel good. I have to ruin it all the time, even though I don't want to. I want to make my mom's muffins and not think about all the- the-"

Her body was racked with a sob. She shook her head, buried her face into my chest.

"You'll get there," I replied emphatically. "God, Iz, do ya know how much different you are now than you were just a couple months ago?"

She shook her head again.

"Whatever you're doin' in those counselin' sessions is workin'," I told her. "And I get to see it. I get to watch everyone finally get to know the girl I do."

_The one I fell in love with._

* * *

"Daddy! Look what Miss Izzy let me get!"

I quickly took my shoes and socks off and cuffed the dark pants I'd worn today. I hurried down the steps of the back deck, feet sinking in the hot sand at the bottom. My girls were set up out by the water, Bella lying back on the lounge chair; my daughter played under the shade of the large, navy blue umbrella we kept on hand.

I sidled up next to Bella, got a good look at all that pretty, ivory skin she bared in that black patterned bikini. "Tryin' to get a tan there, sweetheart?"

"I didn't want Ella to burn, so I let her have the umbrella."

I dropped my hand to her neck and squeezed gently. "I'll have to get another one, then. I don't want ya to fry out here all week."

"Daddy!" Ella grinned up at me. Her hair was in thick, wet ropes across her shoulders, and her swimsuit strap had fallen off and was hanging down by her elbow.

"Someone looks like she's been havin' fun."

"See what I made?"

I took the necessary steps toward her to see that she had a new sandcastle kit scattered around her. A partially built sandcastle, complete with moat, sat to her right.

"It's great, Ella bug. You make that all by yourself?"

She nodded excitedly. "Yeah! And Miss Izzy made that!"

I glanced over in the direction that Ella was pointing in and saw a dragon molded out of the sand. Trails of fire were carved into the beach, like it was coming from its mouth.

"Ya know that'll get washed away in about an hour, right?"

"I know," Bella sighed. "I'll just make another one for her. She's got to protect the castle from something."

I smiled down at her.

"Daddy, you done with work?"

"I am. I was thinkin' I'd go make us some supper."

Her little nose scrunched up, and she picked up the purple, plastic shovel at her feet. "But I want pizza."

"Pizza?"

"Uh-huh."

I slid a look toward Bella.

"I don't care what we eat."

"Then pizza it is," I stated, and flopped down on the sand.

She sank back into the lounger with a smile.

I watched Ella while ordering the pizza. I noted the time on my phone when I'd hung up, and then let my eyes drift over to Bella again.

I pressed my thumb into the skin of her upper arm, watched it turn white almost instantly.

"How long have y'all been out here?"

"Since lunch. Twelve or so?"

"Jesus, Bella."

I shot up off the ground and picked Ella up. She squealed, laughed when I playfully growled at her. I sat her on the other side of the castle and gathered up the sandcastle kit.

"Play over here, okay? The sun's goin' down and I want ya to stay in the shade."

"Kay," she replied absently.

Having no idea what I had in mind, I heard Bella giggle behind me. I turned on her, watched her lips twist as she fought off a smile.

Grinning, I abruptly reached down and picked up the end of the lounger. She screeched and held onto the armrests while I dragged her over to the now empty spot in the shade.

"Give a girl some warning, would you?"

"You were burnin'. Can't sit on the beach all week if you're peelin' and miserable." I flashed another grin at her. "Now scoot up so I can sit behind ya. Vacation starts now."

xx

"Do _not_ tell her that story," I warned Charlotte, and picked up the stick I'd found to poke at the fire in the pit. Smoke rose into the dusky sky; flames licked higher at the logs.

Bella poured more merlot into my glass and set the empty bottle to the side. "Oh, I think I want to hear it."

"Why would you wanna hear somethin' like that?" I questioned, and then let my eyes dart back to where Ella played with Garrett and Tyler. Satisfied they were still being good, I gazed back at her.

"It'd be nice to know you weren't always this perfectly put together father."

I groaned and fell back against the lawn chair. "Fine. Tell it. You're gonna anyway."

Charlotte grinned at me, and then let her blue eyes move to Bella. She tucked her light brown hair back behind her ears and sat up straighter, poised to tell her something that had haunted me for the last four years.

"Edward literally had Ella home for a day before Tanya left him," she started. Her eyes flickered to me to make sure I was okay. Satisfied, she continued. "He'd never changed a diaper before."

"Wait. He..." Bella glanced over at me in confusion.

"I told ya I wasn't sure about takin' her till I saw her," I explained quietly, "and in the hospital there were so many people doin' things for her, I just never ended up changin' one. I think between Nana and Esme, Ella was changed more often than was probably necessary. When we got home, Tanya did it. And she was there for three days, Charlotte. Not one."

She waved him off. "So there's this thing newborn babies have. Meconium. It's basically dark, sticky-"**  
**

Peter made a face. "Thank God we never have to deal with this again," he muttered.

Charlotte laughed and swatted at his thigh. "Edward didn't know what he was really in for until Ella'd..."

She trailed off with a wink aimed in Bella's direction.

"It was everywhere," I lamented. "All the way up her back, spillin' out of the neck of her shirt."

"And this one... He had plenty of diapers," Charlotte added. "But no extra clothes. Not even a onesie or an extra blanket."

"Hers had spit up all over it," I sulked.

"He had only a few wipes, and let me tell you, it was easier to just hold the poor baby in the sink and rinse her off."

"I had to buy her an outfit in the mall," I interjected.

Bella burst into a fit of giggles. "Wait, she pooped everywhere? Where were you?"

"Across town. There was a new subdivision goin' up. I was biddin' on it."

"Did you at least get the job?"

I flashed her a grin. "I did."

"That's not the best part," Charlotte told her, eyeing me.

"Damn it."

"The best part is that the next time I saw him, he'd stuck latex gloves, a pair of safety goggles, and a gas mask in the diaper bag. With an entire bin of wipes and three different outfits shoved inside with it."

"It wasn't a gas mask," I argued. My cheeks warmed, thanks to Charlotte's attempt at humiliation. "It was a dust mask I had at the office."

"How long did your aversion to poop last, baby?" Bella asked with a smirk.

"Until the second she projectile vomited in my mouth." I paused, pursing my lips in thought. "So about three months."

Bella covered her face with her hands, trying hard not to laugh at my expense.

"Ah, go ahead. Not like I wouldn't laugh if it happened to you."

"It wouldn't happen to me," she protested through her laughter.

"You've got less experience with kids than I did. It'll happen, Iz. And I'm gonna sit back and watch when it does."

Her eyes widened with the implications of that, but to her credit, she didn't panic. She simply shook her head and smiled as she said, "Laughing the whole time, right?"

I wanted to reach out, pull her into my lap and murmur something of substance.

But Peter and Charlotte knew only a generic version of Bella's past.

So I grinned, kept it all hidden. "Right."

"I need another drink," Charlotte said, looking at Peter. "You?"

"Yeah." He took the last pull from his cup. "I'll go with you."

"Can you keep an eye on the kids, Edward?"

"Sure."

I watched Peter and Charlotte start up the steps, hand in hand. I checked on the kids one last time before focusing on Bella again.

"You want more?" I asked, gesturing to the empty wine bottle at our feet.

She shook her head. "I think I've had plenty."

"I think you've just barely started comin' out of your shell."

"Are you trying to get me drunk?"

"Maybe," I shot back teasingly. "I'd like to see what you're like in bed all liquored up."

"Do you think of anything else but sex?"

I feigned like I was thinking it over. "Not really. No," I answered.

I gave her a slow grin and watched her reaction.

"You have to drink with me," she breathed.

That lower lip of hers was pulled between her teeth, eyes heavy as they stared back at me.

I felt the effects of it in my groin.

"Can't get too drunk. Got a four year old to watch. Besides, it wreaks havoc on the circulatory system. I need to be able to actually get a hard on for drunk sex, ya know."

She giggled and leaned toward me. Her chair toppled to the side in the sand; with a flail of hands, she grabbed my shoulders and caught herself.

I chuckled and kissed the tip of her nose. "Maybe you _have_ had enough."

"The sand's making my chair all wobbly," she pouted.

"Likely excuse. Just don't be fallin' in the fire. A trip to the ER doesn't sound all that fun right now."

Another giggle. "I don't want to go anywhere. I just want..." she sighed heavily, "to be here. With you. I always want to be with you. Touch you. Taste you. Hear you laugh. See your smile. It's like I can't get enough of you."

"Iz..." I started roughly.

She abruptly sat up. "Is it supposed to be like that? I can't remember it being this way with Jake. Can't remember feeling this... _addicted_."

"Sweetheart, what are ya sayin'?"

"Sometimes, I don't think I loved Jake." Her brows knit together. "Not like you're supposed to when you marry someone."

"You're wrong," I said fiercely. "You did. You wouldn't have been so hurt when he died if ya didn't."

"I guess. It's not the same, though," she reiterated. "I didn't love him like I-"

I covered her mouth with my hand, heart jumping in my throat. "Not like this."

She looked at me beseechingly.

But I wouldn't give in.

"You have no idea how much I want to hear ya say it. But not like this. Not with all this..." I trailed off, tried to put together my thoughts. "I don't want ya wakin' up tomorrow regrettin' it."

She jerked away from me to speak. "I wouldn't regret it."

"Bella, I'm tryin' to do the right thing here, and you're..." I huffed and closed the space between us again. "I love you. More than anythin' else in the world 'cept for Ella. But I can't have him in the picture when ya say it back. I'm selfish that way. I want it to be just you and me. No one else. Can ya do that yet?"

Whatever reply she had slipped from her tongue. With a broken sob and a shake of her head, she caved in on herself.

I gathered her up and brought her to my lap. Her arms wrapped around my neck; her tears were hot on my skin. She took my white, pinstriped button up between her fingers, balling up her fists at my shoulder blades.

Her breath hitched once, and then she clung tighter. "You know I do too, though, right? I'm just..."

The unspoken word hung between us. The very one I'd realized was felt by both of us just a couple of days before.

_Scared._

"I know," I said softly, feeling like some of the weight had been lifted from me with the confirmation.

"I promise ya I do."


	19. Chapter 18

**My sincerest apologies for this latest delay. RL is kicking me in the teeth on a daily basis, unfortunately. Thank you for your continued interest and support, though. I can't say how appreciative I am for it.**

**Thanks to the beta dude, Stratan, for checking this over and fixing my mistakes.**

* * *

Chapter 18

**Bella**

Edward let out a sleepy grunt of annoyance and rolled over, pinning me to the bed with his arm.

"Turn that thing off, would ya?"

"I can't," I laughed, trying my best to reach my phone to no avail. "You won't let me move."

A grumble this time. "Whose stupid idea was it to set it so early?"

"You really want me to answer that?"

He pulled me closer, a ghost of a smile on his lips. "No. Don't. I know I'm an idiot. I don't need the confirmation."

"You're not an idiot. You're a good dad."

Edward rolled on top of me and, with a kiss to my forehead, finally shut off the incessant beeping of my phone's alarm before settling back in the bed beside me.

"And you're just a little bit biased, Iz."

I smiled and wound my hands through his hair, watching as his eyes fluttered closed. His breathing evened out as he drifted off to sleep again. He hadn't said anything about my near confession, and I knew he wouldn't. As always, he waited for me to wrap my mind around it, ready myself for what lay after that. The next step.

I didn't know what the next step was. I was already his. Ella's. Maybe the next step would be to become a unit in the traditional sense. Marriage. Family.

My stomach pitched at the thought, and I managed to break away from him to stare up at the ceiling. It was curved – a barrel ceiling, Edward had called it - inlaid with wood that matched the flooring beneath us. The light fixture that hung from its center had the most incredible swirled glass-

A petulant "no" rose out of him, and panic momentarily forgotten, I laughed again.

"Yes," I said, an overwhelming feeling of love for him rushing through me. I rose up and kissed the tip of his nose, causing his eyes to pop open in surprise.

"I'll see you in a little while," I whispered.

His fingers closed around my arm for the briefest of moments, green eyes intense, and then he released me.

"Yeah," he muttered, and turned away, bringing the pillow up over his head in the process.

Reluctantly, I climbed out of the bed and quietly padded down the hall to the room that Edward had designated as mine for the duration of this trip. The white linen curtains billowed with the early morning breeze. I was dressed only in a t-shirt, so I grabbed a pair of pink pajama pants out of my suitcase and slipped them on before pushing the curtains aside. I stared at the sun peeking out from the ocean horizon. The view was gorgeous.

Scratch that.

The entire _house _was gorgeous. Like all the houses on this beach, it was set up off the ground and had a wooden deck wrapping all the way around it. It was stone colored with white trim and a navy blue front door. It was simple. Modern. A typical guy's house - there was nothing unnecessary and none of the fuss.

But even without all the extras, it didn't feel empty. It felt like a home. Full of warmth and happiness. Light and laughter.

I heard the door creak and turned around expecting to find Edward there.

Ella peered back at me instead, holding her Happy Napper against her chest.

"You're awake!" she gasped excitedly.

"I am," I replied. "I thought I'd watch the sunrise."

She hurried over to where I stood, easing past me so that she was pressed up against the screen in the window.

"Daddy lets me go outside and watch it with him sometimes when I wake up 'fore the sun."

"He does, huh?" I paused, debating. And then decided to let a piece of myself known to her. "We don't get sunrises over the ocean like this in Washington. We get sunsets."

"Washington?" she repeated, her tongue tripping over the word.

"That's where I used to live before I moved to South Carolina."

Her little mouth made a round 'o' of surprise.

"I lived there with my family."

"You have family?"

"I do," I whispered.

"Miss Izzy, where are they?"

"In..." I struggled to come up with a way to explain it without scaring her away. "In Heaven," I finally decided. "They were killed in an accident."

I waited for a response.

She gave me the unexpected.

"Daddy says we're s'pposed to say 'sorry' 'bout stuff like that." She frowned. "But I don't know why."

I smiled at her innocence.

"Because it's the nice thing to do," I explained. "And people appreciate hearing it, even when it comes from a stranger."

"Oh. Well, I real sorry, Miss Izzy."

I put my hand on her back. "Thank you."

She was quiet for a while. The sun had risen higher, casting gold light over the ocean now.

"Miss Izzy, can we go play on the beach again today?"

"Not this beach," I said. "Daddy's taking us to St. Augustine, remember?"

"To the fort," she answered with a nod.

"But we can pack our swimsuits and some towels. See if we can convince him to drive us to one of their beaches."

She grinned up at me.

"What's all this?" Edward asked from behind us.

"The sun's comin' up, Daddy," Ella responded, spinning around to rush off and greet him.

"You should still be sleepin'," he said to her lowly, his hand absently running over her head, fingers moving through her hair.

"I wanted to see Miss Izzy."

"Well, I want to see Miss Izzy too, but it's early." He gazed at me, let his eyes flicker to the queen sized mahogany canopy bed against the wall on my right. "I say we all crawl in Miss Izzy's bed and nap until it's time to go."

She didn't hesitate to clamber over into the bed with her Happy Napper, pushing the covers back to make room for us all. She glanced up at me and patted at the mattress.

"You comin' in with us?"

It felt like a hand had closed over my heart and squeezed.

I forced a smile and went to join just as Edward moved to the spot on the other side of her. She was in between us, happy, snuggling up against her father. She brought her hand up to my arm and played with the hem of my sleeve.

My eyes darted over to Edward's, and he saw everything. How much I wanted this. How frightened it made me that I did.

"I thought you went back to sleep," I mouthed, and checked to make sure Ella wasn't paying attention.

"Somethin' told me to get up," he said. He cupped my face, thumb stroked soothingly at my jaw.

Below Ella's feet, our legs entwined.

"Ya good?"

Without another word, I nodded and closed my eyes.

And reveled.

Because for once, I was.

* * *

"I've just gotta stop off at the office real quick," Edward said, pulling into a spot in the parking lot.

I gave him a look.

"Don't look at me like that, Iz. I'm not workin'. We're meetin' Marcus here. I've gotta get somethin' from him before we head out."

"Which is?"

"Blueprints. I'm takin' 'em back to the valley with me."

"What for?"

He opened the door and slid out of the truck. "We're thinkin' about buildin' somethin' big."

I hopped out of the truck and hurried over to the driver's side to hear the rest of what he was saying.

"...Might put it in the parade next summer," he continued.

Ella climbed out and into Edward's arms.

"Is this one of those houses where you show off all you can do?"

"That'd be the kind."

He opened the glass door, and then stepped into the reception area after me. It still smelled new, like he'd refinished every last part of the room.

And knowing him, he did.

"There's my girl!" Charlotte called out from behind the gray desk.

"Hi, Miss Charlotte," Ella replied, and squirmed against Edward's torso.

"Blueprints are in your office somewhere. Marcus just dropped a bunch of stuff off in there and ran off again. I haven't had time to go through it."

With a light laugh, he set Ella down on the floor and motioned for me to follow him into his office, leaving Ella to talk to Charlotte as we headed to the back of the space.

We stepped inside and shut the door behind us. I loved his office. It reminded me so much of him, of his house on the beach. With the exception of his desk, nothing was out of place; everything was coordinated and immaculately clean.

Immediately, Edward started rifling through the papers on the desk. I stood there for a moment, watching. Waiting. Something was bothering me, but I couldn't place what it was.

"So this house... It'd take a lot of work, right?"

He kept digging through the paperwork. "Uh... yeah."

"How much?" I wondered aloud.

"Ya still like it here, Iz?" he suddenly asked me. "In Jacksonville?"

"Yeah. It's nice."

"Nice," he repeated, saying the word with disdain.

With that, I knew exactly what my problem was.

By starting this house, it meant that Edward would have to come back to Jacksonville for good. He'd be too busy perfecting it to travel back and forth all of the time.

It was like everything I'd thought of in the diner on our first day here was coming to life, right in front of my eyes.

Only I wasn't in the picture.

"Hey," he stepped away from the desk, "Ya gettin' sick or somethin'? You're pale."

I brushed him off. "I'm fine. Got what you came for?"

He eyed me for a moment, and then finally nodded, picking up a stack of blueprints and rolling them up in his hands.

I needed air. I needed to think. I needed to know what it was I wanted out of this, when just a few short weeks ago I was so adamant to stay disconnected, keep these two Masens at arm's length.

But he didn't let me out of the office. His hand came up to push against the heavy, black metal door as I tried to leave. I inhaled deeply, chanced a look at him.

"Iz," he murmured. His free hand came up to my waist, sliding around to the small of my back to bring me toward him. "Tell me what you're thinkin'. Please."

The roughness of his voice, the ache behind it, made me twist in his arms to hold onto him. "That's just it. I don't know what I'm thinking. All I know is that you're talking about building a house that will take so much planning and work and time, and I hate it because I'll be in South Carolina."

_Alone._

"No. I want ya here," he said adamantly. "In Jacksonville. In my house, even. But if you don't love it here, I won't ask ya to come. It wouldn't be fair."

Time stilled.

My heart raced.

"I do, though. I love it because it's where you are."

He took a deep breath and leaned down, sagging against the door behind us. "Remember how ya told me that I had a way of sayin' things that broke you?"

"Yeah?"

"You do it, too. Ya say things like that and I hope. I hope for everythin' I want with you. And then I get some space to think about it and wonder if I'm askin' too much of ya still. Pushin' ya too hard or too fast. Because I can't lose you, too. I just... I can't."

"Edward-"

"I don't know how to do it," he said, his voice almost frantic. "I don't know how to keep ya without lettin' everythin' I worked so hard for here fall apart. And it might be selfish, but I don't want to give anythin' up. I want it all."

I put my hand on his face, willing him to look at me. _Really_ look at me. See what I wanted, but was too afraid to admit.

"When would you be moving?" I asked softly.

His fingers curled into my back, eyes lit up. Because he understood. "Not till December at the earliest. Marcus can handle the main construction. I'd need to be here to see it finished out before the deadline."

"So that gives me five months to get used to the idea."

He tensed, wary. "The idea of what?"

I swallowed hard.

"Of having a family again."

"Iz-" He cut himself off, uncertain.

And then, "Ya already do."

* * *

"BOOM! You're dead, Miss Izzy!"

I turned to find Ella poised behind an old canon.

"Funny... I don't feel dead," I replied with a grin.

"You're s'pposed to pretend," she answered with a roll of her eyes.

"Oh. Hmm. Then I _suppose_ you'll have to teach me how."

She gave me an odd look.

"You're the first little girl I've ever been around. You've got to cut me some slack."

Too smart to fall for it, she said, "I not the first kid you've been around."

"Okay, talked to," I corrected, coming toward her. "Played with... Tickled."

I rushed her, my hands finding that spot just under her arms that made her squeal.

She squirmed. Dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes with those cute giggles of hers.

When her eyes clenched shut and she gasped, I stopped.

"It means you're special," I continued.

She beamed at me.

"Now, where'd that daddy of yours go?"

"Right here, sug," Edward called to us.

I stood up and spun around, my own beaming smile finding its way across my face.

"Daddy, I go play there?" Ella asked sweetly.

"Stay where Iz and I can see ya."

"Yes, sir."

She raced over to a little, dark brown haired boy playing near the stone wall. In just seconds, she had him eating out of the palm of her hand.

"You are in big trouble with that one," I laughed.

"I'd say we both are, from the look of it."

I shrugged and tried to stay nonchalant. Inside, my stomach was turning over, my heart pounding all over again.

"Is that okay with you?"

"I think I should be the one askin' that question," he shot back.

I didn't respond.

"Tell me what changed. Why ya seem so sure of it now, when just hours ago you were in my office lookin' like you were still tryin' to work it all out."

"I'm not trying to work it all out."

He simply stared at me, that one eyebrow quirking up in reply.

"Okay, I am. I can't wrap my mind around it, really."

"Around what?" he asked lowly.

"How much different everything feels here."

"In Florida?"

I nodded once. "Everything feels so... _right_. Easy. Like it did back home."

"And this gives ya trouble because...?"

"Because nothing will ever really be like it was before. It'll always be sort of messed up by Jake's death simply because he was such a huge part of my life before, and I feel like I should... I don't know," I muttered.

"Be miserable," he finished for me.

"I guess," I replied, jerking a shoulder up. "But I think it's more than that. My parents won't ever get to know you. They won't know Ella or how wonderful you two are. There will always be this bittersweet feeling that comes with being with you. So to be this _happy_ is just..."

He was even closer now, green eyes heavy with emotion. "Not everythin' has to be explained, Iz. Sometimes, things just are. Stop tryin' to make it all fit into your little, idealistic box."

My lips pushed out into a pout. It was exactly what I was trying to do, and I hated that he'd called me out on it.

He laughed. "Aw, come on. Let's try to get Ella away from this thing and start home."

"Ella wants to hit the beach."

"No. I wanna go home."

"Now who's poutin'?" I mimicked.

"Mmm," he said with a smile and a quick arm around my waist, "you sound sexy with an accent."

"Beach," I tried to change the subject, "is where?"

"Wonder how long it'd take for ya to get one?"

"Never, if we live here."

"We." He grinned slowly. "I like the sound of that, too."

"Alright, you sap. You're going to scare me off with all that talk of accents and we and the future."

"Nah," he replied, that smile still spreading. "I think ya secretly like it. It makes your heart all fluttery and your palms all sweaty."

He dropped his hand to mine and clasped it.

"What'd I tell ya?"

I swallowed thickly. Willed my speeding heart to slow.

"You know nothing."

He chose that moment to throw my words back at me. "I know you, Bella Swan. And I happen to like what I know."

xx

Clothes were everywhere. In laundry baskets, scattered all over the couch. Suitcases were half packed, and I had the list of things that Edward and I had to do to close up the house before we left in my hand.

I heard a shuffle behind me, glanced over my shoulder.

"Your boy makes some mean biscuits and gravy."

I laughed a little and stepped over the toiletries at my feet to get to where Marcus stood. I stared at his plate and smiled.

I'd bet my meager savings that was his grandmother's recipe.

"What time are you guys headed back?"

"As soon as I'm done with this," I answered.

He nodded and shoveled another bite into his mouth. "I'm glad I met you, Bella," he said around his food. "You're fun."

"You're kind of disgusting," I shot back.

I expected him to laugh, but his blue eyes seemed to darken, and he glanced over to the row of windows on the back of the house.

Not wanting a serious conversation with a man I barely knew, I tried to keep things light. "I'm sorry we didn't get to hang out much while we were here."

"Edward was busy showing you his life," he replied. "He wants you here."

"I think I want to be here."

"Think?" he pressed.

"Know," I amended. "I know I do."

He nodded. "As his friend, it's my obligation to tell you that while I like you, I'm still debating whether you're good for him or not."

"Oh?"

"I don't know you yet."

"Which is another reason why he's lucky to have you."

Marcus rolled his eyes and smirked. "Flattering the best friend. I like it."

"Thank you," I said, grinning back. "I thought it would help."

"It does."

Marcus went to speak again, but was interrupted by the sound of Ella screaming from her room. Before I had time to react, she raced into the living room, holding her hand up for me to see. A small cut streaked across her knuckles, just barely bleeding. But apparently to a five year old, it was the end of the world.

"Miss Izzy, look," she wailed.

I bent down to humor her. "It's fine, Ella. Just a scratch."

"It hurts!"

"I know."

"I need Neo-sporn."

"Neosporin?"

She nodded, a fat tear falling down over her cheek. Unthinkingly, I wiped it away, cupping her cheek as I asked, "Do you know where it is?"

Another nod.

"Get it. And then get one of those Hello Kitty Band-Aids we got you out of my purse in the kitchen."

She walked away, head bent down, staring at her hand.

"That's another thing that helps," Marcus said quietly.

"She deserves..." I trailed off, unsure how to finish, or what it was that I even meant.

"Yeah. She does."

I stared off toward the hallway that Ella had disappeared down. "You know, I have to give Rosalie a lot of credit. I couldn't do it."

"No?"

"I barely know the kid and already, I-"

Realizing what I was about to admit, I bit back the rest of my words.

Marcus simply beamed at me.

"Iz, baby, what the hell happened to..." Edward stopped at he stepped into the room, glanced between us and frowned. "I don't even want to know," he said with a shake of his head.

"It wasn't all that bad," Marcus replied, still smiling.

"Right," Edward said, disbelieving. "Iz. Ella came runnin' into the kitchen hollerin' about needin' a Band-Aid before she bled to death."

"What? It was just a scratch."

"And ya coddled her over it."

"I just told her to get a Band-Aid!" I protested.

He smirked, came closer. "As great as it is that you've..." A pause as he struggled for words, "closed some of that distance between the two of ya, there's somethin' you need to know about our Ella there."

My blood pressure spiked at the use of the word "our".

"What's that?" I asked weakly.

"Unless it's serious, you've gotta ignore her. Otherwise, she'll milk the scrape, cut, bruise - whatever it happens to be - for the rest of the day. Hell, week, even."

I nodded my agreement. His hand came up to my jaw as he stared down at me, and I knew immediately where I'd gotten this small gesture of comfort. Having him touch me, even as simply as this, made everything feel... _better_. Not perfect. But better. Having him love me made everything better, though again, not perfect.

Nothing would ever be perfect again.

But thanks to Edward's family, I was realizing that no matter how things looked from the outside, nothing was _ever_ perfect. There was always something hidden from the rest of the world.

And that... That made everything I'd been struggling with seem so ridiculous. Everyone had demons, big or small. You could either rise above them or you could let yourself drown.

Staring back at him, I knew I didn't want to drown.

Three little words were at the tip of my tongue, nearly bursting out of me.

Unfortunately, now was not the time. Not with Marcus still in the same room as us.

It was enough to make me second guess myself again.

Closer, Edward brought me to him.

Then, almost like he knew how the fear bubbled up, he smiled, pressed a kiss to the top of my head, and moved away.

"You ready?"

Deep breath, I reminded myself.

Because I wanted this. Him. Everything that was in arms reach now.

I only needed to let go.

"Does it look like it?" I asked, referring the piles of laundry scattered around us.

"Throw it in the suitcase and come on."

"But-"

"A few wrinkles never hurt anyone, Iz," he laughed.

"But if we throw it all in the suitcases, that makes more work for me when I get home."

"I'll do it."

"No, you have your own to take care of."

"I thought all girls liked to be spoiled some," he said, grinning from ear to ear. "Leave it to me to fall for the one that's gotta do it all herself."

"I don't," I objected.

"You're arguin' about laundry," he pointed out.

I stupidly was.

"Fine," I grabbed up a stack of Ella's clothes and tossed them into the nearest suitcase, "you win. Happy?"

"I am, actually."

I rolled my eyes. Got to work on packing and finding my balance again, finding the normality between Edward and me, despite my revelation and the weight that came with it.

The weight was good. It was grounding. Saving. It made me feel like I'd finally found what I was meant for after spending so much time lost and confused, heartbroken and miserable.

I should've known it wouldn't last.

The last of our things was packed - a bottle of sunscreen - when Edward came back into the room. His eyes were red, as if he'd been crying.

I'd never seen Edward cry. Not really. He was always so strong when he talked about his life, his family.

He didn't speak for a moment. When he finally could, his voice was unlike anything I'd ever heard come from him before. Raspy.

Dead.

I shivered involuntarily.

"That was Rosie. They had to take Nana to the ER just now."

"Why?"

Marcus. Voice of reason.

I couldn't move. Couldn't think, blink, comfort Edward... Nothing. I'd been frozen in place, waiting for the worst. For the pain - the grief - that would eventually come with it.

I couldn't go through it again.

"She picked up a cold a few days ago. No one wanted to bother me with it because..." He swallowed thickly. "She can't breathe. They think it's pneumonia."

"Shit," Marcus muttered.

"Everything's packed," I said hollowly. "We can leave whenever."

Edward only managed a rigid nod.

I was across the room, arms around him before I could think twice.

"It's okay," I whispered into his shirt. "No matter what happens, it'll be okay."

Almost as if he could see past the lie, he said, "Will it really, Iz? Because I'm not so sure this time."

Silence surrounded us.

Because none of us had the answer.


End file.
